Failed BigPlans
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EL, have you ever meditated? Not just tried it but like given it 6 months or so? Sitting through thoughts, urges, brainstorms, whatever and continuing to come back to the breath gives invaluable insight to the human condition. Less talking and more doing is always a good strategy. Meditation has been the greatest tool I've learned (still learning) and it will give you all the insight you can handle about yourself but it requires DOING. Make time. Do it.
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Originally Posted by samseb5351 
Couple of questions EL, what difference would being married make to a sex addiction? Would it not still be possible to.act out within the marriage, even if you did not cheat on you partner? I think I am like a few others and am a bit confused by your definitions of addiction. I personally am not an alcoholic but am an ex compulsive gambler, so in some respects I can identify with others and behavioral addictions. There are many many definitions of addiction , so many that in my opinion the word has almost become redundant, what people tend to do is find a description that suits their value system and the script they believe they can live up to, or hope they can, or want to and with this they proclaim a truth.
Just a few thoughts, I am sensing you are getting somewhat annoyed at the questions, thats just the nature of Secular Connections, questions are great ways to explore things , especially our own reactions and annoyances.
Thanks
Just a few thoughts, I am sensing you are getting somewhat annoyed at the questions, thats just the nature of Secular Connections, questions are great ways to explore things , especially our own reactions and annoyances.
Thanks
I see from your question that you are not familiar with the field of sex addiction at all, because it is
known that even married people can immorality engage in sexual error inside of marriage with other woman, the life of this ADDICTED people brings serious problems to family relationships. If you are married and have sex in this arrangement then you are doing it the right way. I will illustrate it to you. Some drugs even heroine are used in hospitals for the treatment of acute pain, but you can't conclude by this that those patients are addicted to heroine just because they having it. Simply because heroine is being used correctly, the right way. Same is with marriage, sex is used correctly inside of marriage, this is the right way to do
Relating the "I am annoyed issue", I could also conclude you are annoyed because of the idea that I am annoyed, if not, you wouldn't express it in the first place. But yes, it is ok to be annoyed when you read comments that are against your better judgement. You are confused simply because you don't have problems with sexual error, that is up to you. If you are confused about it, I recommend you to read chapter 30 of the art of AVRT. But as I already mentioned drunken people who love to be fully loaded with alcohol "Get confused about the many definitions of addictions" related to alchool, but that is they're own problem. Confusion only comes from the ones who wants the door wide open to engage in addicted behaviours like sex addictions whenever they feel to, even inside of a marriage, is that you're case Sam?
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Whether or not anyone else has a sex addiction, or whether the goal of abstaining from orgasm outside of marriage is a goal one should aspire to is not the question here. Those are questions that can only be answered by each individual.
My personal opinions about sexuality are vastly different than the OPs, but that's neither here nor there.
The question is whether the Addictive Voice Recognition Technique can be used to end any behavior that is in any way troublesome for an individual. I believe the answer is yes.
My personal opinions about sexuality are vastly different than the OPs, but that's neither here nor there.
The question is whether the Addictive Voice Recognition Technique can be used to end any behavior that is in any way troublesome for an individual. I believe the answer is yes.
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Originally Posted by soberlicious
Whether or not anyone else has a sex addiction, or whether the goal of abstaining from orgasm outside of marriage is a goal one should aspire to is not the question here. Those are questions that can only be answered by each individual.
My personal opinions about sexuality are vastly different than the OPs, but that's neither here nor there.
The question is whether the Addictive Voice Recognition Technique can be used to end any behavior that is in any way troublesome for an individual. I believe the answer is yes.
My personal opinions about sexuality are vastly different than the OPs, but that's neither here nor there.
The question is whether the Addictive Voice Recognition Technique can be used to end any behavior that is in any way troublesome for an individual. I believe the answer is yes.
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Well just say I am finding it difficult, in that I didn't want to reenter this particular conversation, but..
Not being well versed in psychology and specific therapies /techniques , is there a difference between CBT and AVRT other than trademark registeration? It seems to me that AVRT is more specific in nature, but I could be wrong, obviously. In a nit- picky nuance-y way I would say I think that one would have to identify behavior and troublesome in more depth , to determine if AVRT would be helpful or perhaps if it would be the most helpful in a given application.
Like I have said, to me, the troublesomeness of the OP stems from the proscription of the behavior, eg it would not be troublesome outside of the 'artifical' particular proscription. And again coming at it from a very secular position.
Not being well versed in psychology and specific therapies /techniques , is there a difference between CBT and AVRT other than trademark registeration? It seems to me that AVRT is more specific in nature, but I could be wrong, obviously. In a nit- picky nuance-y way I would say I think that one would have to identify behavior and troublesome in more depth , to determine if AVRT would be helpful or perhaps if it would be the most helpful in a given application.
Like I have said, to me, the troublesomeness of the OP stems from the proscription of the behavior, eg it would not be troublesome outside of the 'artifical' particular proscription. And again coming at it from a very secular position.
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Eternal,
Yes, sex addiction is real and it is destructive.
The issue here in not really about sexual addiction though. It is about whether any individual can stop a behavior that they want to stop, but seemingly cannot. It is not for me to define for anyone else whether that behavior is problematic. Each of us knows what constitutes "right and wrong" for ourselves. If I continually engage in a behavior that I feel is wrong for me or my loved ones, then that is a problem and it can be addressed. Each of us has the power to choose what we do or do not do.
Yes, sex addiction is real and it is destructive.
The issue here in not really about sexual addiction though. It is about whether any individual can stop a behavior that they want to stop, but seemingly cannot. It is not for me to define for anyone else whether that behavior is problematic. Each of us knows what constitutes "right and wrong" for ourselves. If I continually engage in a behavior that I feel is wrong for me or my loved ones, then that is a problem and it can be addressed. Each of us has the power to choose what we do or do not do.
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Originally Posted by dwtbd
Well just say I am finding it difficult, in that I didn't want to reenter this particular conversation, but..
Not being well versed in psychology and specific therapies /techniques , is there a difference between CBT and AVRT other than trademark registeration? It seems to me that AVRT is more specific in nature, but I could be wrong, obviously. In a nit- picky nuance-y way I would say I think that one would have to identify behavior and troublesome in more depth , to determine if AVRT would be helpful or perhaps if it would be the most helpful in a given application.
Like I have said, to me, the troublesomeness of the OP stems from the proscription of the behavior, eg it would not be troublesome outside of the 'artifical' particular proscription. And again coming at it from a very secular position.
Not being well versed in psychology and specific therapies /techniques , is there a difference between CBT and AVRT other than trademark registeration? It seems to me that AVRT is more specific in nature, but I could be wrong, obviously. In a nit- picky nuance-y way I would say I think that one would have to identify behavior and troublesome in more depth , to determine if AVRT would be helpful or perhaps if it would be the most helpful in a given application.
Like I have said, to me, the troublesomeness of the OP stems from the proscription of the behavior, eg it would not be troublesome outside of the 'artifical' particular proscription. And again coming at it from a very secular position.
Why do you assume that abstinence from sex addiction is "troublesome" and that it is a "proscription"?
What is your future plan for quitting any sex addiction outside of marriage forever? Are you going to quit it or not?
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Originally Posted by dwtbd
Like I have said, to me, the troublesomeness of the OP stems from the proscription of the behavior, eg it would not be troublesome outside of the 'artifical' particular proscription. And again coming at it from a very secular position.
Feeling simultaneously aroused and repulsed by your own actions is a hard way to live. It is difficult to sustain. It can be resolved in many ways though, not the least of which is abstinence from the behavior. Another seemingly feasible option would be to see the behavior in a different light, which does not appear to be a possibility for the OP-nor should it be. If he lives by his morality he can find peace.
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Eternal if it bothers you that is one thing and I hope you figure it out. A couple of times though you have let it slip that you actually feel that anyone who does it is "in error". A day of "eating, sleeping and mating" would not be a fail for me. It would be a pretty good Sunday actually.
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Originally Posted by eternalLiberty
Thats what makes me a little uncomfortable, just because someone thinks it's ok to do any sexual behaviour they feel, they think that it must be ok for everyone else.
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El
I applaud your ability to hold a meaningful conversation on this forum, it is clear that English is your not your first language, and I could not speak to you in your language so you have my admiration in that respect.
But in English "mating" tends to have an animalistic connotation, when used to describe the sexual activity between consenting adults , it tends to color it in a negative light. But like Silentrun said , it sounds like a nice Sunday, minus the connotation.
I do not find my own sexual activity to be troublesome. I have never been unfaithful to my wife of twenty plus years by engaging in coitus with another. Though I would say that if I had, the immorality would consist of lying and breaking my promise to her.
I applaud your ability to hold a meaningful conversation on this forum, it is clear that English is your not your first language, and I could not speak to you in your language so you have my admiration in that respect.
But in English "mating" tends to have an animalistic connotation, when used to describe the sexual activity between consenting adults , it tends to color it in a negative light. But like Silentrun said , it sounds like a nice Sunday, minus the connotation.
I do not find my own sexual activity to be troublesome. I have never been unfaithful to my wife of twenty plus years by engaging in coitus with another. Though I would say that if I had, the immorality would consist of lying and breaking my promise to her.
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Originally Posted by dwtbd
El
I applaud your ability to hold a meaningful conversation on this forum, it is clear that English is your not your first language, and I could not speak to you in your language so you have my admiration in that respect.
But in English "mating" tends to have an animalistic connotation, when used to describe the sexual activity between consenting adults , it tends to color it in a negative light. But like Silentrun said , it sounds like a nice Sunday, minus the connotation.
I do not find my own sexual activity to be troublesome. I have never been unfaithful to my wife of twenty plus years by engaging in coitus with another. Though I would say that if I had, the immorality would consist of lying and breaking my promise to her.
I applaud your ability to hold a meaningful conversation on this forum, it is clear that English is your not your first language, and I could not speak to you in your language so you have my admiration in that respect.
But in English "mating" tends to have an animalistic connotation, when used to describe the sexual activity between consenting adults , it tends to color it in a negative light. But like Silentrun said , it sounds like a nice Sunday, minus the connotation.
I do not find my own sexual activity to be troublesome. I have never been unfaithful to my wife of twenty plus years by engaging in coitus with another. Though I would say that if I had, the immorality would consist of lying and breaking my promise to her.
As you have read my comments, it is clear that there was no need for sophisticated English for you to understand my message, wish is demonstrated by your anwers to my "English"
I didnt mean to make you mad, but if you say that you "have never been unfaithful" what was the purpose in saying that the decision to never have sex out of marriage is a "proscription" or "troublesome"? Would you say that "the immorality would consist of lying and breaking my promise to her" could be also a proscription and troublesome for others who like to lie and break promisses? The issue here is that you assert AVRT has not place in sex behaviours that are against someoneīs better judgement. Why would you say that, when its obvious that AVRT works for any addiction? Like soberlicious said the fact that its "troublesome for him is enough". And AVRT exists for ending this arousing and troublesome debate, according to your beliefs.
I also think that when someone lies and breaks a promisse, it does that for some reason, if that reason is allowing having sex against it own better judgment, than the act itself its the worst immoral act of all. A thief starts to lie and breaks promisses, only to consumate the ultimate goal, stealing ...
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Originally Posted by soberlicious
Eternal,
Yes, sex addiction is real and it is destructive.
The issue here in not really about sexual addiction though. It is about whether any individual can stop a behavior that they want to stop, but seemingly cannot. It is not for me to define for anyone else whether that behavior is problematic. Each of us knows what constitutes "right and wrong" for ourselves. If I continually engage in a behavior that I feel is wrong for me or my loved ones, then that is a problem and it can be addressed. Each of us has the power to choose what we do or do not do.
Yes, sex addiction is real and it is destructive.
The issue here in not really about sexual addiction though. It is about whether any individual can stop a behavior that they want to stop, but seemingly cannot. It is not for me to define for anyone else whether that behavior is problematic. Each of us knows what constitutes "right and wrong" for ourselves. If I continually engage in a behavior that I feel is wrong for me or my loved ones, then that is a problem and it can be addressed. Each of us has the power to choose what we do or do not do.
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I don't either dwtbd, but I can clearly see that the OP does. And maybe I'm misunderstanding, but I thought the OP was trying to say that he was engaging in these behaviors against his better judgement, even when he wished to stop. That ambivalence creates a state of addiction, if we are looking at it from an AVRT standpoint. I would support him in his decision to abstain, even though it is not a decision I would probably make for myself.
It makes me uncomfortable when people define morality for anyone other than themselves.
For instance, if someone tells you that you should not worry about having orgasms outside of marriage even though you think it's wrong, that's not ok. Neither is it ok for you to tell others that they have a problem, or are acting immorally, if they do engage in sexual behavior outside of marriage. It is for each of us to decide our own guidelines and act accordingly.
That's what I meant. Do you see what I'm saying?
Originally Posted by eternalLiberty
Soberlicious, wish part of you feels uncomfortable?
For instance, if someone tells you that you should not worry about having orgasms outside of marriage even though you think it's wrong, that's not ok. Neither is it ok for you to tell others that they have a problem, or are acting immorally, if they do engage in sexual behavior outside of marriage. It is for each of us to decide our own guidelines and act accordingly.
That's what I meant. Do you see what I'm saying?
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Originally Posted by soberlicious
I don't either dwtbd, but I can clearly see that the OP does. And maybe I'm misunderstanding, but I thought the OP was trying to say that he was engaging in these behaviors against his better judgement, even when he wished to stop. That ambivalence creates a state of addiction, if we are looking at it from an AVRT standpoint. I would support him in his decision to abstain, even though it is not a decision I would probably make for myself.
It makes me uncomfortable when people define morality for anyone other than themselves.
For instance, if someone tells you that you should not worry about having orgasms outside of marriage even though you think it's wrong, that's not ok. Neither is it ok for you to tell others that they have a problem, or are acting immorally, if they do engage in sexual behavior outside of marriage. It is for each of us to decide our own guidelines and act accordingly.
That's what I meant. Do you see what I'm saying?
It makes me uncomfortable when people define morality for anyone other than themselves.
For instance, if someone tells you that you should not worry about having orgasms outside of marriage even though you think it's wrong, that's not ok. Neither is it ok for you to tell others that they have a problem, or are acting immorally, if they do engage in sexual behavior outside of marriage. It is for each of us to decide our own guidelines and act accordingly.
That's what I meant. Do you see what I'm saying?
Yes indeed. Thatīs what i tried to mention all this time, sorry if misunderstood.
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