Strange place... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

zendust · 08-25-2008, 08:12 PM

I'm having a hard time feeling grounded lately.

My eighteen-year-old son just moved out. I'm having huge financial problems. My ex owes over $88,000 in child support. He fled the state due to a warrant for his arrest in this matter. A year ago I finished 48 weeks of chemo. Couldn't work and went through my savings to keep my son and me fed, clothed and sheltered. Now I'm nearing bankruptcy.

Yet there is much good stuff too. The treatment worked and I have my health back. I'm am teaching more and more therefore a slight increase in my income is on the horizon...but I may have to move because I cannot afford this place.

I dunno...everything just seems to be in a state of major transitions. I feel like I've been swept up by a current and can't see dry land.

Just had to share. If anyone has any input or experience to share, would be glad to hear it.

Thanks.

ananda · 08-25-2008, 08:47 PM

I have been struggling with not feeling grounded the last 2 weeks. For me alot of the feeling is centered around change...I want to hold on to some version of my "self" that I believe is solid...when in reality who I am today is not who I was 2 weeks ago. And who others are is not the same....and our relationships change....

I don't feel "safe" or "in control" I want to grab and hang on to something.

I am just continuing to practice my meditiation, and reminding myself that change is a fact of life. Trying to be here in the moment when I don't feel "safe" dont feel like I know what is going on or what the next indicated thing is...is truly difficult, but I just keep trying to do so to the best of my ability.

Thanks for bringing this up.

**Dee74** · 08-25-2008, 10:43 PM

Do you have a counsellor or anything like that Nands?

Sometimes I find it's easier to unload to strangers, and their perspectives are usually interesting too.My old campus had counsellors available for free to students and staff.

As I said, I dunno your situation much at all - just an idea I had

D

JigOvLife · 08-26-2008, 02:31 AM

Gotta say, counselling at Uni 2 years ago was the best thing I did in that fiasco. Over the course of 4 months the guy actually managed to bring me round from the philosophical dead end of solipsism that I'd been utterly miserable in for years. I heartily recomend it.

I often find myself sat on the neurotic spaceship in a state of 'analysis paralysis' when it comes to change. I can easily just detach and stare at my developing circumstances without dipping an oar in and attempting to steer.

With sobriety comes responsibility (and King, Baby, Jig of Life just wants to chuck his teddy outta' cot).

All the very best, folks

fu7pink · 08-26-2008, 03:45 AM

Hi sweetheart... I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle. have you considered moving to a smaller home since your son has moved out? Maybe you should harness the chnage that is in the air an create something anew and revitalising. x

zendust · 08-26-2008, 05:34 AM

Thank you all for your terrific responses. Just a response saying "yeah, I know what you mean" is so helpful.

Ananda, I read another post of yours where you expressed this difficulty. Your phrase "change is a fact of life" is no small thing. Impermanence is a law of nature. And I hurt when I try to go against it. I think I am just wishing for some kind of "safe" routine. I don't think it exists.

I really like what you had to say fu7pink. As I said in my post, there are some positive things going on as well and I feel this "revitalization" going on. It is just the change is so big and on so many levels. As I mentioned, I am in a rushing current and have no idea where I am going to land. Yes, I am considering moving...ugh! hate the idea of packing again and downsizing, but I am willing.

Thank you all again. This is a terrific forum.

Gassho

**Dee74** · 08-26-2008, 06:12 AM

a 1000 apologies Zendust - I answered Ananda's post above not even realising it was your thread...it's been a weird day

I have no real advice for you - transitional periods are not my favorite either - I usually focus on the good and give thanks for that...help others when I can so I don't lose perspective and/or isolate....

I wish you well and yeah - this is a great forum.

D

zendust · 08-26-2008, 06:15 AM

Hey, not to worry Dee74. Your answer to Ananda helped me too!

We are all ONE after all.

Zencat · 08-26-2008, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zendust

I dunno...everything just seems to be in a state of major transitions. I feel like I've been swept up by a current and can't see dry land.

I too am undergoing a major transition. For now I'm going to ride the wave of upheaval and see what happens.

doorknob · 08-26-2008, 10:22 AM

Hi Zendust, we just moved to this little town of 1,700 people and I haven't been able to find a job or make any friends. I feel really isolated and am spending most of my time on the computer. And I'm trying to get sober though this. I made it to 4 days twice, now I'm on day 7, but feeling hopeless and depressed. My gf is paying the rent and most of the expenses and I've alway been able to pull my own weight in the 5 years we've been together. To make it worse, we fight often, and she throws this in my face, as well as how much time I spend on the computer. So, I can relate a little...

SelfSeeking · 08-26-2008, 10:38 AM

Hey- transitioning here too! I hate change, it sucks.
:P

sorry, that's all I got. I move to connecticut in 2 days, leaving my fiance behind, and am absolutely in a knot about it. We could get coffee when I'm up there sometime zendust

zendust · 08-26-2008, 11:21 AM

Gosh! I know a lot of people in transition. I think it is on a much larger scale that we think. Globally, there is much going on that kind of trickles right down to our little lives.

Hang in there people. All I know is as long as I don't drink or use, I am safely strapped into the roller coaster and I'll be ok...a little queasy maybe, but ok.

doorknob, I know how you feel. When I am depressed, I sometimes cannot see my way out of it. But one thing that really works for me is action. It does not have to be taking action with a particular problem...such as job hunting. It could be as unrelated as finishing a project I started, or even just cleaning out the basement. There is something about moving and doing a task that has incredible results. And it continues into other things. Try it, just one little something...it may help.

SelfSeeking, let me know when you are in my neck of the woods. Would love to meet at St. Starbucks for a meeting.

Bamboozle · 08-26-2008, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zendust

I feel like I've been swept up by a current and can't see dry land.

Yeah...just trying to keep my head above the water...

Zencat · 08-26-2008, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zendust

Hang in there people. All I know is as long as I don't drink or use, I am safely strapped into the roller coaster and I'll be ok...a little queasy maybe, but ok.

If anything I can manage hanging on.

fu7pink · 08-27-2008, 02:56 AM

Best of luck Zen dust... i'm sure that good things have to be around the corner for you.

08-25-2008, 08:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
zendust things as it is Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: New York Posts: 236	Strange place... I'm having a hard time feeling grounded lately. My eighteen-year-old son just moved out. I'm having huge financial problems. My ex owes over $88,000 in child support. He fled the state due to a warrant for his arrest in this matter. A year ago I finished 48 weeks of chemo. Couldn't work and went through my savings to keep my son and me fed, clothed and sheltered. Now I'm nearing bankruptcy. Yet there is much good stuff too. The treatment worked and I have my health back. I'm am teaching more and more therefore a slight increase in my income is on the horizon...but I may have to move because I cannot afford this place. I dunno...everything just seems to be in a state of major transitions. I feel like I've been swept up by a current and can't see dry land. Just had to share. If anyone has any input or experience to share, would be glad to hear it. Thanks.

08-25-2008, 10:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 42,618	Do you have a counsellor or anything like that Nands? Sometimes I find it's easier to unload to strangers, and their perspectives are usually interesting too.My old campus had counsellors available for free to students and staff. As I said, I dunno your situation much at all - just an idea I had D __________________ “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”Lao Tzu

08-26-2008, 06:12 AM	#7 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 42,618	a 1000 apologies Zendust - I answered Ananda's post above not even realising it was your thread...it's been a weird day I have no real advice for you - transitional periods are not my favorite either - I usually focus on the good and give thanks for that...help others when I can so I don't lose perspective and/or isolate.... I wish you well and yeah - this is a great forum. D __________________ “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”Lao Tzu

08-26-2008, 10:22 AM	#10 (permalink)
doorknob Knucklehead Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Davenport, WA Posts: 4,015	Hi Zendust, we just moved to this little town of 1,700 people and I haven't been able to find a job or make any friends. I feel really isolated and am spending most of my time on the computer. And I'm trying to get sober though this. I made it to 4 days twice, now I'm on day 7, but feeling hopeless and depressed. My gf is paying the rent and most of the expenses and I've alway been able to pull my own weight in the 5 years we've been together. To make it worse, we fight often, and she throws this in my face, as well as how much time I spend on the computer. So, I can relate a little... __________________ Get in where you fit in. - Too $hort

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08-25-2008, 08:47 PM	#2 (permalink)
ananda Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 11,908 Blog Entries: 1	I have been struggling with not feeling grounded the last 2 weeks. For me alot of the feeling is centered around change...I want to hold on to some version of my "self" that I believe is solid...when in reality who I am today is not who I was 2 weeks ago. And who others are is not the same....and our relationships change.... I don't feel "safe" or "in control" I want to grab and hang on to something. I am just continuing to practice my meditiation, and reminding myself that change is a fact of life. Trying to be here in the moment when I don't feel "safe" dont feel like I know what is going on or what the next indicated thing is...is truly difficult, but I just keep trying to do so to the best of my ability. Thanks for bringing this up.

08-26-2008, 02:31 AM	#4 (permalink)
JigOvLife Perfectly Flawed Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Republic of Yorkshire Posts: 481 Blog Entries: 1	Gotta say, counselling at Uni 2 years ago was the best thing I did in that fiasco. Over the course of 4 months the guy actually managed to bring me round from the philosophical dead end of solipsism that I'd been utterly miserable in for years. I heartily recomend it. I often find myself sat on the neurotic spaceship in a state of 'analysis paralysis' when it comes to change. I can easily just detach and stare at my developing circumstances without dipping an oar in and attempting to steer. With sobriety comes responsibility (and King, Baby, Jig of Life just wants to chuck his teddy outta' cot). All the very best, folks

08-26-2008, 03:45 AM	#5 (permalink)
fu7pink Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: VIC Posts: 15 Blog Entries: 1	Hi sweetheart... I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle. have you considered moving to a smaller home since your son has moved out? Maybe you should harness the chnage that is in the air an create something anew and revitalising. x

08-26-2008, 05:34 AM	#6 (permalink)
zendust things as it is Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: New York Posts: 236	Thank you all for your terrific responses. Just a response saying "yeah, I know what you mean" is so helpful. Ananda, I read another post of yours where you expressed this difficulty. Your phrase "change is a fact of life" is no small thing. Impermanence is a law of nature. And I hurt when I try to go against it. I think I am just wishing for some kind of "safe" routine. I don't think it exists. I really like what you had to say fu7pink. As I said in my post, there are some positive things going on as well and I feel this "revitalization" going on. It is just the change is so big and on so many levels. As I mentioned, I am in a rushing current and have no idea where I am going to land. Yes, I am considering moving...ugh! hate the idea of packing again and downsizing, but I am willing. Thank you all again. This is a terrific forum. Gassho

08-26-2008, 06:15 AM	#8 (permalink)
zendust things as it is Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: New York Posts: 236	Hey, not to worry Dee74. Your answer to Ananda helped me too! We are all ONE after all.

08-26-2008, 10:38 AM	#11 (permalink)
SelfSeeking Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Northeast US Posts: 1,341 Blog Entries: 2	Hey- transitioning here too! I hate change, it sucks. :P sorry, that's all I got. I move to connecticut in 2 days, leaving my fiance behind, and am absolutely in a knot about it. We could get coffee when I'm up there sometime zendust

08-26-2008, 11:21 AM	#12 (permalink)
zendust things as it is Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: New York Posts: 236	Gosh! I know a lot of people in transition. I think it is on a much larger scale that we think. Globally, there is much going on that kind of trickles right down to our little lives. Hang in there people. All I know is as long as I don't drink or use, I am safely strapped into the roller coaster and I'll be ok...a little queasy maybe, but ok. doorknob, I know how you feel. When I am depressed, I sometimes cannot see my way out of it. But one thing that really works for me is action. It does not have to be taking action with a particular problem...such as job hunting. It could be as unrelated as finishing a project I started, or even just cleaning out the basement. There is something about moving and doing a task that has incredible results. And it continues into other things. Try it, just one little something...it may help. SelfSeeking, let me know when you are in my neck of the woods. Would love to meet at St. Starbucks for a meeting.

08-27-2008, 02:56 AM	#15 (permalink)
fu7pink Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: VIC Posts: 15 Blog Entries: 1	Best of luck Zen dust... i'm sure that good things have to be around the corner for you.

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