Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Secular Recovery > Secular Connections
Forgot Password? Join Us!
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read Chat Room [4]


Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community

Already registered? Login above ---^
OR
To take advantage of all Posting, Chatting, Gaming, and all the features available at SoberRecovery, join the over 100,000 current members, and become a member of our supportive community today! Ads will no longer appear on the forums, once you register.



Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-01-2007, 05:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: portland oregon
Posts: 10
Hullo, new and not yet sober happy to see this forum

OK, maybe this will actually work if I don't have to pretend I believe in god. That's a relief.
First day trying hard, and reading posts, and so far that Coronita at 7 this morning has been my last drink. Of the day. I've never done aa but have obviously been rooting around looking for guidance and have picked up on their helpful slogans and often humorous self-analysis (Block's Matthew Scudder genre fiction series gave me a glimpse). I want that, but this higher power stuff doesn't resonate with me at all; I am firmly in the agnostic camp and don't really think it is my business to pretend to know if there is a god or not- I have a hard enough time getting through real life, never mind some theoretical afterlife....
Besides, my Grateful Dead years did a great job convincing me that my brain can be manipulated by chemicals into believing pretty much anything. Boy, that was fun, but only because I was basically a blank slate, at this point I would not want to take a stroll through my brain- too much guilt and regret. I am 45 now, lucky to be alive.

I've got a really high tolerance for alcohol now, it is pretty scary how much I have to drink just to feel it, and it obviously shows a lot more than I think that I am drunk a lot of the time (my family is worried). I feel like this is my last shot at quitting drinking without making a HUGE fuss and checking into rehab and admitting to all and sundry that I'm a drunk. I can admit it to me, and to you guys. I hope my dumb addiction doesn't kick my ass again. Can I do it? Quietly, with maybe some ativan (I hear myself, I do, but just for the first couple of days that I'm sure will be quite cruddy...)?
??? It does help to vent, I'm been pretty verbose today. It's a relief. I'm worried. Any advice (already on the "new" forum people have been very kind) is very welcome.
roandlan is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2007, 06:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
GlassPrisoner's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Quote:
I've got a really high tolerance for alcohol now, it is pretty scary how much I have to drink just to feel it,
Not a good sign. Increased tolerance. My last year or two I had steady BAL of at least .2 24 x 7. At my last de-tox (which did absolutely no good), I walked in with a .52. Aren't you supposed to , like, die when you're over .35 or .4 ?

What happens when you quit ? Have you experienced withdraw yet ? Whoo boy, that's a lot of fun. Not. The last one almost killed me, my BP was something like 210/160. Ativan ? I used to chase it with warm Vodka from the trunk.

Wish you the best. Hang on, it's a tough ride. Others will be here shortly with more secular experience than I have, so all I can share with you is my drunkalog.
__________________
Life Happens
GlassPrisoner is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2007, 06:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: portland oregon
Posts: 10
Yeah, I know what you mean. Ativan was for anxiety, from the doctor, but booze works better, and Ativan works better with booze too; I basically saved a few tabs for this day, I am trying to quit and am seriously worried about the shakey sweats. I had a pretty bad speed habit growing up, and dabbled in base and then coke was killing me so I moved away from San Francisco, and that actually worked- that was 12 years ago. I thought the whole red wine thing was pretty quaint, but have increased alcohol use steadily and now am dramatically a drunk. I don't like it. I sense a pattern, I am so damn bright, huh? I hope I can stop. Writing about it helps keep my hands busy... it's only been 11 hours at this point.
roandlan is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2007, 07:53 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Mongo's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 363
Hi Roandlan Welcome to the secular forum.

Might be a good idea to see your doctor about withdrawls.

Here's a good thread from the alcoholism forum: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-expect.html

Another good thread lists secular recovery programs: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...cular-web.html (Secular Web)

So, good luck to you. Getting through the first few days is quite a challenge. There's a lot of good reading here at SR and it sure helped me in early recovery.

Keep well

Ron
__________________
'tis nobler to be sobler...
Mongo is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2007, 08:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
Not all better, getting better
 
tyler's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,588
Blog Entries: 8
11 hours is a good start. It would probably be a good idea to talk to your doctor, or if you don't have one, at least a doctor. Talking to a doc is like talking to a priest, they can't share what they discuss with you unless you give them permission. (Of course I'm not religious, but I think that's how the priest thing works!!) Be honest with him, it is highly unlikely that you are the first person with a drinking problem he has talked to. He or she (gotta be PC!!) will not judge you, but can be a helpful resource in quitting.

I've always found it a bit ironic that detoxing from herion won't kill you, you may wish you were dead (from what I understand it's pretty bad) but detoxing from alcohol, a "legal" drug, can. It depends on how much you are drinking, how often, etc., and I can't begin, and wouldn't even want to, give you advice about that. When you are dealing with you life it's best to involve a trained professional. I know it's hard to "fess up" to someone in person but it really is a good idea.

As far as secular help goes...you might want to look into SMART recovery. Here is a link to their site:http://www.smartrecovery.org/ They have online meetings as well as face to face meetings. You can find out more about their program at their website. I've found it to be very helpful. If you are interested in F2F meetings, here are some in your area http://www.smartrecovery.org/meeting...e.php?search=O

Lifering is another secular organization that has online meetings as well as F2F. Here is their website http://www.unhooked.com/index.htm They have a very active chat room that you can usually find someone in almost any time of day. They also hold online meetings there as well. They have a F2F meeting in Salem, which doesn't look too far away. Here's the link for their meeting list. http://www.unhooked.com/meetings/meetings.html#3

There is also a sticky at the top of the forum here that lists a number of other secular programs. Hope this helps, and hope to see you around more. Take care.
__________________
Peace and Love,

Tyler


"I used to do a little but a little wouldn't do it so a little got more and more. I just keep tryin' to get a little better, said a little better than before."
Mr. Brownstone G-n-R


Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh
tyler is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2007, 09:03 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: portland oregon
Posts: 10
going to bed, no drink, but yes unisom

Thank you guys so much for your help. I have checked out the withdrawal stuff; wow. Made it through the night, watched "Little House On The Prairie" with the fam. That Michael Landon is enough to drive ya to drink, I tell you what.

Good advice about a doctor's help- my doctor is clueless (plus this is an EXTREMELY small town full of fundamentalists who are already pretty suspicious of the city girl and her family- my youngest daughter is Chinese- we rocked the county statistics with our move here 2 years ago). I will have to go to Portland to get a good doc; and then isn't it on insurance records and such? I have high BP (wonder why) and take Inderal for that, am on vitamins 'specially B complex because of what I've read about deficiencies in alcoholics.
Good sites; thank you all for your care in not giving med advice (and not being sued) and especially because it seems like you mean it. I think it is going to be harder than I think.
Will invest in new cds instead of vodka this weekend, and if I have to have the 'flu and take to my bed with my computer- shoot, I get to keep some stuff secret, right? Vic Mackie, in response to "Don't you ever want to just come clean?" "No."
14 hours & counting, also taking the damn sleeping pills, thank you very much. I wonder how they'll work without the added fuel.
roandlan is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2007, 06:42 AM   #7 (permalink)
Not all better, getting better
 
tyler's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,588
Blog Entries: 8
I wouldn't worry too much about the insurance thing. If it really bothers you, suck it up and pay for the first office visit and talk to the doctor about your concens. An office visit usually isn't more than $100-$150, you should be able to pay that back in alcohol savings in a few weeks. Honestly, I really wouldn't worry about it though. It's not like the insurance company is going to share that information with anyone you know anyway. Ask the doctor just exactly what they have to be told, to ease you fears. You may be able to find that out over the phone when you make an appointment.

Does your family have any idea what is going on? Even if you don't think they do, they probably do. Hopefully they will be supportive. You probably will be a bit of a pain to be around for awhile, but honestly, you've probably been a pain, or at least a worry with your drinking. Try not to beat yourself up too much. I say this, but I am probably one of the worst at doing it!! I'm working on it!! Congrats on making it through the day. Take care,
__________________
Peace and Love,

Tyler


"I used to do a little but a little wouldn't do it so a little got more and more. I just keep tryin' to get a little better, said a little better than before."
Mr. Brownstone G-n-R


Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh
tyler is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2007, 11:26 AM   #8 (permalink)
is a ☞ constant freethinker.
 
Zencat's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 7,818
Blog Entries: 11
Hi Roandlan, welcome to the Secular Forum.

You have gotten some great replies here. I know all to well the roller coaster you are on and I see you are well on your way to a better life of clarity, hope, and self-respect.

One pragmatic thing that helped me in the first week was to write down everything I hated about drinking on an index card and carry it around with me to look at when an urge hit - Make it vivid and specific.


Quote:
Originally Posted by roandlan View Post
OK, maybe this will actually work if I don't have to pretend I believe in god. That's a relief.
I find addiction recovery exceedingly rewarding and pleasurable without having to believe in an invisible gaseous vertebrate that resides in the clouds. I think it helps me to stay focused on the real business of staying sober, without the immense distraction: like being persuaded that God or The Flying Spaghetti Monster exists. I got enough problems to deal with as it is.
__________________
My name is Will G.

“How to get rid of ego as dictator and turn it into messenger and servant and scout, to be in your service, is the trick.” ― Joseph Campbell
Zencat is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:05 PM.


 
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers
 
Drug Rehab | Best Treatment Center | Detox Center | Residential Treatment Center
Cocaine/Crack Treatment | Alcohol Rehab | Heroin/Oxycontin Treatment Center | Crystal Meth Treatment | Marijuana Treatment | Methadone Treatment | Suboxone Treatment
 
Local Treatment Resources and Events
 
Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | DC | Delaware
Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine
Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire
New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island
South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennesee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming

© 2013 Internet Brands. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Health Disclaimer
A proud member of the SoberRecovery® Network of Addiction and Recovery Websites