They aren't offering "help" that I want to accept. They are agreeing with AH.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
PP I completely understand your reasons for not going back to your home-town, and I am furious about your family getting together behind your back to confer with your AH.
Consider writing a letter to your family. Be as clinical as you can, but point out why the choices they have given you, especially the one about returning to your home town, aren't acceptable. You laid out the reasons why you can't leave your daughter at the moment, and they are valid ones. Tell your family about your AH refusing to get the car fixed, his staying out with other women, not supplying food, not participating in your daughter's life. Then just ask for enough money to fix the car, or even for them to arrange to have the car fixed. If they ask why AH won't come up with the money, tell them to ask him.
I hope you can get together the resources you need to get out of this situation. Use any resources you can think of, churches, local political representatives, and the DV hotline.
Consider writing a letter to your family. Be as clinical as you can, but point out why the choices they have given you, especially the one about returning to your home town, aren't acceptable. You laid out the reasons why you can't leave your daughter at the moment, and they are valid ones. Tell your family about your AH refusing to get the car fixed, his staying out with other women, not supplying food, not participating in your daughter's life. Then just ask for enough money to fix the car, or even for them to arrange to have the car fixed. If they ask why AH won't come up with the money, tell them to ask him.
I hope you can get together the resources you need to get out of this situation. Use any resources you can think of, churches, local political representatives, and the DV hotline.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 182
Originally Posted by torquemax777 
I wonder what would happen if you looked in your local classifieds (most have an online version) or Craigslist and found a reasonable rental (may be hard with pets/ that's why we live in a camper :-) then contact the family member that's the nicest and say, "hey, I really do appreciate all of your options, however, ...." Then go on to explain to that family member why those options aren't at all viable but that you found a rental and it's really close to where you can walk to jobs, and that you just need a small loan for a security deposit/1st months rent or whatever, and that you're willing to pay it back with interest and even have the contract notarized to ensure that they WILL FOR SURE get their money back WITH interest.
Another thought, how about looking into a room and board position as a personal nurse/caretaker? You can even post on Craigslist or the local classifieds that you are seeking that arrangement.
Of you had to leave your dogs JUST for AWHILE, but you're in the same town as your AH, you could go visit them daily, spend time with them, take them for walks.... Maybe even have your AH sign a contract that you will get the dogs as soon as you have a place for them. But if they're small, a lot of rental places and maybe even room and board jobs will let you have them.
I even wondered if you guys own a camper? We love living in ours! It's not like "camping" as one would think, and if anything, it almost gets hot in here in the winter as you don't need much to heat 27 feet! AND our rent is $350 a month, AND we can have our two dogs!
Of you're AH is as apathetic about your marriage as it sounds, he might be willing to loan you that much to "get you out of his hair" not that I think that's right of him, but use it to your advantage if you can.
Anyway, my two cents.
Also, call social services, tell them your situation. Maybe there's options you're not even aware of. If your daughter is under 18, that qualifies you for A LOT more services than an adult with no or grown children. Use all this negative stuff to your advantage to obtain assistance.
Another thought, how about looking into a room and board position as a personal nurse/caretaker? You can even post on Craigslist or the local classifieds that you are seeking that arrangement.
Of you had to leave your dogs JUST for AWHILE, but you're in the same town as your AH, you could go visit them daily, spend time with them, take them for walks.... Maybe even have your AH sign a contract that you will get the dogs as soon as you have a place for them. But if they're small, a lot of rental places and maybe even room and board jobs will let you have them.
I even wondered if you guys own a camper? We love living in ours! It's not like "camping" as one would think, and if anything, it almost gets hot in here in the winter as you don't need much to heat 27 feet! AND our rent is $350 a month, AND we can have our two dogs!
Of you're AH is as apathetic about your marriage as it sounds, he might be willing to loan you that much to "get you out of his hair" not that I think that's right of him, but use it to your advantage if you can.
Anyway, my two cents.
Also, call social services, tell them your situation. Maybe there's options you're not even aware of. If your daughter is under 18, that qualifies you for A LOT more services than an adult with no or grown children. Use all this negative stuff to your advantage to obtain assistance.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Pink, you mentioned not wanting to move away from the area your adult daughter's live. Could they possibly help at all? Do they know what's going on or come visit. Could they bring you groceries at least?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 50
I am new here and didn't want to get involved in something so serious about which I knew nothing. But I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I really hope you are okay.
I lost someone to suicide so I sort of understand your pain and how your logic makes sense to you but not people on the outside. I understand that you need help that works for you, and it is terrible you are not getting it. All I can tell you is try to get through a day at a time--or even five minutes at a time. And ask your HP for strength.
I lost someone to suicide so I sort of understand your pain and how your logic makes sense to you but not people on the outside. I understand that you need help that works for you, and it is terrible you are not getting it. All I can tell you is try to get through a day at a time--or even five minutes at a time. And ask your HP for strength.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
Pink, many people are worried about you, myself included. Please come back and post something and let us know how you are. And please, please, call the suicide hotline. Your daughter needs you. You are a valuable, precious woman. Please reach out for help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 213
Pink,
The anger, resentment and depression are so over whelming, they are becoming you. The name you've chosen for yourself, Pink Peony, is just as beautiful as you. Do not tell me that the picture hides your imperfections, just listen to the compliment (which I've seen others write) that you are, indeed, beautiful.
I know that beauty does not change the way you feel or the situation you are in, I'm not taking your hurt lightly. You also are very, very, strong. Look at what you've been living with for so darn long! So now we have that you are beautiful and strong.
One of the problems is that you've bought into the lies that your husband has spewed at you. And, the reason he has done so is because he knows that deep down, you have a strength that will kick his @zz! That is the reason these abusers continually repeat the hateful words that they do, it is because he knows you can do so much better.
There are many people here who have been in your situation and they have come out so much for the stronger, happier and better. I said HAPPIER, as in HAPPY. Something you've not felt for a very, long time. Pink... Please, allow yourself to see the beauty that you are. I understand you have physical "symptoms" that make you not look as you wish. I call it that because I, have a disorder not the same as your, but, I do.
I've been in the depths, like most here.
I'm here to tell you that you can do it. You might hate were you have to be for a few months, but you hate where you are now. Why not change the scenery?
I know you are able to do this. Now, you need to believe.
We care!!
The anger, resentment and depression are so over whelming, they are becoming you. The name you've chosen for yourself, Pink Peony, is just as beautiful as you. Do not tell me that the picture hides your imperfections, just listen to the compliment (which I've seen others write) that you are, indeed, beautiful.
I know that beauty does not change the way you feel or the situation you are in, I'm not taking your hurt lightly. You also are very, very, strong. Look at what you've been living with for so darn long! So now we have that you are beautiful and strong.
One of the problems is that you've bought into the lies that your husband has spewed at you. And, the reason he has done so is because he knows that deep down, you have a strength that will kick his @zz! That is the reason these abusers continually repeat the hateful words that they do, it is because he knows you can do so much better.
There are many people here who have been in your situation and they have come out so much for the stronger, happier and better. I said HAPPIER, as in HAPPY. Something you've not felt for a very, long time. Pink... Please, allow yourself to see the beauty that you are. I understand you have physical "symptoms" that make you not look as you wish. I call it that because I, have a disorder not the same as your, but, I do.
I've been in the depths, like most here.
I'm here to tell you that you can do it. You might hate were you have to be for a few months, but you hate where you are now. Why not change the scenery?
I know you are able to do this. Now, you need to believe.
We care!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
pink....I want to remind you, again, that you are not alone. You have a group of us, across this world that are holding you in our hearts, tonight.
Many of us are working behind the scenes to locate and identify practical sources of help for you....and, will continue to do so.
There is a solution and it is coming to you...we just don't know exactly what it is, yet.
This is where faith comes in.
I can remember my grandmother telling me that it is darkest just before the dawn. I have found out that she wasn't wrong about that.
Pink...there is much love in this world. There are generous and kind people. Just because you are not in physical contact, right this minute...due to your isolation...don't think for a minute that you will not meet them. For, you will.
pink...please stay with us....you are part of our SR family. We will support you and have your back.
Even if you want to post and vent during the night...there is always someone around to listen.
Your friend along the way,
dandylion
Many of us are working behind the scenes to locate and identify practical sources of help for you....and, will continue to do so.
There is a solution and it is coming to you...we just don't know exactly what it is, yet.
This is where faith comes in.
I can remember my grandmother telling me that it is darkest just before the dawn. I have found out that she wasn't wrong about that.
Pink...there is much love in this world. There are generous and kind people. Just because you are not in physical contact, right this minute...due to your isolation...don't think for a minute that you will not meet them. For, you will.
pink...please stay with us....you are part of our SR family. We will support you and have your back.
Even if you want to post and vent during the night...there is always someone around to listen.
Your friend along the way,
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Hi Pink.. just sending a hug. and to say I am so glad you found SR, and believe it, many care much more than you can ever know.
I have to say I agree with your decisions and support you fully.
Please call a counseling hotline, and just talk anonymously if you want to. Its good to hear a voice , you know? I have done it before, when I was under a lot of stress and felt there was no help in sight. But I found that often we feel that way, and in a bit of time, it just happens,, the way is clear, and the bad stuff is behind you.
Hang in there and keep posting, and please call a crisis line.. you are not alone in this world, girl. And it wont be long until your daughter graduates.. you can both begin your new lives together.
big hugs to you, sweet lady!
chicory
I have to say I agree with your decisions and support you fully.
Please call a counseling hotline, and just talk anonymously if you want to. Its good to hear a voice , you know? I have done it before, when I was under a lot of stress and felt there was no help in sight. But I found that often we feel that way, and in a bit of time, it just happens,, the way is clear, and the bad stuff is behind you.
Hang in there and keep posting, and please call a crisis line.. you are not alone in this world, girl. And it wont be long until your daughter graduates.. you can both begin your new lives together.
big hugs to you, sweet lady!
chicory
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