Bottles - How to Hide Them
 

The alcoholic is confronted and confounded with a huge variety of problems. None of these, of course, is self-induced. <big grin> One whole set of consternations has to do with hiding the bottle(s).

Normal folks cannot see this problem at all. It never occurs to them that the quantity and variety of our bottles (or cans for those of us who were hop-heads) is something to be concerned with. How little they know that our reputations are precious. There is a realm of our nature that is to remain unknown to the ravages of other minds. These minds simply do not know (we think) about our drinking proclivities, and they must not. But, if they do know, heavens forbid that they should have more ammunition with which to nag, harass, annoy and condemn us.

Even if these "others" do grasp the reality of our problem, they have no appreciation of its complexity. Our conundrum is a bewildering combination of:

Hiding from the liquor sales source (the clerks in the market must never know).
Hiding the cheap (or expensive) labels from fellow drinkers.
Hiding the quantity drunk from opened bottles.
Hiding undrunk bottles from our families, especially snoopy spouses.
Finding the hidden bottle when we gotta have a drink.
Hiding bottles in the car.
Hiding bottles at work.
Hiding the empties.
Dealing with forgotten bottles uncovered after we sober up.
You see! Hiding the bottle is a big deal. Not being slouches, here are some of the methods we have tried, which are suggested as a program of (self) deception for those who want to continue in denial.

1. Hiding from the liquor sales source. Just think how awful it would be if the clerks at the local store were aware of our alcohol consumption habits. Gracious! There are, of course remedies:

Never go to the same store more than once a week.
Keep track of the times stores are visited, and catch a different shift the next time.
Ask the attendant how many bottles you need for a party of 24.
Ask for recommendations about brands you have "never tried".
Move often.
Question: Now, what would a "normie" do if, for some reason. they bought as much as we did?

Answer: They would find a store that offered quantity discounts and delivered. <bg>

2. Hiding the cheap (or expensive) labels from fellow drinkers. There are two different requirements here. First, it is important that others do not suspect we drink too much by observing that the cheap brands we have are the same as the stuff found in skid row alleys. Next, if we do manage to have some decent quality medicine on hand, we don't want our fellow drunks to drink it all up. So we:

Put the acceptable labels in the liquor cabinet and hide the others where we hide them.
Decant the booze to hide into the bottles of the stuff to show. Crystal decanters are especially useful here to enhance Red Mountain and Roma.
Stash the Thunderbird in the vinegar bottle.

3. Hiding the quantity drunk from opened bottles.

Erase and relocate the marks the spouse puts on the labels.
Soak the labels, and move them down before attaching again.
Replace the amount removed with water. (Notice. this is a totally unacceptable practice.)
Replace the bottle with a full one.

4. Hiding undrunk bottles from our families, especially snoopy spouses. This is for the professional drinkers. Put the bottle:

In the water tank on the back of the toilet.
In the vacuum cleaner bag (preferably in a baggie)
In the clothes hamper
Between the joists over the basement (Dr. Bob did this)
In the garage
In the air conditioning duct (keeps it cooler, too) [Thank you, Steve M.]
In the refrigerator in the garage
In the box marked "Mason Jars"
In the Windex bottle (Vodka or gin with blue coloring) [Notice. this is a prize winner]
In a sock attached to a string and placed on the roof of the back porch (Dr. Bob invented this)
In a tree suspended with nylon fishing line (not recommended for deciduous trees)
In the box of Christmas ornaments

5. Finding the hidden bottle when we gotta have a drink. No reliable methods have been offered. Notes to ourselves seem to be self-defeating, and we rarely think of writing them anyway, and if we do, they are not legible.

6. Hiding bottles in the car.

Under the seat.
Behind the seat in a pickup
Under the spare tire (or in the spare tire compartment). [Thank you, Chris C.]
In a slit cut into the front of the driver's seat. [Thank you, Chris C.]

7. Hiding bottles at work.

In a thermos half filled with orange juice.

8. Hiding the empties. [With special thanks to our stellar contributor, Mark W.]

In a hole in the back yard.
Under the bed. [Thank you, Sue]
In the neighbor's trash
In old suit cases in the basement [Thank you, Steve M.]
On top of the acoustic tiles in the ceiling (hoping the roof doesn't leak). [Thank you, Peter.]
Allocated among a number of one's own trash cans
Smash the bottles and put them under the rest of the trash. [Thank you, Virg.]
Burn plastic bottles in the incinerator. [Thank you, Virg.]
Give the kids a bus pass to the recycle yard
Get a can crusher
In the walls
In the dumpster at the market
In the public trash cans . [Thank you, Marianna]
Restore them to the case they came in, and returning it to the store. [Thank you, Cee Cee.]

9. Dealing with forgotten bottles uncovered after we sober up.

Return to the market (unlikely)
Call your old drinking pals (not recommended)
Donate to the Salvation Army <g>
Donate to the neighbors
Save as a gift for a drinker (not recommended)
Call your sponsor
Use as a substitute for Drano (and weep a wet tear)
Display it on the mantle as a proud symbol of sober success (Yeh, sure)
Have a party to celebrate being sober (Hardly. This is a bad joke)

In conclusion, here is what one of our correspondents wrote:

"[The bottle hiding] is one of the most humiliating memories [of my drinking days]. Remembering the stupid attempt to deceive my spouse and my family, spending more time figuring out how to cheat than how to live usefully. One of the most rewarding thoughts now is knowing I'm not going to sneak into the liquor store hoping I won't run into anyone I know; putting out the garbage can without sneaking the crushed glass into it; or waking up to my spouse's call on occasion without wondering, "Oh oh! What did I forget to hide?"

© All rights reserved by the Big Book Bunch

Thank you!!!!!!

Our ASS would go the the frig for a bottle of beer on his last visit, would grab a second can and step out back door pretending to take a call. Down the can quick as a wink and walk back in with full bottle and phone. We didn't catch on until hubby accidentally found the hidden cans behind his ladders.

Sadly, I've probably used at least half of those methods......

But, on the bright side

Oh man, good thing I'm sober or I'd have a whole bunch of new ideas to sink even further towards my bottom!

I was hiding bottles everywhere... sad thing is, I live alone. What the hail was I thinking??

Ron

mongo :lmao

I was right out there in the open.
Lived alone - didn't care who knew what.
This was fascinating reading, though.
Thanks MG !

The truth put out in such a funny manner...this is one of the best threads I have read in a long time!

I had my own business, twenty staff.

I caught sight of myself one morning, 8am, in the toilet, drinking a bottle of wine. I used to hide these little 25cl bottles in the suspended ceiling and the cisterns. I thought -

"I'm the boss, this is my business, I set it up, why am I hiding in the toilet drinking wine at 8am in the morning? They all know I'm an alcoholic, I should have the balls to just drink in my office if I want to!"

So I bought a drinks cabinet and put it in my office, and stocked it out with wine and beer (I was in a "spirits are what cause me problems" phase). And I drank at my desk. And no-one said anything.

But I still found myself sneaking EXTRA drinks in the toilet..

I did too. Actually, I rented a room, but still......

Good grief... Everytime I think I've remembered every hideous, ludicrous thing about drinking, something else comes back. Thanks Ron: I did this too, and had totally forgotten. (I guess maybe I was expecting unexpected visitors and didn't want them to find out.)

1. We're not as unique as we like to think we are.

2. God ! The Insanity !!!!

i never had booze problems but i'd hide my pill bottles all over. lose em, find em, lose em again.

i called it "easter egging".

Windy - my shrink told me to do that - put like, six in a bottle and put it someplace ... in case I was doing someting and forgot to take them ... well, hell - I'd forget where I HID them.

No telling WHO cashed in on THAT find ...

Obviously when I was young I did revolting things but as I have got older I have done surprising things. Like order microwave ovens - I ordered 2 and told my Mum that the postman had made a mistake and gave her the other. I ordered tickets to "Deep Purple" and had to act delighted when they arrived, rather than surprised. I hate to imagine what I am up to on dating sites.

first Barb did the same thing, that is why I had to pay people to finish moving my house they found 6 bags ( each was an ounce) that I had hid everywhere.....by the time I was finished moving I had found almost 10 oz of weed and litterally thousands of dollars( I hid money too) but my bottles that was the weird part, one day I had found out my mom was comming over I litterally cut a hold in the floor of my bedroom and hid them under my house thinking my mom won't find them there....and I was an adult...that is just sick!

Thanks for this...I agree THE INSANITY.

I now have a pantry where there used to be bags and bags and bags of empty beer cans. When A moved in, she cleaned it out (too scary for me God bless her) and we took the proceeds to be recycled. I cried during the whole day. So ashamed.

Went out for a nice dinner afterwards though.

Karen

I have a vague recollection of walking out into the woods with a bunch of empy beer bottles. I guess i blacked out. I know I had some briar scratches all over my legs. I often wonder if I will ever find those bottles? or will they find them in 100 years and think "boy they sure hada party here"

Two great things - waking to a clear headed dawn and not having to hide the hungover bottles before heading off to work.
To laugh with others at the way we have been is a sparkling tonic.
Many thanks.

Wow....that is me all over. And the shame of it is still fresh. Wife once accused me of drinking in the car, because I hid a can in the car to get rid of the next morning on my way to work.

Replacing wine with water in an opened wine bottle. Replacing the bottle with a new bottle. Hiding cans in my dresser (like she didnt put away the clothes) Hiding cans and 40 empty bottles of King Cobra anywhere I could find. Putting the brew into enclosed 32 oz or larger hard plastic souviner cups with lids on them and drinking from a straw. Like she couldnt smell the alcohol on my breath.

Keeping mints in the car, so she couldnt smell my breath when I would get home from work.

I lost my wife to the drink. Insanity galore.

So many have lost so much through drink and other adictive practices.
Through drink I've lost nothing but opportunities and novel experiences. Things I have not done whilst sitting in front of the dullest tv drinking, drinking ,drinking. Opting for boredom and alcohol to dull it.
There is much to do and share. Wherever we are, whatever we attempt, it is better to tackle life's adventures than to sit it out in a stupor.
Will our last words be,'God, I wish I'd watched more tv.' or 'What a shame I didn't waste more time'?
Days have stunk of hangover: early mornings, as the sun rises and the dawn breaks, have involved sneaky, self-loathing, sweaty trips to the bins.
Last words - 'I overcame adictive habits and experienced life.'