2muchpain

So I messed up and am drinking again. Who the hell cares, really. This site is great as far as connecting with people, but there is nobody knocking on my door or calling me. I have tried to make this happen, but no change. I have shared at meetings, and almost begged people to pay attention to me, but ended up with nothing. I am a decent person, that has always put others' interests before mine, so I don't get this. I am not asking for much; a simple phone call to say hi or a knock on the door. I have bent over backwards to help people, and I don't regret this at all. I did the right thing. I'm thinking a trip to the ER would be a blessing, because the people there would show some kind of concern. It's a shame that you have to pay people to pretend they care. I went to an AA meeting today. If I expressed my concerns, all I would get is what I have heard before. Go to more meetings, get a sponser, read the big or the 12xt12 book. Connect with your spirituality. Volunteer for this or that. Been there and done that many times, only to end up in my apartment alone. Nobody cares. and nobody calls. All I am asking is for someone to do something to show they care. A simple phone call from someone asking how I am doing would make my day. ONE PERSON IS ALL IT WOULD TAKE. I would be one of the first people at an AA meeting to help people who need help. Not any more. All they want is what I have to offer. Helping me out is the last thing on their mind. Go to a meeting, and whip out a cigarette, and you have tons of "friends" asking for a smoke. Loan someone money, and you have tons of people that think you are a great person.
Unfortunately, you have to pay people to show interest in you. Unfortunately, alcohol and drugs are things you can count on. They tell you what you can expect and that's what you get. You can count on drugs/alcohol to do what they say they are going to do. Try that with people.
Drugs and alcohol are predicable, people are not. So which is worse, dieing from disappointments and the pain
I am not looking for an answer to this post, because there is no answer. I'm just a person in the water reaching for a liferaft like everybody else.
Now, I will reach for my next beer and a vodka chaser and call it a day and pray to my higher power that I don't wake up. If I do, it is only because this beast is not done with me yet.

from people, or dieing from alchohol/drugs

newme2day

Hi 2much. I am really sorry you are feeling so sad. I don't think i need to tell you that alcohol will only intensify those feelings of sadness. Do you have a close friend you can reach out to? Perhaps try the chat room? I am new to this but feel free to pm me if you'd like.

FreeOwl

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way.... and sorry to hear it's driven you back to the darkness.

Any chance you could grab a glass of water, pour out the booze, and rethink this?

FreeOwl

it sucks feeling alone, feeling let down by others, feeling like you're crying out for connection or help and feeling like there's just nobody there.

But crawling into that awful tunnel of hell isn't going to fix it. And offing yourself by drinking to oblivion and beyond.... well, you sure as hell won't ever know the joys of connection with people that way, will ya.

C'mon...

least

I am sorry you are feeling so alone. I only know that drinking will not help you. On the contrary, it will makes things worse. I hope you can get rid of what you have in the house and go to bed. And pray, not for the end, but for your beginning.

reflection

Hi 2much, I'm so sorry you're hurting. I'm with freeowl, any chance of swapping the booze for water, tea or coffee? Hang in there, you are worth it.

Dee74

I'm sorry you're feeling so low today.

I used to wish for that person to come to my door and help me too. Noone ever did.

It was a very alcoholic way to feel.
Sit on my couch and wait for the world to come to me.

I don't believe it works that way 2 much.

Self pity is a killer.
I've been there.

We need to work for change. It's not bestowed upon us.

Get yourself out of the hole - start making sober connections and your life will change.,
Not overnight - but it will happen - I guarantee it.

I'm not trying to slap you around.
I just see clearly that my addiction was trying to isolate me with equal doses of pride and self pity.

you could make it to a meeting and start making connections that way?
Tell people you need help. They will respond.

D

RJY9

Sorry to hear you feel this way. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Please don't think that nobody cares, because I care. I hope to hear that you are doing well soon. Loneliness and feelings of this nature are very painful and I have experienced this myself. You are right, alcohol and drugs do exactly what they say on the tin including messing up peoples lives. Its a vicious circle and its horrible. I will message you and see how ya doing tomorrow. I care ok. I will talk to you on here as long as you need me. I'm only a week sober so I'm new to this too. Take care and please know that I care. Peace to you.

newhope01

I know its not the same as 3D contact, but we are all here for you. As you can see many of us care about you and wish you wouldn't drink.

The only way to illicit change is to make the change yourself. No one is going to help you if you don't consistently reach out for help. There are a lot of folks who come to AA once or twice then never come back which can be very exhausting for other members. After awhile we need to build up a buffer to others suffering in this addiction or we will worry ourselves sick. But, if you keep coming back and keep reaching out people will get that your serious and you will make real connections with people.

Drinking will only delay this process and prolong your loneliness. Please don't give up.

newhope01

Sometimes when I am hurting and I just want to give up I remember this quote:

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."
Kahlil Gibran On Joy and Sorrow

You may be in pain now but you won't always be; Not if you put down that bottle.

ScottFromWI

I think you are completely missing the fact that peolple here do care, and we are virtually knocking at your door right now 2much. As Dee says, help won't work if you don't accept it and do your part too. Drinking always makes everything worse too, I hope you can limit the damage and get some rest, tomorrow can be a better day if you want it to. Be safe.

Notimetoloose

I am so sorry you are feeling so alone.
The drinking and drugs prey on those feelings. They are not your friends, they are your enemies.
You are a good person. You deserve good friends and attention. You will find and make good friends in time.
We are here for you as well.

doggonecarl

Yesterday, or maybe the day before, you replied to a post and was telling that person how your drinking and your behavior while drunk drove everyone away. You ended up a lone, at home drinker. You ended your post with these words:

"I hope you see the direction you are going before you end up like I did, alone, drunk with your only friend/enemy a bottle of something. Good luck."

Wise advise.

You are only days sober. Give yourself time. It will take time for the people who know you to figure out you are changing. But you can't change until you quit drinking.

As for the AA folks not contacting you...sociability is a two-way street. When you sober up tomorrow, try reaching out.

silentrun

Sorry you are feeling so let down right now. I used to wish I wouldn't wake up often. I did though. It's wasn't just go give the beast one more go at me. One day I was just done with it. Keep coming back..keep trying.

malcolmsloan

Sorry to hear you're struggling 2much, I really am. yeah, I'm just a person on line, but I care. In a virtual sense, we are here, right now, all wanting you to feel better. There has to be some postive aspect to that. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you, friend. It can be if you make it such. You have the power to make tomorrow a better day.

Hevyn

Add me to the list of those who care. I hope so much that your feelings of futility will leave you and you'll give sobriety a fair chance. We are very fragile in the early days - emotions run high and it's easy to fall back on the only relief we know. It's not helping - it's only prolonging your misery. Please don't give up 2much - you can still turn this whole thing around.

Amazingglazier

Give Me your phone number!

Amazingglazier

I had that happen at meetings when I went to AA too, just stopped doing it ! It is not a popularity contest, do what you feel is right! I do at my business, if someone asks me for something, a cigarette or whatever, I tell them i'll do it if they do something for me , whatever it is clean a window or let me teach them something, when they invariably tell me oh no thanks! I laugh at it as I could teach a million people a trade that would make them self-reliant but they don't want that! If someone is in serious need and I can help I do! Stay Strong and Well!

2muchpain

I have led a good life. I have been fortunate enough to have been able to help a lot of people to change their lives for the better. so I know my life has been worthwhile. Of course, you always hope that your efforts always pay off, like a parent that raises a child. You always that child will come back and say thank you for all your hard work. To know that you have spent most of your life helping others, only to be left in a one bedroom apartment with nobody to care is sad. I am not asking for much. I call or a card would be great< FROM SOMEBODY, would be great. Is that asking too much?

Amazingglazier

Sent you a PM now do what you think is right!