debysu46

Its been over a year since I been on here. In the meantime I just gave into defeat. For those who remember me, I have an a/s he is 24, possibly been addict since age 14. Drug chose is meth and prescription drugs not prescribed to him. I have reached the bottom with him, his drug use, abusive behavior, violent outbursts. I sit and watch him kill himself. My heart has turned bitter so to speak. I know my son is in there somewhere and tried so hard to reach him. He is slowly dying. Today I take him to work, come home after just having a talk with him on the way to work. I told him I was done with him, I couldn't handle it anymore and was putting house up for sale and moving far away where he would never find me. As he got out of car I said it's gonna be a lonely life out there for you. He was unusually quiet, didn't say a word and that was unlike him. He got all teary eyed and look like he was gonna cry.
Well I come home go into bedroom and here is this long letter from him. I just sat and cried. I thought how could I have said those awful things to him. His letter to me asks is there enough time to save him? That he has lost everything, does not know life any other way. That he wants to save himself but impossible. Said he needs extensive treatment. that there is no way out except death or jail. He cant feel feelings because he has none. That he is sick. Says he is ready but its too late.
This is so hard to write about my tears just fall. I have no way to save my son now that he is begging for help and this is all I ever wanted. We do not have the financial means to put him in a rehab and then again would he lose his job if he left for medical problems. He works full time and been there almost a year.
During these last few months of his addiction I have even told myself the only way I can free my husband and family is for me to leave or end my own life because without me, my husband wouldn't keep him there. I am so torn. I don't even know how to begin to look for help. I love my son. i want him back. Is it to late?

JMFburns

((debysu))
I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing such pain.
I do not think it is too late for your son to help himself. I do not think it is too late for you to help yourself.
I pray that your son can find the support and help he needs to start his recovery. He is an adult and there should be programs available in your area to assist if he wants it.
I would encourage you to find a Naranon or Alanon support group - it has been a wonderful support system for me. I will keep your family in my thoughts.

marle

Sending prayers your way. I know the feeling of thinking that if I left this world the troubles would be over. But you would leave a lot of people behind that love you and it really is not fair to them. Maybe call your local Health Department and see if your son qualifies for any programs. Here is a link to a substance abuse treatment locator Substance Abuse Treatment Facility Locator There is hope for your son and for you. Don't give up before the miracle. Hugs, Marle

beegee

Some places will pay for rehab, or you might have to pay back like a certain amount like 12 or 13.00 a month, your son would pay it back once he is out and working. Places like the courts send addicts to. Some are good, some not but people that don't have the means can find help for an addict. I know I did because I am not working and she was in a wonderful place. Good luck and you will get your son back if he really wants help.
Prayers for you and him

Done_With_It

I was hopeless like that when I was doing meth also. It is NEVER to late.
Going on three years almost , clean now, don't ever give up...

There are a a lot of free studies for meth addicts, you may want to look into
them.. Your local hospital, craigs list, etc.. I live in LA and there are always
some going on, but a lot of cities have them now...

I'm sorry for your pain... There IS hope...

Love & Light to you.

Jody Hepler

It is never too late - as long as there is breath, there is hope. For your son, and more importantly, for you. There is a way out.

Your son going to an NA or AA meeting would be a start. And those are free. Plus filled with recovering addicts who could help your son. They know exactly what he is going through. And what he needs to do to get clean and find a life of recovery.

I found out the hard way that usually families can't help "their own". I can guide them to a place that can - NA/AA, county or state detoxes - but they need to make the call themselves. It is a sign of surrender, and very hard for an addict to do.

And my years in Alanon have helped me learn about addiction - and what helps an addict and what hurts them. I was as addicted to my alcoholic sons as they were to their drugs. Just got to be a very sick circle.

Prayers and hugs coming your way. Many of us have "been there".

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

caileesnana

I agree w/ all above. As long as there is life there is hope. Plus, he wants it now!

There is help, you just have to find it. Try the county hospital, medical school or university, or just google free rehab in your area.

heartfelt prayers for you and your son.
susan

rozied

You have my prayers also. Teen Challenge is a free residential program & don't let the name sway you they take addicts of any age. The Salvation Army is another one ( I've heard )

Spiritual Seeker

My 24 yr. old son is currently in rehab, but only after he was at the point your son is at.
Strike while there is this window to save your son by helping him get into long-term inpatient treatment. If you don't have the strength right now, enlist his dad, an aunt, a friend, etc. to help you search for an affordable program. The Salvation Army has a free long term program. Find out from your county Health agency what programs they have on a sliding scale for payment.

Addiction falls under disability and employers have to give leave for it...but your son does not have to disclose to employer what his health condition is.
That being said, there will always be other jobs. If your son continues his addiction he will lose his job eventually anyway. Save his life, not his job.

A meth addict in my opinion doesn't have the mental capacity to get treatment options worked out on their own. They need help. This is the time to help him.
If he refuses help - be persistent. If he still refuses, then make it very clear with a specific date that he will be leaving your house to live his life on his own, so that you can do the same.

Recovery is possible for both of you. There is hope. Keep the faith and move forward toward recovery options. This is the time to transition into some solutions.
You both can do this.

Meth addiction req. long-term treatment...the longer the better chance.

Taking5

It is never too late. When you talk to your son again, look up some of the options that have been offered here (including AA and NA). Do this together, and start the road to recovery. He'll need the support.

This is life and death, screw the job, work on his life. I am betting he chooses life over drugs.

1963comet

I feel for you and your son. Been in recovery myself for over 7 years so there is hope. I have read that people are refered to salvation army. You can also call the health department or mental health in your town. To see if there is anything out there for him.

I never knew there was help until I felt like your son and I asked.

debysu46

I just wanted to tell you all thank you so much!!!!!!!!! If anything just to know someone cared enough to read my post.
You all are wonderful people. May God bless you...

Done_With_It

How are you doing? How is your son?

ZombieWife

His letter was such a huge step. Don't be hard on yourself. You are ALLOWED to feel pain and hurt from watching your baby go through this (and they will always be our babies.)

Look into treatments. Leave no stone unturned. Tell him you are doing this and you will help him get into treatment. It's not too late. My husband was a meth user for many years and he has been clean over a year now and shows no interest or sign of returning. I know it's still a tightrope to walk, the waiting and wondering, but health and recovery is possible.

MANY many blessings and hugs to you both.

Done_With_It

I don't know if anything like this is of interest to you/him, but I know of a couple people who have done them. They are very extensive, lots of test, brain scans, lots of therapy, etc... Just thought I'd post in case you wanted to call.


Meth users, Paid in "Vouchers" for your participation for a Research study program, NO COST to you..
Experimental meds, outpatient counseling,

Torrance 800-991-DRUG (UCLA)
Matrix Institute 818-65-2577


READY TO TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK?
18 week study, Combination of medication, behavioral treatment therapy for specifically methamphetamine abuse.
UCLA CLINIC In Hollywood,or Rancho Cucamonga
Counseling, Study medication, and compensation are included.

THIS UCLA research is being conducted by the UCLA DEP. OF FAMILY MEDICINE and is funded by the National Inst. on Drug Abuse.

(Steven Shoptaw, PH.D)
1-866-449-UCLA