It's all about me Part 3

Old 03-03-2015, 09:31 PM
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Seems H gets more bent out of shape when it comes to y'all's sessions!?! Around those times anyway! To be honest? There's no way in hell I'd go to sessions, with or without Jethro! He could diplomatically talk a snail out of it's shell and the snail would say Thank You! LOL I can tell by his actions tonight he got MY message yesterday! The longer I'm off the pain meds? The stronger I get mentally! Jethro is so stubborn in his way of thinking? It takes a strong person to get thru to him. He'll walk all over someone that isn't strong enough to hang on thru it with him.

Here's an example for y'all! When I first moved in here back in 2006! I found out Jethro liked to keep old computer's! There were several on the backporch too! They'd been there for years. Rained on, dirt and full of cat hair from the nine cats that were here! So when I started cleaning things up around here? I threw those computers into the truck bed. Well that night it rained! Okay? The next day I finished filling the truck up and headed to the dump with a friend in tow to help me. I get everything out of the truck except the damned computers! I had 2nd thoughts about them and called him. He said: "Since they set in the back of the truck in the rain all night! They aren't any good now!" Say WHAT? I said; listen: And one by one I pitched the computers into the trash container so he could hear them hitting the bottom of it! He hung up! LOL God I was HOT over that! How DARE he put the blame on me for them not being any good? After years of them enduring all the weather and everything else on the porch! ARGH! He reminded me SOOOO much of a little boy blaming his mommy for tossing out his toys. If it wasn't for the other 30+ computers all over the house? I'd probably been more careful about throwing them in the dump! But this taught me something about him!

Just today I asked him if he got the heat up and going in his barn? He said; yes! I then asked him if he'd also cleaned a spot to put that non-working monster TV he's had setting in his bedroom for 20 years collecting dust since he doesn't want to get rid of it? And the fight was on! I've told him a hundred times! I understand you hoarding things! Could you just please get it organized? And quit using our home for a collecting area? I've also told him several times if he dies before I do? I'm gonna have one hell of a yard sale! He said: "You better price them well or I'm going to come back and haunt you!" LOL I told him he better get his haunting outfit washed and cleaned!

Jethro is a fixer! He can take any part from anything and repair things with it! Which is great in many ways but a pain in others! Our property is also grandfather claused in. So the city can't tell us what we can or can't do here! Which is grand except for Jethro wanting to bring things home to stack up on it! He's talked many a time about putting a large shop out back! Oh hell NO! He'd have that sucker so full of stuff you couldn't get inside it, just like he has both our barns!

So you see now what I deal with around here? He worked for a tool company for 15 years before getting laid off. Have y'all ever seen the inside of say Sear's store where all the tools and equipment is at? Well it's here too! The same look! He's also done woodworking and has all the saws for that too! I haven't seen anything yet he can't fix or make with just picking up a book and looking at how it's made! Including repairing vehicles! He replaced the engine in my car two years after I moved in here! He tore a rainbow vacuum cleaner apart into hundreds of tiny pieces. He got new parts and put it all back together again. I'm still using it today! This is what I mean when I need/want him in his right mind again! In reference to my earlier post!

I read your posts SVL about H and him being a DRY drunk! Him blaming everything on YOU! I hear it too! From my older sister's live in BF! He's a DRY drunk! And then there's my younger sister's husband! He drinks all the time! And is the sweetest man you could meet!

Can you tell me the reason(s) H is trying to stop drinking? If you've said on here the reasons? I've missed it or came here later in the story!

TOD
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Old 03-03-2015, 09:42 PM
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Originally Posted by soverylost View Post
Yes and after too.
I know hes stressed. But seriously? Can he not just tell me? Can he not respect me enough?
This is getting old. For a whole half hour, he just kept getting more and more angry before he even told me what the problem was. And it was stupid, because it was something that I had forgotten and once he said I i remembered and agreed. So then I ask, why didn't you just say it earlier? Holy hell you'd think i asked for the world! I don't respect him, i don't listen to him, i don't support him...and after I spent a half hour asking him why he was frustrated and upset,and then agreeing with what he said (that i had forgotten about)!

Yes he's been acting like this a lot lately. The counsellor calls it dry drunk,and H needs to step up and do some work on himself. Like Blue said, now the inner work on why the addiction started needs to take place, and it's not. And that's why his old patterns keep coming up and will keep coming up.

So now I'm in Ds's room, Ds is sleeping and I'm debating. Do i want to even sleep in our room tonight? I have problems sleeping beside someone who acts like they hate me
H doesn't hate you SVL! He's just very confused and missing his alcohol! H seems to not be wanting to admit he can't drink anymore! Or he could be hanging onto the belief after a short period of time he'll be able to drink again and it will be okay then? And that's why he's putting all the blame on you and hating the sessions!

As for sleeping! I've been sleeping in my own room for several years now! I tell Maria she better never die as long as her daddy is alive. She sleeps on her own spot at the head of the bed beside her daddy every night! He will not go to sleep until he has her tucked in beside him. ARGH! He sounds like a growling bear with the snores that come out of his mouth. Keeps me up the entire time I'm laying there! Sooooo anyhow! That's another story all by itself!
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Old 03-04-2015, 10:38 AM
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Ok, so we had our session this morning. Wowzer. It was the best one we've had so far, and it was the hardest.

H is slowly seeing some things. He said he can't see anything when he's upset, he goes almost into a blackout and can't remember anything. While it's incredibly scary that happens, it explains a lot. He's said it before but I never really understood until now the depth and scope of it. He literally cannot remember what happens nor does he realize what he says.

He talked a lot about his insecurities and how when I bring something up or say something that contradicts his opinion or view of something, he automatically feels inadequate or stupid. I guess what I'm supposed to take from that is he thinks I'm very smart - but instead of giving me that credit he makes it into a self-derogatory comment on how stupid he thinks he is. It's strange because I do have a higher IQ but he has a higher social IQ, so I feel we've evened out. He thinks he's inferior. Add in there the shame and guilt from the years of drinking and he's an emotional time bomb waiting to explode.

Both he and the counselor alluded to his session yesterday where they talked about all the work H has to do on self-talk and negative emotions, and learning to deal with emotions constructively without wanting to use a crutch (ie alcohol). H is still sober and still wanting to be sober, but now we're getting to the time that he needs to start working on re-routing those paths.

We talked about mapping and the counselor was all over that. He was so excited, lol, and wants us to start by identifying key words we can use to calm each other and/or stop the escalation of emotions. H is supposed to learn to self-identify when he is either assuming negative emotions on my part, looping, or ramping up or escalating his own emotions in a destructive way. I am supposed to watch for triggers and use the key words once they are decided, and then set a time to come back together to discuss when H has calmed ... counselor was thinking maybe an hour would be enough for H to come back to rational thought again.

I build walls, so I need to work on not detaching too much. Some detachment is necessary - I like to call it disengagement since detachment sounds cold - but it's the same thing. I build walls and remove all emotion from the situation which makes H even more emotional, so I need to be more present in the situation. This is hard, because my walls protect me right now. So hopefully as we go along I can let them down a bit at a time.

h's goal is to come through a fight ok. My goal is to avoid a fight altogether. I think that's interesting. He's going to take on a fight, because he just wants the outcome to be ok while I don't want one at all.

We talked about how H doesn't hear me when he's ramped up or emotional, and how even me telling him he's looping will cause a negative emotional spin. That makes it hard, because I can't relay to him then what is actually happening. He knows he's looping, I know he's looping, but if I tell him he gets angry and loops more. So we need to come up with a emotionally neutral word that helps him to stop and grab hold of reality a bit more.

So, heavy session, but good. I told H I want him to take the lead on setting up times to work on mapping, because I move faster through this stuff than he does. He gets overwhelmed so easily, and his negative self-talk is always in the background, and sometimes it tricks him into thinking I'm saying those things to him when he actually is saying them to himself. So it'll be a very slow process in my eyes, but hopefully it will move forward. In the least, by the end of the week, I want to have some stop words or yellow light words that will help him grasp reality in those emotional blackouts.
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Old 03-04-2015, 01:05 PM
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I was worried and thinking about you today. Thanks for updating!

It sounds productive, and also like hes engaged in the process. Different than the other day when he threatened to quit. I feel like he is authentic in these sessions. Is this how you feel?

I see one thing. His goal is to get through these arguments and mental loops as successfully as possible with what sounds like least amount of damage to himself, you/kids.
Your goal is to avoid their ever happening, and I think yesterday you were truthfully expressing how hard they are on you emotionally.

With what hes describing about himself and his current level of ability, I think he's on track knowing its going to be a long process, and each time this happens its going to be a precarious situation for both of you. How do you feel about this from your own emotional standpoint? Are u going to be able to use the traffic light system to help you avoid your own emotional breaking points?

With my H and his anxiety attacks, insomnia and his mood changes, I kept trying to find my healthy emotional baseline where I wasnt going up and down with him all the time. This is the part where Im thinking did the doctor have ideas how you can keep the emotional balance? Because it hard being on the side where from one interaction to the next you are responding to unpredictable behavior. It takes a lot of bounce on our part sort of, do u know what I mean?

I think the session went really well but I know a lot of the emotions can come after too. Are you feeling ok now?
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Old 03-04-2015, 01:20 PM
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I have a little funny to tell.

I got home last night and there was a neat box of food left there for me. Unopened salad mix and sealed bags of fruit. A note from one of my friends. It said:
Got this out of the dumpster for you, wash the boxes off before u put them in the fridge. I was like WHAT? Got this out of a dumpster and giving it to me? Am I in some strange parallel universe? Why is he doing looking thru a dumpster in the first place? I was so confused, never had this one happen before!

I called and he was saying it was leftover from this dinner over the weekend and its all good but not gonna be used. I was like ok so it was headed to the trash but it didnt actually come out of a dumpster. Hes like no it did! He decided what a waste, so he pulled it out and decided I might like to feed it to the wildlife. Aww that was sweet. And I found out it wasnt a big ole metal dumpster bit a wheeled bin, and this made me feel some better! Ha! This morning I took some grapes and lettuce out to the animals before work, hope they enjoy!

last night I told Mr Blue his friends were taking care of me while hes away. I told him the story and he laughed so hard.
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Old 03-04-2015, 02:27 PM
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Mr Blue sent me something on addiction last night. Not sure how he ran across it exactly but I didnt ask.

What It’s Like To Be Hopelessly Addicted To The Woman You Love
(Paul Hudson, Elite)

I remember the first time I fell in love. I had a difficult time understanding it. When you understand something, you have a sort of control over it.

When you know the boundaries, you know what room you have to work within, how things work and how you can act in order to manipulate the outcome.

The first time we fall in love, the experience is completely novel. We feel inside our own skin for the first time.

We feel as if we see the world for the beauty it is, for the first time. Falling in love makes everything better. Our senses become heightened and we literally experience more of the world around us.

Falling in love makes us feel more grounded. The problem arises when obsession begins to set in — which, when it comes to romantic love, is just about always the case.

A little bit of obsession goes a long way when it comes to romantic relations. Obsession, however, is just another word for addiction. And addictions can either be very healthy or detrimental.

When you’re addicted to the woman you love, your thoughts are comprised of her.

She’s the first thought you have when you wake up and the last thought before you go to sleep. You may even dream of her. You think about her throughout the day — some days in more regular frequency than others.

You wonder what she’s doing, how she’s doing, even though you know exactly the answer.

Every time you experience something new — try a new dish, find a great new coffee place, participate in a fun activity — your thoughts immediately go to the idea*of the two of you sharing that experience.

Every time something makes you happy, makes you laugh, makes you smile, she immediately pops into your head — because you can’t help but to be reminded of her every time you’re happy.

You are still your own person. You lead your own life and probably even have your own friends. Nevertheless, the two of you are connected to each other forever. If not physically, then by the way you influence each other’s lives.

When you’re addicted to the woman you love, your life revolves around her.

You’re always thinking about and craving that next hit, the next time the two of you are together. You spend so much time missing her when she’s gone,*it almost seems inefficient to spend time away from each other.

Some days the feeling isn’t as intense as it is others, but such an intensity cannot be maintained, thankfully. If this were a full-time gig, then you’d probably go mad.

Your schedule, your weekend plans, your holiday plans and your life plans revolve around her. Everything you wish your future to be is centered around the fact that the two of you will be spending your lives together.

When you’re addicted to the woman you love, you worry too much.

Worry, jealousy, anger, sadness, desperation… love brings with it a wonderful palette of emotions, which vary from utter bliss to complete hell. You usually have decent control of your emotions, but every once in a while… they get the better of you.

Hopefully, she’s trustworthy. If she is, then the trust the two of you have for each other ought to be enough to keep you calm.

If, on the other hand, she has a knack for getting into trouble and “making mistakes,” then your worry may drive you up the wall.

Either way, every time she’s running late or is simply unreachable, you think of the worst possible scenarios — she’s hurt, she’s been kidnapped, she’s decided she isn’t in love with you and ran off with some guy named Fabio.

You know you’re being silly… but you never know with those*Fabios.

When you’re addicted to the woman you love, you have trouble letting her go.

In the beginning of the relationship, you may experience difficulty parting ways. Knowing you won’t see her for a couple of days sort of depresses you.

Of course, you’re a man and refuse to show your emotions, but it still stings a bit.

When either of you go on a trip for days, weeks at a time, it intensifies your need for her. You Skype twice a day, but it’s not the same. It’s not even that you want to talk to her; you just want to be in her presence.

If, in the end, things don’t work out and you decide to call it quits, letting her go is just as difficult. Addictions don’t just go away when you decide to go cold turkey.

Depending on the drug, the craving you feel may never entirely leave you. You’ll always reminisce about that incredible high you once felt. Unless, of course, you found yourself another poison.

When you’re addicted to the woman you love, she’s more important.

…Than what? Than everything. Than you yourself. Than your friends. Than your career goals. Than everything else in your life.

Of course, this can be incredibly unhealthy. It’s where the line between love and pure obsession is drawn. Unfortunately, it’s a line that can quickly become blurry.

One moment, you’re your own person, living your own life, having your own dreams, and then the next you believe the life of the woman you love to be more important than your own.

Such selflessness seems incredibly romantic, but at the same time, it isn’t healthy. You may be able to keep the mindset for quite some time, but such a mindset cannot be kept indefinitely.

Eventually, life will snap you back into your own mind and the fact that you let your own life get away from you will likely drive a wedge between you and the woman you love.

When you’re addicted to the woman you love… you’re basically screwed.

Love is beautiful, but it’s complicated. It’s difficult to understand as it’s mutable, changing over time and over the course of different relationships. Likewise, it always inevitably becomes a bit difficult to manage.

As relationships mature, our feelings change. Sometimes we believe these changes to be positive. Other times, they scare us, make us think that maybe because we love someone differently, we don’t love them the way we’re supposed to love them.

We often make the mistake of equating those intense emotions we experience with true love, when, in reality, they are just an alarm going off, letting us know we’ve finally found the one.

When you’re addicted to the woman you love, you’ll either spend the rest of your life obsessing over her, doing your best to make things continue working, or you will have lost her and spend the rest of your life missing her.

It sounds like a lose/lose situation, but, in reality, it’s a win/win. What’s that saying? “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” But, it’s like I said: You’re still basically screwed.
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Old 03-04-2015, 02:29 PM
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Hi Clean, Butter, Allfor, Tod, and Eyes!
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Old 03-05-2015, 12:20 AM
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Good Evening – where is everyone today?

SVL
You had a productive session, and I have to admit I was concerned too after all that’s been happening. The way you described how he has a blackout is something Im not familiar with. Does the therapist think this is normal, or is there something else going on? Maybe it is part of PAWS symptoms that was mentioned a while back. I would worry when he leaves the house because I wonder if hes capable of making good decisions? I hope you can work on mapping and identifying ways to break the pattern and its really exciting I think to hear how your all three working together and even the therapist is excited about the mapping. Im praying for your family, and that things level out soon.

Blue
I think your husband must miss you. Its very sweet.. I like the article he sent you, did he comment on it ? I think its factual too.. early in relationships its relatively normal to be all caught up with the other person, but like the story goes along most of us have a wake up moment and are able to merge our own needs with the needs of our spouse and we don’t obsess but just have concern and affection. But its not easy.. and once we fall in love… theres really not much going back to the way things were.
I think your friend added dumpster to get your attention.. LOL .. It would be strange to find food left with a note like that.. I would do a double take too.. but at least he left his name so you know where it came from. My friends probably wouldn’t and then I would really be puzzled.

I cant believe its already Thursday.. the very start of it at least. We have a family event to attend on Saturday… not really looking forward to it because it will take most the day.

I chipped a tooth and now I need to schedule an appointment.. after hearing so many scary dental stories, plus the experiences Ive already had Im not looking forward to it. Maybe I will be brave and call this week, but I doubt it.. LOL
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Old 03-05-2015, 02:26 AM
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Allfor: Get that chipped tooth fixed ASAP! Don't wait for it to turn into a MAJOR problem! Put your big girl panties on and get to the dentist!



TOD
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Old 03-05-2015, 02:42 AM
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SVL: Sounds like some good break thrus in y'all's session! Have you considered video'ing him when he's looping and seems not with it? You can play it back for him or even your Therapist to show him what happens! It's way better than trying to talk about it!

Blue: That long article had me shaking my head! I've lived in those situations with several men in my life! More of the obssessive part than any other!

Butter: Getting a 100/100 on a test is nothing to sneeze at! Congrat's!

We got several inches of sleet and then it started snowing at midnight! And it's still snowing! We aren't going to get above freezing for a couple of days either! Grrrrrrr Next week though we are going up and up in the temps! YAY! Up into the 60's anyway!

My sisters and mom always get a kick out of the snow! Years ago! Early 80's! When I had moved back home from SC? I lived across the field from my parent's! I saw a light on in my parent's house and called my mom at midnight to say: "It's snowing!" They were all asleep! (Arkansas used to not get too much snow! So it's an event when we do! LOL) So as of today, since that happened? I always get one of them calling or texting, saying; It's snowing! LOL I'll never live that one down! It's all done in fun though!

And with Spring being around the corner? The time Spring's forward an hour this Sunday!

TOD
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Old 03-05-2015, 05:47 AM
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We are already springing forward? Wow...idk why I forget that each year? Well, another 6 - 10 inches today! All schools here on Long Island are closed! That really isn't too much to be shutting down the schools!?! I'm from IL and I know for a fact they would never shut down schools for less than a foot? What is happening here? Maybe because it is coming down heavy right thru the morning commute? They don't want to get the busses out? Who knows but I really think they are wusses for shutting down schools for that small amount. It's not like they don't have the ploughs and salt? Probably it boils down to saving money?
All the holidays they observe plus snow days.....my kids have sat at home more than they've gone to school this winter! Ugh! Well, you know I'm not getting much time on here today! Once my youngest wakes up she'll be claiming this iPad! So I better post this ASAP. I'm just getting tired of winter! Tired of snow!

Well, yesterday my coffee pot went kaput! I can't complain though. It lasted me a good 10 years at least.....and I make tons of coffee! But a couple days ago I turned it on and nothing happened. The light came on so I know it was getting electricity but that was it. Soo my daughter and I went out to Walmart. Yep....Walmart! Lol I rarely go to Walmart but my daughter was driving and had a gift card she wanted to use to buy me a new coffee pot so I told her "alright then I'm right behind you!" Ended up picking up some boxes of Mac and cheese for only 89 cents. Not bad! Well, I have to say I was impressed by how inexpensive the Keurigs were! They had every type of coffee imaginable to go with it too! From Starbucks (Butter) to Seattle's Best to Dunkin Dounut (my favorite) with every single flavor including tea and not chocolate! Well New Yorkers sure love their coffee! After spending a half hour at least admiring the Keurigs I settled on a Black and Decker programable one on sale for only $17. My daughter set the timer for this morning at 7:50 am. I woke up excited thinking to see my coffee already brewed? Nope! Not sure what happened but it must have been shut off? Will try again tomorrow. Ha!

Ok...I've been up for awhile this morning. Awoke thinking kids were going to school. But they aren't so there is no use for me to be up this early either. Going back to bed!

I'll try to get back later.

Hope you all are having a great Thursday!
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Old 03-05-2015, 11:07 AM
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ok! Going to try to catch up again!

Butter - I forgot to congratulate you on your awesome mark on your paper! Yay you!! When do you start your vacation? I can't quite remember ... lol but then somedays I don't remember if I'm wearing pants so that's normal for me

Tod - Jethro sounds like quite the guy! LOL! I think I would go crazy with all those electronics hanging around my house. I'm not the most organized person, but our house is small and any amount of extra stuff is enough to make me feel closed in. DS has toys everywhere now and it can drive me nuts if I'm in the wrong mood. So TVs and computers around would send me around the bend! Now if he were to fix them and sell them, another story, right? Then at least he'd be busy AND you'd get money for it!

Blue - omgosh you hit some many things right on the head. I do feel like this is the authentic H in the sessions and when he is clear headed and rational minded. That's the H I married. These loops are relatively new, and by that I mean only starting about 4 years ago or so. I kind of saw it as the progression of the disease and the progression of the lack of reasoning that comes with it, if that makes sense. The more he drank, the more neuro-pathways he killed. So now he's not only recovering from the addiction but also from the damage he has done.

It is incredibly hard on me emotionally. More and more every time it happens. I worry about my own emotional state of mind when he does this, and I think, if this happens again, I'm asking him to leave. And then he comes out of it, and is cognitive of the damage he has done (even tho he can't always remember it) and tries to make better choices and I think, no, I can do this. But I do love your suggestion of making my own maps and traffic systems and using that when things start to loop, because I am not doing anyone any favours by getting caught up in H's loops, especially when he can't even remember them.

And as far as the blackouts go, the counselor is worried about them. It's not normal and while I'm not concerned about my physical safety, I do get concerned about H driving and the effects all of this is having on everyone. So the sooner H and I can sit down and work through some key words the better. And then i'll get my own maps in place, and when he starts to loop i'll have an immediate list of "what to do" so I don't need to think, I can just follow the steps we have set out.

I do know what you mean about bounce back, I feel like a racquetball right now. I feel the physical effects of all of this on my body and in my own energy levels. I find that I can't focus on things I used to enjoy doing, because all of my energy is kept right now on trying to stay emotionally stable and strong for the kids, and trying to pull H out of whatever loop he might be in. And he's getting better with the loops but it's far from acceptable right now, and that's hard.

Cute story about the dumpster food! LOL! I love your friend's sense of humour! And the essay about being addicted to the person you love, sounds so true to me! I think we all go through a stage like that when we meet someone, and fall really hard!

Allfor, yes, the therapist thinks there is a lot of PAWS going on with H, as well as maybe some other things like depression or even bipolar? But it's too early to see, so i'll have to monitor it a bit and see if I can give him some more info when I see him again. It's not something H will track on his own, it's not a codependent thing, just the way we both are wired, I'm more of a researcher and tracker and observer, and H is more of a see what happens, push things into a box and never look at them again sort of person.
Sorry about your tooth! I hope it didn't hurt when you chipped it! I had to get a root canal as a result of a chipped molar - mind you it was a baby molar because I don't have adult molars (lol see, I am immature! ) so that's kind of a different story, but make sure you look after it!

Tod I have taped H other times, and the last rage he had before detox he heard by accident when DS was playing with my phone. He still remembers how he sounded. I think it would be very powerful if I could tape him and play it back to him *at the right time*, when he would be receptive to it. Otherwise, it could backfire on me. H is having some paranoia issues, which I think is part of PAWS or at least part of an alcohol addiction, and I don't want to make him feel even more paranoid.

LOL I should text you every time we get snow! Here in my province in Canada, it's almost a daily occurance for 8 months You'd get really tired of hearing from me

Clean, more snow again today! Holy smokes! They never close the schools here and I miss that, they used to in So Dak too and we would have a wonderful snow day! I hear you totally, tired of snow, tired of the cold, tired of seeing white everywhere. I NEED green! And I NEED flowers! H kept opening the front door yesterday, every 10 minutes he opened the door. I asked him, what are you doing? And he said, looking for spring. The nut. LOL!

I hate buying coffee machines! I don't know why, but I hate buying appliances in general. I can never decide which one I want, I spend so much time comparing the differences of each and in the end I end up getting none. We have a Keurig right now but we bought a little filter thing for it so we could put our own grounds in it and not have to spend so much money on the little cups. It took me a few months to figure out the timer lol! Here's to a hot cup of coffee when you wake up tomorrow!!

We don't spring forward here. Our province does not do daylight saving time. It's nice to not lose an hour or have to adjust kid's sleeping habits! When we lived in So Dak it drove me crazy, because I never grew up changing clocks. I always forgot and was running either an hour ahead or behind for weeks later! LOL!
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Old 03-05-2015, 01:38 PM
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Clean is back today! Ah-ha now I see, she was shopping yesterday! This is completely acceptable! Do you only drink coffee in the morning? Im not a huge coffee drinker but I have a couple cups a day at least. When husbunny was in rehab they had a cool coffee machine, and before he came home, his parents bought us one like it. I think they were hoping to keep his mind off having a glass of wine. And at night a cup of coffee with the extra flavored creamers and some whipped topping is really good, and it goes great with snacks too.

Mr Blue wrote a couple things and we talked about the article. It has a lot of truths in there I think, and one important part it begins to explore but doesnt fully is how love does mature, and it takes two people working at it to keep a relationship healthy and happy. He was thanking me for understanding his own personal goals with his work, and for always encouraging him , and letting him know we are fine and he doesnt need to be torn or feel guilty. Then he assured me of his perspective and how all parts of life need to come together and in the end what we have is most important, and home is the center of his universe.

And today he and the other two guys from work talked and feel like they need to stay and work on Saturday in order to be prepared for what they need to do on Monday. If he came home he would still need to work and then turn around and come right back. So he wont be home this weekend, but hopefully the next one.

I sort of figured, due to the nature of what their doing, so its not a shock. Ive been keeping busy and I cant believe its already Thursday!

All this snow and ice must be really widespread. Its from NY all the way to where you are Tod.
I think its kinda funny your saying half a foot of snow is no big deal. Sounds like a lot to me! Wouldnt the little kids have to stand out in the snow for the bus? And maybe some walk to school? I can see them all with their little hats, mittens, and boots shivering out there! Wanting to be home playing with their ipads and gaming. Your kids have been home a lot this year Clean!

I dont understand why Jethro would keep so many computers, how did he even get that many to start with? It looks like he can fix anything, maybe he was taking them apart and using pieces, or at least he planned to! He should do repair work on the side, people are always needing help with stuff and dont know who to call. Plus apartments and condos always keep a list of handymen. When I had my apartment, there were a couple guys who responded to any issue from leaky faucets to window jams, plus we tipped them. I never knew how much they were supposed to get tho?

I thought your husband sounded authentic and sincere but ha! I knew you would be a better judge than me! His blackouts remind me of husbunnys anxiety attacks in a way. He cant think rationally, he can go blank like hes stuck processing information. He says he feels panicked and all rhese thoughts and feelingss rush at him and he feels it all swirling around, but hes out of control. Was it Clean who talked about the dream where she was running but was locked in slow motion? Reminds me of this!

The good thing about Craft is it teaches us about addiction and helps us understand a lot medically, emotionally, psychologically. I think we can relate and be better team players.
I bet its a cool feeling when you impress the doc with your knowledge several times in one session! But then there's the emotional hit we take for being so close. I think doing your own mapping is a good idea. I think its the same approach. Noticing our emotional state, when we begin to show physical signs of stress, and how we recover after something like a loop.

I make a lot of mistakes and wish I could do better with my H most the time. When he was having the paws, bad anxiety and neither of us were sleeping it was HARD. I kept telling myself it would get better because his doctors told me this, and I tried to work on my own thoughts, feelings, and take breaks emotionally. Like I dont have to be "on" all the time, and it was important to realize some of it was going to take time no matter what we did, so minimizing emotional harm was important. In a way I can relate to what your H said about his goal is to get through it because if its a brain internal processing thing (like an anxiety attack) once it starts it has to play out. Doing things to prevent escalating was key. I had to be calm because he was already panicking. If he felt my anxiety then it was one more thing spinning around him. Its hard to explain, hope my attempt makes some sense.

Ok, now we need our Butter! Maybe we should do a vacation countdown? Is it a week away? What if its still snowing and you cant get out!
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Old 03-05-2015, 02:43 PM
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Allfor, you had an awesome article posted on the other board... I quickly read this this morning and it had a bunch of "thanks" for it. But when I went back to read it on detail, it was gone can you post it here? Or send it to me? I didn't read it closely but it sounded really interesting!!
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Old 03-05-2015, 03:17 PM
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Originally Posted by soverylost View Post
Allfor, you had an awesome article posted on the other board... I quickly read this this morning and it had a bunch of "thanks" for it. But when I went back to read it on detail, it was gone can you post it here? Or send it to me? I didn't read it closely but it sounded really interesting!!
Hi Sovery...

I had some people contact me asking off SR, and even on SR.. but no message from a mod or admin. Someone told me they thought it was bashing of her program but it was an article from a woman in recovery who called herself a people please (codependent) and how she became so intense trying to please the people in her program that it was making her physically sick.. going to meetings 6 times a week, volunteering all the time, and not being true to herself but to the group thought process instead.

these are signs of codependency and unhealthiness...

I sent a note to a mod over there because I didn't think it broke any rules.. and I made no comment only said it was interesting. I will send you the link by pm..

Sorry I cant read and reply to everyone right now, Im at work and its hard for me to do that as I get interrupted a lot. LOL
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Old 03-05-2015, 05:31 PM
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Allfor you go back to your cave at work, its still daylight! Hahaha I cant even tease you about how good you are not stealing time from your employer, because you are the employer! Hahaha I didnt think u would reply until tonight, sorry. You set a good example with ypour work ethic tho!
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Old 03-05-2015, 05:43 PM
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OK quick question! I am ready to change my name and have two in mind: PinkCloudsCharley, because i love the idea of pink clouds or PinkCharley because I love pink. Charley is a nickname.
I can't decide!
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Old 03-05-2015, 05:52 PM
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I like them both! Very cool.

If you have to type in your username then shorter might be easier, but if its remembered on the site then I would go with what is most expressive for you.

clean helped me make my avatar meaningful to me, so you could also add in a pink cloud or something and also use the avatar to personalize.

Oh no, more to think about. Sorry!

Good names! I think its great you no longer feel soverylost

I still feel like a chair! Hahahaha
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Old 03-05-2015, 10:00 PM
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You still feel like a chair? Lolololo oh Blue CHAIR!!! You had me laughing hysterically! So it's not time for a change yet? Lol please explain why you still feel like a chair? This oughta be good!!! Ha!

I luv pinkcloudscharly! It's a bit long but I think it's more meaningful since it's pinkcloudscharly that you like. Or you could make it pinkcharley and then in your avatar show the pink clouds. If you need help I know someone who's really good at making avatars.

Oh know I missed you allfor! But it was nice seeing you here early! I loved your article and yes that is something very important to think about! There was a time that something similar could have happened to me. I'll explain tomorrow.
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Old 03-05-2015, 10:29 PM
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Sorry I missed you Cleanin.. I will catch you one day or night. LOL

I like both names SVL. PinkCloudsCharly is nice and it has full meaning for you. You can still add clouds or change your avatar if you decide you want to express more meaning.

I should have a special avatar.. I just picked mine from SR. Actually I had one for a long time then one day it was just gone.. so I couldn't find another one here I liked too much, but at the time I was feeling so much love, I decided to make myself into an angel. LOL

We should do a thread on how we created our usernames and avatars.. Ive seen a few of those in the past and its always interesting.
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