Donnylutz

That's the question that kept entering my mind yesterday. At the last minute I caved and decided to go to my friends bachelorette party. They had a party bus and were going bar hopping. Of course my 1st thought was "um, hell no!", but you can't avoid being around alcohol forever. I eat out a lot (one of my favorite things), I live a block from a liquor store, I have numerous friends that can drink healthily, it's just not avoidable, plus I love my friend that's getting married, so I went.

I was planning on having cravings and answering questions, neither happened. One person I don't know well ask me if I wanted a drink on the bus and I simply said "no thanks, I don't drink". That was it. The cravings never came. We went to numerous bars I had never been to and went to the bar I spent NUMEROUS nights at over the past 10 years. It's a gay bar with a fabulous drag show. Like so many things I've learned over the past 6 days, the show is even more fun when you are coherent. :-)

"No thanks, I don't drink." That statement felt so natural and SO DAMN POWERFUL. It felt like a spiritual awakening. I can't even describe it.

So, back to my question, am I an alcoholic? Am I a dry drunk? Am I in denial? Am I going to relapse? Am I a binge drinker that decided to quit? Here's the answer I came up with. IT DOESN"T MATTER!

I am an alcoholic. Once I have a drink my mind changes into something I don't like and I lose control. I will always be an alcoholic. But choosing to not take the poison is my end-all cure. My alcoholism can't effect me if I don't feed it. The last 6 days it has lied dead, waiting for me to cave, and unfortunately for the disease, I feel even more committed to my sobriety today then I did yesterday. With every day I get stronger. I simply choose to not drink. It's my choice and I'm exercising it. The reason I drank (boredom, anxiety, everyone else was) don't matter anymore. They exist but it doesn't matter.

I've been SO proactive the past week, going to AA meetings, being active on this board, getting back into therapy, doing everything I can to stay sober. None of that is wasted energy and I'm happy I did it. But I feel like when I look back in 10 years, the most important part of MY STORY, will be that I was finally ready to stop. In my experience, being honestly 100% wanting to stop, makes everything else easy and just fall in to place.

I'm going to make omelettes for my friend now, who is not having a good morning lol. Oh those drinkers.......they are crazy folk lol Have a great day everyone!

Donny

Eddiebuckle

Donny,

Thanks for the post. While I personally think hanging around in bars is an unnecessary risk to take especially in early sobriety, I do understand that at some point we all have to re-enter the "real world" which includes being around "normal drinkers."

It took me a while to wrap my brain around the idea that I have only given up one drink... I dumped it out in a subway parking lot on my way to rehab five years ago. I always had the ability to give up one drink for an hour, I just never did. And now I give up that drink for one day. I don't live in tomorrow, so I don't worry about it.

String enough "todays" together and yes - it will be irrelevant what stripe of "problem drinker" you were back in the day. You simply don't drink, and you no longer have the problems that it brought to your life.

Keep up the good work... just for today.

Lance40

Donny - thanks for your post. I'm glad you enjoyed the evening and did not drink. Those first few days of sobriety can be a bit of a natural high as you ride the momentum of breaking into new territory and not having to deal with the aftermath of drinking. The novelty does wear off after awhile, and then things can get a bit more difficult. It sounds like you're doing a lot for your sobriety with SR, AA and therapy. As part of your plan do you have a way you will deal with moments of weakness that may come up when you are around alcohol?

Nowsthetime

Good job!!! Remember that you make your recovery and you can make it however you want it to be. I also go out with friends and I don't drink. I just don't anymore, at all. This is your journey. Make it happen!

biminiblue

Choice.










That is all. You have reached the end of the Internet.

FreeOwl

Well done. I've had similar experiences. As a general rule I try to steer clear of those situations because frankly I don't really enjoy hanging around a bunch of drinkers anymore.

Still there are occasions where I will put myself in a situation like that for a specific reason - like you had - and I'm grateful that my active recovery foundation allows me to make that choice without it being a huge risk.

That said, I prefer a sober event or any event not focused on drinking any day to a drunken setting.

JanieJ

I know exactly what you mean !

Glad you had fun, well done Donny

Donnylutz

Thanks for all the replies guys. I do have a plan in place in case some hard times arise - I can always go to an AA meeting, jump on SR, or I have a few close friends that could help me through it. The safety net is there if I need it.

I just had brunch at my favorite place, a place where just last weekend I did the usual, brunch, and about 7 or so drinks. Our waitress, whom I adore, said to me when see saw me "You look good, what's different? Did you go tanning?" - I live in Minnesota and do not tan lol, it's amazing that someone can see such a difference in me physically in just 6 days! I'm just loving this - I feel great and apparently am looking healthy. I normally have horrible bags under my eyes, they are gone! I'm high on sobriety................I'm aware this "buzz" may wear off, and if it does, I'll be prepared. Until then, I'm just very happy :-)