Tapering off and Reality, My story so far.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 1
Off to a good start thanks to you
@Idol I just wanted to say thanks to you and everyone else who shared on this thread. I've perused many of these discussions (not just here) for months, and this is the thread that finally hit home with me and which I found extremely helpful for my situation.
As a result, I'm now 3 days 100% sober after successfully tapering off from my most recent 20 drink/day binge. I was able to complete a beer-only taper in 6 days, and again I'm grateful for the words I found here, as I read a little more of the thread each day. I've done this with some success before, but for some reason, this time around I feel the possibility for long term moderation or sobriety is an achievable goal.
While I'm not ready to admit that I cannot ever drink again, I realize that like many of you, my problem (once I realized I even had one) snuck up on me over the course of a 20+ year drinking career (I'm now 38). What started as a fun/rebellious thing to do in high school occasionally, to a social crutch during college and beyond, morphed slowly into a daily habit of increasing quantity. But where I believe the wheels really came off the was in the past 2-3 years, with a struggling/failing business, a new baby and added financial pressures, leading to immense professional and personal stress--I turned to booze to cope. The gambling didn't help either, and that's something that's gotten out of control for the same reasons. In my case, they tend to fuel each other.
My wake up moment came when I was able to logically, finally, realize that this problem was self-inflicted and the result of a very nasty, almost inescapable, positive feedback loop both in my emotional state and in the physical brain functions that govern these behaviors (yeah I'm a bit of a geek and have a terrible need to understand things from a rational perspective, whether or not my actions are rational).
I realize that what initially caused my desire to drink, and still triggers it, is any form of anxiety (and lately, depression to go with it). It's a desire (read: need) to escape. Whether it be social anxiety or work or family related--it's all about self-medicating; or at least it was, until I crossed the line of lack of self control in almost all drinking sessions. I realize now that alcohol abuse may have been a way for me to cope with these problems, but in doing so I have created another problem all its own--one that merely amplifies the others.
I'm not sure at the moment where I stand on the spectrum of "alcoholic", but I do know that I cannot continue in this manner. I've decided to give sobriety a try (shooting for 30 days). A REAL try. This time coupled with the newfound knowledge of my body and brain, and with the shared experience of others (I've been "shopping around" for meetings recently--so far tried Moderation Management, Smart Recovery, and AA), I feel like I'm truly starting to learn more about aspects of myself for the first time.
The last three days haven't been easy, but I've used several of the techniques I learned here to beat some of the initial urges/cravings. Hasn't been easy, but I couldn't have done it without those tools. Like @Idol, my 30-day sobriety mark will fall on a significant day: my daughter's 2-year birthday. I'm using that to help fuel my desire to complete the 30 days.
At the same time though, in some ways it HAS been easy. I will say that all the things @Idol mentioned about loving food again are so true! I find myself really turning back to food--good food--as a way to help satisfy my cravings. And damn, does it feel amazing to "remember" what it feels like when your body was properly nourished, operating at top mental capacity, and well-rested (still working on that last one)! It's like when you've had a nasty flu for days, and then that feeling the day when you finally kick the bug--it feels AMAZING just to feel NORMAL. It's as if you forgot and took for granted what it felt like to be firing on all cylinders, and are just rediscovering it.
Thanks again all. I'm so glad I found this thread, and the larger community attached to it. Wishing you all the best as we enter this holiday season. I'll try to post some updates as I go, and if there's anything people want to know in the meantime, feel free to ask.
As a result, I'm now 3 days 100% sober after successfully tapering off from my most recent 20 drink/day binge. I was able to complete a beer-only taper in 6 days, and again I'm grateful for the words I found here, as I read a little more of the thread each day. I've done this with some success before, but for some reason, this time around I feel the possibility for long term moderation or sobriety is an achievable goal.
While I'm not ready to admit that I cannot ever drink again, I realize that like many of you, my problem (once I realized I even had one) snuck up on me over the course of a 20+ year drinking career (I'm now 38). What started as a fun/rebellious thing to do in high school occasionally, to a social crutch during college and beyond, morphed slowly into a daily habit of increasing quantity. But where I believe the wheels really came off the was in the past 2-3 years, with a struggling/failing business, a new baby and added financial pressures, leading to immense professional and personal stress--I turned to booze to cope. The gambling didn't help either, and that's something that's gotten out of control for the same reasons. In my case, they tend to fuel each other.
My wake up moment came when I was able to logically, finally, realize that this problem was self-inflicted and the result of a very nasty, almost inescapable, positive feedback loop both in my emotional state and in the physical brain functions that govern these behaviors (yeah I'm a bit of a geek and have a terrible need to understand things from a rational perspective, whether or not my actions are rational).
I realize that what initially caused my desire to drink, and still triggers it, is any form of anxiety (and lately, depression to go with it). It's a desire (read: need) to escape. Whether it be social anxiety or work or family related--it's all about self-medicating; or at least it was, until I crossed the line of lack of self control in almost all drinking sessions. I realize now that alcohol abuse may have been a way for me to cope with these problems, but in doing so I have created another problem all its own--one that merely amplifies the others.
I'm not sure at the moment where I stand on the spectrum of "alcoholic", but I do know that I cannot continue in this manner. I've decided to give sobriety a try (shooting for 30 days). A REAL try. This time coupled with the newfound knowledge of my body and brain, and with the shared experience of others (I've been "shopping around" for meetings recently--so far tried Moderation Management, Smart Recovery, and AA), I feel like I'm truly starting to learn more about aspects of myself for the first time.
The last three days haven't been easy, but I've used several of the techniques I learned here to beat some of the initial urges/cravings. Hasn't been easy, but I couldn't have done it without those tools. Like @Idol, my 30-day sobriety mark will fall on a significant day: my daughter's 2-year birthday. I'm using that to help fuel my desire to complete the 30 days.
At the same time though, in some ways it HAS been easy. I will say that all the things @Idol mentioned about loving food again are so true! I find myself really turning back to food--good food--as a way to help satisfy my cravings. And damn, does it feel amazing to "remember" what it feels like when your body was properly nourished, operating at top mental capacity, and well-rested (still working on that last one)! It's like when you've had a nasty flu for days, and then that feeling the day when you finally kick the bug--it feels AMAZING just to feel NORMAL. It's as if you forgot and took for granted what it felt like to be firing on all cylinders, and are just rediscovering it.
Thanks again all. I'm so glad I found this thread, and the larger community attached to it. Wishing you all the best as we enter this holiday season. I'll try to post some updates as I go, and if there's anything people want to know in the meantime, feel free to ask.
Originally Posted by Idol 
So I just realized tomorrow is 1 month of Sobriety for me and it actually falls on my Birthday!!!!! Very cool coincidence.
It's still a challenge but each day it gets easier and the triggers have less power. I did face my first real challenge a week ago when I went with my social group (best friends) to the Denverl Aquarium. We live in a small mountain town an hour from Denver so this was a big day of fun for us. It was a super fun day but at the end of the aquarium there was a bar we sat at and they each had a beer and my best friend had a martini. This is the typical situation I would ussually order a shot and a beer at the same time, to get my buzz going and then continue to drink. That was the old me. The new me had a Perrier w'lime which was nice, but I could definitely feel the old triggers telling me to PARTTTTYYYYY. Made it through, and my friends wouldn't have let me order a drink anyhow, so that was nice to know. Then we went out to a nice dinner and the triggers of being on a FUN DAY peeped up again, after about five minutes my brain shut up and I made my glorious plate of amazing mongolian grilled goodness. Food is so amazing now btw! So all in all I had a great day, maintained my sobriety and still feel good about moving forward.
For anyone reading this that is getting started on being sober, I want to be clear it is still a challenge to stay sober. I believe it is very important to maintain the mentality that I cannot have a drink. It is that little devil that pops up on your shoulder that says you can, and he will. You just have to say no to him. It even helps me to deny the craving out loud.
Sobriety is awesome and we can all do it, no matter how impossible it may seem.
And all my homies from chat, I recently moved and I don't have any internetz yet but as soon as I do I will be back to make things goofy again!
It's still a challenge but each day it gets easier and the triggers have less power. I did face my first real challenge a week ago when I went with my social group (best friends) to the Denverl Aquarium. We live in a small mountain town an hour from Denver so this was a big day of fun for us. It was a super fun day but at the end of the aquarium there was a bar we sat at and they each had a beer and my best friend had a martini. This is the typical situation I would ussually order a shot and a beer at the same time, to get my buzz going and then continue to drink. That was the old me. The new me had a Perrier w'lime which was nice, but I could definitely feel the old triggers telling me to PARTTTTYYYYY. Made it through, and my friends wouldn't have let me order a drink anyhow, so that was nice to know. Then we went out to a nice dinner and the triggers of being on a FUN DAY peeped up again, after about five minutes my brain shut up and I made my glorious plate of amazing mongolian grilled goodness. Food is so amazing now btw! So all in all I had a great day, maintained my sobriety and still feel good about moving forward.
For anyone reading this that is getting started on being sober, I want to be clear it is still a challenge to stay sober. I believe it is very important to maintain the mentality that I cannot have a drink. It is that little devil that pops up on your shoulder that says you can, and he will. You just have to say no to him. It even helps me to deny the craving out loud.
Sobriety is awesome and we can all do it, no matter how impossible it may seem.
And all my homies from chat, I recently moved and I don't have any internetz yet but as soon as I do I will be back to make things goofy again!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 2
Original post by Idol was great. I was hoping to come across more recent posts from him because I wonder how he's doing these days.
I personally tapered off booze back in June 2014 and it was overall a very difficult thing to experience. I took some time off from work in conjunction with a weekend and pretty much drank a 12 ounce can of light beer every hour or two and gradually spaced out the times I drank beer while decreasing the volume I drank. I also took Dramamine and Benadryl to help with nausea and insomnia. I told my roommate at the time what I was doing and he made it a point to check up on me every so often. I also had my own blood pressure kit and took my blood pressure 3 or 4 times per day. I slept in the living room rather than my bedroom. It took about 4 days for me to come out of it and this was just in time for me to check in and get an ankle bracelet installed on myself in order to serve 120 days of house arrest for a 2nd DUI I got charged with the year prior. My relationship at the time fell apart and that was perhaps what crushed me the most (once I was no longer experiencing withdrawals). I pretty much just went to work, my court ordered alcohol treatment program and also AA meetings every Saturday. Every Saturday to me was like Christmas because it was the only time I felt "free" while I was on house arrest. I had no life and couldn't even go outside to the back patio. Much of my downtime was spent watching Netflix or staring out the window wishing I could get some fresh air. My first month of sobriety was the worst I suppose. I felt alone and depressed not to mention the mood swings. I kept what I was going through (my legal issues) a secret from most of my friends, family and co-workers which made me feel disconnected or as if I was living a double-life. A close friend of mine from childhood acted as my sponsor and talking to him multiple times daily really helped keep me focused. One thing I failed to admit all the times I attempted to stop drinking in the past was that I NEEDED HELP and I couldn't get sober alone. A combination of the system and a few trusted friends ultimately pushed me to get my ass in gear. The longer I stayed sober the larger the gap was between the drunk me and the real me and that was the ultimate eye-opener.
I love to read or hear stories of others who simply couldn't just "stop" and had to taper or get medical assistance. I like these stories because they remind me of what I went through and how alone I felt. My closest friends and family members could never understand what I went through because they're not alcoholics. Withdrawals are the worst... I don't ever want to go through it again and my thoughts and prayers are with those fighting to sober up.
I personally tapered off booze back in June 2014 and it was overall a very difficult thing to experience. I took some time off from work in conjunction with a weekend and pretty much drank a 12 ounce can of light beer every hour or two and gradually spaced out the times I drank beer while decreasing the volume I drank. I also took Dramamine and Benadryl to help with nausea and insomnia. I told my roommate at the time what I was doing and he made it a point to check up on me every so often. I also had my own blood pressure kit and took my blood pressure 3 or 4 times per day. I slept in the living room rather than my bedroom. It took about 4 days for me to come out of it and this was just in time for me to check in and get an ankle bracelet installed on myself in order to serve 120 days of house arrest for a 2nd DUI I got charged with the year prior. My relationship at the time fell apart and that was perhaps what crushed me the most (once I was no longer experiencing withdrawals). I pretty much just went to work, my court ordered alcohol treatment program and also AA meetings every Saturday. Every Saturday to me was like Christmas because it was the only time I felt "free" while I was on house arrest. I had no life and couldn't even go outside to the back patio. Much of my downtime was spent watching Netflix or staring out the window wishing I could get some fresh air. My first month of sobriety was the worst I suppose. I felt alone and depressed not to mention the mood swings. I kept what I was going through (my legal issues) a secret from most of my friends, family and co-workers which made me feel disconnected or as if I was living a double-life. A close friend of mine from childhood acted as my sponsor and talking to him multiple times daily really helped keep me focused. One thing I failed to admit all the times I attempted to stop drinking in the past was that I NEEDED HELP and I couldn't get sober alone. A combination of the system and a few trusted friends ultimately pushed me to get my ass in gear. The longer I stayed sober the larger the gap was between the drunk me and the real me and that was the ultimate eye-opener.
I love to read or hear stories of others who simply couldn't just "stop" and had to taper or get medical assistance. I like these stories because they remind me of what I went through and how alone I felt. My closest friends and family members could never understand what I went through because they're not alcoholics. Withdrawals are the worst... I don't ever want to go through it again and my thoughts and prayers are with those fighting to sober up.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 2
Dropsie, sorry I never replied. I have only come to this site a couple of times since my long post... you guys actually read what I wrote? I have since two years ago opened up to most friends but not all family members. I guess those who know all about my issues with booze in the present see it in positive hindsight - they see me now compared to how I told them I was before and it's easier for them to accept it rather than if they had seen me at my worst back then. I did have the support of two roommates and my sponsor to get me through the worst of it. For the record, I do not recommend tapering if you are going through severe withdrawals (which can be life-threatening). My story was simply a story of what "I" did and it should not be taken as medical advice.
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