Phone call from "The Guy"

[Daisy09]

Hi everyone,

My husband got a call on his cell phone this afternoon while we were in the car together from "The Guy" that he was snorting heroin with. He didn't answer it, and asked me to get him a new cell number tomorrow, which I'll gladly do. But do you think I'm going overboard & over-reacting if I call "The Guy" and tell him to stay away from my husband? I'm just afraid of what an influence this guy has been already (he's the one who got M started on this crap) and what an influence he could be. M's doing really well on the Suboxone - we're on Day 8 , and he says he has no desire to use, just feels glad to be free of it.

Thanks as always for your views,
Daisy

[Gypsy Feet]

my opinion is "druggies" are better left alone, change the number and hope that is the end of it. I was a druggie, and wasn't very reasonable at the time.

[gneiss]

Agreed. Do NOT contact this guy. Ever. Just change the phone number and leave it alone. At best your husband is going to look like he can't handle his own business and has his wife do it for him. At worst... well, dealers can be pretty unpredictable. My meth dealer one day called and asked if I wanted to buy some killer, I said no, and he has never called me again. The guy I bought coke/crack from? I haven't taken that dude's calls or contacted him in about 8 weeks and he called the day before I changed my phone number last week. Plus... their overall behavior is pretty outrageous sometimes. To be on the safe side, ask your hubby if "the guy" knows where you live/work or if your hubby possibly owes him money. Don't be judgmental but it's better if you know.

[Freepath]

I'll agree with every response. Your best bet is to never speak to or see this guy again. Stonewalling is the best way to handle it. He will hopefully forget and move on. If you involve yourself with him in any way, he may reciprocate. This is not the result that you want.

[californiapoppy]

I agree with the others ! Do not contact this "guy".

[Daisy09]

Thanks all...I thought better of it myself, too, but was having a panic-y moment at the time. I'm trying so hard to stay mentally together for myself and the kids, but little things like that remind me that I am still kind of freaking out about this inside.

Wishing everyone a good day,
Daisy

[Gypsy Feet]

I know the "co-dependent" crowd may have turned you off when you first got here, but there really is a lot worth learning about how to manage through this. You might want to do a little reading, and just take the information that jives with you, dump the rest. Glad to hear he is doing well.

[Daisy09]

I have been checking in over there to see what others are saying, but I don't think I'll be posting there again. The last response I got to my original post (which I made the day after I found out about M's heroin addiction) was really pretty offensive to me. The poster referred to me very condescendingly as "my dear" and stated flatly that "without a 12-step program he will never succeed" which really wasn't all that helpful. Someone also said that taking the Subs without a prescription was just as bad as doing the heroin, which I think is bull. Granted, it's not an ideal situation...but it's definitely not as bad as doing heroin. So I think I'll stick here for now, if no one minds I've found you to be a much less judgmental bunch so far!

[kwigers]

Daisy09,
People say all sorts of ****:-) Take what you need and leave the rest.
Love and light!~cheryl
Oh, I sometimes wear my flame retardant suit to the forums...its much more fun, and it is flaming pink! And remember there are many people who never post, they just relate quietly! Someone needs what you have or you wouldn't have it!!

[ananda]

daisy...when i post...especially if it is something dificult...i find that i will get a lot of responses that seem unhelpful. Sometimes condencing, sometimes based on untrue assumptions....

BUT...and this is big....i also get alot of responses that hit home, that streach me to think in new ways...

In fact i think when i respond to posters i generally talk about my own expereince with the issue...so sometimes i suspect it isn't helpful to them as thier case is different, I don't know them and sometimes *hangs head* i am condesinding.....

I started a thread in F&F which lead me to contact several members by pm...and which gives me some base support with people i related to adn taht can be helpful to me in learning one on one....I love group support, but alot of times it is really individual interaction that opens me to knew ideas and where i can share enough information to actually recieve help that is helpful and appropirete.

But please...keep sharing here as well

[Zencat]

Originally Posted by Daisy09

and asked me to get him a new cell number tomorrow, which I'll gladly do.

Personally I think its his job to get a new number. I see that as his commitment to the process of addiction treatment and that being taking full responsibility for his addiction. Its good to offer insight and suggestions but the action part rest on the addict alone. Also its a good indicator IMO to see just how committed a person is willing to change when sound and prudent suggestion are followed through or not.

I would suggest to you Daisy to learn about addiction and addiction treatment. Also learn about what is and is not coda behavior. The book Codependent No More is a good book for that. I believe it is good to be helpful but one can learn good helping guidelines to make the process a safe and sane one for you and you SO.

[Katie09]

Hi Daisy,

I am very glad you are here! I do agree with Zencat, however. I think it's up to your husband to change the phone number. If for no other reason he will perhaps get a sense of the consequences of having this person in his life. I'm involved with someone now who is pretty hands off. For a very long time he tried to get me to change my ways and took on a lot of unnecessary and painful stuff in the process. His behavior didn't help me one iota as I wasn't ready for the change. I had to get to the place where I signed myself up for rehab, decided to take my meds on a regular basis, etc before I contacted him again. This is much better now that I'm taking responsibility for my stuff and really trying to be the best I can be. Take care and look forward to getting to know you better!

Katie