Behappy1

Great job Zenchaser! I am about 1/3 of the way through RR. I'm reading it slower to soak everything in. Today I was out and there IT was. I thought about all of the advice I've learned. And for the first time in a while I fought IT. Recognized IT and let the wave pass. I played the tape through and how I felt and how I'm still on the mend from the last attack. This is where AV usually is building steam for the next round. Not going to happen.

Mesaman - beautiful pic's!

Wholesome

That sounds amazing MesaMan! I wish I was able to go on 7 week adventures! One day I will. I'm looking forward to my first vacation where the whole trip won't be focused on drinking and partying. Yes, my AV is aroused and active but that's ok, I'm just going to let it be and learn from my observations of IT.

stargazer016

Sounds like an awesome adventure MesaMan! It's great when vacations become more than just an excuse to drink.

Fusion

Brilliant post and photo MesaMan, you're a real life trail blazer!

Behappy1

IT was talking very loudly tonight. I am thankful for this post because without it I wouldn't have said "NOPE! But I did and it feels great! THANK YOU!!

Behappy1

And another NOPE last night, today and tonight! I had chances both last night and tonight to drink. I am so thankful. I honestly don't even know what day it is sober. (I know you don't count in RR). Somehow that feels so freeing. I am already seeing improvements in my life. We have a big snow coming in tomorrow. I am stocked up on healthy food and ready to hopefully hunker down and read more on RR. I love snow. Thank you again!

dwtbd

behappy1, it's so nice to hear you sound like your screenname
I'm getting ready for the snow too, but.. neighbor( plow guy) just checked into a resort in the Keys and my snow thrower is on the fritz, so.... not loving the idea , lol.
Great job on recoginizing and separating from the AV, it is wonderfully freeing, and I hope you get some time to read your book, just remember that you will have company reading over your shoulder and IT will be looking for some kind of loop hole.
IT's 'chances' are now nonexistent, IT just won't let go of the idea. The BP is the decision that permanently ends the 'chances'.

Algorithm

This is your Addictive Voice -- the Beast advocating for the possibility of more drinking. Are you stopping drinking one day at a time, to see how it goes? Is this a 'daily decision' kind of thing?

If you make a Big Plan, you don't have 'chances' or a 'choice' to drink anymore, you decide never to choose to drink again. The Beast may still want to drink after the BP, but you will have removed the Option of choosing to drink. No more choosing not to drink today.

Counting days to gain confidence is also Addictive Voice, because trying to gain confidence to abstain suggests that more drinking is still in the cards. Set your confidence level arbitrarily at 100%, recognize all self-doubt as the Beast barking, and let the Beast count time.

This post from the AVRT discussion thread about static time may come in handy in addition to the explanation of the concept in the RR: TNC book.

Knowing, not just hoping, that you are recovered (Static Time) :

Behappy1

Thank you Algo! I SO appreciate you pointing out cracks in my thinking. For it is the cracks where IT has creeped in before. Very good read in that link.

dwtbd

Not fair , that wasn't snow, snow is pushable that wasn't , ouch.

Behappy1

Another wimpy snow. I should have been a weatherman. Get paid big $ to be wrong. Barely an inch! AV has been super strong. I am learning how to separate that voice from MY own. Prior to this they were one in the same in my mind.

Hope you're ok dwtbd! Not much to shovel here. Was hoping there would be!

Fusion

Oh I love that expression 'wimpy snow'! Here in the UK that's pretty much all we get, sadly, because I love tobogganing and building snowmen - I'm a child at heart!

Yes, Behappy, the separation is of paramount importance. I found it a ,earning curve at first, but once thoroughly learnt, it eventually becomes second nature.

Personally, I was surprised at how many 'negative thoughts' were actually AV in disguise - just building up to the finale 'so you might as well drink', because I was so hopeless, lazy, useless, pathetic, etc., the AV used everything against me.

It's great to read you're doing so well!

Wholesome

You are absolutely right Tatsy! My AV has told me how hopeless my life would be.... made me feel like nothing had any real pleasure. All my struggling was futile because I was doomed and a loser and broken.... until I drank again. Taken me 2 years to decide to quit again. I didn't recognize how IT played with my emotions. Not this time though, I'm wise to IT. And I'm am determined to do the hard work of therapy, and getting out and being active with society, and developing new healthier habits. There is a whole world out there just waiting for us now that we aren't stuck in the horrible cycle of addiction.

You got this behappy!

I gotta say I'm over winter..... it is frigid cold here and I still have no wheels so I've been walking to work and 430am in the dark and cold lol. It sucks!

Fusion

Yikes, Zenchaser, that sounds like an arduous early morning walk! I do hope you resolve the transport issue soon.

I was heartened to read your description of your Beast's AV, you display a great understanding of the mechanism which previously caused us to drink.

The awesome benefit of AVRT application is that once we make a BP and stop drinking - we are immediately able to reflect upon any problems or circumstances which we're unhappy with (anxiety, depression etc.) which were pre-existing prior to using alcohol and not caused by alcohol) and then seek whatever type of professional assistance and guidance, required to address those problems.

Since stopping drinking, I've become reacquainted with Mindfulness (which I previously used to address alcohol issue, to no avail) yet I'm now finding it most beneficial for dealing with my anxieties and fears. Both AVRT and Mindfulness work upon the power instilled within us, as homeo sapiens.: both utilise the power of our higher brains.

Wholesome

My AV has been active today! I have all these events coming up and IT has been trying to play "lets make a deal" with me. No. Just no.

I just got off the phone with my sister who has been having some really hard times and I've been feeling guilty about not being there for her the way I should be. Why? Because I was a selfish person when I was drinking.... I was either engaging in the drinking or recovering from it. I would call her once I was already half bagged and then often not even remember what she had said to me. If I was hungover I would just ignore her calls.

So yeah there will be no deals made with my addiction.

Fusion

Yes, I remember saying to my son shortly after I stopped drinking forever, last year, "I'm sorry I wasn't fully there for you, when drinking" he replied, "Mum, you were a great Mum, I'd rather have you as a drinking Mum, than a bad, not great non-drinking Mum. But all I want for you now, is that you never drink again, and that you become happier and healthier than you are: which will make me happy". Broke my heart at the time.

But with AVRT, his wish has come true.

Wholesome

.

CelticZebra

Anxiety about anxiety and all the stresses in my life are part of the extra AV I have been feeling lately, it's more a case of letting beastly AV thoughts happen and noticing them but not reacting and reassuring myself that I am in better control of myself and learning to use helpful real coping skills including how I do things differently now I never drink e.g. I feel despair, my mind attempts to find suggestions to make me feel better, my depression causes me to remember past feelings and suicidal thoughts vs '***-it-all' thinking, of course the AV pops up as that's what I used to do (drink) to alter my mood. Now I never drink I also never attempt suicide. It's taken a while to work that one out.
I'm confused but my BP is the same "I never drink now"

Algorithm

CZ,

There is a good description of how the Beast often uses the threat of suicide to argue for more drinking, as a way to stay alive by drinking, under the heading 'The Addicto-Depressive Condition', on pages 184-188 of RR: The New Cure.

The Beast isn't really in the game to die, though, or it wouldn't suggest drinking, and in The Art of AVRT, Trimpey explicitly suggests cutting off the Beast's legs by making a modified Big Plan to include never committing suicide.

You've apparently come to the same conclusion via experience, and have taken away your Beast's classic fallback ploy for arguing that 'you may as well drink' so that IT may live another day.

No need to be confused.

twinkletoesnyc

In my experience my first 6 months of being sober are the hardest and my brain is like in a fog. I made sure to take it easy and eat balanced meals with protein and just know I would be way better after about 6 months. Making sure I ate protein helped me....that still helps me everyday.....having a balanced diet with not too much sugar............