Wastinglife

I think I may be almost a year sober. I can't quite remember an exact date I stopped cuz it's a blur. Just that it was last winter around this time. I was hitting up local bars where I live and stopped it because I was spending all my money and had a few nights where I pissed-off some people who I later found out were not the type to mess with.

I still have to walk past these places and sometimes I get stares and I was even approached by a couple guys who were dropping hints. They knew my name. I garnered a reputation as a binge drinker who caused trouble and I think I got into a physical confrontation once with one of them.

These things happened in a blackout so I have very vague memories. It's been a year and half since the last confrontation but have been approached very recently. Took me a while to figure out what it was related to.

I guess that I am scared and paranoid because these memories are just starting to come back. I also tend to lie about things when drunk to cover for my alcoholism and the damage done to my life. I don't remember what I say so I am sure I have changed my story a lot making people suspicious. I was asked if was a cop a few times.

I was wondering if anyone else has felt paranoid about their drinking exploits and worry about stuff like this

Dee74

I can't say I did - not at a year on wastinglife.
I was pretty much focused on the now rather than the then.

I really encourage you to try and do the same - you can't change whatever happened yesterday but todays a blank page. Make the most of it.

and...anyway you can avoid these old hang-outs? even if it's the long way home?

I don't think I've been near any bars I used to frequent. Just no need for me to do so.

D

Wastinglife

The bar is right next to my apartment building. I try to avoid it but I can't help but run into these people cuz they all live in the neighbourhood. I never worried about it until recently because these strangers knew who I was and what I did.

I think I need to move to a different area altogether to put the past behind me for good.

PurpleKnight

I had to draw a line in the sand inside my mind, between the old me and that life and the new Sober me!!

We can't change anything in the past, but we can be proud about how far we have come and to those that do know us, they are bound to be able to see some of the longer term changes we've made for the better.

Time is a great healer, but looking at the here and now and continuing to move forward is all we can do!!

Soberwolf

Well done on a year sober WastingLife

MaxxPower

Wastinglife,

I can relate. Many times over the years(especially in my 20's) I've woken up paranoid about the things I've said or done to people that don't play around.
Whether it be talking ''business''( never would/have get into that kinda life), or just generally showing complete disrespect. These were the things I'd enjoy doing while drinking because it was entertaining to me in those times. so yeah, know the feeling.

Maybe moving sounds like something you should start planning. It really depends on the people you pissed off.

Follow your gut feeling..

Take care

cesmap

Wastinglife,

I joined this forum(today) exactly because of those feelings you mention. I feel miserable, scared, depressed and worst of all paranoid. I think about the times that I've gotten black out drunk and the things I might have said or done. The exaggerated lies to compensate for my drunk cocky attitude then I think of the people that I might have antagonized. The last time I blacked out in public was a bit over a year ago. Then earlier this year someone tried breaking into my house and that set off my paranoia completely. The various "what ifs" scenarios pop into my head. So that is why I am here, I just wanna be sober and face life straight.

Wastinglife

Cesmap, I feel the same. I am not an agressive or tough guy but too much alcohol makes me obnoxious and a loud-mouth. I am the complete opposite sober. I was only in these bars because they are a short walk. Each time I had been drinking alone at home but if I run out of booze I go to bars already drunk and that's how get into trouble. These guys are blue-collar types that know everyone in the area. I would never go to a bar like this sober. Not my crowd. But they only see the drunk obnoxious version of me and if I drink to black out I will do stupid **** like challenge people to fight or pass out at the bar.

I'm just scared for my safety cuz I don't really know them or who they all are but they all know me and I often get stared at as I walk around the area. I've really been pushing my luck.

Sasha4

Is this a recent feeling or have you felt like it in the year you have been stopped?

What sort of things do these people do or say to you that makes you feel bad?

I still struggle with stuff like this now.
Like you memories have been coming back and it makes me feel awful.
I have no magic words to solve it for you.
I wish I had, and that I could resolve my own anxiety.

I do agree that time helps the memories to fade.

I often coming into contact with people who witnessed my antics.
Some of them love to wind me up and remind me of them. I hate it. I can't deal with it. I can't laugh it off.
It makes me feel that everyone thinks I am a laughing stock.
That they snigger at me behind my back.
They are work people too. So not friends who would look out for you. I feel like I am the subject of gossip.
I am paranoid to the point that if someone makes a joke about anything or says certain words and comments in a conversation to many I am part of, I think automatically it is to do with me and what I did when I was drunk.

I don't exactly know what I did when I was drunk.
I could be over reacting. However there is a friend I could confide in at work, but I sort of don't want to in case I did do something really bad.
Or that my behaviour was worse than I though it was.
Or she tells me something I didn't know I did and its horrid and I have to live with that in my head for years to come.

One thing tha does make me happy though, is knowing that just as long as I don't drink, there will be no more paranoid memories to add to my collection.

I hope I have not made you feel worse.
Sorry if I have.

If you can move your life away from this though, then I would do that.

I wish you the best xx

Dee74

Welcome to SR cesmap

D

Niamh

I would probably think about moving too, not just because of the ominous people, but because of the negative reminders. A fresh start somewhere else. I don't see a lot of the people I did incredibly stupid and dangerous stuff in front of and I'm deeply glad for that.

azza88

Yep im still paranoid about an issue that happened new years eve 2012,

I lived with a guy who was associated with an outlaw bikie gang here in Australia,

He told me alot about these guys as his friend was one of them,

One night i was invited to a friends house who was also friends with outlaws and his outlaw friends turned up...

They doped us up on coke, we spoke a bit too much... I was told next day every thing i said was recorded on a phone..


I ended up moving far away, but i know i could be dead or bashed up badly if i hung around still, my image looks alot different now though. But still creeps me out.

Speak no hear no....

Wastinglife

I thought it had all blown over long ago. I sat down to lunch at a local restaurant last week and two guys sat down next to me and started talking to me. They made several references about things I have done and said while drunk. I have never seen these guys in my life but they mentioned a lot of things while trying to make it seem they were just making casual conversation. They kept asking me questions and then answering themselves with true facts about me or what I have told people at these bars in the past.

It means these guys have talked about me amongst themselves and shared info about me. Yet they never directly challenge me. It's vague statements, body language that is menacing, like standing in my personal space or sitting too close. I am not by nature a paranoid person but just recent incidents that have made me aware of that I am not welcome in the neighbourhood. Never had problems like this. I'm 38, not a teenager in high school grudges. This could be a serious threat from some shady guys.

I think they are just warning me to stay away from certain places.

Niamh

Hmm. That all seems very intimidating and menacing. It's not something I ever experienced, but I understand your feeling. Do you want to move away, thinking of it anyway? Did the men believe you were drunk and blacked out? I think if you are interesting in moving and putting it all behind you, this is as good a motivation as any.

DontRemember

I had this happen to me today... I got into a bar fight on NYE..I'm not proud and really don't remember it(so it didn't happen,right?).. I just told the girl that....that's not who I am. She said she was "looking out for me,the entire night after the altercation"...I apologized for my VERY bad antics and bought her and her dates dinner/drinks(I had soda/cran)..As I was leaving I thanked her for "looking after me" :puke:.. Felt like a jackass,but I owned up to it.. It was technically me after all.. I have a lot of apologizing to do for my past behavior!