freshstart57

I doubt you lose control over your drinking at the flip of a switch, I think you lose control over your drinking at the first drink. Maybe even at pouring it - that beast chile gets soooo excited at the uncorking of the wine bottle, the clink of ice in a highball glass. No matter, you have plenty of control and reason available to you before these things happen.

You haven't accepted that you cannot drink AND have that job. I doubt your job is secure at all - you will make that mistake sooner than later, or maybe something outside your control will happen that you will be unable to deal with because of intoxication.

13, you know how to do this. Are you ready to decide your future about continuing to use alcohol?

13unluckyforsom

I lose control as soon as I purchase the first drink or bottle or can - but before I get to that stage - leading up to it - I'm not in control. Any thought with regards to alcohol logically isn't my true person - my true Emily person knows for an absolute fact that - as you say nothings secure if I drink. I don't even know why I'm here and posting - I'm not dumb - or ignorant - I've been struggling with this for years so as I don't do things by half measure EVER I understand - I don't actually need advice - I need a freaking cure. Why can't I be cured lol I've an addiction problem with anything - love - substances - like I get addicted in work to raising money for charity lol I get a buzz when I'm uplifting but when I don't it's harsh lol I've addictive genes

13unluckyforsom

I feel everything so much. Is that an illness - normal people aren't affected like me - I'm starting to think maybe I'm autistic as when in work and things change unexpectedly I freak out a bit. Like even bus delays or hmm I dunno - I don't handle change very well.

13unluckyforsom

A normal person would have been capable of handling this scenario in the bus station - a normal person wouldn't have taken it so personal and so deeply. I did tho. It's whacky lol

jdooner

Emily - I remember having these say conversations with you last year. Maybe try changing things up - does not seem like what you are trying is working.

PurpleKnight

These 2 statements are not compatible:

You can have all the excuses and justifications you want, but having a glass of wine at 8.30 in the morning is not a sustainable way forward!!

You can turn this around, it can be done, there is no inevitability in any of this!!

Boredom happens to everyone, if your bored, find something to do, I also drank because I was bored, but that was because my life was boring, when I got Sober I needed to fill all that time with something to do!!

You can do this!!

13unluckyforsom

I really had to keep the level of tipsy otherwise I'd have lost my level of normality and swore at the people who were being so rude lol I drink so I can deal with life. Feeling all the feelings is hard work. I'm not shy of work - I do 6 day weeks - I'm out from 10 and not home till 11 - my beast is at work here hahaha funny I just refocus

PurpleKnight

Been there got the T-Shirt, hated life, hated myself, didn't want to feel anything, feelings, emotions, all too painful, enter alcohol, my best friend would numb it all away and it did for years!!

My point is, everything you say you need alcohol for is a myth, life can be conducted successfully without alcohol, SR is full of people who have successfully figured out how to deal with life without drinking!!

Dealing with life with alcohol, will eventually take your life if not kept in check, the body can only take so much, 8am drinking as I mentioned is not a sustainable way forward, there has to be another way, and there is!!

You just have to want it and try it out, why accept anything less for your life?!!

fini

I drink so I can deal with life. Feeling all the feelings is hard work.


that's a really good understanding, Emily.
and it points to the way out right there: you need to find new and different ways. most of us here have had to find other ways to deal with life. drinking is your solution to everything/life, and your solution isn't working.

are you still at your brother's place and what is your plan now that you see you don't have control?

13unluckyforsom

I literally have no plan just now - I'm still at my brothers but I need to focus on my bills so I can get a place nearer my job - or get a job nearer my home lol everything is so obviously black on white -I know what to do. I just need to do it lol

freshstart57

I had a ton of problems that alcohol was helping me deal with. I couldn't imagine how I could make it without alcohol, and a lot of it, too, if you don't mind.

My life was not going well though, and was definitely getting worse, especially my mental health. I was feeling more hopeless, helpless and anxious every day, it seemed. Finally, I understood that I needed to do it differently, and I committed to facing all of this sober.

The decision in itself gave me hope, no longer helpless or hopeless, just by deciding, simply by making that choice. I took power back by demanding change.

And those problems that alcohol was helping me with? Alcohol was causing them, Emily. It had all been a lie, that I had been drinking to cope. I had only been drinking for the buzz, and the buzz was destroying my life. The buzz was destroying me.

Addictive genes? Maybe you have em, maybe I do too. I don't know. Even if I do, I had to ask myself, how does that change anything? Does that mean that I don't need to find a way forward? I have other genes too - maybe they will make it easier to succeed in this, and maybe they won't. It doesn't really matter. Regardless, I needed to fix this.

You can do all this daily stuff. The job, the bus stop, the frustrations and annoyances will seem trivial challenges, you will take them in stride once you give yourself this gift. Give yourself a chance to succeed, give yourself this chance to be happy. Give yourself your life. Onward!

SoberHoopsFan

The happiness is a front and false. How can you really be happy when you are imbibing a depressant with such frequency? Slavery to the bottle is not happiness or freedom - it's the exact opposite. Whatever happiness you imagine feeling is in spite of your alcohol consumption and would be far better without it. Waking up so hungover you need a drink to make it to work is not happiness. You don't "love" getting wrecked, you're just addicted to alcohol. Did you "love" getting wrecked the first time you did? I'm guessing you felt sick, threw up, and woke up the next day feeling like absolute hell. Newsflash, the drug is exactly the same as the first time you consumed it, alcohol never ever changes, the only thing that has changed is your tolerance and perception of it because you are addicted to it. It's hard to see the forest through the trees while in the midst of addiction, but there is no advantage to drinking alcohol, and only pain and suffering (in varying degrees depending on your intake).

Why not just make a plan to quit for good? You would be sacrificing nothing, and potentially gaining everything. Look at it that way, you can do this.

And I can say from experience, I fought like hell to keep alcohol in my life for years upon years, even as it destroyed everything in it. I wanted to believe, I insisted on believing, that it was providing me benefits. All of it was untrue. Those thoughts were just part of my addiction. Freed from that, I can see it now, but I couldn't see it then. It is possible to free yourself from this, many of us have.

13unluckyforsom

Thanks for all the replies. As ever you lot are spot on. Drinking isn't making anything easier - it's just making me wreckless. I'm not drinking today. I got an eye opener yesterday from someone I don't really know. I asked them why they had stepped back from me and his reply was "I don't like you when you drink" now this guy knows nothing of my past or my alcohol problems so he isn't just jumping on the band wagon. I'm really hard work to deal with when I'm drinking. So basically I had a chance for a friendship but I unknowingly messed it up because of my drinking. So yeah - the world can end every night if I choose it but it WILL begin again in the morning regardless. I can fuel the fire or I can extinguish the flame. Choice is mine right...

Arbor

I'm the last person to give advice as I've been trying to nip this in the bud for over a year since joining SR. I think you really need to just accept the facts at hand here. This is risky behavior that will lead to major health problems. A few days ago I felt like I was having a heart attack coming off three to four days of heavy drinking. It was a close call to say the least and I never want to feel this scared again. Don't let it get this bad for you because it eventually will if you keep drinking. I was lucky to make it out alive.

anattaboy

So the experiment gave results. Now what?

13unluckyforsom

Now I've realised that it's not circumstances - I have had to re evaluate and quit.

dwtbd

I'm sure you already know this but, quitting is hard and it sucks. Staying quit is even harder, but it gets easier. I wimped out, I was tried of quitting and not staying quit, I took the easier route, I decided to quit for good, done , enough. It's like cheating, but if you decide to quit for good, you're done, the first couple of days are going to hard physically, but by cheating mentally they're very doable.
Be a wimp and cheat, quit for good.

13unluckyforsom

Drinking is hard and drinking sucks too especially when you try and conduct it around a 6 day work week lol infact it's impossible to sustain both. Only thing that never fails to deliver upon me is the lows I reach. That's what sucks. But that's the end result. Every time. I know all of this and I know I have to do it. Nobody is going to stop me only myself.

dwtbd

No time like the present, literally.
Rootin for ya

13unluckyforsom

I'm not drinking just now. I don't plan to either. I do however have a nasty headache that hasn't shifted all day and a horrible chat to have with someone tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. I'm actually a bit scared.