twilli59

Hi all. Quick background - first rehab for alcohol and cocaine in '07. Sober 1-3 months, drink...repeat for a year or so. Discovered Kratom as a way to combat the extreme social anxiety that was one of the things that drove me to drink alcoholically in the first place - it surfaced after traumatic divorce - and begin daily Kratom use in '08. Mixed it with benzos usually. Spent 2 years on that plan actually believing in my addict head that it was better than what I was doing before. A doc gave me suboxone for kratom withdrawal last Sept. I'm not a heavyweight opiate user, but I have done them whenever I could in the past and had some heavy extended exposure to IV opiates during surgeries. Subs for Kratom is a joke to some, but that's where I ended up. NOW - a year into the subs and can't seem to get below 1 mg without getting so irritable and restless I can't even work. I have klonopin but use it sparingly. I just started Wellbutrin a week ago. I'm starting to think Kratom would be easier to get off of than subs. My brain is saying - "buy some Kratom, stop the subs, use the kratom to taper and end this BS!" Am i thinking straight or is the squirrel just running the show? Thanks.

FT

Hi twilli59,

I don't usually post on this forum, but I saw no one had responded to you yet.

Kratom gets brought up here periodically, often by people who think it is a good idea for opiate withdrawal. NOT!

Subox gets thrown around a little on the substance abuse forum, too, and your story is typical of often-cited-examples of why people want to avoid substituting one drug (opiates usually) for another (subox).

I am not a subox "opponent". Same for methadone. I think they are medically supervised drugs that can save lives for some.

Yes, some people do get addicted to prescribed medications. Like opiates. Like subs. I have issues with docs who contribute to that problem, but I won't get into that hot political debate here.

I think it is kind of your doc to try to help you get off Kratom. Now here you are trying to get off subs.

Yes, the squirrel is running the show.

Look, at some point, if you are really interested in recovery from substances, you have to jump off. The stories you hear about doing that painlessly are few and far between. No matter what you detox from, you are likely to experience withdrawal.

Withdrawal does suck -- BUT, it is part of detox for most of us. You just have to decide when that is going to be for you.

FT

twilli59

Thank you, ft. That's what I was looking for - a way out with no withdrawals, or minimal. Just hearing that that is not going to happen, that I have to face some of that crap to pass through all of this, rang with truth. It is so helpful to get someone else's view (crucial, actually!) Thanks.

CarolD

Wishing you all the best a clean and sober life can bring...

TXsubmamma

Twill, I have the same problem with the subs making me feel anxious and irritable. I'm tapering and am currently at 2.5mg's. I don't know what it is about the lower doses, but it SUX! I had no problem tapering above 4mg's but going below has been challenging at times. I've found that the 1st 3 days I feel crabby and then my body adjusts and I feel fine (at least until the next drop date) I plan on getting as low as possible by using the liquid taper method below .25. I just wanted to say, please don't let the squirrel win! Think about this, you've already tapered sooooo low! Why would u want to get back on the substance that started all of this for u? Talk to your doc and maybe he/she may have some suggestions medically that could help u through. I just make myself get up and exercise, even if it's only for 5 or 10 min's. Best of luck 2 ya!

twilli59

Thanks to you all...I got to the root of the problem. In a financial mess and don't want to disrupt a deal I have with a business partner. The fear was that the taper would knock me out of commission for a few days - maybe several times if I taper slowly, or whatever - so I addressed it honestly with him. I'm working the steps, he knows my situation in recovery, but didn't really know about the subs. He said if there are a few days I'm distracted or not up to par, just take the time, tackle this thing and we'll be fine. Squirrel losing the battle - so far!! Thanks again.

FT

Hi twilli59,

Good luck on getting through the next few days. It CAN be done. While you are feeling horrible, time passes very slowly. A week detoxing feels like a month. Hell, a day feels like a week. Especially when you can't sleep.

I can't believe that just 8 months ago I was feeling just like you are now. What's weird is you tend to remember the good way the drugs made you feel, forgetting how sick you got because you took them.

I truly fear opiates now. I don't want to go through what you are going through ever again. I've never experienced anything like withdrawal before, and I can't believe a drug can hook you so fast and make it so difficult to stop taking it.

You might find a home on the substance abuse forum. There are a number of people there doing different methods of recovery, and it is a much more active forum if you like a lot of feedback. Prepare to have a thick skin, however, as a lot of posters are opinionated. Having said that, you get a lot of support at the same time.

After all, the end goal for all of us is to free ourselves of drugs that control our every move, down to the tiniest, most intimate details of our lives. For me, I didn't want one drug replacing another, and I definitely wanted the constant doctor visits out of my life.

Again, good luck!

Ft

Dee74

There's nothing to stop you posting about other aspects of your recovery in the main forum twill, but we encourage folks to post about their sub issues here.

It is a quieter forum but the responses are generally sub-specific

We started this sub forum so that sub users would have a forum to post in, away from the sometimes strident opinions in the main forum

D

twilli59

Thanks, guys. FT - what a motivator to be reminded of the danger and pain opiates cause. And Dee - LOL - you are so diplomatic. Loved this:
"sometimes strident opinions."
That's great verbiage! Well, it is a topic that is highly personal, passionate and intense.
Be well!

djensen

I have been debating on taking Sub, but I am on Day 2 of detox, and withdraw is terrible. I feel like crap but I am not going to let the monkey win this battle. I have been taking Norco 10mg for 2 years now, I got 180/month and went through them in less than 3 weeks. I finally told myself enough is enough when I yelled at my 3 year old for no other reason than I was pissed because I was out of dope. I am trying this without the Sub and will keep posting to let you know how its going....