Sober Vacation
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
Sober Vacation
No not taking a Vacation from Sobriety, but I am taking a Sober Vacation.
Leave tomorrow for Arizona with the wife and 3 kids. I am super grateful I will not be dragging active addiction out there with me. Having some minor flashbacks from years ago contemplating how to get my drugs out there. Obviously if you are a pill popper and have a script it is one thing, but trying to figure out where to put your 1/4 ounce of H is another. I never felt safe putting it in checked luggage. #1 it could be found and #2 they might lose my dam bag. Usually crotched it (in the days before body scanners). Nothing like sweating it out going through security wondering if you are going to be hauled away in handcuffs in front of your family. That is never a good start to a vacation.
All that insanity before the plane even got off the ground. Then usually with getting to the airport early and the 4 hour flight I would have to go into the lavatory to even out. My whole vacation would basically be spent consumed by using (similar to my entire life at the time). Wife pissed off because she knows I'm not right. Usually would never bring enough and as much as I tried to ration myself at the end I was normally withdrawing on the flight home. Even when we went on a road trip that was pretty common for the drive home. Then had to come up with a lame ass excuse why I had to run out right away when we got back.
All that for what? What part of that sounds like fun? I didn't feel like I even had a choice in the matter back then. If I was going somewhere drugs were coming with me. It is amazing to think back on all the lengths I used to go to to get high. So much money and so much energy and so much mental gymnastics to keep it going. Someone should have paid me for all of the work I was putting in to keep it up.
Today I have nothing but good thoughts about going on vacation. I will stroll through security like a normal person and my palms will not be sweating obsessing about it for days beforehand. I will not have to try to time trips to the bathroom to go use. I will not have to count pills or attempt to ration what I have left. I will not start having crazy thoughts about having someone overnight more drugs so I don't run out. I will just get to enjoy the nice weather and time with my family. The smiles on my kids faces. I will have a clear conscience. So much to be grateful for these days!!!
Leave tomorrow for Arizona with the wife and 3 kids. I am super grateful I will not be dragging active addiction out there with me. Having some minor flashbacks from years ago contemplating how to get my drugs out there. Obviously if you are a pill popper and have a script it is one thing, but trying to figure out where to put your 1/4 ounce of H is another. I never felt safe putting it in checked luggage. #1 it could be found and #2 they might lose my dam bag. Usually crotched it (in the days before body scanners). Nothing like sweating it out going through security wondering if you are going to be hauled away in handcuffs in front of your family. That is never a good start to a vacation.
All that insanity before the plane even got off the ground. Then usually with getting to the airport early and the 4 hour flight I would have to go into the lavatory to even out. My whole vacation would basically be spent consumed by using (similar to my entire life at the time). Wife pissed off because she knows I'm not right. Usually would never bring enough and as much as I tried to ration myself at the end I was normally withdrawing on the flight home. Even when we went on a road trip that was pretty common for the drive home. Then had to come up with a lame ass excuse why I had to run out right away when we got back.
All that for what? What part of that sounds like fun? I didn't feel like I even had a choice in the matter back then. If I was going somewhere drugs were coming with me. It is amazing to think back on all the lengths I used to go to to get high. So much money and so much energy and so much mental gymnastics to keep it going. Someone should have paid me for all of the work I was putting in to keep it up.
Today I have nothing but good thoughts about going on vacation. I will stroll through security like a normal person and my palms will not be sweating obsessing about it for days beforehand. I will not have to try to time trips to the bathroom to go use. I will not have to count pills or attempt to ration what I have left. I will not start having crazy thoughts about having someone overnight more drugs so I don't run out. I will just get to enjoy the nice weather and time with my family. The smiles on my kids faces. I will have a clear conscience. So much to be grateful for these days!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Marcus everything you said is so true! I can relate to it all. In fact there were many times I made lame excuses not to go on vacation simply because of the hassle and fear of running out of my DOC.
It's so sad how many "memorable experiences" I skipped because of my addiction!
It's so sad how many "memorable experiences" I skipped because of my addiction!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
great post. Rings so true with me. Exactly what would happen to me. Often I would have to cut the vacation short because i would run out, and the way home was spent with me sick. Then right when I would get home I would need to run out to get more pills, then come back happy as a clam. gross. That life is now way to live. I don't miss it one bit. I feel sad I lived that way for so long. thanks for the share.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
Great stuff! When I was living in Vegas for a few months I was having my brother send me xanax...I'm so glad I don't have that holding me back in life. That is pure insanity having to ask people to send drugs in the mail and think that it's alright. So grateful for everyone in my life and all you here at SR.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
Last day of Vacation. Heading home tomorrow. High of 95 today here and will be 37 tomorrow in Chicago when I get home. Will be a bit of a shock! What an awesome time sober with my family. Not a single consequence due to drugs or alcohol. Standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon with my wife and kids a few days ago clear headed was awesome. A true spiritual experience and was more fulfilling than any shot of dope I ever took. Swimming with my kids throwing them around in the pool with everyone laughing was another reminder that I am right where I need to be. Sure it has been a struggle at times, but thanks to my strong desire and willingness not to use no matter what a day at a time it is entirely possible and keeps getting easier. Okay off for another adventure!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 377
That's amazing Marcus. Really amazing. The relief and happiness in your post is palpable.
Reading your post hit home, reminded me of those awful thoughts you have trying to work out how you're going to get your drugs, hide them, take them with you.
Yuk!
I too have had lovely days with my family lately, walking my girls home through the forest, climbing trees, living in the moment. Not thinking about how to get my next fix.
Long live the sober vacation yay!
Reading your post hit home, reminded me of those awful thoughts you have trying to work out how you're going to get your drugs, hide them, take them with you.
Yuk!
I too have had lovely days with my family lately, walking my girls home through the forest, climbing trees, living in the moment. Not thinking about how to get my next fix.
Long live the sober vacation yay!
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