nymets86

Well, I had a nice sober Sunday afternoon watching the games with my friends. A few of them had a beer or two and I really wasn't temped. Didn't make any headway toward telling anyone I'm trying to quit, but was also a complete non-issue that I wasn't drinking. The only thing that was slightly awkward is my friend did text everyone saying it was BYOB and I just showed up with nothing, whereas everyone else either brought a six pack or some food. Next time I'll remember to bring hummus and chips!

Saskia

Sounds good, Mets!

SoberLeigh

Congratulations, GroundHogDay - 90 days!!!!!

Dee74

way to go GHS - a great achievement

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BoozeFree

NYM glad you had a nice afternoon!

GHD congrats on 90 days!

I had a nice mellow weekend with friends. It's nice to be home relaxing now. Not planning on doing much tomorrow other than get a few things done around the house and watch some tv. I enjoy lazy days.

tootsl1

GHG congratulations on 90 days don't go looking for PAWs, just be glad if it doesn't affect you! It was funny how a few of us in my March 13 class all began getting different negative feelings at around the 4 month mark, we had all heard of PAWS of course but had all forgotten by then, then someone mentioned the possibility it could be, we all checked and everything fell into place. It was actually a relief to know why I felt so unusually cranky and I was also able to explain to my husband why his usually cheerful wife had taken to chasing him around with an axe! ( it didn't stop me, but at least it kept him on his toes!)

NYMet, you are young, and it is so tough for someone your age to conceive of a life without alcohol in a world where it plays such a part in life. But the flip side of that is by quitting young you have so much more of life to get out and enjoy. It takes a good while of sobriety to realise that you can indeed live a sober life and enjoy being sober. It is second nature to me now to say 'I dont drink' in a situation where I am offered.
Like you though, I went through decades -decades- of the cycle of quitting for a while, moderating for a while, getting off my face for a longer while then back to quitting for a while. I tried to keep my secret, but the thing with a secret is, it wants to be told. Also, once you have admitted your alcoholism to yourself, the drinking sessions are so guilt fuelled as to remove all but the smallest pleasure from them. In your shoes I would chose one person to trust with the truth, someone you can rely on to support you through the early days. Or even be open about your sobriety but lie about the reason you quit. Health problems or that you want to get fit - anything really just get it out there.
The reason alcohol has such a hold on so many people is that we are happy to keep its secret. Do you truly believe that none of your friends have a similar struggle going on? Would they not love someone to talk to about it, someone to perhaps help them see a new way of life? You can be a trailblazer if you are brave enough. What you are doing is undoubtably tough, but I so wish I had had the strength ( and somewhere like SR to help me) to quit back then, when a change in my life could have made a real difference to how I led it.

Have a good and sober week undies and remember, you matter.

Soberwolf

Morning Unders

nymets86

toots, I do suspect one or two of my close friends has an issue since I observe them banging foolishly from time to time. One of my friends used to behave poorly in college, but since graduation, I've never once seen him drunk and I know he had a huge wake up call that nearly got him kicked out of school junior year, so maybe that changed him.

Yeah, I realize that at 29, there's a slightly different set of circumstances for me in that getting drunk is still culturally acceptable. Living in NYC is also a problem there since nobody is ever driving. The thing for me abkut telling someone (other than myself, here, and my doctor), is that my AV is saying "maybe in a few months you'll go on a date and want to drink a little since 'meeting up for drinks' is the most common first Match.com date." Similarly, I i fail, I feel like it'll get blown out of proportion.

I don't know, it's tough. I know that by telling people, I'd be making myself more accountable and possibly make it easier on myself, but I just can't bring myself to open up like that.

For now, I'm at Day 40 and have sober plans the next two weekends, so feeling good that I won't be in any tough situations for awhile. One thing I am learning, however, is that alcohol is just so extremely prevalent, so I need to leave my apartment everytime knowing I may wind up around alcohol. My excuse had been that I had a cold, but that's gone now, so for the short-term, I'm going to go with the weight loss (which is something I am trying to do). Maybe once I have more sober time, I'll feel comfortable telling a few friends that I'm quit for good because I'm tired of the hangovers.

Thanks again for the advise toots

Happy Monday to all the undies!

Saskia

Mets, I do agree with Toots; however, i don't think I told anyone outside of SR, AA and IOP until I got to around 3 months. Prior to that i didn't feel solid enough to do so and was afraid to embarrass myself. So I wouldn't stress about it overly much. You might want to consider making it a goal to tell one person (f2f) you trust very much in the next few months.

Gilmer

Mets, you'll find that you grow a lot emotionally and become a lot more self-possessed as you grow in sobriety. Concentrate on staying sober, and you'll find that you'll know exactly the right times and situations to open up.

nymets86

Thanks Gilmer and Saskia. Since I'm still in the one-day-at-a-time phase, I'm not going to go too crazy and add more stress where it's not needed.

I know part of my brain is telling me that I'm not doing it cuz I want to give myself the option to drink, which scares me, but at the same time, I don't think I gain a lot by opening up to a lot more people at this phase.

Babs1234

Good morning Undies--
Had a ok week-end. Nothing special---I'm at the point where I have to keep myself kind of busy or else my mind wants me to drink. I did think about it several times again this week-end. I think it starts up when my husband and I disagree on things. it is those times when this house just isn't big enough.
I had a good talk with my girlfriend who has the same complaint.
it just takes time ---but, he's the first one I pick on when I want a drink.
anyway----I'm going for a walk and getting some fresh air. that always helps.
take care everyone and have a great week
Babs

Saskia

Mets, during those first months I wasn't sure if I could manage to stay sober and thus took it one day and sometimes one minute at a time. I especially like Gilmer's advice to focus on staying sober and the rest will come naturally when you are ready.

Gilmer

I tried to quit probably ten times before I joined SR (and it was different--I knew I was serious). I announced to my friends (normies and teetotalers) that I was quitting. Then a month later I would relapse, and a cacophony of nagging and "tsk-tsk" would ensue!

I told the ladies in my church community group that I needed prayer because I had an alcohol problem and was trying to give up alcohol. They were weirded out and looked at me as if I'd had two heads! One lady patted my shoulder afterwards and recommended a local women's only AA meeting (which I did attend once),

Since then, at the times she sees fit to say hi to me, she gives me an exaggeratedly sympathetic look and asks, "How are you doing?" This almost two years out!

I confided to her that I had a problem, and now "SECRET DRUNK" in flashing lights is all she sees when she looks at me.

The others aren't so bad--they're back to normal because I'm normal.

But maybe it's better to wait to tell until you're "past the first trimester," so to speak. That way if you slip you won't have to suffer from finger pointing and "tsk-tsk!"

Dee74

Join us for part 45 here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-45-a.html

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