It's all about me Part 5

Old 05-27-2015, 09:56 AM
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No, TOD, no baby on the way!!! Promise, while that would make my coworker super happy (the one I get along with) I'm well past child bearing (IMHO)
OMG, so crazy here at work. Me telling soldiers "NO, you can't do that, NO, that's not allowed" all the while the yorkie tells them "sure we can do that, we can do anything for you. Oh you'd like a first class ticket? sure I can do that too" grrrrrr.


Hi Pinkcloudscharley,
So you're on the other side, the family member side. Well that's good you're hanging out here. Gives you some perspective possibly. Hubby never really wanted to talk to anyone here nor anyone at all about his wife being an addict.

Oh and since I just barged in and said HI, let me introduce myself. (gasp, where are my manners??)
I'm 40 yrs old, mom of 1 son, married for almost 21 yrs. Government travel agent. I was I guess officially an alcoholic in my late 20s as that's when I started drinking pretty heavy. I took a 2 yr hiatus when I got pregnant with my son, (31 yrs old then) but then dove right back on into alcohol and quickly got to the point where I was consuming huge amounts. My health was horrible, I was badly overweight, severely depressed and my life was going down in a tailspin.
December 14, 2012 (I think its 12, or it could be 2011) I came online here, depressed, sad. I was to have a meeting soon with a counselor/therapist which I had never done before and I was nervous and scared.
I made a friend here (who I think is still here) who asked me to pour my booze out, why not make today day 1. And it stuck.
It was tough, I had some really hard times. I still have hard times.
As I have gotten stronger it seems as if I've had harder things hit my life, or maybe they just seem that way. LOL I don't have an bottled up version of oblivion that I can dive into anymore. LOL
Oh and my DOC was alcohol. Most usual gin martinis, dirty two olives in a chilled glass. But wine, whiskey, grand marnier. They all would work too. I'm over 3 yrs sober now. My name here is for my son, which I still call him sometimes (munchkin), because he was my reason for getting sober.
My Mom is now the one I'm dealing with. She too is an alcoholic, and it looks like my parents are on their way to getting divorced. So that's the readers digest vs.

Still here, still sober
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Old 05-27-2015, 10:10 AM
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Munchkin! Allfor has a baby on the way! Silly woman!

Does anyone else have this horrible event going on around them? Click on the link and listen!

cicada noise - Bing Videos

Multiply this noise by 100 thousand! That's what we are hearing around here!

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=...7814243AA1994B

TOD
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Old 05-27-2015, 10:20 AM
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Hey Munchkin! Nice to meet you. Congrats on 3 +years!

Being an army travel agent sounds like interesting work. Sooo funny about your coworker who yaps! My coworkers all have distinct personalities too, and a few have nicknames because of it. We have to do what we can to entertain ourselves while at work.

Im on the family side too. My husbands DOC was cocaine but it stopped almost 2 years ago. Was really rough for a while there.

Do you ever get to see the Northern Lights from where you live? Ive never been to Alaska but hope we can go sometime. My parents went as part of a cruise a few years ago, beautiful pictures they brought home.

Thanks for explaining about the storms and how the chickens react. I cant believe Magnum, the big dog lets Marvin boss him around. We have these Canadian Geese who have been visiting, and one day our cat tried to go over and say hi. The goose started flapping its wings and coming at the cat. Didnt know what to make of this giant bird and the look on his face was priceless so I went and grabbed him up,

yep we had a good time off work Tod. Mr Blue had trouble winding down at first, but got to the point he kept his phone off entirely. I was impressed! And now its back to work for both of us. Ugh!
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Old 05-27-2015, 11:32 AM
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This is what I deal with around here on days!

I asked Jethro to plug the large ceiling fan in since he was standing right beside it on the porch! He asked me WHY? I said: "Because I'm trying to clean things up out here!" His answer: "That's what I was afraid you were going to say!" I answered with: "You might like to live in clutter and junk? I don't!" We are back to walking a path on the porch again! I HATE it! I'm always tripping over stuff too!

We plan on replacing the roof one of these days and the porch needs to be cleared before that project happens! I don't want stuff on the porch when the old roof starts getting torn down! Right now it's all covered with a large tarp! Jethro doesn't see a problem with it! I've always lived with a porch of sorts, but that's what it was! A porch to sit on and enjoy being outside under cover! Good luck trying to set up chairs on this porch! You'd have to be stepping over one another to walk on the porch!

I asked Jethro earlier this morning to clear a path to the other set of steps so Magnum could use them and not have to walk past Marvin on this end! He went outside 30 minutes later and climbed on the lawnmower! Then took off to mow the grass. Just pisses me off the way he'll ignore things!

Yesterday I suggested AGAIN he needed to get all the leaky faucets fixed around here so we weren't paying for water not being used! While outside with the little ones yesterday? I saw water running down the waterhose! SOAB!!!! The water had been on since Saturday! That's a LOT of water wasted that we now have to pay for!

Dealing with all of his negative crap just makes me want to sit in a chair and cry! He used to complain about not having the time to do stuff! Now he pops the pain pills and still doesn't do them!

Now y'all understand more why I hate trying to get things cleaned up around here! It's a non-stop battle with Jethro! It quickly wears me down and my desire to make things better around here!

TOD
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Old 05-27-2015, 11:33 AM
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Congratulations, Munchkin. I admire your strength and tenacity! I am looking forward to hearing more about you and from you!

Moving day for me! I will be moving all my stuff this afternoon to my new office space. New desks will be coming in 2 months, so that's too long to wait, we've decided to all move now. The big shuffle has started! It's amazing how much stuff one accumulates over time!

Good counseling today with H. Very hard, I cried through most of it. H talked about wanting to be more open and honest, but he has real problems with that, and he talked about the places he goes in his head when things go wrong. A lot of the problems start because his thought processes go wonky - like, i'll ask him to take out the garbage and he goes to, wow, I'm such a horrible husband I can't even remember to take out the garbage. And then it comes back on me, how dare she think I'm incapable of taking out the garbage without being reminded. It's a hard ongoing thing that wears on me, I can't imagine what it does to him. How does one end up with such horrible and negative thoughts all the time? It makes me sad. And, like I said, it comes back on me because he can't handle it so he lashes out. It's getting better, but man, it's a long ways to go. How does someone's ego become so fragile?
And it makes me wonder, how much have I had to do with this? I know that I don't give him as much affection as he wants ... I get tired and it's hard for me to be as affectionate as he'd like. I could praise him 24/7 and it wouldn't be enough, he's said that many times. I try to be positive, to not nag, not accuse, not judge ... it was hard when he was drinking because the rages and demons were so loud and harsh then. SInce he's quit I've tried to be as soft and gentle as I can while not allowing myself to be disrespected or the target of his self-hatred, but I wonder, what I have I done to continue his negative self-talk? Or is this something I have no control over and need to step back completely on?
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Old 05-27-2015, 11:36 AM
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Tod, I hear you - in fact, I was posting the same sort of thing at the same time you were! The negativity wears and wears, and you begin to question your own sanity. You start to wonder if you're the problem instead of the problem being in their head. and it gets easier to live with the problem because you're tired of fighting it, and you realize your standards are slowly being lowered, and what you never would have settled for years ago has now become the new normal. I hear you.
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Old 05-27-2015, 11:38 AM
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LOL Munchkin, never say never!! I thought we were over and done with with our 16 year old (12 at the time) and then ... oops ... I'm pregnant!! I end up having a 13 year old and a newborn at the same time, and a drunk husband! Ugh! But our DS, he is such a blessing, wouldn't trade him for the world. Just wish he would have come earlier!
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Old 05-27-2015, 11:40 AM
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DD and driving - she has my car right now, and I have the truck we're trying to sell. Once we sell the truck, we'll buy her a used car she can use. It's so nice now she can take herself where she needs to go, the pressure is so much less! and she's a good driver too, they have a lot of safeguards for new drivers now so she's got some pretty strict rules to follow and if she breaks one, no license.
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Old 05-27-2015, 12:02 PM
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I keep saying I'm going to buy another rent to own barn! I HATE the split on the payments though! It's 60/40 - 40 going to paying it off! I want to use it to replace the tent setup at the backdoor porch steps! I'm tired of tent city around here! But of course it takes money and the backbone to do the work! UGH! And I'm the only one with an income right now!

It's amazing how many things I let slide by while popping pills and being a night Owl also for so long! Now that I'm a month away from being a year clean off the pain meds and have changed to daytime? I'm wanting to make things happen! It doesn't have to be right here - right now! I just want it done!

The problem with the porch stuff is there's really no place to move it to! My barn and his barn are packed! Both of those need to be cleaned out too! I'll get more leverage with mine than he will with his! The new barn will need to be large so a lot of stuff can go into it and Jethro will have half of it to work on things!

If he'd get busy and get the flooring put down in the house? That would clear out a huge space in both barns. But y'all can picture me dreaming that here! Right? As long as Jethro is still popping those pain meds he's hard to get to do much of anything! Unless it involves working on small engines! Then he's all over it!

As for H doing things? Can you set reminders on his phone to go off? My daughter uses her phone for this for lots of things!

I know you're elated to have daughter driving herself around! LOL

TOD
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Old 05-27-2015, 12:13 PM
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Happy belated anniversary TOD.
Things have been quite normal and boring around here. Just like I like it. Have a new neighbor. Beautiful, elegant lady but all alone. Ok it is really a turkey. She shouldn't be here it's to suburban but there has been so much development and road construction there is no place for the wildlife. So cool though having her walking around my yard eating while I am gardening.

TOD- I actually love the sound of cicadas. They don't start here until August.

Charley- I swear your husband and I could be twins. I had that kind of depression for years. It's part of what lead to my alcoholism. He really should read the book Learned Optimism by Martin E P Seligman, PhD. His cognitive behavior techniques really helped me to change that way of thinking. Tell him from one former alcoholic to another it changed my life
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Old 05-27-2015, 12:24 PM
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Oh no! Don't get me started on phone alerts! Ugh! My husband has one set for every single thing you can imagine! From his wake-up alarm to his snack break alarm to lunch time....quitting time to all his medicine alerts to his favorite tv shows to the times he tells someone he will call them. OMG! That phone rings all day long! And the craziest part of it...is he forgets where he puts his phone...it goes off and we are scrambling around looking for it...so we can shut it off!
I want to go back to a simpler time and life!

Hi Munchkin! So happy to meet you!

Today I had a meltdown. Recieved a call from my daughter's school psychologist. (Something they just implimented) He called to remind me of my daughter's latest IEP meeting. They have decided that my daughter would benefit from being in an integrated classroom. It's a class that is half special Ed and half regular kids. It will have two teachers and will provide more help for my daughter. Idk why it made me cry? But it did. I was fine on the phone. But after that, when I hung-up is when it hit me in a negative way. I hope I can get thru the meeting alright!
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Old 05-27-2015, 12:30 PM
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Whoops happy! I was writing when you were. So sorry. That must have been a site to suddenly see a turkey in your yard? Ha! I think we get those later in the summer too? I like them too...they make me feel happy it's summertime. But maybe they aren't as loud here? Probably, the difference between living in suburbia and living in the country?
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Old 05-27-2015, 12:34 PM
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Ahh Cleanin: They are probably diagnosing this due to her status where she spends her days now! Don't think of it negatively! If it doesn't workout? She can always be changed to another class!

LOL The only time I use alarms on my phone is when I need to get up to it! I use it for an alarm clock!

HBM: OMG! That is funny! My older sister had a wild turkey visit for awhile. I think she found a mate when it was time to start laying eggs and hasn't been seen since! Our kids are very much a part of our lives! I try to save talk about them on the Animal People Thread, but I fail miserably at it! LOL She could be missing and someone might be looking for her! Call your animal ppl and report she's shown up in y'all's yard! I've never had a thing for turkeys! I like to be able to hold my kids and walk around with them. Turkeys are a little too large for that! And they leave huge piles behind themselves!

TOD
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Old 05-27-2015, 12:38 PM
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Oh yeah! The bugs usually aren't a problem! They're noisey, but nothing like they are now! You should see the hundreds of holes in the ground around here where they've come out of too. It's eery looking!

Our new hen Marilyn has figured out they are delicious too! The wild birds are also seen flying off with them in their beaks too! The hoard is across the street. People have actually been calling in reporting the strange noise. The person in charge finally had to go on the news and tell ppl to stop calling! It's cicada's! LOL

TOD
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Old 05-27-2015, 12:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Tiredofdrugs View Post
Woman! You're going to have your plate overflowing with all you're involved in! Geeeeeezzzzz

Is this book about cooking or does it have to do with your new role on the conservation board?

TOD
Oh and no, this is a non fiction about a young Chinese American lady who moves to Beijing for a little while to try on a new life.
Kitchen Chinese (I didn't know this either) is a way of describing how much Mandarin chinese you know. In her case she knew just enough to describe food. In the book she becomes a food critic in Beijing. Pretty entertaining read.
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Old 05-27-2015, 12:52 PM
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TOD- she wouldn't be a pet. Can't have livestock as pets where I live plus she is a native turkey. It's a shame she doesn't have a flock but it happens. Last year we had a flock of five hens in the neighborhood for a few weeks then two toms showed up and they all left. Have major highway expansion work going on nearby and all the little wood patches are disappearing.
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Old 05-27-2015, 12:53 PM
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Originally Posted by BlueChair View Post
Hey Munchkin! Nice to meet you. Congrats on 3 +years!

Being an army travel agent sounds like interesting work. Sooo funny about your coworker who yaps! My coworkers all have distinct personalities too, and a few have nicknames because of it. We have to do what we can to entertain ourselves while at work.

Im on the family side too. My husbands DOC was cocaine but it stopped almost 2 years ago. Was really rough for a while there.

Do you ever get to see the Northern Lights from where you live? Ive never been to Alaska but hope we can go sometime. My parents went as part of a cruise a few years ago, beautiful pictures they brought home.
Yup, very true. It was truly entertaining to watch her mumble to herself this morning as she tore apart her desk and drawers while looking for a missing invoice. LOL

Yup, we do see Northern Lights. Usually around November to February. At our house though its hard to see because of the stupid light pollution.

Well it's very cool to see family members here. We (addicted) don't mean to do some of the things we do, and I know for myself I feel badly for some of the dumb things I did when drunk. I apologize to hubby but he doesn't really understand the drive of an actively addicted person. You just see the behavior and shake your head and go "why??"

My Dad is that way. He does not have an addiction problem, Mom does. But he cannot understand why can't we just reduce the amount of alcohol we drink. To him it's an easy problem to solve. Hence why he's not addicted to anything. (well except for maybe golf!)

Hat's off to you guys for being here. Very cool.
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Old 05-27-2015, 01:06 PM
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Originally Posted by happybeingme View Post
TOD- she wouldn't be a pet. Can't have livestock as pets where I live plus she is a native turkey. It's a shame she doesn't have a flock but it happens. Last year we had a flock of five hens in the neighborhood for a few weeks then two toms showed up and they all left. Have major highway expansion work going on nearby and all the little wood patches are disappearing.
So I'm guessing she's a wild hen? Cool! Jethro and I one day were driving down the freeway and there was a wild hen that flew across all six lanes to get to the woods on the other side! That was fascinating to watch!

This is about the time they were start hooking up! So she's looking for a Tom now! A lot of Toms get killed off during turkey season and that in turn leaves the hens looking for a new one!
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Old 05-27-2015, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted by munchkin05 View Post

Well it's very cool to see family members here. We (addicted) don't mean to do some of the things we do, and I know for myself I feel badly for some of the dumb things I did when drunk. I apologize to hubby but he doesn't really understand the drive of an actively addicted person. You just see the behavior and shake your head and go "why??"

Hat's off to you guys for being here. Very cool.
Well you do know? We RA's are very special and a cool bunch of folks too! Ik Ik Ik I'll take myself back outside to do some more work!

TOD
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Old 05-27-2015, 01:55 PM
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Oh em gee ... how much crap do I have??!! This moving thing sucks! Lol! The assistant manager stopped by my office and laughed at me, she said I have a mess! Haha no kidding! Lol!

I was already emotional from this morning, this is hard!
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