Fearing relapse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Fearing relapse
Trying to deal with fear and abandonment. I've also got a health thing that is driving me crazy. Called sponsor but can't reach. I'm a week away from six months and I honestly want a drink to not feel completely afraid and alone. It's difficult now and I just thought I would post. I really can't concentrate or focus. I feel stuck.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Hi Acheleus, I hate that stuck feeling...force yourself to change your mindset.
I know you are going through a big transition ATM....personal and confronting emotions amplifies our feelings. Use everything you have got, contact other members of AA if you can not get a hold of your sponsor.
HALT. Eat something.
It is important that you address the cravings as your AV and tell the AV that you are running you and not the AV.
For me, I got angry with my AV, telling it to shut up, my AV was trying to run my life into a ditch. I did not want that.
6 months is so fabulous...it is great you posted, we are here.
I know you are going through a big transition ATM....personal and confronting emotions amplifies our feelings. Use everything you have got, contact other members of AA if you can not get a hold of your sponsor.
HALT. Eat something.
It is important that you address the cravings as your AV and tell the AV that you are running you and not the AV.
For me, I got angry with my AV, telling it to shut up, my AV was trying to run my life into a ditch. I did not want that.
6 months is so fabulous...it is great you posted, we are here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Thank you. I don't want to drink but I don't want to feel so terrified. I am angry at myself for getting involved with an alcoholic. Trying not to beat myself up. Maybe I just need to cry and let it all go. The future just looks bleak. Thank you for helping me.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
I think I just wanted to be with this person because when she was sober it was relatively ok. I would still try to leave and get reeled back. She would disappear then call saying she was going crazy. And now I am the bad person who never contacts and I am never there. I feel horrible about myself when I talk to her. She makes me feel like nothing is good inside of me and I can do nothing right. She doesn't even apologize for drinking around me and leaving alcohol in my place. Now I just feel like I will be alone forever. I think I am just exhausted and worn out from all the mixed messages and craziness. I'm worn out. I'm also in the middle of a stressful professional degree program. I just wish I had laid low and gotten a year sober before embarking upon bad decisions. I just want to feel better. And sobriety makes me feel better
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
You'd feel a million times more afraid and alone after that drink Ach.
You had one relationship that went bad. You're young - you'll have many many more relationships, man - successful ones too.
Hope you're feeling a little better now.
D
You had one relationship that went bad. You're young - you'll have many many more relationships, man - successful ones too.
Hope you're feeling a little better now.
D
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Keep on playing the tape though and hang in there Acheleus. While alcohol might provide the illusion of not being lonely temporarily, how would you feel about losing all the work you've put in for almost 6 months after drinking? It's not worth it and it's just going to reawaken all those cravings even more.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
You know I want to see how strong I can become in sobriety. Every mistake and bad decision is an opportunity to learn. I'm not going back to negative territory. Every day I learn more about living. Getting into a relationship was a bad idea. I accept responsibility for my selfish actions. Now I am going to be with myself and not look to external things to bring me comfort and ease. I will develop my own inner strength and gosh it feels good to push through fear and loneliness. This person is not going to manipulate me any more. I deserve the right to respect myself. I'm learning to accept myself day by day. Thank you for the support. Thank you so much.
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Originally Posted by Acheleus 
You know I want to see how strong I can become in sobriety. Every mistake and bad decision is an opportunity to learn. I'm not going back to negative territory. Every day I learn more about living. Getting into a relationship was a bad idea. I accept responsibility for my selfish actions. Now I am going to be with myself and not look to external things to bring me comfort and ease. I will develop my own inner strength and gosh it feels good to push through fear and loneliness. This person is not going to manipulate me any more. I deserve the right to respect myself. I'm learning to accept myself day by day. Thank you for the support. Thank you so much.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Originally Posted by Acheleus
You know I want to see how strong I can become in sobriety. Every mistake and bad decision is an opportunity to learn. I'm not going back to negative territory. Every day I learn more about living. Getting into a relationship was a bad idea. I accept responsibility for my selfish actions. Now I am going to be with myself and not look to external things to bring me comfort and ease. I will develop my own inner strength and gosh it feels good to push through fear and loneliness. This person is not going to manipulate me any more. I deserve the right to respect myself. I'm learning to accept myself day by day. Thank you for the support. Thank you so much.
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