Is there a way to help someone see they're an addict?

Old 11-10-2015, 08:38 AM
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Is there a way to help someone see they're an addict?

My partner is a functioning alcoholic. He drinks to the point of passing out and urinating on himself, on average at least once a week. He drinks at least 6 days a week. He can be verbally abusive when he drinks and has put his hands on me, but never caused real physical pain. I know I should just leave him, but I won't. We have a 1 y o together, and if I leave, he'll have visitations alone w him, and I know he won't refrain from drinking if he had him over night. I feel like its a dumb question, but is there a way to show someone they have a serious problem? I'm an addict myself. I'm not using, but when I was, I was never in denial because I was injecting drugs and there's really no way of telling yourself that's OK. He works 40+ hours a week doing backbreaking labor, and he maintains our home, so for these reasons, he believes he's fine. I have spent the entirety of my life around addicts (mom, dad, aunt, ex partners, friends, myself). I feel like I must put myself in situations like this on purpose. Now I have brought a child into my sick life, and I'm so sorry for that, but I can't take it back. I've given my son an alcoholic father, and have in turn, perpetuated the cycle of addiction. Sometimes I think it'd be easier if he just "disappeared." That's not likely to happen though. I am such a weak, dependent person. I feel pathetic even for saying so. Does anyone have any advice, other than leave him? Or is that the only solution?
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Old 11-10-2015, 08:42 AM
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You can certainly let him know how you feel, but you cannot force him to accept his addiction and/or seek help. Leaving is certainly an option too...abuse is abuse, whether it's verbal or physical. And in my opinion it's completely inappropriate ( not to mention illegal ) and you need to think long and hard about what the relationship actually brings you and your daughter.

That's not to say that he has no chance of recovery...you have found a way to recover and so have lots and lots of people. But it has to be a decision he makes...and you need to be prepared that he may not. That means protecting yourself and your child.
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Old 11-12-2015, 02:30 AM
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Welcome Solost I'm sorry for what brings you here if he is being abusive then how much are you willing to take its not right & its not fair not on you not on the baby

Alcoholism is one thing but physical abuse like Scott just said is illegal & has no place in any relationship

There is a section for women on this forum if you feel safer opening up only women can go in there so I can't link it but check it out for sure

Know your not alone & you don't have to suffer in silence
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Old 09-19-2017, 06:47 AM
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Hi. Like Scott and Soberwolf said, abuse is abuse. Also, verbal abuse and "putting his hands on you" but not physically hurting you can and usually does escalate. I was in a similar situation and I never thought that it would become as scary as it did -- it's too bad that I waited until I was terrified before I left. So you have to think about your safety and the safety of your son. Abusive behavior is never just about "isolated incidents", specific "types of non-physical abuse", or just abuse towards "one person". That said, it's very hard to leave such situations because of feelings. Damn those feelings. Logic makes things easy. Feelings are not exactly logical.
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