Tang

I'm wondering how many long term sober folks have seen increases in identifying longer term personal goals? I feel like my fixation on getting inebriated has hampered my ability to plan long term. I'm hoping I get better at this with a long term sobriety. Am I hoping for too much?

mecanix

For me Tang ,
Long term goals and not being able to live up to my own high expectations were kinda toxic to me staying sober …

I have very loose ideas now , not hard set goals , no time frame … I'd like to save for retirement and own a house and that can happen whenever .

My main focus is this week and this month, thats about it . This way i can be happy right now and I'm not putting myself through the wringer to over achieve .

I also try not to dwell in the past over things i've done .. i did the best i could considering what i knew then , i'm a different man now ..

Take care , m

Tang

Mecanix - I think you are vocalizing a lot of what I'm trying to get at. I guess being surrounded by so many type A business people I always feel I'm not as good at furthering myself and setting grand goals. But at the same time the pressure I feel to do so has led to me say f*** it, just get drunk to stop the constant barrage of self doubt.

LBrain

I've always been a live for today type of person. Being sober with a partner for the first time in my life gives me a reason to think about the 'future'.
I'm stil thinking along the same lines as mecanix in a way. And still trying to figure out what I want to do. But for sure, I am going to take my time and figure it out before I just jump into something new.

courage2

I couldn't survive professionally without longterm goals. My inability to work in that way when I was drinking was part of what was destroying me. It took me about 2 years from when I first started trying to get sober to be able to set & do sustained work towards longterm goals -- longterm meaning a year or 2. Longer-range planning comes up for consideration but remains in the world of options that I don't ponder -- that would cause a lot of anxiety.

I've found that setting any goals when I can't work towards them is a killer. So my problem hasn't been goal-setting, it's been learning to commit to sustained effort at anything.

breath

I agree. I'm not promoting the big book of AA, but the 9th step 'promises' do promote that what we work towards in sobriety short term will lead to an enhanced ability to strive for and deal with the things in life that are more long term. In other words, every step, every day, that we move ahead sober and focus on ourselves short term, will allow us to live toward and be alive for, the long term.
Hope that made some sense!

bigsombrero

I often confused "worrying about the future" with "focusing on the future". To me I did not know the difference until I got sober.

Like mex, I now turn my focus on happiness towards a smaller time frame. And oddly, enjoying today has proven to be an effective strategy - my future looks a lot brighter now. Focusing on "happiness in the now" has naturally somehow made my future less daunting. When I was drinking I was always kept one eye on my past and another eye on the long-term future. I was missing the enjoyment of what was right in front of me. Sobriety has opened up the here-and-now for me to enjoy.

Nonsensical

I like long term goals. They don't make me nervous or want to drink or make me feel like I am missing out on the present. On the contrary, they make me feel like I am using the present more effectively than I ever have before.

I am coming up on 30 years in a career field I have tolerated more than I have enjoyed. My long term goal is to change that formula.

Saliena

I have to have long term goals... they make short term discomfort manageable. For instance I just did a half Ironman and if I didn't have that goal looming out there then I wouldn't have gotten up each morning and went to the gym, it would have made it harder to suite up every day and I wouldn't have showed up.

I don't let long term goals get in the way of being flexible and taking care of myself the best way that I know how. Sometimes that means not getting up and staying in bed sleeping a few extra hours. But, I just make sure that I am working toward something... it has been helpful to me in all kinds of ways.