Justified ANGER!
When it's truly for no reason, its an example of a psychological defense mechanism called "displacement". In your example, it is a psychological process that shifts aggressive impulses to a more acceptable or less threatening target.
This is what happens when the boss yells at the employee who returns home and yells at their spouse, who then yells at their child who in turn kicks the dog.
If it's truly for no reason then do your best not to take it personally. Many times I have found that pointing out the unfairness of a persons actions in these situations leads to an immediate (or at least eventual) apology.
Do you want to be right or happy? Sometimes happy wins by default and remember you are responsible for your actions no matter how you feel and so it the next person.
Do not take on their burden or try and make them be accountable. You are only responsible for you!
Do not take on their burden or try and make them be accountable. You are only responsible for you!
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Boy, I can relate to this one, Serenidad. I have the exact same reaction. Was a cutter too as a child, so I used to literally hurt myself when I was angry (and of course, with alcohol, I was doing the same). One strategy that has worked for me is to let myself feel the feeling. I used to sort of stave it off because I hate conflict too, but then it would bubble inside of me. I try to let it wash over me like a wave and, if it seems productive, try to figure out what it is I'm reacting to. For example,when I'm angry it is often because I feel hurt or disrespected. If the relationship seems worth it, I will tell the person calmly what I feel and what I need. That has been a huge and scary step for me, but an empowering one. If the relationship isn't worth it (someone I don't know well is rude), I acknowledge what I feel and move on. I also refuse to let people I dislike compromise my sobriety. Why give them that power? That is what I tell myself. A little mind game, but it helps. Congratulations on 10 days, Serenaded: you're doing great. Don't let those turkeys get you down.
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wow what an amazing thing, you are pissed off at someone and not going to pick up a drink on it ? sounds like your learning the right way to be to me : ) now the trick is to let them go and not live in your head or your heart for me i would say things like I WILL SHOW THEM, OR DONT THEY KNOW WHO I AM, HOW DARE THEY lol yep get drunk on it that would show them alright and maybe tell them what i really think about them : ) of course the next day being sober i would have to try to undo all that i did in the first place and wish that i had never let them get to me or that i never did pick up that first drink so at least your committed to not picking up that first drink. so what are you going to do for the rest of the night or day ? are you going to vent and stew over it all or how about doing somthing else instead ? give a sponosor a call and let all your anger fly at them get it off your chest, or go to the local meetings and either share about it or talk to another memeber there ? at times i used to have to go out to the shed with a hammer and just bash the hell out of a block of wood lol then go out for a walk and saying the serienty prayer over and over again but trying to think about what the words mean especially the words that say accept the things i can not change, accept the things i can not change, accept the things i can not change. accept the people i can not change works as well : ) good luck to you and it will pass, just so long as you do the right thing and of course do not pick up that first drink so be proud of it as your doing it
Thanks again. Onward!
Anger is also a huge trigger for me as well. When I am angry and wanting to drink, I will state to myself mentally, "I want to drink today because....". Makes me identify what I am feeling, it puts what I am feeling into perspective, and makes me realize how ridiculous it is to drink over such things.
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Hey Serenidad, Congrats on Day 10!!! And sorry to hear people are being crappy. You're doing the right thing by staying sober and coming on here. You know what helps me even more than a drink when I'm really angry? Working out!!! I love doing a bunch of push ups when I'm frustrated/angry. And running. It's like I turn into superwoman!!! You get fit AND you get to release it all through physical activity Worth a try if you haven't already! Also.... exercising regularly, I find, helps lower my anger levels overall. It prevents me from getting aggravated and helps me stay patient with other people. (Some study I was reading about recently said that divorce rates would be significantly lower if everyone ran for just 1/2 hour per WEEK.... I totally believe it!) Feel better~ Hope your day improves!
I've lost 1.5 in the past 10 days of being sober without changing anything but cutting out alcohol! But...I'm not gonna worry about a diet right now because I'm not fat...just would like to lose a few. Sobriety is #1 right now and anger is a trigger. If you say exercise helps you with that then I'm gonna try to step it up! Thx!
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Thanks mistory! I didn't drink over that B and I'm not even mad any more. Sooo glad I didn't drink over her! She's not worth it!
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