SoberD

Ok, so I am at day 28 and had a tough time at a Christmas party last night. Of course, there was plenty of booze flowing but the tough time wasn't with abstaining - I had zero desire to drink. However, while pretty much comfortable, I found myself feeling very alienated and out of place as a non-drinker.

I felt no pressure and nobody even asked why I wasn't drinking but this is the third time In the last month) that I have been confronted with this feeling. The reason I went to this shindig is that I really yearn for social interaction but I feel like I am not getting what I am looking for hanging out with the drinking crowd.

I want my sober social skills to really be built up before venturing out in the "sober social world" but I'm torn between feeling like I'm not ready and feeling like I'm wasting time by not simply diving into this world.

So my question is, how long did it take for you to feel ready to begin socializing/dating/meeting new (sober) people in recovery?

Thanks!

Soberwolf

As far as Socialising in an alcohol setting i gave myself time to build sober muscle maybe a few months

As for romance i would give that a lot more time as there are many pitfalls and it could harm your sobriety

At 28 days build your sober muscles i wouldnt try diving back in again if i were you

Give it more time sober D

Dee74

I started small - coffee dates, picnics - things that did not need or revolve around alcohol, and worked up that way.

But, here's the thing...you will feel alienated and out of place in situations where everyone is drinking tho, especially if the object is to get drunk.

Truth to tell I rarely voluntarily put myself in those situations even now, because parties like that hold nothing for me.

I would much rather dinner with friends, a movie or a concert, or a low key musical jam.

You may be expecting too much too soon?
I spent months on this - at 28 days I was still focusing on not drinking.

D

Dee74

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FreeOwl

Yeah, this.

Almost a year under my belt, I still don't really feel at ease around a bunch of drinkers. I can do it, but there is a sense of being on the outside and sometimes even outright feelings of being left out or feelings of loss... In even the best of cases, it just doesn't feel comfortable.

I've found that there are actually ample types of alternative activities that I can do without needing to put myself in those settings. While I do sometimes miss old friends - I honestly don't really miss the same old conversations and the same old gatherings to stand around and drink and tell the same old stories.

As I've begun to find more in my life that doesn't involve Booze and as I've begun to better understand and follow my own true path, my ability to be social in many settings is increasing.

The first six to nine months were pretty tough though.

SoberD

Thank you or the replies and for giving me perspective on how early it really is for me. My approach with most of what I do seems to be "all or nothing" and like many others here, I have the desire for immediate gratification. I think this is why in my new found sobriety, I expect to (immediately) be a totally different guy - the new sober one that can do everything to my full potential, including socializing, meeting new people, etc. Of course, this is faulty thinking - if it only took a month to perfectly adapt to sobriety, I doubt this place would exist!

I will temper my expectations and heed the advice to start with the little things first, (including growing one day at a time without drinking)...