I give up
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by Jeni26 
I don't belong on any of the threads that I used to now. Ugh. I don't know what to do.
More sleep. Perhaps it will become clear to me.
More sleep. Perhaps it will become clear to me.
It is a great supportive thread for everybody. Why don't you join us and commit to a sober 24 hours?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-30-a-15.html
Then make sure you drink some water to minimize the hangover and try to get some more rest.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Originally Posted by Jeni26
I don't know if I've got the strength to start again. 2 years 6 months lost. I had done so well. But I hate this hungover feeling...
Here's how I think this story is going to play out:
"Jeni stands back up.
She looks the demon in the eye.
She lets it know its victory was shallow and fleeting.
She dons her sober armor and heads back into battle - wiser, stronger and with renewed courage, commitment and resolve.
Her sober days, weeks, months and years build and build.
She stops for a moment, plays the tape of her past - sees behind her twenty years of sobriety with only one blip on the screen - and marches onward."
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
Holy ****! Jeni, look at all this love and support! Clearly these good people don't shoot their wounded 
Hopefully you're getting some rest and I also hope you're back with us soon.
It's not too late to start over, but it can be if you continue drinking. Please don't.
Hopefully you're getting some rest and I also hope you're back with us soon.
It's not too late to start over, but it can be if you continue drinking. Please don't.
Last edited by Astro; 12-24-2014 at 08:16 AM.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Good morning JENI!!!!! It is a new day!!!!
And Pete thedog( as stated that's not me in my avatar...dats Pete!"" and yes, his middle name is " the dog" !!!) says," it's a new day and yew iz awesome and I gots prayerz out fer yew and yews can have won uv mie scoobysnackz after yew gits up and git reddy to start again(yew iznt startin ovur cuz yew gotz knowledge gaineded over dat time!!) and I give yewz kissuz on da screen so. I iz hopin yewz feel dem!!!"
Ok, had to push Pete away there now.
Sooo, you said something to the effect that depression has. Put a huge barrier between you and your spiritual side? I think I can relate to that on more than one level.
I think you may recall last winter- after my mom died not only was I grieving but I also got into a pretty deep depression. Even with the antidepressant I've been on for a lookin time, I felt I was in a hole I just couldn't get out of and the huge thing- not at all feeling God was there. Not feeling He was listening or helping.
Boy, my memory machine ain't the greatest( but my forgetter is in fine tune!!!), but some words YOU said STILL are remembered:
" you may not feel him, but He's there and using people to help you. Listen and let them be there."
" read footprints. Don't let that set of footprints be yours."
"be kind to yourself."
Something you said earlier really has me thinking-" I can't beat mymental health issue."
No, it's impossible to beat em. Some of us suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders.In the BB After that is says many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Welp, I believe there is more to it and more to it than just working the steps- help outside of AA. I think ya should get back into that outside help big time. I'm not sure how it all is over on that side of the pond, but ya may want to look into f2f grief support and counseling ANDmfor the mental problems.
Also look online. Just as with alcoholism and addiction, it is much better to talk with people who have gone through it or are going through it. When I was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma, not too many people in AA understood what was going on in my melon. Although trying to be helpful, it wasn't helping. So doin a lil surfing I found an awesome support forum and they even had a sub forum for melanoma! Amazing how much that helped me and hopefully I've been able to help others. Closest f2f for me was only a once a month meeting 90 mile round trip. Tat wasn't gonna work.
When mom died i had a couple things help me-
A great forum online.
before mom died and we had hospice care, I had a volunteer comin in once a week and sit with mom for about 4 hours so I could get out.wouldn't ya know it, the volunteer was in recovery. Wouldn't ya know it, she had been her moms caregiver for a long time. Wouldn't ya know it, her mom had dementia,too?
Amazing when I was going through the grieving and havin a bit of a rough time how just talking to her on the phone helped. Ya know, when I'd call, I don't even think we talked about what was goin on in my melon. For some reason, just listening to her talk about her experiences, hearing so many similarities( mainly in the thinkin thing) helped me. And so did you and others on here!!!
Jenni, you can get sober again and it can start today. And you deserve to be sober, happy ad free!!!
But YOU have to get into action and here's where I suggest ya start( I've noticed people who say theyve done this say it helped them big time)
Get yer arse in the shower, then in front of the mirror. Look RIGHT INTO YOUR OWN EYES and say something to the effect," yup, made a mistake but I'm throwing the ass kickin machine out right now. I love myself and am going to show that by getting into action. I love myself and deserve to be sober, happy, serene, peaceful, and free. I love myself so I am going to get into action and not let anxiety, fear or alcohol control me. I love me."
Or something to that effect.
Prayers out for you and you can PM me Any time.
And Pete thedog( as stated that's not me in my avatar...dats Pete!"" and yes, his middle name is " the dog" !!!) says," it's a new day and yew iz awesome and I gots prayerz out fer yew and yews can have won uv mie scoobysnackz after yew gits up and git reddy to start again(yew iznt startin ovur cuz yew gotz knowledge gaineded over dat time!!) and I give yewz kissuz on da screen so. I iz hopin yewz feel dem!!!"
Ok, had to push Pete away there now.
Sooo, you said something to the effect that depression has. Put a huge barrier between you and your spiritual side? I think I can relate to that on more than one level.
I think you may recall last winter- after my mom died not only was I grieving but I also got into a pretty deep depression. Even with the antidepressant I've been on for a lookin time, I felt I was in a hole I just couldn't get out of and the huge thing- not at all feeling God was there. Not feeling He was listening or helping.
Boy, my memory machine ain't the greatest( but my forgetter is in fine tune!!!), but some words YOU said STILL are remembered:
" you may not feel him, but He's there and using people to help you. Listen and let them be there."
" read footprints. Don't let that set of footprints be yours."
"be kind to yourself."
Something you said earlier really has me thinking-" I can't beat mymental health issue."
No, it's impossible to beat em. Some of us suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders.In the BB After that is says many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Welp, I believe there is more to it and more to it than just working the steps- help outside of AA. I think ya should get back into that outside help big time. I'm not sure how it all is over on that side of the pond, but ya may want to look into f2f grief support and counseling ANDmfor the mental problems.
Also look online. Just as with alcoholism and addiction, it is much better to talk with people who have gone through it or are going through it. When I was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma, not too many people in AA understood what was going on in my melon. Although trying to be helpful, it wasn't helping. So doin a lil surfing I found an awesome support forum and they even had a sub forum for melanoma! Amazing how much that helped me and hopefully I've been able to help others. Closest f2f for me was only a once a month meeting 90 mile round trip. Tat wasn't gonna work.
When mom died i had a couple things help me-
A great forum online.
before mom died and we had hospice care, I had a volunteer comin in once a week and sit with mom for about 4 hours so I could get out.wouldn't ya know it, the volunteer was in recovery. Wouldn't ya know it, she had been her moms caregiver for a long time. Wouldn't ya know it, her mom had dementia,too?
Amazing when I was going through the grieving and havin a bit of a rough time how just talking to her on the phone helped. Ya know, when I'd call, I don't even think we talked about what was goin on in my melon. For some reason, just listening to her talk about her experiences, hearing so many similarities( mainly in the thinkin thing) helped me. And so did you and others on here!!!
Jenni, you can get sober again and it can start today. And you deserve to be sober, happy ad free!!!
But YOU have to get into action and here's where I suggest ya start( I've noticed people who say theyve done this say it helped them big time)
Get yer arse in the shower, then in front of the mirror. Look RIGHT INTO YOUR OWN EYES and say something to the effect," yup, made a mistake but I'm throwing the ass kickin machine out right now. I love myself and am going to show that by getting into action. I love myself and deserve to be sober, happy, serene, peaceful, and free. I love myself so I am going to get into action and not let anxiety, fear or alcohol control me. I love me."
Or something to that effect.
Prayers out for you and you can PM me Any time.
Everything will work out.
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Hope you got more rest, Jeni. You can get back on track. No need to let one night take over and put you back in a some hellish pattern. You gained a lot in your sober time and can use that strength and those tools to help make this a one night terrible mistake.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
When my daughter died I went into a deep dark depression. I had a hard time thinking moving or even living. to a large degree I'm still in a very dark place. even the birth of my first grandson could not shake me loose from the depression. I have come to learn that things are never going to be ok. I just have to learn how to live with the situation I find myself in.
how did I stay sober? I stayed sober by doing all of the little things that have kept me sober this far. I get down on my knees every morning and pray to God that he will remove the pain and guide me in his path. I go to AA meetings on a regular basis. I talk to my sponsor and help others. I read and post on SR.
Do I want to do any of this stuff hell no! I want to curl up with a cheap bottle of vodka in bed and drink myself to death but I know that is not the solution and never was.
I am so sorry for you because I know where you are and with the exception of drinking I'm right there with you.
Recommit to sobriety and just start putting one foot in front of the other. You are so much more than a hopeless alcoholic
how did I stay sober? I stayed sober by doing all of the little things that have kept me sober this far. I get down on my knees every morning and pray to God that he will remove the pain and guide me in his path. I go to AA meetings on a regular basis. I talk to my sponsor and help others. I read and post on SR.
Do I want to do any of this stuff hell no! I want to curl up with a cheap bottle of vodka in bed and drink myself to death but I know that is not the solution and never was.
I am so sorry for you because I know where you are and with the exception of drinking I'm right there with you.
Recommit to sobriety and just start putting one foot in front of the other. You are so much more than a hopeless alcoholic
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
When my daughter died I went into a deep dark depression. I had a hard time thinking moving or even living. to a large degree I'm still in a very dark place. even the birth of my first grandson could not shake me loose from the depression. I have come to learn that things are never going to be ok. I just have to learn how to live with the situation I find myself in.
how did I stay sober? he stayed sober by doing all of the little things that have kept me sober this far. I get down on my knees every morning and pray to God that he will remove the pain and guide me in his path. I go to AA meetings on a regular basis. I talk to my sponsor and help others. I read post on SR.
do I want to do any of this stuff hell no! I want to curl up with a cheap bottle of vodka in bed and drink myself to death but I know that is not the solution and never was.
I am so sorry for you because I know where you areand with the exception of drinking I'm right there with you.
Recommit to sobriety and just start putting one foot in front of the other. You are so much more than a hopeless alcoholic
how did I stay sober? he stayed sober by doing all of the little things that have kept me sober this far. I get down on my knees every morning and pray to God that he will remove the pain and guide me in his path. I go to AA meetings on a regular basis. I talk to my sponsor and help others. I read post on SR.
do I want to do any of this stuff hell no! I want to curl up with a cheap bottle of vodka in bed and drink myself to death but I know that is not the solution and never was.
I am so sorry for you because I know where you areand with the exception of drinking I'm right there with you.
Recommit to sobriety and just start putting one foot in front of the other. You are so much more than a hopeless alcoholic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 590
You have the things going on that I have, or visa versa. At times I seriously don't know who the real me is anymore. It's true that maybe these things will never go away. But we can't give up hope. I know you've had a hard time since you were diagnosed. And it feels like life is determined to knock you flat. But that's not the end. The end is when we choose it to be the end.
I hope you can use this time to get what you need to out of your system. Then climb right back onto the world where you belong. You're not nameless or anonymous to me sweetie. You may use a screen name, as I do as well. But everyone here knows full well that behind every screen name on SR is a different life, an honest to goodness human. Much like you.
I've tried the other side as you have. It didn't work for us then. And it won't work for us now either.
I'd be really sad to lose you from here. You've dragged me out of the mud a couple of times Jeni. The most wonderful thing about quitting the drink. Is that we can do it just as many times as we need to.
I hope you can use this time to get what you need to out of your system. Then climb right back onto the world where you belong. You're not nameless or anonymous to me sweetie. You may use a screen name, as I do as well. But everyone here knows full well that behind every screen name on SR is a different life, an honest to goodness human. Much like you.
I've tried the other side as you have. It didn't work for us then. And it won't work for us now either.
I'd be really sad to lose you from here. You've dragged me out of the mud a couple of times Jeni. The most wonderful thing about quitting the drink. Is that we can do it just as many times as we need to.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,945
I love the times I feel connected to GOD but being schizoaffective schizophrenia bi-polar depression wrapped into one its so hard to feel connected. I'm on disability for it I live with my parents I'm well taking care of but not anuff money to do anything. I get so board but that's me I'm sorry for your loss I couldn't take it if I lost one of my parents there75 so I know they won't be around for ever but I pray they live into there 90s. I'll pray for you for GOD to comfort you threw this tragic time.
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