The 'this time it will be different' 'addictive voice'

[IAmAbstinent]

This is probably the main one I fell prey to in the past.

My particular penchant was buying rare research chemicals online.

As such my excuse would always be 'but it was because of x, y,z chemical , if I try this NEW one ppl are raving about things will be different!'

Yet lo and behold things turned out the same every time.

Not to mention the bad feelings at lowered brain chemicals I would often be terrified I had broken my brain for good as these are largely untested chemicals made only in the last few years specifically to sell.

I would read other ppl's testimonials online attesting of what little side effects these things had. This would usually be my justification to try them. In hindsight putting my wellbeing on the hearsay on some random person on the internet.

That was usually what finally tipped me and made me do those few clicks to buy the next rare chemical online to test.

Thought I'd write it up to 'smoke it out' Trimpey style.

Other's experiences might not be the same specifically but I imagine many can relate to the 'this time it'll be different' voice.

After writing this I am wondering if it's a good idea to 'bring up the past' like this as I think I agree with Trimpey about it feeding the beast. It brought me down a bit while I was typing it- like I shouldn't be giving attention to my past use.

What do others think?

I'm thinking it might be better just to not dwell on these old habits and instead focus on cultivating new ones.

[Dee74]

Personally, I think it can help to write things out - it's kinda what this forum is based on lol

I certainly can identify with thinking 'this time it will be different', even tho in my case it was the same drugs over and over - I really convinced myself (at least to the level of willingly going along with the idea) that I might get a different result, over and over and over again.

Posting here regularly actually helped me put paid to those ideas - it was more difficult for me to argue that premise when I had bits of my history written down here at easy access.

D

[Terminally Unique]

Originally Posted by Harambulus

After writing this I am wondering if it's a good idea to 'bring up the past' like this as I think I agree with Trimpey about it feeding the beast. It brought me down a bit while I was typing it- like I shouldn't be giving attention to my past use.

The Addictive Voice will invariably play down the bad stuff that happened from drinking/using, and play up the good stuff. It is a common phenomenon to "forget" why we quit in the first place, and the RR book has a section on this. (See "Why Can't I remember the pain?" on Page 122-123 of "RR: TNC").

Personally, I need only remember my single decision to never drink/use again, and to never even re-consider the question again. I don't rely on "selective memory" to debate with the AV; I made a final, irrevocable decision to abstain, and the answer is always never.

[IAmAbstinent]

Ye Im still waiting for my copy to arrive so I guess this was a good exercise in the meantime