Dead Flowers

[Morning Glory]

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read beneath the long,
straggly branches of an old willow tree. Disillusioned by life with good
reason to frown, for the world was intent on dragging me down. And if
that wasn't enough to ruin my day, a young boy out of breath approached
me, all tired from play. He stood right before me with his head tilted
down and said with great excitement, "Look what I found!" In his hand
was a flower, and what a pitiful sight, with its petals all worn - not
enough rain, or too little light.
Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play, I faked a small
smile and then shifted away. But instead of retreating he sat next to my
side and placed the flower to his nose and declared with overacted
surprise, "It sure smells pretty and it's beautiful, too. That's why I
picked it; here, it's for you."
The weed before me was dying or dead. Not vibrant of colors: orange,
yellow or red. But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave. So I
reached for the flower, and replied, "Just what I need." But instead of
him placing the flower in my hand, he held it midair without reason or
plan. It was then that I noticed for the very first time that weed-toting
boy could not see: he was blind.
I heard my voice quiver; tears shone in the sun as I thanked him for
picking the best one. "You're welcome," he smiled, and then ran off to
play, unaware of the impact he'd had on my day. I sat there and wondered
how he managed to see a self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree.
How did he know of my self-indulged plight? Perhaps from his heart, he'd
been blessed with true sight. Through the eyes of a blind child, at last
I could see. The problem was not with the world; the problem was me.
And for all of those times I myself had been blind, I vowed to see the
beauty in life, and appreciate every second that's mine. And then I held
that wilted flower up to my nose and breathed in the fragrance of a
beautiful rose and smiled as I watched that young boy, another weed in
his hand, about to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.

by
Don Milnor

[bugsworth]

That was beautiful. Thank You...

I am always amazed how life teaches you something at the most perfect time.

Years ago I broke my foot in 23 places and it hurts somedays, especially at the end of a work day due to the fact I walk about 4 miles a day. Anyway It was the end of my shift and I was changing my shoes, kinda rubbing the top of my foot thinking "damn foot" when the new patient that was scheduled to arrived was being wheeled to her room. I went to introduce myself as I would be seeing her in the a.m., upon entering her room I realized that she is a double amputee! I won't be complaining about my foot anytime soon!

Thanks for the share!

[paulmh]

Thank you Morning Glory, you so often produce such wonderful stuff, I'm grateful.

I just got a new job today, but I'm finding it a bit hard to bring myself out of a fug. Gratitude is the attitude.

[nolonger]

Congratulations on the new job, Paul.

[paulmh]

Thanks brother! I saw a post that you wrote in the 12 step forum about "mental blind spots" - it was bob on.

[Krissy41]

That was absolutely beautiful, thank you so much I needed that.

[Dr. Snow]

Yeah, that was a nice story... I used to give regularly to National Camps for Blind Children.

[nolonger]

hey Snow,
good to see you back. Where you been hiding?
nl.

[Dr. Snow]

Hey there, nolonger. I've mostly been hanging out in the mental health forum. Busy days are just ahead... I've got family coming from out-of-town later today. Man, I should've gone to bed 9 hours ago!

What else? Oh, yeah, they had these little 5 liter mini-kegs at the store yesterday and I didn't even touch them !!

Anyway, how have you been doing?

[nolonger]

Not bad. Don't want to see the inside of another airport, another train station for a while, so am having a quiet, quiet holidays - not going anywhere, just staying put with the girlfriend. First dusting of snow this morning. Maybe it'll be a white Christmas. It'll be a sober one anyway.

Originally Posted by Dr. Snow

they had these little 5 liter mini-kegs at the store yesterday and I didn't even touch them !!

It's so good that drinking seems so far away. Had a miserable day yesterday, was restless, tired and unhappy all evening. I ended up watching a video and going to bed early. And just before I went to sleep I thought - there was a time when I would have gone out and gotten sh**faced, but it now never even occured to me.

This is veering off topic a little...

...so thanks again MG for the original post!

[Dr. Snow]

Originally Posted by nolonger

It's so good that drinking seems so far away. Had a miserable day yesterday, was restless, tired and unhappy all evening. I ended up watching a video and going to bed early. And just before I went to sleep I thought - there was a time when I would have gone out and gotten sh**faced, but it now never even occured to me.

Yeah, just a couple of days ago, I was thinking about how far away drinking seems to me. It's been a few months now since I bought O'Doul's. I used to keep the pavement warm going back and forth to the store making beer/cheap wine runs. The owner of the little independent store near me recently sold out. I think my sobriety had something to do with him going out of business! I'm not kidding... I'm almost certain that I was his best customer. Strangely, I feel a little guilty about it. He had an assortment of nicknames for me every time I would come in, all of them related to alcohol.

Anyway, rather than getting ****-faced, I'm learning to find other ways to cope with stress and misery. Instead of reaching for alcohol, I've been reaching for hot cocoa. And I've recently discovered the soothing effect of slightly melted peanut butter. I turn the bright lights off, and sometimes, I don't take phone calls--they can leave a message and I will get back to them later. With quite a bit of difficulty, I've been trying to limit the amount of time I spend on the computer because it creates a lot of stress for me. Also, I have to be very careful about what music I listen to. Without a doubt, I've had my strongest urges to drink when I hear certain songs--all the ones I used to listen to while I was drinking! Too many to count...

Okay, now for something completely different. Back on topic:

This morning, I was searching the web for the art of Marye McKenney. She is a legally blind artist who contributes her work in support of NCBC. I could only find one image. She's participating in an exhibit that features blind or legally blind artists. Along with images from other artists, an example of Marye's work can be seen on page 14 of the following link. I think the picture kind of goes with Morning Glory's story:

http://www.scco.edu/Shared%20Visions..._08Catalog.pdf

[nolonger]

Originally Posted by Dr. Snow

Anyway, rather than getting ****-faced, I'm learning to find other ways to cope with stress and misery. Instead of reaching for alcohol, I've been reaching for hot cocoa. And I've recently discovered the soothing effect of slightly melted peanut butter. I turn the bright lights off, and sometimes, I don't take phone calls--they can leave a message and I will get back to them later. With quite a bit of difficulty, I've been trying to limit the amount of time I spend on the computer because it creates a lot of stress for me. Also, I have to be very careful about what music I listen to. Without a doubt, I've had my strongest urges to drink when I hear certain songs--all the ones I used to listen to while I was drinking! Too many to count...

Its a habit as well as an addiction. As soon as I put the booze down my throat, its an addiction. But a lot of making sure I don't do that is breaking old bad habits, breaking them hard and making sure they stay broke.

I'm sure that's why AA people suggest the 90/90 thing: smash up your old habits and find some new ones to put in their place. (Though a lot of other things too.)

Music is tough, isn't it? I was at the gym and I listened to the Pogues, for the first time in a long time. Good music for ke the bike, but it's maybe not the best for alcoholics...;o)

I googled about the blind, and found this poem.

"A blind man. I can stare at him
ashamed, shameless. Or does he know it?
No, he is in a great solitude.
O, strange joy,
to gaze my fill at a stranger’s face.
No, my thirst is greater than before."

Denise Levertov