Fluffer

Marie,

Good decision to sit out the booze at this event. I always thought boozy work affairs were a minefield planned by some sadist. But seriously, how many careers have been damaged by drunkenness at a work party or event? Even when I was drinking I controlled my intake at these events.

jazzfish

Work-drink events are the worst. I don't know what's worse, the people who drink too much or the people who won't stop talking about work. I personally never benefited from slurring all my great business ideas. I always aim to stay the minimum amount of time and leave early. Pairing you with someone and putting alcohol in the room is just cruel, though. Still, you are in control with your choices, and drinking is something you just don't do.

dwtbd

Welcome Marie
Great decision on making a Big Plan, intensely freeing experience.
You can have a good time this holiday and I hope you do.
And i hope a Stars Wars reference isn't too old for you , in the early goings the AV can be loud and seem very menacing. Especially when thinking about if/when it will make its appearance. Thinking about what might be in the coming days just before a trip like this, its almost like I could hear the Darth Vader intro music and knew he was about to come around the corner for a confrontation, and then when he did it was the guy from Spaceballs, a wussy puffed-up like a Sith Lord, laughably impotent before the power of the BP, not an option, never again. A great jedi mind trick in the early goings , if the moron AV (with the stupid helmet) seems overbearing is to remember 'never' contains Now(its actually made up of all the nows we have just added and totalled) , so drag its sorry butt into the light of day and say 'Yeah I hear ya, but I Never drink Now"
wish you well and the may the fo.... well ya know

GerandTwine

How did you respond to her?

marie5465

I told her to bring what she liked and that I wouldn't be drinking. Which I didn't. I did have a good time, went on lots of roller coasters and walked for miles. The meal at night was delicious and then the drinking really kicked in. It was interesting to say the least. During my drinking I did manage to stay sober at most work events but it was an unhappy kind of sober. This time I felt calm and happy. I also felt balanced and together. The drinking really kicked in during dinner and after, but it had been a long and tiring day and most people were ready to get back to the hotel and just get to bed by about 11. My friend did bring a bottle of red wine, she had one glass while we were getting ready for dinner and she took the rest home with her today. My AV kicked off a few times throughout the trip but I wasn't afraid. I just didn't entertain it, and even laughed at it once or twice. Life is good, and I am in control. I wish I had discovered AVRT a longtime ago, but there's no point in regrets or dwelling on the past. My future is looking very bright right now, and I am choosing to focus on that. Thanks again everyone

Fluffer

Well done, Marie! Great positive attitude!

soberlicious

yay Marie!!!

freshstart57

That is great news to share, Marie, and a heckuva third post! Congratulations to you.

LonelyShadow

Does anyone else find themselves recognising the AV in others speech?

I found myself hearing it in my father when the subject of alcohol comes up, it's absolutely fascinating (albeit a little depressing) to hear the exact same twisted logic in someone else's words that I used to use myself, and still recognise as AV in my own thoughts.

He's in the 'moderation' crowd and as such has set up certain 'rules' for himself to stop him going into 'old habits'. I have no doubt many of you are already shaking your heads.

Here's the one that really annoys the crap out of me, he has a 'rule' that he can't drink alone. So naturally he sets about attempting to convince other people to drink with him. He was attempting to convince my mum and sister to drink some wine with him and even when they clearly had said they didn't fancy it he carried on talking about it. Eventually mum had a glass of wine and my dad proceeded to then drink the rest of her bottle then a bottle to himself. He still sees this as being successful in his 'moderation' because he didn't break his 'rule'

At the very least it helps me to recognise AV activity a little better.

dwtbd

I see AV or beast talk since reading RR and learning how to identify those thoughts that are positive about alcohol use and concurrently negative toward the idea of abstinence. Almost immediately after gaining that perspective I could identify it in my addiction. Especially in my thinking before and around making an official BIg Plan, by official I mean consciously following the methods described by AVRT.
Point is though that the AV is only really "there" when you realize/recognize a state of active addiction and take action to end it. People engage in behavior that is self destructive , to whatever degree, or behavior they may not identify as destructive with no motivation to stop it. There were times in my life when I knew I was abusing alcohol but just didn't care, not really in the sense that I wished to care either, I guess more a state of being a heavy drinker and being fine with it. That attitude certainly lead to me finding myself in a state of addiction, the state where you feel trapped in the cycle wanting to stop but continuing anyway. Identifying the AV is a great tool in being able to end an addiction, but I'm not sure if all rationalizations or justifications of others about their drinking are necessarily AV or beast talk.
That said "it" is writ large and stands out in a lot of things recovery related. I see it all over the boards here and on other forums, in discussions of how to achieve abstinence, and seeing it from others sharpened my ability to see "mine".

Greenwood618

There is a person posting right now on the main section of the forum who started a thread about how the inconsiderate behavior of a neighbor has caused such anger, drinking might break out.

The phrase under the person's avatar reads, "Recognising my AV."

amethyst05

Hello,

I've been lurking on this thread and from my understanding of AV, the "beast" is a reflection of your own fears... Acknowledge it for what it is and it has no ability to keep you caged in (but this also means you lose the ability to hold "it" captive as well). I know some might disagree but it's just a theory...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X70hGbGc2ZM

Wholesome

I'm reading the book right now and I realized that for years my thoughts of drinking have been, "You should have a drink." Not "I should have a drink." My mind was already doing it, I just hadn't noticed it.

Reading his book has left me with some questions. One being do I really never want to drink again? Maybe I do. I have many reasons to stop. But I think I need to inspect my AV for awhile with this new perspective before I jump into a Big Plan. I'm sure you will all think this is pure AV but I'm asking myself how bad is my drinking really? Before I commit to a Big Plan I think I really need to consider this though. Is my problem worthy? Only I can really decide. There is a sense of being at odds with myself.

I'm about half way through the book but it is by far the best recovery book I've ever read and I've read a lot of them.

GerandTwine

There isn't much to "inspect" in the Beast or IT's bark (the AV). IT's simply defined purely for Recognition of IT's waning existence. I've compared IT to a caged rat being immersed into a tub of water clawing at the top for it's last breaths of air. Not much to "inspect".

It sounds like you really want to inspect yourself, your intelligent decision-making about drinking some more, outside of the parameters of AVRT. Would it be wrong for you to drink some more later on? I decided yes, knowing it would be the easiest way to get on with the rest of my life. Time has taught me to forget what drinking was like, or how it felt to be under the influence. And my Big Plan has precluded me from ever discovering it again. And that's not a problem. It's a relief.

Greenwood618

The ambivalence about not being sure if you want to continue drinking or not might be your first ever experience separating the adult, human "You" from the subhuman, party animal "It."

Now, your path is easy.

One, you continue drinking, in which case, you should enjoy your drinks as much as possible. You are an adult and have every right to continue with voluntary, legal behavior as long as it endangers no one else.

Two, you quit, once and forever.

It doesn't take much detective work on SR to see that drinking has not worked out very well for you.

If you were doing something you know to be harmful, don't you think it would be a good idea to cease it immediately?

Wholesome

Well SR only hears certain parts of me and only in the context of the negatives of my drinking experiences. I don't come on here and talk about what a fun night I/it may of had out drinking due to the consideration of others. I/it do have them. But there is the other side where I/it drink when it's not appropriate..... blah blah blah. I've listed the negatives before. But I/it won't deny that I/it enjoy it!

I dunno. I'm not done reading the book but it really has me thinking. If I make a Big Plan I'm not going to make it lightly. I'm not sure if never drinking again is really what I/it want. Maybe I/it just want to drink less..... Forever is a long time.

I love what he has to say! It makes the most sense to me of anything else.

Gonna finish the book and spend some time mulling it over.

Gawd I reread my post and added all the /it's. Wow the av is strong in me!

Yeah I've got some work to do.

Greenwood618

There are a lot of qualifiers in your writing.

But I can see the adult, mature, abstinent person.

You show many signs of recognizing and separating.

But your Beast is very strong. Very strong.

Always remember, ANY suggestion that drinking is a good thing is not and never can be you. Drinking suggestions are always it.

And always remember that human beings rule beasts, easily and naturally. All you need to do is make a Big Plan, proceed with 100 percent confidence and avoid those other things the book warns about avoiding.

PS - There is no such thing as a half-hearted Big Plan. That is just the AV barking. If it is a Big Plan, it is from you. If it is from the Beast, it is not a Big Plan, but rather a vague hope with tons of drinking clauses.

IfYouCanDream

Can you please tell me more about how you did it? I'm trying to quit smoking and would love to do with AVRT.

Wholesome

I'm not going to make a Big Plan. Not yet anyways. It's always there for me to take if I change my mind. But right now I plan to continue drinking. Not everyday but when and if I choose to I will. That is my truth. Yes the av is strong. But at least I know it for what it is.

Nonsensical

I tried this way for a while - if I can recognize the AV then I can pick and choose when to drink and when not to drink. In theory it works.

In reality I find it much easier to just not drink. Starving the beast quiets it. Feeding it gets it all amped up. If I don't drink at all I have to tell it no from time to time. If I feed it a little I have to tell it no multiple times every day. The mental effort required to just drink a little was stealing my freedom. So not worth it to me.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!