marie1960

(8)My AH cannot take care of himself due to his history of drug abuse, and we have both agreed to this parent-child arrangement. That is our choice.


Really?

So exactly what are you getting out of this situation? I cannot even call it a relationship, truly this is not a healthy situation for either of you . sounds more like adult daycare...........




?

FeelingGreat

Goodnight JB, enjoy your movie.

amy55

I don't know if it is just me, but I really was under the impression that you cannot control another person. Must admit, I did try that for awhile, but it never worked. I tried to control my ex so that he would not abuse me. I wasn't good with boundaries, just ultimatums. They didn't work.

So now, I am reading this thread, and thinking maybe I could control another person and if I could that would stop the abuse. Is that kind of like being more controlling then the abuser?

Confused here !!!!!!!!!!!

So was it perhaps my fault that I did not control my ex enough???

I also have to say good bye here.

amy

PS --- my mind is really getting f..... up here right now. Perhaps I wasn't controlling enough? or submissive enough, or whatever enough.

Toodles !!!!

totallytrying

Some people love the drama....some of us fight forever to get away from it.

Mango blast

The more I learn of my own illness and my husband's, the more I see how very similar we are to jarp's daughter. Some things are purely human nature.

The more we are forced to step up and take care of ourselves, the less the focus and burden is on each other -- and the more we are able to heal.

Sorry for bumping this, but felt the need to testify to this.

Jarp, thank you for that. I appreciate it.

Jupiters

I need a coffee. I'm so confused.
JB - I really hope this continues to work for you. It is a very strange dynamic.

yup - coffee.

redatlanta

I appreciate that you respond to most all posts and questions very rationally and without getting upset.

I have had to twirl this around for awhile. I'm certain there are many people who wouldn't want my situation, and many who it would be a good fit for. I agree with the other poster that the dynamics within a marriage are unique - both tolerable and intolerable to others.

I think without being in recovery long term there is little possibility that your AH will adhere to the 2 beer non belligerent limit. History of millions before him would prove that to be a fact.

I can believe that he is a teenager in a 38 years old body. Would he be willing to get some help and or work on becoming more responsible?

As I read what you have described were it not for you he would be back on the streets. What if something happened to you? Perhaps a healthy goal within this relationship would be to work on his responsibility and try and undo some of the past behaviors (in whatever capacity that may so that the responsibilities of your relationship don't fall squarely on one person's shoulders.

Seren

Once again, I believe we have canvassed the pros and cons several times over now, everyone. This thread is closed, some posts may be removed under SR Rule 4.