CaringScared

Going through one of those weeks. Not sure yet, but it feels like my boyfriend's cutting me off. And to hear tell from the guy he rooms with, he hasn't even seemed to be using.

I know that someone in active addiction is not a good candidate to be a full partner because they are unwell. Rational brain knows this. Rational brain knows the withdrawal on his part is not something to take personally. Yet I spent today feeling empty.

Recovered crack smokers seem to be the kindest of people, and I know several of them who are giving me support through all of this--hugs and reassurances that "it's not me." Yesterday, one of my friends who has been through that told me it's time for me to find someone who can be a full partner, who realizes how great I am. It really helps to hear, but then I think about my boyfriend and how much I miss him and I feel like a failure. I can't be good enough...for him?

So hard to turn it around in my head. So hard to look at this as the gift it might be. I should be thanking God for sparing me a painful conversation.

Ann

CaringScared, if you are feeling empty maybe fill yourself with your own recovery program and good things that will make you feel better.

Nobody hold the key to your happiness except you, when you can make yourself happy, you won't find that you need to rely on anyone to fill that void.

I'm sorry your relationship is not good, hope you find some joy in your life soon.

Hugs

CaringScared

Thank you, Ann! Much appreciated. I will try to listen to your wise words and focus on living a good life today.

Jorgenss

I keep reminding myself this: If only love could fix it. It helps. Hugs to you

CaringScared

Thank you

AnvilheadII

I can't be good enough...for him?


this is a BIG misconception about self worth and relationships....we do not have to EARN love, respect, affection by being "good enough" - we each are who we are......

sometimes two people just aren't meant to be together.....not for the long haul....they just don't mesh in a healthy way for either party. if we are looking for someone else to fill our empty spaces...we will stay empty.

many supermodels have stories of not feeling good enough.....gorgeous exquisite women with perfect this that and the other, admired by all, still INSIDE for less than.

or accomplished artists....musicians....moms. NO amount of outside praise adulation or adoration can fill that empty hole in the soul.

WE must do that for ourselves. it IS an inside job. self love. to embrace ALL our imperfections, even the ones we avoid in the mirror and say....I may not be perfect, I may not even live up to my own expectations, but now at this moment I AM ENOUGH.

I got a plaque for my daughter years ago, which she still has on her wall - it took me a long time to realize it had meaning to ME too!

I am the only unique me that will ever be. I have the power to make a difference in this world. I look forward to talking on the grand adventure of life, living, and always remembering to be myself.
— Catrinka

CaringScared

THANK YOU Anvilhead. Sorry it took me so long to see this. Such wise words.

I wonder if I was able to take that lesson to heart, if it would mean better decisions.