Soberwolf

Stop beating yourself up if you do hate yourself change what you hate

no need to hate yourself do you think this is healthy

No more self pity you are going to be a great mum to your son from now on because in your heart you want to make your son happy

Make him happy by having a day out somewhere ?

FreeOwl

I agree with the first two.

The rest, in my experience, are the opposite of my experience.

Particularly the communicating and being hard to talk about bits.

I don't think I really communicated at all when I was drinking. Certainly not when drunk.

And when I believed I was having all sorts of great "let's talk about life" experiences - what I see in retrospect was a lot of drunken baloney.

Now when I communicate it is sincere, it is heartfelt, it is from a place of reflection and understanding. Sometimes, it's not - but now I can recognize it and correct it.

Now when I talk about Life, it is from a perspective of clarity, introspection, emotional maturity and openness....

Dee74

I had many many relationships to mend when I got sober - some of them took much longer than I wanted to, but I got there.

The endless beating yourself up only pushes you closer and closer to a drink again hokey.

If you're truly sorry and you want change (and it's clear you do) then you need to work for that, be patient and let others see the change in you.

I'm sorry, but beating yourself up and wallowing in self disgust is not going to change one damn thing.

D

FreeOwl

It is so common that I think it's almost a necessity - that sons rebuke their fathers in their teens and 20's.

Regardless how 'good' or 'bad' you may have been in your life, a part of what is happening is simply the natural Journey of the Son.

Just try to remind yourself that no interaction, no relationship is all about YOU. There are two people. Two journeys. Focus on being the best YOU that you can be. Let your son know you care and you're there, regardless of his reaction - but don't attach to the yearning or any expectation of him. Just let him be him and realize that it is a NORMAL and a NATURAL path for a 20 year old to have strained relations with his father.

I certainly did. And most of the people I know did......

But it doesn't last forever. Down the line these fences become mended and that - it seems - is also part of the Journey of the Son.

NoelleR

This is why it is often suggested that one get/use a sponsor, or a mentor of some kind--someone who has already worked the steps. The point of the steps is NOT to make one feel like a horrible person; they're to bring one to freedom from alcohol, closer to the God of one's understanding, to become happy, joyous, and free.

Soooooo, my suggestion........Find someone to help you, hokey...someone to gently guide you........

(o:
NoelleR

SoberCAH

I am glad that you are sharing your feelings, Hokey, however awful they may feel.

I usually feel good about myself today, after being sober a while, but even now I sometimes let myself down and get mad at myself.

I concur with Noelle that getting someone with some sobriety to help you through these challenging times is a great idea.

Love you, amigo.

Stay with us and don't drink again.