PendulumIsland

Hi all, the subject heading says it all. I have been struggling with alcoholism for nearly 10 years. On many occasions I have drank more than anybody ever should in a short space of time. I really started to noticed this about 6 years ago. Having binge watched a TV show for about 8 hours solid I noticed at my feet the empties... two bottles of wine and 6 tins of beer... all consumed at one sitting... and then I drank some more. I guess I am just venting. I spent yesterday morning in the gym then went for groceries and, because I was feeling bored and sad I bought two bottles of wine and drank them down last night. I feel sick and regretful as I write this. I know I'm killing myself and I have to stop. Just finding it hard to get out of this cycle... Thanks for reading this.

anattaboy

So change the story. Seriously. Changing routine was a big part of early recovery for me. I did it incrementally (tapered) and many do inpatient detox but the daily doings still have to be changed once one is abstinent for a few. The good news is it's not impossible but it may require all you got. Ready?

Gottalife

Hi PI,
I see from earlier posts that you joined Sr. in August last year no it looks like you have been struggling along on your own since then. Obviously the drinking hasn't stopped, but has your effort to sort the problem on your own brought any positive results. Has anything got better?

Dee74

Hi Pendulum island

have you given any though to some kind of a plan to help you stay sober?
If being bored is enough to break your resolve you might need some more support?
D

LaTraviata

Hi and Happy Sunday, PI.

Boredom and loneliness are problems for me, too. I've found that attending an AA meeting during the hours I would normally be drinking helps with both issues.

I would usually commence drinking in the afternoon or early evening and continue until passing out between 10 pm and midnight. It's been helpful to attend meetings in this timeframe. I don't find meetings all that scintillating, but it's someplace to go and something to do and people to talk to.

I avoid early afternoon drinking because I'm planning on going out to a meeting in the evening, and once I get home afterwards it's late enough that I can make do with an hour or two of TV before bed and voila! Another day gone by without drinking.

And, the more days which pass without drinking, the healthier I feel and my natural interest in things other than booze is starting to return. With alcohol removed, life and friendships can flow back in, alleviating some of the boredom loneliness.

Just a suggestion. But if you haven't already tried it, try plugging in an AA meeting or other commitment/activity during your drinking hours.

doggonecarl

How exciting is your drinking, really? If you were to make a video of your last drinking session and posted it to one of those video sites, do you think anyone would watch it? No, because it would be painfully boring.

Drinking is only fun and exciting to your addiction.

Sobriety can be fun and exciting to you!

Music

I noticed one of the other posters mentioned you'd been coming here since August. That's about 7 months so I find it hard to believe that you're going to hear anything today you haven't already heard but here goes.

When I came to AA, I said a lot of the same things you're saying. I was told to get off my pity pot and start finding positive ways to change my life for the better, instead of sitting in my crap and bitching about it. I'm just going to pass that along to you and let it go at that.

PS: The four basics: Don't drink! Go to AA meetings! Get a sponsor! Work the 12 steps!

zanabanana

Hi PI,

Like the others have said, you seriously need to change. Change your thought process. Change your routine. Change your day. Go to meetings during the time you want to drink. That always helped me. Although, I wasn't a big fan of going to meetings because I felt that triggered my cravings... they don't anymore. You're with those who know where you are, where you've been, and who you can be without the drink.

I can totally relate to the title of this post. It's a vicious cycle. It's a horrible routine of boredom and being sad and all you want to do is drink. Nothing will change the next day though unless you make the change.

I'm right there with you. I'm early in my sobriety. I'm just struggling with anxiety at this point. I went to a seven day rehab (which, I thought wasn't long enough) and I felt so good when I came home but... not even two days after I went right back to the drink because of my routine of coming right back home where I did all my drinking. That's why I'm working hard to make a sea change, so I can leave my demons behind. Right now my main demon is anxiety.

All of us are here for you. Just don't isolate yourself.

PendulumIsland

Thank you all for your wise words. I'm terrified of going to an AA meeting and none are local. I work shifts so it's not easy making a life. I have obstacles to climb and decisions to make. Isolation hasn't worked for me so I'm back here. It's hard to go into all the circumstances that have led me down this path but I do appreciate all your feedback and am grateful for your input. Thank you. I'm going to try to be as strong as you all are.