charis78

The simple answer is he is an asshat. I'm sorry but its just not normal to say that to you one day and the next day break up and be with someone else. People might disagree with me but it is also not normal to get over a person you have been with for five years so quickly. The very fact he can do this should make you want him even less. He has no bloody character.

dandylion

charis....I absolutely could not agree with you more. It is normal to go through a longer period of grieving! It is normal to WANT immediate relief....but, it just doesn't work that way. It just doesn't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dandylion

Jodie77

Thank you. That's exactly what I'm saying...I am grieving hard and also scratching my head about his lack of impulse control and so easily as to disregard a serious 5 year union.

Fandy

He is a flipping sociopath....
He showed you who he really is.
He is a very self-absorbed sick person.
It is ALL about him, he probably has a pattern in his behavior for all the relationships he ever had...

Really, he is not a normal man that you want to be tied to....Thank GOD you were not married and this happened. It would have made your life a living hell trying to get divorced and untangled.

charis78

Its far easier to move on to someone that doesn't yet know his issues. That way he doesnt have to face himself or do the work.Give it three months for them to show and they will have problems too.

Bitter ex

charis78

I'm not sure this is helpful but thought I share just in case. To stop ruminating I : 1) joined weight watchers, 2) adopted a puppy, 3) watched entire TV seasons courtesy of ex's Netflix account (charmed is a good one to mess with his Netflix selections if you share Netflix), 4) started walking, 5) took a photography course. I'm not fully recovered so I'm limited. I think traveling to NYC is perfect for you

Hawks

Don't forget that he has a fantastic solution to all the crappy feelings..... Booze.

All our problems and emotions are soluble in alcohol.

"heres to you Jodie, (drink drink)..... Ahhhhhh, that got rid of those feelings "

That is what has enabled him to sail off into the sunset with little or no apparent remorse.

Sober, he'll be going through the same stuff you are.

Alcoholic folk have pretty intense emotions, we just have a solution for the pain.

So I reckon his drinking is going to escalate from here on in........ I've Heard it 100 times in AA meetings.

Had a breakup, drinking went through the roof.

It masks the pain.

So Jodie, please understand that it is not that you meant nothing to him or you weren't good enough or anything like that.

He just has a solution to this, booze.

But if he ever gets sober long enough, everything is going to crash into him, with interest.

At least that has been my experience.

I hope that helps

RevivingOphelia

Go back and read your old threads and posts. I did. Wow.

I know it hurts but, really, he is someone who was damaging your life--not enriching it.

Your life will only become better without him.

I feel sorry for his new partner and, although you are in pain, I am relieved he is gone from your life.

Grieve, yes. But know that you are on a path to recovery from a very troubled man.

Jodie77

So I tried going out in NYC tonight and had to come back to my hotel room. Ugh. I'm really trying here but my God I'm hurting.

Jodie77

Thanks to all the insightful posts about him being a psycho....it's helping me to cope.

charis78

Important thing is you tried, which is one step more than yesterday. If going out is too hard then try to do things that make you happy at home. Maybe in a couple of weeks you can try going out again when you are in a better space.

Hawkeye13

So eat great food and shop today.
Maybe take in a play if nightlife at clubs is too much now.

FlippedRHalo

I still can't go out either, Jodie. School, work, errands, home...that's my life right now. I still feel like I'm in survival mode most days, just trying to get through. Unfortunately, we can try to push as much as we want, but it takes as much time as it needs for us to heal.

Having a hard day today too. I think it's so hard because there are so many unanswered questions and so much left unsaid. I don't think I've ever had such a painful break-up. My marriage breaking up wasn't this hard.

Hang in there. You're so not alone. I wish none of us had to feel this way, but we're in it together.

Santa

Once the new GF figures out your ex is an @sshole, unless she's a codependent, she'll probably kick him to the curb. It's not so easy to get rid of a psychotic alcoholic after a long-term relationship. After you get done grieving the way he abused you and then threw you aside Jodie, are you prepared for what you'll do down the road, if he comes crawling back?

Hawkeye13

Yes--I see this scenario as very possible as well.

Jodie77

I have vowed to God to never take him back again. Besides he's not coming back. The Greek community ADORES him in this town and they are all big proponents of him being with this new girl. Plus he's so incredibly charming and attractive and charismatic and comes across as very well put together running his own company, this girl won't see through any of the BS. She is good friends with his sister and that's how they got hooked up. The family loves her and never liked me anyway.

Flipped, God I am so sorry you are going through this too. My divorce wasn't this painful either. I'm thinking of you...

tomsteve

__________________
"When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say."

Santa

You actually think he's going to undergo a personality change with another woman? His history strongly suggests otherwise.

honeybadger

Jodie, appearances can be so deceiving. Your ex has the appearance of being in control, but he is not--not by a long shot. His life is out of control and if he does not get help, he will crash very very hard. Even if he gets help, there are no guarantees. The Greek community appears to adore him, but is that really the case? Do they really know him or do they just *think* they know him? They may have an idea of what he represents, but they have no idea who he really is. They love the idea, but they won't love the truth if and when it comes out. And what about this girl that he is with? Sooner or later, she WILL discover the truth about who she is with. Think about that for a second. How do you think she will feel when that happens? She will likely think that she was a fool, that she was blind, that she should have seen it all along, but for some reason, she did not. She will probably be remorseful, embarrassed, and depressed. Who wants to feel that way? Nobody. So don't think she loves him or he loves her. Their relationship was built from a lie, and the relationship continues to exist only because the lie exists. That's it. When that lie is discovered (or even considered a possibility), they will be left with nothing to support their relationship.

There is a bomb here and it will go off. Please don't be anywhere near it when it does. You deserve much MUCH better.

Jodie77

Honeybadger, said articulately illustrated. Thank you for that response. Absolutely dead on!