Fluffer

I was hoping for some advise if anyone can relate to my situation. I am about 4 months sober and was a weekend binger for about 25 years (started in my late teens). I would say the main psychological reason for my drinking was thrill seeking and loving the buzz. But to be honest, I love the ups and even the downs. I am at a point in life where I know I really should stop drinking but over the last week or two my moods have become completely flat. I am really hoping this is just a stage of PAWS that will pass. I don't need to feel great all the time, but I do need to feel great at least some of the time. I don't feel depressed - just no joy. Please don't tell me this is what it is to be a normal responsible adult. I don't mind the emotional roller coaster of early sobriety nearly as much as just being flat all the time. Even things that were working a few weeks ago like running and trading stocks aren't "ringing the bell" right now. I don't need a flood of endorphins, but why do I feel cut off completely right now?

EndGameNYC

That's what happens with many of us in early sobriety, Fluffer. I wondered when I read your post whether or not you've seen this commented on before on SR, since you've been here for a while.

Feeling "flat" may be exactly what we need to go through to get sober. There were far too many ups and downs for me when I was drinking, and then only "downs" for a very long time.

All the pleasure-producing chemicals in your brain temporarily shut down while you were drinking, and it's going to take some time for them to return to business as usual.

Hang in there. You'll find that you'll get pleasure in sobriety in the most unexpected places.

OnMyWay7

Yeah you get the downs for awhile but it gets better

Dee74

I felt like the world was beige for a while.
It gets better Fluffer - you don't need to settle for second best

D

GnikNus

From what I've read, "flatness" and "dullness" are part and parcel of early days recovery. We're so used to hitting that pleasure center in our brains with alcohol, and taking it out of the equation can be... Bland for awhile.
You and have the same sober week, so I feel the same way from time to time ( though I have to admit I'm loving the feeling of being sober). I live in the Bay Area as well. At least we have a lot to do and spectacular scenery and landscape to make things interesting in these early days. I wish you the best in your recovery.

FeelingGreat

Hey Fluffer, seeing you're a thrill seeker, find some non-chemical project that thrills you. Climbing the highest mountain, run a marathon, go caving - it doesn't matter as long as it's a challenge and you get an adrenaline rush from it. You'll have a bit of money from not drinking, so you can put it towards your project.

You're right about alcohol being bad for your physical health, so giving up is a great idea.

Fluffer

Thanks, Endgame. What's thrown me for a loop is that the mood swings have changed to flatness even after three months of sobriety. I kind of figured by two months I would have the full PAWS experience and then it would just be a matter of time for it to diminish. It's the qualitative change for the worse (for me) this far in that is a little disturbing. In any case, I'll just have to ride it out and remember that it could be worse. My problems are not so bad in the big picture of things.

Fluffer

Thanks, Gnik. Glad you're enjoying sobriety. I wonder how many people have sober anniversaries around the major family holidays, LOL.

Yes, we are certainly blessed to live in such a beautiful place. In fact, I'm headed to Tahoe tomorrow so we'll see how much fun snowboarding is sober. I don't think I've ever done that before. Too bad the snow is so bad this year.

Fluffer

OK, FG. I'll hit the half pipe and jumps for the first time in years snowboarding this week. Not sure it's the best idea for a paper pusher in his forties....LOL.

FeelingGreat

Typical guy - don't build up to it! This is why most men over 40 have buggered knees.

DrunkenDonuts

Hey fluffer. I got some paper-pusher thrills for you.

1) Write an email confessing your love for your boss and address it to everyone in your organization. Press send and wait for 5 seconds before recalling it. Will it be too late? Who will see it? Ooooh!

2) Create a fake email address. Go to a website dedicated to sending out free samples. Sign someone up for every free sample you can. Have it delivered to the office so everyone sees it. There will be dog food, diapers, tampons, adult diapers, bibles, Qur'an's, pencils etc etc delivered randomly for months. Of you play your cards right only you will ever know.

3) Get to the office early and put sticky tape on the bottom of everyone's mouse.

4) Make up your own religion and go door to door trying to convert people.

5) enter lots of free online competitions.

I'm sure there are many more thrilling activities you can do... So good luck with making some fun and mischief.

Frixion

Thanks for posting this. I am on a roller coaster of emotions right now and seeing that it starts to level out a bit is something to look forward to for myself at this particular moment.

Although I can't help but think that maybe the thrill of the roller coaster can be an addiction it's self. It's just like an alcoholic like ourselves to have such an addiction. once again thank you for posting this, it is definitely something I want to explore more about why I always seem to be on this emotional roller coaster.

FreeOwl

stick with it....

The pendulum will swing, and then swing again... and over time your emotions will stabilize.

Find things that you enjoy or are at least interested in. Work on self awareness....

Keep working sobriety....


Turns out being OFF the roller coaster is a much more peaceful place once we get used to it.

MIRecovery

It takes a while to learn how to live again. Slowly but surely you will start enjoying life sober. Then one day you will realize how horrible your old life was and how great your new is.

Recovery is a long slow process but each day is a little better

Berrybean

Hi Fluffer. I think I was at my 'flattest' from about 6 - 9 months. Dark times

What are you already doing (apart from not picking up a drink and SR forum)? (Any group support? Exercise? 12-step programme?

If we know what you've already tried it'll help us in thinking of things you could try.

Have you already seen that article on PAWs that has been floating about? I thought it was pretty good. Maybe there would be some helpful ideas in there..

Sending you some zizzy vibes - nothing worse than that flatness x

PAWS | Digital Dharma

KeepTruckin

Thank you for posting this! I worry that I will hit this wall once I'm a little further into my sobriety. I'm sure that contributed to my returning to drink in the past. What fun is life when I don't have the excitement that drinking brought??

I see that it is not uncommon, so I hope to remember this post when I feel like that. Stay strong and come back to tell me that it got better

SDH73

Hi, fluffer. I'm at about 2 1/2 months and I feel like things have evened out a bit, too. Which pretty much translates to feeling "...meh..." most of the time. This is going to seem strange, but I kind of miss being hungover. At least then I feel crappy and I know exactly why! This isn't my most helpful post, but I just wanted to get that out. Stay strong, my man!

Fluffer

Thanks for the responses everyone! I'm afraid I can't respond properly right now because I'm out the door for a family vacation Chevy Chase style in the family truckster. I'll let you know how it goes (and if I can resist being a big grump)!