Please talk me off the ledge :(
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
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"I want you to know that I saw my doctor on Friday and I was prescribed an antidepressant to help me get over you and what we had and I'm also going to be going to a therapist and possibly getting medicine to hopefully curb my urges. I'm sorry it didn't happen when we were together but I thank you for the support you once gave me."
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 135
Originally Posted by FlippedRHalo 
Now, I'm beginning to think that aside from the alcohol, he's just not a very decent person. I think the two years we were together was an act. I think he tried to be someone he wasn't and self imploded. He wasn't changing things because he wanted to be a better person, he was changing to fit in with my lifestyle and friends. In the end, he couldn't handle being a good person and within weeks of our breakup, he's fallen back into the same hole that I stupidly dragged him out of.
Wow.. this is also exactly my xabf.. you said if perfectly! After we broke up, he also ended up in the same hole... but he found another enabler soon after to bail him out. It makes me SO MAD that he still has people doing things for him that he should do for himself!!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
It's so hard, I know.
With all of my heart and soul I wanted to believe he was a good person deep down. While we were together, he seemed to change into this almost perfect guy -- except for the drinking and immaturity. I think that maybe I made myself believe that. I also think that maybe, because he was so awful the year before this past year when we did nothing except fight, I saw the changes and made them out to be much more than they actually were. Or maybe he really did try for a while, who knows. It's impossible to figure the insanity out.
Looking back now, after being apart from him for these weeks, I can see the deceit and manipulation pretty clearly. I can see that almost everything he did benefited him in some way. I think he tried so hard to do the right thing because he had it really good here and he knew it. Us living here together made it very easy for him to drink in comfort.
It's like your stuck wondering what was real, what was manipulation, what wasn't real. In my heart I think he loved me as much as he was capable of loving someone in the condition he was in, but who even knows at this point. His actions now are clearly not love. They're the acting out of a mad little boy who didn't get his way and to be completely honest, it's quite sickening.
As much as this relationship hurt me at the end, I'm grateful for the learning experience now that I'm past a good majority of the heartache. I'm grateful that I didn't end up marrying this man because wow, I can only imagine the horror that would have been. I think I came out of it ok -- there are times when it still hurts, don't get me wrong, but I think that hurt is based more on confusion and not knowing what was real and what wasn't. Either way, I know what I'll never tolerate again and that in itself is worth it.
We'll heal and move on. We'll continue to grow, while they sadly stay stuck in their own living hell. Just because your ex is with someone else, don't think that his life is rosy, it's not. I watched the hell that mine had himself locked up in and it's not a pretty or happy life to live.
You deserve more and so do I. Hang in there.... it's a slow process, but just keep trying to move forward. Better will come.
With all of my heart and soul I wanted to believe he was a good person deep down. While we were together, he seemed to change into this almost perfect guy -- except for the drinking and immaturity. I think that maybe I made myself believe that. I also think that maybe, because he was so awful the year before this past year when we did nothing except fight, I saw the changes and made them out to be much more than they actually were. Or maybe he really did try for a while, who knows. It's impossible to figure the insanity out.
Looking back now, after being apart from him for these weeks, I can see the deceit and manipulation pretty clearly. I can see that almost everything he did benefited him in some way. I think he tried so hard to do the right thing because he had it really good here and he knew it. Us living here together made it very easy for him to drink in comfort.
It's like your stuck wondering what was real, what was manipulation, what wasn't real. In my heart I think he loved me as much as he was capable of loving someone in the condition he was in, but who even knows at this point. His actions now are clearly not love. They're the acting out of a mad little boy who didn't get his way and to be completely honest, it's quite sickening.
As much as this relationship hurt me at the end, I'm grateful for the learning experience now that I'm past a good majority of the heartache. I'm grateful that I didn't end up marrying this man because wow, I can only imagine the horror that would have been. I think I came out of it ok -- there are times when it still hurts, don't get me wrong, but I think that hurt is based more on confusion and not knowing what was real and what wasn't. Either way, I know what I'll never tolerate again and that in itself is worth it.
We'll heal and move on. We'll continue to grow, while they sadly stay stuck in their own living hell. Just because your ex is with someone else, don't think that his life is rosy, it's not. I watched the hell that mine had himself locked up in and it's not a pretty or happy life to live.
You deserve more and so do I. Hang in there.... it's a slow process, but just keep trying to move forward. Better will come.
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 135
Originally Posted by FlippedRHalo
I saw the changes and made them out to be much more than they actually were. Or maybe he really did try for a while, who knows. It's impossible to figure the insanity out.
Your relationship sounds pretty identical to mine, so i will share with you part of an email on got from my xabf a week after we broke up. Maybe it will help you understand their mind set a little.
" I want you to know that I'm sorry. I am a complicated and messed up guy. I never set out to hurt you, nor did I ever intend to "take advantage" of you. EVER. Believe it or not, I really wanted to settle down with you and live our lives in peace and happiness - but my brain doesn't work that way. I only know turmoil and self-destruction...it was how I was raised. You tried to show me a good and happy life. Unfortunately, I just always had a little voice in my head that would say "this is not you" and "you don't deserve this". I tried, but failed both you and Alex. Many times...for that I am sorry."
Even though he said he didn't intend to take advantage of me, he still did!! He stole from me and took total advantage of the comfy life i was providing for him. During it all i thought i was investing in him and our relationship together, so i didn't mind helping him get control of his life ( financially & emotionally) ... but as time passed, i saw what was really starting to happen. It's been 4 months since the breakup and i still struggle as well, especially since he has a new GF. In time, i will be ok again, and so will you!!
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
I think all the active alkys go to a special school to learn this stuff.
I thought about buying mine a figurine for Christmas that shows someone flushing themselves down the toilet. The bottom of the figurine says "good bye, cruel world)!
I thought about buying mine a figurine for Christmas that shows someone flushing themselves down the toilet. The bottom of the figurine says "good bye, cruel world)!
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