Diary of a Mad Cow, Part X: "The Adventures of Sober Cow"
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by Cow 
Yes well, I has "start again" many time, SR.
Mmm, let see: 40 year x various addictions ± many years willingly in Matrix - meth OD < PTSD + anhedonia + depression ÷ rock bottoms x √WTF = Oh, for fcks sake, Cow, pull out that thorn and walk, or, STFU and die.
I know it gonna start with stark Borg existence and unrewarding slog of commitment to sober re-programming. But like Robot and Bunny and you and many other here help me to see, maybe, just maybe, at some point, I become more than sum of my "sober" parts/programming.
Mmm, let see: 40 year x various addictions ± many years willingly in Matrix - meth OD < PTSD + anhedonia + depression ÷ rock bottoms x √WTF = Oh, for fcks sake, Cow, pull out that thorn and walk, or, STFU and die.
I know it gonna start with stark Borg existence and unrewarding slog of commitment to sober re-programming. But like Robot and Bunny and you and many other here help me to see, maybe, just maybe, at some point, I become more than sum of my "sober" parts/programming.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Cow? Remember me? I am better. The depression has lifted. There is life after giving up. I haven't had a chance to read through your thread but it's good to see that you're back on here and working through things. Myself? I had one of the worst years of my life but as I said I am better. And I am so glad to be able to say that. My very best to you.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Wow, I think is first time ever I actual post 500th post! Which mean, we yet come to end of other Cow thread. Is bittersweet, cuz I really expect and want to do better for self in this thread. I did no achieve goals I had want. But I make some better "actions." (Return to AA, get sponsor, get therapist, get case manager, go to doctors, open up discussion for inpatient, go many weeks here and there sober.) Of course, at end of day, sadly, was no real fruition. I still struggle and falter.
But this thread really help me I think. Help me to understand how to better work with my anhedonia. In that I has to let go of thoughts of good feelings or any feelings and that I NOT GONNA GET FRUITION I want. I just has to take hold and command my power, and I does has power, just by proof that I still alive through it all. But I have to assert and command that power down path of sobriety no matter what pain or futility or numbness I experiencing. I has to commit with hope that sober path eventual will take on life of it own and eclipse that which I can not feel or understand now.
I thank you all very much, even those who get tough with me. And I see you on other side. Which will no be long, cuz I really think tomorrow is new day, and if it is, I sharing it with you, you sweet, sweet peaches and okra-loving chuckleheads.
Moo Mwah
...elsewares, of course, I miss you, want to hear all about you on my next thread, okay? Promise!
D, shut her down. And look to my coming in the east, in the light of brand new morn.*
*In all US time zone "morn" no earlier than 2PM for Cow.
But this thread really help me I think. Help me to understand how to better work with my anhedonia. In that I has to let go of thoughts of good feelings or any feelings and that I NOT GONNA GET FRUITION I want. I just has to take hold and command my power, and I does has power, just by proof that I still alive through it all. But I have to assert and command that power down path of sobriety no matter what pain or futility or numbness I experiencing. I has to commit with hope that sober path eventual will take on life of it own and eclipse that which I can not feel or understand now.
I thank you all very much, even those who get tough with me. And I see you on other side. Which will no be long, cuz I really think tomorrow is new day, and if it is, I sharing it with you, you sweet, sweet peaches and okra-loving chuckleheads.
Moo Mwah
...elsewares, of course, I miss you, want to hear all about you on my next thread, okay? Promise!
D, shut her down. And look to my coming in the east, in the light of brand new morn.*
*In all US time zone "morn" no earlier than 2PM for Cow.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
