Brutal
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Brutal
Yippee - not. All my chickens have come home to roost. I had a couple of hundred thousand $ after my previous coke/Booze **** ups Id managed to save money feel secure then my addiction to smack ruined it. Now I'm feeling it, under huge pressure, at work I've adopted a policy until they seriously threaten us they not getting paid. And focus on my strengths. Sales. We've had our best month in 2 years sales wise but Jesus wept the stress of learning/dealing with the finance aspect of the business is wrecking me head. Before my business partner would look at the numbers get stressed and I'd say relax tell me what we need to do and I'll do it. Now I'm looking at the numbers and having to do the sales and its wrecking my head. Lost a $20k court case paid from my own money snd had to put in $6k to pay my team, I'm skint now ha and haven't paid myself since October heaps of pressure ******* brutal
what
what
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 377
Red, I can't tell you how pleased I am to see you in here. We've all been pretty slow at posting of late, but I was worried given the stress you're under at work, that you'd relapsed.
It sounds like you are in a nightmare situation at work, owning your own business, having the responsibility of paying other people who may have families etc to support, it is serious stuff.
I'm not trying to sound blasé, but someone once said to me when I was really worried about money- " it is only money".
It is something I think about when the s**t hits the fan, which is does frequently. It is only money, and if you keep going the way you have been, keeping clean, keeping your head down, doing your best to sort it out, you will come out the other side.
If you managed to set up a successful business from scratch , do you think you can pull it through? We're all rooting for you.
It sounds like you are in a nightmare situation at work, owning your own business, having the responsibility of paying other people who may have families etc to support, it is serious stuff.
I'm not trying to sound blasé, but someone once said to me when I was really worried about money- " it is only money".
It is something I think about when the s**t hits the fan, which is does frequently. It is only money, and if you keep going the way you have been, keeping clean, keeping your head down, doing your best to sort it out, you will come out the other side.
If you managed to set up a successful business from scratch , do you think you can pull it through? We're all rooting for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
I'm ok we've had our best month sales wise for 2 years. So will be getting paid again soon. I'm responsible for all paying of bills and have just left them till we threatened - just focused on what I good at which is selling and decided to sell my way of it on basis if we sell enough everything will take care of itself. It's working slowly it's wrecked my head the last 2 months doing 14 hour days selling on the phone ******* draining but hopefully light at end of tunnel still not used since dec 19
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 503
Congrats on your sobriety!! I have a small business and I would gladly work with someone to pay down their debt if they are upfront with me. I would be less likely to accommodate them if we have to be in "threaten mode". Just a thought!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
INgal agreed re a small business and I am accomodating to small businesses doing staggered payments etc but I'm talking about big businesses - I'm owed hundreds of thousands by a multi national and it's causing untold problems - it's a fooking nightmare - have to deal with India, Philippines the U.S. and people locally to get things sorted. If I'm not getting paid then the big companies I owe can do one and wait as well. Oh well, all good experience I suppose. Ran into a smack head mate the other day he phoned me the day after "do you want to get on I've got a great contact in the city $100 deals well stronger than the $150 balloons you used to hammer you want in?" I just said no. I thought though the process of what would happen if I used and it just seemed like the worst idea id heard in years. Go back to that? Risk everything again? A life revolving around heroin? **** that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Everyone thinks I'm such a ******** they just assume because I was as game as a badger before that I'll still be the same now. Eventually they will give up. I've saved the lads number (I didn't have it before and we bumped into each other at a wedding reception the other day) as DO NOT ANSWER! so I know not to even bother picking up when he calls. Such a shame though, I know his Gf who is due in a couple of months to have their first baby they haven't got anything ready he just drains their funds. He told me in front of others he'd given up EVERYTHING yet a couple of days later while his gf taking a mutual friend to the airport he looking to get on and get me involved. I don't say I've given up this or that as it just raises more questions just politely declined several offers of coke (to people's total shock) someone thrust a tequila in my hand at one point I just said I can't drink that makes me sick and pretended I had to make a call and walked away.
The lad who is still a heroin addict has been bang at it for years way longer than me he just can't seem to stay clean, been rehab etc, I know he just jumping through hoops to keep his gf happy. I got asked off a good friend if I was still taking heroin I got well offended lol said am I acting like I am? Nice to be able to be honest with people look them in the eye and say no, I'm not using.
The lad who is still a heroin addict has been bang at it for years way longer than me he just can't seem to stay clean, been rehab etc, I know he just jumping through hoops to keep his gf happy. I got asked off a good friend if I was still taking heroin I got well offended lol said am I acting like I am? Nice to be able to be honest with people look them in the eye and say no, I'm not using.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Mi
Posts: 1,318
Hi RM,
Yea, those dealers don't give up easily. They know the nature of an addict & don't want to give up that hefty income they were earning off us. My old dealer just called yesterday! Uuhhgg! Screw off already! Lol!
Great job turning him down!
Yea, those dealers don't give up easily. They know the nature of an addict & don't want to give up that hefty income they were earning off us. My old dealer just called yesterday! Uuhhgg! Screw off already! Lol!
Great job turning him down!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
So true about those dealers! I found the same to be true for using friends as well! I mean I understand the dealers like Kzaug pointed out. But friends weren't making any profit? It's like they just couldn't handle that I didn't want to drink and drug anymore? The more I tried to explain the more they pushed? WTH?
So happy to see your determination!
So happy to see your determination!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
The idiot called again twice today - he not a dealer - I know exactly what his game is - he'll want me to say yes let's get on then say he'll sort it it's great value stronger than the other etc so can I pay for his. Been there done that not going back.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Cheers sober I'm ok with its my work number as well if I thought there was a scenario where I would use I will but at the moment I'm feeling strong and genuinely not tempted. Still picking up the pieces of what my addiction has cost me on all levels I couldn't think of anything worse than doing that again. Can't believe my behaviour as a a heroin addict - looking back it feels like it happened to someone else - but that's the power of that drug. Changes you. Makes you behave in ways you'd never dream. I've done my time on drugs no more.
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