How Do You Talk About Your Alcoholism?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
The inimitable Charlie Sheen said [paraphrased]: 'I had 40 years of Drinkin' in me, but I used them up in 20'. I've borrowed that one on rare occasions. In the name of Historical accuracy, I simply double his numbers. I also deflect and say: 'I drank an Ocean Tanker full of Scotch over 40 years, and decided that was enough'.
This Good Ole Boy Engineer I worked with said: 'I liked Scotch, but it liked me more. Too much, actually'.
If it's someone you want to back off - because they're being too persistent about the topic - you can always say: 'I used to Drink, but then I noticed how obnoxious Folks can be when they've been Drinking'. Let them scratch their Heads over that one. It also serves as a good indicator of whether they're quick-witted or not if/when they catch the hidden meaning. If they do, we'll likely get along just fine! If they take umbrage at that One Liner, then we've both saved ourselves a lot of time.
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This Good Ole Boy Engineer I worked with said: 'I liked Scotch, but it liked me more. Too much, actually'.
If it's someone you want to back off - because they're being too persistent about the topic - you can always say: 'I used to Drink, but then I noticed how obnoxious Folks can be when they've been Drinking'. Let them scratch their Heads over that one. It also serves as a good indicator of whether they're quick-witted or not if/when they catch the hidden meaning. If they do, we'll likely get along just fine! If they take umbrage at that One Liner, then we've both saved ourselves a lot of time.
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Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I'm fascinated that for so many of the folks on this thread the topic of their being a non-drinker seldom (or almost never) arises!
I find myself having this conversation almost weekly!
Perhaps part of the difference is that I am in my first year of recovery (post-relapse), so there are plenty of people in this alcohol-drenched state in which I live who haven't seen me since I chose sobriety. They invite for a drink, I say "no, thanks," my "no thanks" is inconceivable, given the woman they thought they knew, and it promotes a full conversation about why I chose to quit. Also, although most people knew that I was fun to party with, and didn't say "no," very few would have identified me as an alcoholic, so my abstinence choice is an anomaly and requires some explanation.
I am also in a line of business in which drinks often flow at afterwork events; they are part of the social/business landscape. I decline, and happily drink 17 gallons of iced tea at such events, but people do notice that I'm the only one not drinking.
My answer to all these curious questions is always a convoluted explanation that has to do with my health.
I think the reason it comes up all the time is both situational and is impacted by not having had any visible alcohol related troubles. So my abstinence doesn't make sense to people. They know it is new, and can't figure it out.
I hate to make geographic inferences, but Alaska is also a heavy alcohol-use state (we're first in the nation in many statistics - from youth suicide to domestic violence to alcoholism stats). What is called alcoholism here is pretty darn extreme; what is called moderate drinking would have been considered alcohol abuse in other places I've lived. Abstinence is so rare as to be noteworthy.
So, I do talk about it. I don't identify as an alcoholic, because I don't think I am. I am a person who didn't like the impact alcohol had on my body and my daily life, and so I don't drink it. Bam. Question answered. My hope is always that seeing me participating and engaged in lots of activities but without drinking will inspire others to choose abstinence, even if they're not all the way on the end of the alcoholism scale...
I find myself having this conversation almost weekly!
Perhaps part of the difference is that I am in my first year of recovery (post-relapse), so there are plenty of people in this alcohol-drenched state in which I live who haven't seen me since I chose sobriety. They invite for a drink, I say "no, thanks," my "no thanks" is inconceivable, given the woman they thought they knew, and it promotes a full conversation about why I chose to quit. Also, although most people knew that I was fun to party with, and didn't say "no," very few would have identified me as an alcoholic, so my abstinence choice is an anomaly and requires some explanation.
I am also in a line of business in which drinks often flow at afterwork events; they are part of the social/business landscape. I decline, and happily drink 17 gallons of iced tea at such events, but people do notice that I'm the only one not drinking.
My answer to all these curious questions is always a convoluted explanation that has to do with my health.
I think the reason it comes up all the time is both situational and is impacted by not having had any visible alcohol related troubles. So my abstinence doesn't make sense to people. They know it is new, and can't figure it out.
I hate to make geographic inferences, but Alaska is also a heavy alcohol-use state (we're first in the nation in many statistics - from youth suicide to domestic violence to alcoholism stats). What is called alcoholism here is pretty darn extreme; what is called moderate drinking would have been considered alcohol abuse in other places I've lived. Abstinence is so rare as to be noteworthy.
So, I do talk about it. I don't identify as an alcoholic, because I don't think I am. I am a person who didn't like the impact alcohol had on my body and my daily life, and so I don't drink it. Bam. Question answered. My hope is always that seeing me participating and engaged in lots of activities but without drinking will inspire others to choose abstinence, even if they're not all the way on the end of the alcoholism scale...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: US
Posts: 637
It's never an issue unless I'm around former drinking buddies including some family members. They are usually uncomfortable because they worry about themselves and how I was able to stop for good 2 years ago. I humorously diffuse the tension with "I quit the drinking game. It's okay, I had a Hall of Fame career and got out before the game killed me". Some will then ask me for advice on how they can quit. A few drinking buddies have permanently shunned me but that doesn't bother me because all we ever really had in common was alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 25
I've been asked why here and there, but I'm also still very much early on in recovery and have a few friends and acquaintances that are nonintrusively curious. I tell them my truth, which is that I used to drink because it was fun, but then I used up allllll of my fun tickets and it was the opposite of fun, so I stopped.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I don't have any problem being open about my past addiction. People ask for different reasons though. Some people are just curious, some people may be asking because they are troubled by their own drinking. I usually just say, "I don't like drinking" or "drinking makes me stupid" or something initially when asked. Eventually if someone wants to talk about their own drinking it will come out when they feel safe to do that. Then my answer would be more in depth.
I had the same thing happen when I had my triplets many years ago. People asked me frequently if they "were natural" or "did you do fertility?". It's funny because most people wouldn't dream of going up to a singleton mom and asking her how she conceived her child, but with multiples people feel free to ask intimate details. I found that some people ask intrusive/personal questions because they are just intrusive people. Others ask because they are experiencing fertility problems themselves and they want to know if my babies were medically assisted or spontaneous, and they want to talk with someone about the pain of it because it's a painful experience to be infertile. Same with questions about addiction...some are nosy, some are judgmental, some stem from a secret pain. I'd rather help someone if I can rather than have them suffer in silence.
I had the same thing happen when I had my triplets many years ago. People asked me frequently if they "were natural" or "did you do fertility?". It's funny because most people wouldn't dream of going up to a singleton mom and asking her how she conceived her child, but with multiples people feel free to ask intimate details. I found that some people ask intrusive/personal questions because they are just intrusive people. Others ask because they are experiencing fertility problems themselves and they want to know if my babies were medically assisted or spontaneous, and they want to talk with someone about the pain of it because it's a painful experience to be infertile. Same with questions about addiction...some are nosy, some are judgmental, some stem from a secret pain. I'd rather help someone if I can rather than have them suffer in silence.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: London Uk
Posts: 65
Sometimes I feel like throwing it out there. No thanks, I don't drink I'm an alcoholic - just to see how a person would react, but then I think that's all about me and the worrying thing is, once you've put it out there, you can't put it back.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Rapid City, MI
Posts: 214
As a normie, it never occurred to me to ask. And I think it's rude to ask. Because it's none of my business. My understanding is that AA is by definition anonymous, so people don't necessarily declare their recovery publicly. I see nothing wrong with you sharing with people why you don't drink, but I wouldn't expect anyone who doesn't know you well to ask.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Originally Posted by heartcore 
I'm fascinated that for so many of the folks on this thread the topic of their being a non-drinker seldom (or almost never) arises!
I find myself having this conversation almost weekly!
I find myself having this conversation almost weekly!
i'm also a little surprised so many are so reluctant to state they have a problem? I mean, i don't go around advertising the fact that i'm an alcoholic, nor would i ever say anything at work or uni or anything, but for me one way to stop everyone offering me drinks or buying me bottles as gifts was to tell quite a large group of people that it's a problem for me and while it's no ones responsibility to stop me I'd appreciate they didn't encourage me to drink.
I've also had an old friend i lost touch with reach out to me and ask for help because she knew i also had an alcohol problem, and i was really honoured to be able to help and take her to an AA meeting.
certainly don't think it's anyones business if we chose to keep it private though, and no one should feel obligated to be the 'poster child for alcoholism' as Dee said, but I personally find it easier and a mostly positive experience for me to be honest.
Omnivore
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
I hope this isn't toooo much of a thread jack but I thought the responders to this post might have some insight on a situation that came up for me.
I told a guy I hang out with on occasion that I was quitting drinking. I told him that I was drinking every day and didn't want to but could not seem to just cut back. So I was quitting entirely.
He was supportive. He is a mental health counselor. That is not why I know him, I just say that to give context to the next bit.
One night we are out at a sporting event with other guys that we know but less than each other. One of these others brought a 12 pack of beer and was passing them out. I wave him off. Problem solved, right? Wrong. My friend takes two and hands me one saying, come on, just one. I protested and he kept insisting. Others start to hear...
Of all the people you would think should know better and yet he did not. So now I have a different strategy. I say I'm on medication that I'm not supposed to mix with alcohol. It is true. I take antabuse.
I told a guy I hang out with on occasion that I was quitting drinking. I told him that I was drinking every day and didn't want to but could not seem to just cut back. So I was quitting entirely.
He was supportive. He is a mental health counselor. That is not why I know him, I just say that to give context to the next bit.
One night we are out at a sporting event with other guys that we know but less than each other. One of these others brought a 12 pack of beer and was passing them out. I wave him off. Problem solved, right? Wrong. My friend takes two and hands me one saying, come on, just one. I protested and he kept insisting. Others start to hear...
Of all the people you would think should know better and yet he did not. So now I have a different strategy. I say I'm on medication that I'm not supposed to mix with alcohol. It is true. I take antabuse.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
A little while after I quit , my local shop owner asked if I had a place with a better price for my usual purchase, which he noticed I no longer made, he said he could match whatever deal I was getting, I said "nah thats not it, I just liked it too much."
In the car my wife said she overheardthe conversation and liked my response, me too it was appropriately humorous and a good way to get him to stop pestering me on each and every visit. He's a nice guy and in is line of work I'm pretty sure he knew what I meant. Now if I could just get him to rig the Powerball machine
In the car my wife said she overheardthe conversation and liked my response, me too it was appropriately humorous and a good way to get him to stop pestering me on each and every visit. He's a nice guy and in is line of work I'm pretty sure he knew what I meant. Now if I could just get him to rig the Powerball machine
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by Walkbeformakrun
My friend takes two and hands me one saying, come on, just one. I protested and he kept insisting.
Omnivore
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
Originally Posted by soberlicious
um...wtff?! That friend and I would have a lil comin'-to-Jesus meetin' after that stunt.
No point. lol. He is just clueless I guess. Me and my wife had a laugh about it later. He was at our house one time when I was in my prime drinking days and tried to keep up with me. He didn't by half. Then ended up crashing at the house, not being able to get vertical till well after noon. WHile I was out mowing the lawn and getting on with my day as usual by 7 AM.
He just isn't a problem drinker. Has no idea what it means to be one. I was surprised since he is in the mental health field.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,021
Hi LaT
I guess my response would echo most folks here.
With strangers or in the workplace, I simply say I am a non-drinker. Aside from the occasional curious glance, I rarely have folks pursue it any further. A simply shrug of the shoulders and onto the next line of conversation. Alcoholism is a terrible stigma in the work place. I would never disclose as it would be the death knell of my professional life.
With friends who know my past, I initially said it was for health reasons though never really explained it well. Nowadays, they may ask "are you STILL not drinking ?" to which I simply grin and say yep ! I get a lot of curious/puzzled looks and I know they want to ask more. Some do and I say that the benefits of non-drinking are simply brilliant ! Most just quickly change topic. I sense that it is tapping an uncomfortable area for them but I dont pursue it.
For family and close friends, they simply dont ask. Their happy and relieved faces say it all. No words needed.
I guess my response would echo most folks here.
With strangers or in the workplace, I simply say I am a non-drinker. Aside from the occasional curious glance, I rarely have folks pursue it any further. A simply shrug of the shoulders and onto the next line of conversation. Alcoholism is a terrible stigma in the work place. I would never disclose as it would be the death knell of my professional life.
With friends who know my past, I initially said it was for health reasons though never really explained it well. Nowadays, they may ask "are you STILL not drinking ?" to which I simply grin and say yep ! I get a lot of curious/puzzled looks and I know they want to ask more. Some do and I say that the benefits of non-drinking are simply brilliant ! Most just quickly change topic. I sense that it is tapping an uncomfortable area for them but I dont pursue it.
For family and close friends, they simply dont ask. Their happy and relieved faces say it all. No words needed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
I agree that we problem drinkers make a much bigger deal of this than necessary.
My answer depends on who is asking. And usually it's someone I don't want to get into it with so I say, it just didn't agree with me. In the past when I have made comments like it's only a temporary thing, invariably that comes back to bite me (at the next social event...)
Years ago, my ex mom-in-law was curious about my non drinking and trying to find out the juicy details. Truthfully I have a DWI and I've been to treatment twice, and at the time I had 4-5 years sober. I was expressing my concern about her finding out my "story" since I didn't want her to know about the DWI, and my BFF said something I will always love her for. She said, "what story"?! As in, it's not like you have some big old skeleton to worry about. The gory details are in the past.
I would have no problem sharing more honestly with someone if I felt like the time/ place called for it. I'm single now and sometimes I think about how I'd tell someone I'm dating. But I'll figure that out when I get there.
My answer depends on who is asking. And usually it's someone I don't want to get into it with so I say, it just didn't agree with me. In the past when I have made comments like it's only a temporary thing, invariably that comes back to bite me (at the next social event...)
Years ago, my ex mom-in-law was curious about my non drinking and trying to find out the juicy details. Truthfully I have a DWI and I've been to treatment twice, and at the time I had 4-5 years sober. I was expressing my concern about her finding out my "story" since I didn't want her to know about the DWI, and my BFF said something I will always love her for. She said, "what story"?! As in, it's not like you have some big old skeleton to worry about. The gory details are in the past.
I would have no problem sharing more honestly with someone if I felt like the time/ place called for it. I'm single now and sometimes I think about how I'd tell someone I'm dating. But I'll figure that out when I get there.
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