SassMaster

My name is Elizabeth and Im an alcoholic... I can finally admit this to myself but will still deny I have a problem when confronted by others. I always had a bit of a drinking problem.. but I would only drink socially on weekends.. but I would drink way too much. I just couldnt bring myself to stop. I suffer from severe depression and even worse anxiety and I love the escape alcohol gives me. I just recently lost my insurance and no insurance means no meds and anxiety has taken over my life. So I started self medicating with alcohol to help my nerves. It started with just a drink a few times a week.. then almost every night.. now its every night and I swear I count down the min until 5pm.. b/c in my own mind if I drink after 5 pm its ok... somedays I dont even get that far. I don't drink to get drunk and hardly ever get more than buzzed but I can't make it a day with out at least one drink. I don't even know what to do with myself right now.. I want to want to get help but to be honest.. Im don't feel strong enough to quit drinking yet.. Its my crutch until I can get back on my meds... I feel so pathetic right now.

2granddaughters

Welcome !

I know how you feel. I remember wanting to be a want to be too.

I took Valium for 15 yrs along with the alcohol to cover my depression and suicidal tendencies. The only treatment that I found that got me sober, sane and serene was/is Alcoholics Anonymous. I have not needed alcohol or meds since 1989.

All the best.

Bob R

EndGameNYC

Places like Target and Walmart (and some supermarket chains) offer generic meds for $4.00. If you cannot access a prescribing physician on your own, visit the ER of a hospital near you and explain your situation. They'll often write a script in such cases.

freshstart57

It was true for many of us that we were causing our depression and anxiety by drinking, not treating it. Yep. We thought were drinking to cope with depression and anxiety, but we were really just making these things worse.
Drinking alcohol causes depression and anxiety.

Lose the booze for a couple of weeks and ask yourself if your depression and anxiety are better. Then ask if there is any good reason to drink ever again.

Carlotta

Welcome to SR Elizabeth.
I can relate to you, I have used alcohol as a crutch for my anxiety forgetting that alcohol was a depressant.
Try calling 211 and see if there are any free clinics or a help program for low income people at your local hospital. I know it's a blow to one's pride but sometimes you got to do what you got to do.
Do you have a plan to quit drinking yet? Read around the forum and explore. You could also give a try to your local AA meeting. I am in AA and love it. It's free and you don't have to be sober to attend:
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
Give it a try.
In the interim, why don't you try not to drink for just 24 hours? We re not speaking about a lifetime here which can be overwhelming. Please, feel free to join us in the 24 hours club http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-6-a.html

Michael66

Hey there SassMaster

Just to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I think many of us that feeling of being trapped.

God bless you +

Michael

ADS20012012

Welcome! This site has alot of great resources to use. Take your time and go find them.

"There is no pleasure in life equal to that of the conquest of a vicious habit"

newpower

I myself have been struggling with depression and anxiety when I've been actively drinking.

I got sober for some time and My depression and anxiety completely disappeared.

At the moment I'm on the road back to wellness like you.

ride it a out it's worth it. We can do this.

Soberpotamus

Welcome to SR You'll find lots of support here.

Drinking does cause anxiety, as others have already mentioned. And there's ways you can find inexpensive meds if you make some phone calls and check around. But you might find out you won't need meds if you can get and stay sober.

tootsl1

I too can confirm that getting off booze helps relieve depression
Other aides for anxiety and depression are relaxation techniques and exercise, both can be accessed for free if you look around. Akcnowledging you have a problem is the first and biggest step. Stay close to SR, check out the different recovery methods to find one that suits you.
You can and will get sober, if you are ready to try.

Hevyn

Welcome Elizabeth I'm so glad you found SR and joined us.

I once drank socially on weekends too. Over time I became completely dependent on it. When I finally decided to stop I drank every day, all day. My life was in shambles. It's good that you've made this big decision. We are here to help.

LadyinBC

You took a great first step. Admitting that you are an alcoholic. That takes guts!

Welcome to SR!

wiscsober

SassMaster to SR

Living sober greatly decreased my anxiety and depression...and overall improved my physical and mental health.

I am now on a minimal amount of anti-depressants and anxiety meds.

Dee74

Welcome Elizabeth - there's some great advice here.
I hope you stick around - there's great support to be found.

There are a lot of free or low cost clinics around - if there's one in your local area you might get some medical advice/help there?

Free/Low-Cost/Sliding-Scale Clinics
2-1-1 Call Center Search

D

SassMaster

Thank you so much everyone for the very warm welcome. Im feeling a lot more confident. I will try to go 24 hours with out a drink, and I will look into getting my meds from walmart. I can get the antidepressants from them but my DR refuses to refill my ativan for anxiety. He wants me to see a shrink first... fun times. I will work on forming a plan for recovery.. and trying to figure out how to tell my fiance I have a problem. I don't have a license.. so he is the only way i get alcohol.. and if he knows I have a problem I know he wont get it for me anymore.. and that makes me feel powerless.. and I don't want to feel powerless.

2granddaughters

I bet there are some great AA meetings in your area .....

All the best.

Bob R

freshstart57

I refused to be powerless, so I took absolute and final control of my alcohol consumption by refusing to ever drink again. I will never again be hungover or guilt-ridden, or ashamed, or sick at soul because of alcohol.

If you think that you will be depriving yourself by getting and staying sober, this is going to make it tough for you. Instead, consider what it is that you are depriving yourself of by continuing to drink. There are many reasons to be sober, and it will help you to see what you will gain.

Life really is better sober. That's why we do it!

SassMaster

Thank you - I know you're right. I need help, I need to stop. I have alcoholism on both sides of my family. If I was smart I never would have started drinking in the first place.. but I was young and I was awesome.. and I knew I could handle it *rolls eyes*... The last week I've been averaging 4 drinks a day.. spaced out a few hours.. not enough to get drunk.. but enough to stay in a constance state of relaxation.. I'm 27 and Im already showing signs of liver issues.. I'm scared.

tootsl1

The biggest step I took was to tell hubby. If your fiancé is to spend the rest of his life with you, he needs to know what he is buying in to. My husband has been my loudest cheerleader, he is so proud of me. I certainly did not feel powerless, quite the opposite, I felt like I had taken alcohol by the throat, I gave it no opportunity to be a part of my life any longer, and felt relief. I'm not saying that the conversation was easy, I was wrung out by the end of it, so was hubby, I had to expose every sordid aspect, the hidden bottles, the lies, the feelings of disgust at myself, but he had to understand it was a real problem.
But it was oh so worth it. Keep it up Elizabeth, you can do it.

lovejava

One thing I can share is that when I finally "revealed" my problem to my husband, loved ones, friends, no one was surprised and I was surprised to find that everyone knew it...but me. I was the last one. I thought I was sharing news, even with my teenaged daughter, but she was like "duh" when I told her LOL