It's all about me Part 3
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Originally Posted by soverylost 
Tod, i know it was your birthday, but whatcha doing going to bed in the morning and sleeping till supper? Do you have your days and nights mixed up? Lol! I had a kid like that!
hope jethro can get heat into the barn,have they stopped working?
It's new gas lines to the house he's having to add to in order to have heat in his barn too! We are all electric here in the house and two barns. He's wanting to work in the barn and it's way too cold w/o heat. So he's routing the gas lines to get some heat in there!
TOD
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Don't mean to hog the Thread tonight! However? I have a very pizzed off husband after our earlier conversation!
I'll do my best to write this w/o breaking any rules! I'm apologizing up front if I do!
I came inside from watching the 6:00 news! I asked Jethro if he'd seen the part about them reporting the warning about ppl getting the fake calls from the tax revenue office? Saying they were going to be audited in order to get info from the ppl they've called! He said he did and then asked me if I'd seen the news about M16 shells being in jeopardy again! Oh Lord! Here we go again! I told him I didn't see it, but it always plays out and then things settle down later!
He gets all bent out of shape over it and starts telling me to "Shut UP" and pay attention to what he's saying! I yelled at him - Don't tell me to Shut UP! This has been an on going thing with him ever since I moved in back in 2006! He then said: "Forget it since you don't want to listen to me!" ARGH! I said: "All bullets are a threat to ppl. No matter what they are! I believe they are overstocked in the M16 bullets and are putting a scare out there for ppl to make a mad dash to buy them! Problem solved!" Oh NO! That wasn't going to set well with Jethro!
So he starts throwing info at me about where ppl have had their guns taken away and this government thing and that government thing, blah blah blah! Well he basically opened the door for me to talk to him about something I've not found the right time to do so! And here it was!
I'm not like Blue and sneak things in! LOL I'm more like a bulldozer plowing my way thru things!
So? I say! Jethro! This brings up a subject I've been wanting to talk to you about and I don't want you to get pizzed off at me for it! So he turns from the TV and looks at me! I said: "It really concerns me, you being on these pain meds, if and when the chit hits the fan! You are a very intelligient person and I need you in your right mind when/if it happens!" Oh hell! I might as well gone outside and pocked a bear in it's azz! He was pizzed! He said: "Don't you worry about me taking the meds! I haven't taken any in two days!" Oh? Same old story every time! I haven't taken any!
I said: "Well I knew you'd get pizzed off and that's not what I wanted to happen! I wanted you to hear what I'm saying and realize it's a real concern of mine!" I turned to walk off and then said: "So this means you never plan to get off the pain meds?" He just sat there with a pizzed off look in my direction! I get to the door, open it and then say: "When you were telling me I need to get off the pain meds? I DID! Does it not mean the same for yourself?" And out the door I went! He's maybe said three words to me the rest of the night!
While at the doctor's office this past Thursday! I was talking to someone and was trying to think of a restaurant's name and couldn't. I asked Jethro three times the name of it. He was giving me blank stares. I knew I was short on sleep and needing sleep but damn! And then something else was brought up later on and I got the same response. He wasn't in there/mind anywhere! It kind of scared me! And then while we were getting our food in the cafeteria? He seemed confused then too! His eyes were glassy and he was breathing heavily. But like I said before! He claimed he hadn't had a pill in over a day's time. Even though he was complaining greatly about his hand hurting a lot! He must think I'm a fool for believing it! But no! That's an addict popping pills for ya! If I could handle being around the pills? I'd have him hand them over so I could count them. That would keep him honest and I'd know how many he was taking!
He's gotten huge with all the eating he does! I bought him a 4XL T-shirt this past summer and he's stretching that now! He can't hardly breathe! He aches all over from the extra weight he's carrying around. He doesn't care about getting his beard or hair cut anymore! His energy level is pretty much shot too! He's been busy getting the heat fixed in the barn so he can start hanging out in there! He has a spot in the back/front where he has a work area sitting down. He's already had one heart attack back in 2005! I keep asking him if he wants to have another one? He just keeps stressing we need to get life insurance! Yikes!
TOD
I'll do my best to write this w/o breaking any rules! I'm apologizing up front if I do!
I came inside from watching the 6:00 news! I asked Jethro if he'd seen the part about them reporting the warning about ppl getting the fake calls from the tax revenue office? Saying they were going to be audited in order to get info from the ppl they've called! He said he did and then asked me if I'd seen the news about M16 shells being in jeopardy again! Oh Lord! Here we go again! I told him I didn't see it, but it always plays out and then things settle down later!
He gets all bent out of shape over it and starts telling me to "Shut UP" and pay attention to what he's saying! I yelled at him - Don't tell me to Shut UP! This has been an on going thing with him ever since I moved in back in 2006! He then said: "Forget it since you don't want to listen to me!" ARGH! I said: "All bullets are a threat to ppl. No matter what they are! I believe they are overstocked in the M16 bullets and are putting a scare out there for ppl to make a mad dash to buy them! Problem solved!" Oh NO! That wasn't going to set well with Jethro!
So he starts throwing info at me about where ppl have had their guns taken away and this government thing and that government thing, blah blah blah! Well he basically opened the door for me to talk to him about something I've not found the right time to do so! And here it was!
I'm not like Blue and sneak things in! LOL I'm more like a bulldozer plowing my way thru things!So? I say! Jethro! This brings up a subject I've been wanting to talk to you about and I don't want you to get pizzed off at me for it! So he turns from the TV and looks at me! I said: "It really concerns me, you being on these pain meds, if and when the chit hits the fan! You are a very intelligient person and I need you in your right mind when/if it happens!" Oh hell! I might as well gone outside and pocked a bear in it's azz! He was pizzed! He said: "Don't you worry about me taking the meds! I haven't taken any in two days!" Oh? Same old story every time! I haven't taken any!
I said: "Well I knew you'd get pizzed off and that's not what I wanted to happen! I wanted you to hear what I'm saying and realize it's a real concern of mine!" I turned to walk off and then said: "So this means you never plan to get off the pain meds?" He just sat there with a pizzed off look in my direction! I get to the door, open it and then say: "When you were telling me I need to get off the pain meds? I DID! Does it not mean the same for yourself?" And out the door I went! He's maybe said three words to me the rest of the night!
While at the doctor's office this past Thursday! I was talking to someone and was trying to think of a restaurant's name and couldn't. I asked Jethro three times the name of it. He was giving me blank stares. I knew I was short on sleep and needing sleep but damn! And then something else was brought up later on and I got the same response. He wasn't in there/mind anywhere! It kind of scared me! And then while we were getting our food in the cafeteria? He seemed confused then too! His eyes were glassy and he was breathing heavily. But like I said before! He claimed he hadn't had a pill in over a day's time. Even though he was complaining greatly about his hand hurting a lot! He must think I'm a fool for believing it! But no! That's an addict popping pills for ya! If I could handle being around the pills? I'd have him hand them over so I could count them. That would keep him honest and I'd know how many he was taking!
He's gotten huge with all the eating he does! I bought him a 4XL T-shirt this past summer and he's stretching that now! He can't hardly breathe! He aches all over from the extra weight he's carrying around. He doesn't care about getting his beard or hair cut anymore! His energy level is pretty much shot too! He's been busy getting the heat fixed in the barn so he can start hanging out in there! He has a spot in the back/front where he has a work area sitting down. He's already had one heart attack back in 2005! I keep asking him if he wants to have another one? He just keeps stressing we need to get life insurance! Yikes!
TOD
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 112
TOD, I just wanted you to know that I have been following this thread because I just love your posts. Thank you.
SVL, I am also thankful for your shares too. I left my husband due to his frequent relapses. I just couldn't do it any more. His sober time was not that pleasant either. He was using the SMART method, not AA. I wonder if that would have made a difference. I hope your husband can sustain his abstinence. You and children deserve a safe and stable home.
SVL, I am also thankful for your shares too. I left my husband due to his frequent relapses. I just couldn't do it any more. His sober time was not that pleasant either. He was using the SMART method, not AA. I wonder if that would have made a difference. I hope your husband can sustain his abstinence. You and children deserve a safe and stable home.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
I'm not like Blue and sneak things in! LOL I'm more like a bulldozer
I think it was my moms fault, she always withheld some of her/our shopping from my dad even tho I never saw him angry only happy we had fun. Maybe she got if from her mom?
But husbunny caught on, and when he was all done working would say, so you want to go to xxx, or what was it you bought?
Dont get the wrong impression tho, I work and pay for most of what I buy on my own.
Tod Im kinda worried about Jethro. Hes way overweight if he's in a 4x and its too small. His breathing could be a combo of things. Have they given him stress tests at the VA and know he doesnt have a blockage ?
I dont know what to tell u, I get your direct bulldozer approach but in counseling they say certain ways we talk and respond create more tension, defensiveness, anger and the person then spends their time not thinking as much about the solid points your trying to make but only reacting emotionally. Plus if someone gets a flood of emotions after a fight then it can be used as an internal motivation to numb the feelings with more drugs.
But your saying when you were using pills Jethro was always telling u to stop, handled it a lot like u are with him now, and it WAS a motivating factor for you to quit.
I guess this only shows something we all know already, many different approaches can work.
Hi Clean, Allfor, Butter, Sovery, Eyes!
Welcome Findingme2. Sorry about your situation. Did you husband ever get professional help? Did u use Smart support along with him?
Husbunny has left for the week, hopefully he will get to come home for the weekend but it will depend on how his work stuff goes. I already had my first scare! I heard this loud thud from another room and knew there was no one who could have made that noise! I slowly go exploring and only a box had fallen! I guess it got shifted when he was pulling something off the shelf and dont know why it fell when it did, but I got fright #1 out of the way!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
Originally Posted by soverylost
Big hugs Butter. Be kind to yourself, your grandpa passed so recently, of course it's going to be hard. You are where you are, in the grieving process, you need to move thru at your own pace. Some steps and stages will be harder, sometimes you need to go back and repeat one. That's OK. It can't be rushed, be kind and gentle to yourself. I think i know the part of the mass you are referring to, the names of the recently deceased and prayers for the sick. It's so hard to hear that name said, so final.
I know how hard it is with family not around. When Dad died, we came back to our home in the US and all my family was back in Canada. And it all felt different and like nothing happened at the same time. I would talk to my mom and siblings and miss them so much. Allow yourself time to heal.
As for Mr S? Men, blech, who needs them?!?! Maybe Blue can find some frownies for him.
I know how hard it is with family not around. When Dad died, we came back to our home in the US and all my family was back in Canada. And it all felt different and like nothing happened at the same time. I would talk to my mom and siblings and miss them so much. Allow yourself time to heal.
As for Mr S? Men, blech, who needs them?!?! Maybe Blue can find some frownies for him.
However, I'm happy to anounce that i got a 100/100 in my sociology paper. It was about the heroin epidemic and how it is related to the different theories. Haha i agree, SVL, who needs men?
and yes, blue maybe you can put a positive spell on him with the smilies SVL, how're you doing?
Blue, haha, poor Mr. Husbunny. You really keep him on his toes, don't you?
Clean, how are you? How was the date with your friend? Did you have a good time?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by buttercup89
Hey ladies!
I'm not having the best day today
I miss my family so much. Yesterday they had a service in the church where they called the names of the people who passed away in the last 30 days (it's a catholic thing and i don't know what it's called in English, maybe one of you know what i'm talking about) so my family went to church and out for dinner. Today my mom sent me a text message telling me that they went to see my uncle's new kitchen today and she mentioned everyone who was ther: my uncle + gf, my aunt + husband, my parents, my grandma... someone's missing there i also thought about sending my grandma a card once when i'm in california and then i realized that i will only write one name on the card, that I will write the card in singular and i also kept thinking about Mr.S and it lead to the thought that my grandpa will never meet (my boyfriend (no matter whether it's Mr.S or someone else) I will be go home soon, and he won't be there. lt's just so painful. It's so weird, keep living my life, going out, having fun, and deep inside there's the fact that i lost one of my closest and most important people forever
Yesterday, i also got an email from my cousin saying that my gr.grandma's health is failing again. She had to be brought to the hospital, she will be released soon, but she seems to be very tired and can't really communicate anymore. I know, she's 95, so these things are to be expected, but it seemed as if she regained strength again. And i just found out, once i finally felt a little bit better. Does it never stop? Some of you know what i've been through in my life. It took me a long time to trust life and to enjoy the good moments, without being afraid something bad will happen. I finally got there, and now bad things after bad things seem to happen. And instead of things getting better,things get worse Same with Mr.S. It seemed to be goign well, now, not so much anymore. Don't i deserve something positive? See, now i feel bad to have these thoughts, because a lot of good things have happened. I came here, i got the chance to live my dream, but yeah, at the same time, other things keep being bad or bad things are happening.
I don't feel well. I didn't get my rhythm back, i'm falling behind in school, which makes me feel bad, i'm tired, i put pressure on myself, etc.
Sorry, for such a depressive post, but i had to let it out...
thank you for reading it
I'm not having the best day today
I miss my family so much. Yesterday they had a service in the church where they called the names of the people who passed away in the last 30 days (it's a catholic thing and i don't know what it's called in English, maybe one of you know what i'm talking about) so my family went to church and out for dinner. Today my mom sent me a text message telling me that they went to see my uncle's new kitchen today and she mentioned everyone who was ther: my uncle + gf, my aunt + husband, my parents, my grandma... someone's missing there i also thought about sending my grandma a card once when i'm in california and then i realized that i will only write one name on the card, that I will write the card in singular and i also kept thinking about Mr.S and it lead to the thought that my grandpa will never meet (my boyfriend (no matter whether it's Mr.S or someone else) I will be go home soon, and he won't be there. lt's just so painful. It's so weird, keep living my life, going out, having fun, and deep inside there's the fact that i lost one of my closest and most important people forever Yesterday, i also got an email from my cousin saying that my gr.grandma's health is failing again. She had to be brought to the hospital, she will be released soon, but she seems to be very tired and can't really communicate anymore. I know, she's 95, so these things are to be expected, but it seemed as if she regained strength again. And i just found out, once i finally felt a little bit better. Does it never stop? Some of you know what i've been through in my life. It took me a long time to trust life and to enjoy the good moments, without being afraid something bad will happen. I finally got there, and now bad things after bad things seem to happen. And instead of things getting better,things get worse
Same with Mr.S. It seemed to be goign well, now, not so much anymore. Don't i deserve something positive? See, now i feel bad to have these thoughts, because a lot of good things have happened. I came here, i got the chance to live my dream, but yeah, at the same time, other things keep being bad or bad things are happening. I don't feel well. I didn't get my rhythm back, i'm falling behind in school, which makes me feel bad, i'm tired, i put pressure on myself, etc.
Sorry, for such a depressive post, but i had to let it out...
thank you for reading it
When Mr Blue got sick itwas the worst thing Ive ever been through, and its been long and drawn out, more kept being exposed as to how bad it all was. And then I began to worry what if the rehab and the doctors cant help him? What if he relapses and its as bad as it was before? How could I go through it again? And a lot of people shared with me they were so afraid of relapse it became something they couldnt live with, almost like an implosion inside them. I kept thinking am I only waiting for more bad to happen to me, and the people I love?
It made me do a lot of thinking. Some of my fears were irrational bit some were valid. I mean people get sick, family members grow older, stats for successful marriages are not so good overall. But then I realized I cant put up walls and shut myself off, shut people out because Im afraid of ever getting hurt or suffering loss. I was meant to feel emotion, cope with hard times, persevere and find joy regardless. I still get in those moods sometimes, I bet most of us too. Life can be disappointing, scary, unfair and sometimes we need to admit it.
Im not trying to say what your going thru or how u are feeling or responding is like me, but I know the feeling of whats gonna happen next. I have this quote I want to send you, but havent found it yet. Its something to do with never being able to perceive someone can be taken from your life, but then they are. And never being able to perceive how someone new can come into your life and and bring such happiness. But if the first is true, then the second can be true too.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Buttercup,
I hope your feeling better today; you have had mixed blessings.. I know it doesn’t do any good to wish.. but I do wish your time her studying could have been filled with all positive things so you would have all good memories. I will be praying for your great grandma; even though she’s 95 and lived what Im sure has been an incredible life it still hurts when someone’s health is declining due to long life and age.
Your family at home looks to be a close knit group.. how is your grandma and dad doing with their grief?
Have you had a chance to work on planning your spring break trip? I hate to mention this, but do you think it would be possible for you to make up some of the work in your classes during spring break ? If so then you might need to weigh the cost of going now vs. after the semester ends.. don’t shoot me.. It was just a thought that crossed my mind.
SVL,
Is this the week for counseling with the addiction specialist?
Thinking of you, and hope everything improved after the dinner incident.
Have you been able to incorporate some stress busters into your routine? I know its hard with work, and both kids.. one who needs to go places and the other who needs constant care.. sometimes you need to try to make time for yourself so you can unwind a little. In the end, it will benefit everyone in the family.
No Cleanin today? what is she up to?
Blue,
Are you doing ok so far with your husband out of town? Do you have any special activities planned with family or friends?
TOD,
Now I see why you were sneaking out at night exploring… I didn’t know the extent of your dads substance issues exactly but I think I remember one story where your mom was no longer putting up with him.. . I think it involved his car but I forgot the details now.. LOL Wasn’t it a big change going from the country at home, being alone and exploring… to going into basic training and the military? They are so strict and for some reason I cant picture it suiting you exactly.
And did you say at one time you worked where they made pianos? That is fascinating.. was it on the assembly ? It would be interesting to see a piano assembled.. was it the grand piano, or different models? I want my son to learn to play… hope he will be interested in it when hes older.
I hope your feeling better today; you have had mixed blessings.. I know it doesn’t do any good to wish.. but I do wish your time her studying could have been filled with all positive things so you would have all good memories. I will be praying for your great grandma; even though she’s 95 and lived what Im sure has been an incredible life it still hurts when someone’s health is declining due to long life and age.
Your family at home looks to be a close knit group.. how is your grandma and dad doing with their grief?
Have you had a chance to work on planning your spring break trip? I hate to mention this, but do you think it would be possible for you to make up some of the work in your classes during spring break ? If so then you might need to weigh the cost of going now vs. after the semester ends.. don’t shoot me.. It was just a thought that crossed my mind.
SVL,
Is this the week for counseling with the addiction specialist?
Thinking of you, and hope everything improved after the dinner incident.
Have you been able to incorporate some stress busters into your routine? I know its hard with work, and both kids.. one who needs to go places and the other who needs constant care.. sometimes you need to try to make time for yourself so you can unwind a little. In the end, it will benefit everyone in the family.
No Cleanin today? what is she up to?
Blue,
Are you doing ok so far with your husband out of town? Do you have any special activities planned with family or friends?
TOD,
Now I see why you were sneaking out at night exploring… I didn’t know the extent of your dads substance issues exactly but I think I remember one story where your mom was no longer putting up with him.. . I think it involved his car but I forgot the details now.. LOL Wasn’t it a big change going from the country at home, being alone and exploring… to going into basic training and the military? They are so strict and for some reason I cant picture it suiting you exactly.
And did you say at one time you worked where they made pianos? That is fascinating.. was it on the assembly ? It would be interesting to see a piano assembled.. was it the grand piano, or different models? I want my son to learn to play… hope he will be interested in it when hes older.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Hello FindingMe2! Thank you for enjoying my posts! I'm a country girl grown up and telling my stories! I do live outside of the box! I mean I have chickens living in our house with us afterall! LOL But we love them and they're our pets! I used to be a cleaning machine and I learned there's more to life than keeping a clean house for IF someone drops by for a visit! Yes my home is a little dustier. I don't do dishes every night either! The things to wash might stack up in the laundry room until I feel like washing them or run out of stuff to use! I have clutter around too! But the grandkids manage to pull all their toys out when they come over and have a ball playing! The only thing I put my foot down on is NO milk in the living room on the carpet! Bluck! I have four vacuum cleaners and three shop vacs! I can find something to get the cheese crackers cleaned up with, with one of them! Click on my Avatar and you'll find other Threads I'm posting on as well! So sorry about you having to split from your husband!
Blue: I'm the one that pays all the bills and keeps tabs on the amount in the bank! I had mom laughing last week when I told her: "Jethro asked if WE were getting paid this Friday?" I asked him if he had a mouse in his pocket because I was the only one getting a check Friday! His name is on the checking account too! And yes he has access to it anytime he wants! Now that I think about it! He hasn't worked in months! Probably won't until small engines need repairing again either! He doesn't always put his checks in the bank each week either! But we're okay!
If I'm going somewhere? It's a surprise to Jethro! If he see's me with makeup on and I'm in town clothes? He's asking me where ya going? LOL Being retired? I don't get ready to go anywhere unless I absolutely have to! He'll go change clothes real quick and then we sneak out of the house! Sneak because of Maria!
As for Jethro being overweight? I've talked until I'm hoarse about his weight! He stopped smoking a year ago when he was real bad sick. So now he EATS! And it's what he eats that's not good. You take a hard headed/stubborn Italian/Spaniard 57 yro man and try to tell him what's good for him and not good for him! I'll sit back and watch you take him on!
His first two wives were gentle speaking women! Never raising their voices and trying the gentle method to get him to do things. Well I bet you can't guess? It didn't work! I've tried that method myself with him and the pills. He made a complete fool out of himself showing his azz! So he now gets the soldier when it comes to the pain pills! I'm fed up with the way he acts now! I gave him time to heal from this last wrist surgery he's had w/o complaining about the pain meds! I keep stressing if he'd lose weight he'd feel a whole lot better! As he sits and eats half a family sized bag of potato chips! I've learned if I want any of them? I better hide the bag! The larger he gets? The more he wants to eat! And the less he does! Usually when I get up in the afternoons. I hear him snoring! Yep! Taking a nap! Maria is delighted to see momma so she can get out of the living room!
I'll see something on TV in reference to a person being strung out on drugs and causing problems. Jethro will sit there and say: "What a F'ing idiot!" I say it's because of drug use! Does he GET it? Probably not! When we first got together in 2006 he made a comment about how easily he could be an alcoholic! Well Jethro? What the hell do you think the opiates are doing to ya? ARGH! He even told me a story about when he was married to his 2nd wife and her daughter was strung out on drugs and screaming in her bedroom one night! Momma walked in and saw a dark figure in the corner! She ran to get Jethro and their bible. I'll not say anymore here! I don't want to break any rules! But you'd think Jethro would figure it out. The pain meds aren't a good thing to be taking!
I've gentle talked Jethro for years about the pain meds! I always get the same answer: "Don't you worry about me taking the pain pills!" I'm past the point of wanting to deal with him using them. He's like a little boy getting his hand caught in the cookie jar when I confront him about the pills now! He's been avoiding me all day/evening and acts all passive when I'm talking with him. He knows I'm pizzed about the pain meds and I'm tired of dealing with him on them. He didn't take any today! I can always tell when he does! I actually heard him laughing at something earlier! WOW! I haven't heard that in awhile! Like I told him one day! You've lost your laughter/Joy in life! He sits around feeling sorry for himself! So of course that's reasons to EAT and pop pills! Well damn it! This woman has had enough of it! And I'm not going to baby him along in all of it! He'll never ask for a divorce and gentleness doesn't work with him. So I'm standing my ground with him!
My mom's new neighbor is also in your husband's status! He's always on the go too. And such a handsome young man! He could make a woman melt while talking with him. LOL All that Southern charm pouring out of himself! OOOOO La La!
SVL: Write things down to talk about when you see y'all's Therapist!
Allfor: Sneaking out at night was a true thrill of mine! Now I don't have to sneak out! I just walk outside anytime I want too! My heart dropped to my feet though when I got caught by mom! LOL She was sitting on my bed when I came home! She said: "Would you like to use the door this time?" OHHHHHHH CHIT! Yes mam I would! She unlocked the door and on my way to my bedroom she said: "Don't let me EVER catch you sneaking out again!" And I didn't!
I got married when I turned 18! I was still in HS! Me and my husband lived in a trailer park! We moved from trailer park to trailer park following jobs. The last move we made was when I was working at the piano factory! I made Baldwin Piano's! My job was drilling the multiple holes for the pegs to be hammered into after I drilled the holes. The pegs were for the strings to be wrapped around. There was also this metal part I had to glue a felt piece of material across too! Those holes were a bch to drill too. The round wooden bushings I hammered in first. I had to make sure I didn't touch the sides of them or I had to pry the bushing out and hammer a new one into place and start all over again with the drilling. I worked this job for 6 months and then went across town to work in the bus factory! School buses is what I was making there! Then we purchased a used mobile home and moved it onto my parent's field! From there we moved to MS where he was in training for the Active Duty Air Force. From there we moved to Charleston, SC! That's where we split up and I joined the Army National Guard! My XH took my daughter to stay with my mom in AR and two months later I headed out for Basic Training! During our split was also when I met the truck driver I fell madly in love with! We both cried when we said our last goodbyes! He said to listen for the air brakes on semi's while I was at Basic Training! He'd do that when he came thru town! I hear them all the time around here and it brings back memories!
TOD
So sorry about you having to split from your husband!Blue: I'm the one that pays all the bills and keeps tabs on the amount in the bank! I had mom laughing last week when I told her: "Jethro asked if WE were getting paid this Friday?" I asked him if he had a mouse in his pocket because I was the only one getting a check Friday! His name is on the checking account too! And yes he has access to it anytime he wants! Now that I think about it! He hasn't worked in months! Probably won't until small engines need repairing again either! He doesn't always put his checks in the bank each week either! But we're okay!
If I'm going somewhere? It's a surprise to Jethro! If he see's me with makeup on and I'm in town clothes? He's asking me where ya going? LOL Being retired? I don't get ready to go anywhere unless I absolutely have to! He'll go change clothes real quick and then we sneak out of the house! Sneak because of Maria!
As for Jethro being overweight? I've talked until I'm hoarse about his weight! He stopped smoking a year ago when he was real bad sick. So now he EATS! And it's what he eats that's not good. You take a hard headed/stubborn Italian/Spaniard 57 yro man and try to tell him what's good for him and not good for him! I'll sit back and watch you take him on!
His first two wives were gentle speaking women! Never raising their voices and trying the gentle method to get him to do things. Well I bet you can't guess? It didn't work! I've tried that method myself with him and the pills. He made a complete fool out of himself showing his azz! So he now gets the soldier when it comes to the pain pills! I'm fed up with the way he acts now! I gave him time to heal from this last wrist surgery he's had w/o complaining about the pain meds! I keep stressing if he'd lose weight he'd feel a whole lot better! As he sits and eats half a family sized bag of potato chips! I've learned if I want any of them? I better hide the bag! The larger he gets? The more he wants to eat! And the less he does! Usually when I get up in the afternoons. I hear him snoring! Yep! Taking a nap! Maria is delighted to see momma so she can get out of the living room!
I'll see something on TV in reference to a person being strung out on drugs and causing problems. Jethro will sit there and say: "What a F'ing idiot!" I say it's because of drug use! Does he GET it? Probably not! When we first got together in 2006 he made a comment about how easily he could be an alcoholic! Well Jethro? What the hell do you think the opiates are doing to ya? ARGH! He even told me a story about when he was married to his 2nd wife and her daughter was strung out on drugs and screaming in her bedroom one night! Momma walked in and saw a dark figure in the corner! She ran to get Jethro and their bible. I'll not say anymore here! I don't want to break any rules! But you'd think Jethro would figure it out. The pain meds aren't a good thing to be taking!
I've gentle talked Jethro for years about the pain meds! I always get the same answer: "Don't you worry about me taking the pain pills!" I'm past the point of wanting to deal with him using them. He's like a little boy getting his hand caught in the cookie jar when I confront him about the pills now! He's been avoiding me all day/evening and acts all passive when I'm talking with him. He knows I'm pizzed about the pain meds and I'm tired of dealing with him on them. He didn't take any today! I can always tell when he does! I actually heard him laughing at something earlier! WOW! I haven't heard that in awhile! Like I told him one day! You've lost your laughter/Joy in life! He sits around feeling sorry for himself! So of course that's reasons to EAT and pop pills! Well damn it! This woman has had enough of it! And I'm not going to baby him along in all of it! He'll never ask for a divorce and gentleness doesn't work with him. So I'm standing my ground with him!
My mom's new neighbor is also in your husband's status! He's always on the go too. And such a handsome young man! He could make a woman melt while talking with him. LOL All that Southern charm pouring out of himself! OOOOO La La!
SVL: Write things down to talk about when you see y'all's Therapist!
Allfor: Sneaking out at night was a true thrill of mine! Now I don't have to sneak out! I just walk outside anytime I want too! My heart dropped to my feet though when I got caught by mom! LOL She was sitting on my bed when I came home! She said: "Would you like to use the door this time?" OHHHHHHH CHIT! Yes mam I would! She unlocked the door and on my way to my bedroom she said: "Don't let me EVER catch you sneaking out again!" And I didn't!
I got married when I turned 18! I was still in HS! Me and my husband lived in a trailer park! We moved from trailer park to trailer park following jobs. The last move we made was when I was working at the piano factory! I made Baldwin Piano's! My job was drilling the multiple holes for the pegs to be hammered into after I drilled the holes. The pegs were for the strings to be wrapped around. There was also this metal part I had to glue a felt piece of material across too! Those holes were a bch to drill too. The round wooden bushings I hammered in first. I had to make sure I didn't touch the sides of them or I had to pry the bushing out and hammer a new one into place and start all over again with the drilling. I worked this job for 6 months and then went across town to work in the bus factory! School buses is what I was making there! Then we purchased a used mobile home and moved it onto my parent's field! From there we moved to MS where he was in training for the Active Duty Air Force. From there we moved to Charleston, SC! That's where we split up and I joined the Army National Guard! My XH took my daughter to stay with my mom in AR and two months later I headed out for Basic Training! During our split was also when I met the truck driver I fell madly in love with! We both cried when we said our last goodbyes! He said to listen for the air brakes on semi's while I was at Basic Training! He'd do that when he came thru town! I hear them all the time around here and it brings back memories!
TOD
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
Hey girls!
Clean and SVL where are you? I hope you 2 are okay
Blue, thank you (((hug))) i actually sent you an email this morning, maybe i should have read this response before that. It's hard not to built walls... I think you're right, life has its good and bad times, and we have to go through the ones to enjoy the others, i'm just scared right now, i guess. I think the death of my grandpa has taken away some of the security i built up over the last few years. But i think that's maybe part of the grieving process. I think it's also a "bad timing" (as if there's a good time) i mean, at the moment it seems as if my whole world is going to fall apart, and then I should go home, but home is falling apart too. Ok, might be a bit harsh, but home isn't what it used to be. I like your summary of the quote. I always tell myself, that life isn't a romantic hollywood movie, but at the same time it isn't a horror story either.
Allfor, ha, good point there! Well, it's not that i have to catch up a lot, it's more that i cant' focus very well, and then don't do my work properly. Midterms are thank god before Spring break. However, yes, i could stay home and study, but i also want to have some fun. Studying abroad isn't all about studying. I just want my mom to be proud of me and see that i don't waste her money, so that's why i put so much pressure on myself. The other thing is, the flights are already booked. And at the moment, i really need some time off, some fun, some vacation I think it will be good for me.
Clean and SVL where are you? I hope you 2 are okay
Blue, thank you (((hug))) i actually sent you an email this morning, maybe i should have read this response before that. It's hard not to built walls... I think you're right, life has its good and bad times, and we have to go through the ones to enjoy the others, i'm just scared right now, i guess. I think the death of my grandpa has taken away some of the security i built up over the last few years. But i think that's maybe part of the grieving process. I think it's also a "bad timing" (as if there's a good time) i mean, at the moment it seems as if my whole world is going to fall apart, and then I should go home, but home is falling apart too. Ok, might be a bit harsh, but home isn't what it used to be. I like your summary of the quote. I always tell myself, that life isn't a romantic hollywood movie, but at the same time it isn't a horror story either.
Allfor, ha, good point there! Well, it's not that i have to catch up a lot, it's more that i cant' focus very well, and then don't do my work properly. Midterms are thank god before Spring break. However, yes, i could stay home and study, but i also want to have some fun. Studying abroad isn't all about studying. I just want my mom to be proud of me and see that i don't waste her money, so that's why i put so much pressure on myself. The other thing is, the flights are already booked. And at the moment, i really need some time off, some fun, some vacation
I think it will be good for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Oh my goodness, how can I ever catch up on everything that has happened on here!
Ok, first ... Blue! That would scare me too! How are you doing with Husbunny gone? I've been thinking about you and hoping that the month passes quickly for both of you, and that you will have some great positive experiences then to draw from next time a very busy month with time away comes.
Tod, I would be worried about Jethro too! It's so hard to watch those we love dealing with addictions ... sounds like he's also dealing with a food addiction. my H has problems with that too, for the past year he's been eating a lot to make himself feel better but has also gained a lot of weight and in the end that makes him feel worse. It's a bad bad cycle.
Butter, when do you leave for your vacation? I hope you are able to rest and relax and give your mind and soul a well-deserved break. You could use one after everything that has happened. I like what Blue said about choosing to experience life, but I completely understand it's so hard to let yourself be open to it. That's exactly what I'm dealing with now, building walls. Big hugs!
Findingme2, thank you for your message. I know where you are coming from. I hope life is happier and calmer for you now.
Allfor and Clean, hope everything is well with both of you!
We do have our marriage session this week. I had mine yesterday, H is today - I hope, if he decides to go - and we go tomorrow. We had a bad day on Sunday again, I don't know what's going on with him anymore. I had a good talk with the counselor yesterday who told me that H may not be drinking but he's not recovering. Because he's basically denying he has a problem, he's not doing anything to address it.
I told H yesterday I want to work on mapping with him. Identifying the triggers and yellow light points and working on alternate map routes. He really liked that idea. We both agreed that the hardest part will be him actually listening to me when I tell him he's coming up to a yellow light, because is automatically defensive and lashes out instead of examining what his behaviours are. Does anyone have any ideas on how to address that? We're also going to talk about this in our session tomorrow, hopefully our counselor can get us started.
I told our counselor at my appointment yesterday about what we wanted to do and he said that I have it exactly right! Yay! That that is the right road to recovery, and that the group that I listen to - you guys - are all so smart and I need to continue to listen to all of you Sometimes he actually seems surprised I know what I know lol ... it's so contrary to everything they teach here. So thank you all!! <3 <3
(and wish me luck tomorrow!)
Ok, first ... Blue! That would scare me too! How are you doing with Husbunny gone? I've been thinking about you and hoping that the month passes quickly for both of you, and that you will have some great positive experiences then to draw from next time a very busy month with time away comes.
Tod, I would be worried about Jethro too! It's so hard to watch those we love dealing with addictions ... sounds like he's also dealing with a food addiction. my H has problems with that too, for the past year he's been eating a lot to make himself feel better but has also gained a lot of weight and in the end that makes him feel worse. It's a bad bad cycle.
Butter, when do you leave for your vacation? I hope you are able to rest and relax and give your mind and soul a well-deserved break. You could use one after everything that has happened. I like what Blue said about choosing to experience life, but I completely understand it's so hard to let yourself be open to it. That's exactly what I'm dealing with now, building walls. Big hugs!
Findingme2, thank you for your message. I know where you are coming from. I hope life is happier and calmer for you now.
Allfor and Clean, hope everything is well with both of you!
We do have our marriage session this week. I had mine yesterday, H is today - I hope, if he decides to go - and we go tomorrow. We had a bad day on Sunday again, I don't know what's going on with him anymore. I had a good talk with the counselor yesterday who told me that H may not be drinking but he's not recovering. Because he's basically denying he has a problem, he's not doing anything to address it.
I told H yesterday I want to work on mapping with him. Identifying the triggers and yellow light points and working on alternate map routes. He really liked that idea. We both agreed that the hardest part will be him actually listening to me when I tell him he's coming up to a yellow light, because is automatically defensive and lashes out instead of examining what his behaviours are. Does anyone have any ideas on how to address that? We're also going to talk about this in our session tomorrow, hopefully our counselor can get us started.
I told our counselor at my appointment yesterday about what we wanted to do and he said that I have it exactly right! Yay! That that is the right road to recovery, and that the group that I listen to - you guys - are all so smart and I need to continue to listen to all of you
Sometimes he actually seems surprised I know what I know lol ... it's so contrary to everything they teach here. So thank you all!! <3 <3(and wish me luck tomorrow!)
. Hi everyone!
Daughter of Recovering Addict
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 15
Hello everyone I follow your thread and I just thought I should say hi to you all. Felt sorta like an internet stalker just reading and not posting. But I don't really have much to say but reading your thread really helps with my current situation. CleaninLI you especially, the posts you write not just here but in other places as well really give me hope that my mother (who is a recovering addict and alcoholic) will be able to one day fight her addictions and finally succeed. You remind me a lot of my mother actually (totally don't mean that in the creepy or crazy way) as a psychology student I am always weary of how others may read into my comments lol. But anyways just wanted to say hello & thank you good luck to all of you! 
I follow your thread and I just thought I should say hi to you all. Felt sorta like an internet stalker just reading and not posting. But I don't really have much to say but reading your thread really helps with my current situation. CleaninLI you especially, the posts you write not just here but in other places as well really give me hope that my mother (who is a recovering addict and alcoholic) will be able to one day fight her addictions and finally succeed. You remind me a lot of my mother actually (totally don't mean that in the creepy or crazy way) as a psychology student I am always weary of how others may read into my comments lol. But anyways just wanted to say hello & thank you good luck to all of you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Hi Sublime and your welcome here anytime. Clean is awesome. She was one of the first people I met here, and she was incredibly helpful to me (and still is).
Ok but now for some serious stuff. Dont I have any nice stalkers out there? Im starting to get a complex of some kind!
IK of course!
Ok but now for some serious stuff. Dont I have any nice stalkers out there? Im starting to get a complex of some kind!
IK of course!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by soverylost
We do have our marriage session this week. I had mine yesterday, H is today - I hope, if he decides to go - and we go tomorrow. We had a bad day on Sunday again, I don't know what's going on with him anymore. I had a good talk with the counselor yesterday who told me that H may not be drinking but he's not recovering. Because he's basically denying he has a problem, he's not doing anything to address it.
I told H yesterday I want to work on mapping with him. Identifying the triggers and yellow light points and working on alternate map routes. He really liked that idea. We both agreed that the hardest part will be him actually listening to me when I tell him he's coming up to a yellow light, because is automatically defensive and lashes out instead of examining what his behaviours are. Does anyone have any ideas on how to address that? We're also going to talk about this in our session tomorrow, hopefully our counselor can get us started.
I told our counselor at my appointment yesterday about what we wanted to do and he said that I have it exactly right! Yay! That that is the right road to recovery, and that the group that I listen to - you guys - are all so smart and I need to continue to listen to all of you
Sometimes he actually seems surprised I know what I know lol ... it's so contrary to everything they teach here. So thank you all!! <3 <3(and wish me luck tomorrow!)
I think H is like my husband and he needs to digg in and start the hard work in his counseling sessions. Your H admitted he had a drinking problem, but now he stopped and he goes to a meeting if he needs, but hes not looking at the stuff behind the drinking. For my H the drugs were only a escape from deeper emotional issues. Not horrible stuff but painful things, and also changing some of his self speak originating from his childhood. Adding, even tho there was no addiction in his family, there was still stuff.
Your funny, I bet your keeping the doc on his toes! But you know what, I bet hes thrilled to have someone like you who is willing to participate and follow thru as best u can. A lot of it does fall on your H though and I think you nailed it with what will work best to make him see the traffic light and warning when u help wave the flag. I think the two of you working together have the best chance of figuring out what works by trial and error. The only suggestion I can make is to have an alternate plan you can follow through on if he fails to stop. Work it out in advance maybe with the doctor so H understands whats going on. It might take several times for it to click with him before he comes to expect your response. Whatever it is, going to a different part of the house, turning the phone off so he stops fighting and lashing out. Maybe if he cant stop after a while he will see more clearly and own his emotions. Does this make sense?
Im doing fine so far. We've talked and are using this neat app for couples. Hes enjoying his work and Im happy for him. No scares last night but I had a weird dream after I watched a movie. I was being held hostage and trying to escape, but I know it came from the movie because I got a phone call from the same rescuer that was in the movie! Yep he just called me up during my dream! Hahaha Then I woke up and missed the ending.
I almost let the pets in the bedroom, but my H doesnt like pet hair and we agreed to keep,it pet free. If I let them in then I will have to clean it all before he comes home, and the pets will be out of their routine. Im not sure its worth it?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Sigh. Another fight tonight. Do you know how many times I asked "can you tell me why you are frustrated?", "can you please slow down", " I'm trying to understand" and "please lower your voice"? Too many times. and then he tells me I don't respect him, don't listen to him, don't understand him. How many different ways can i say, please explain what you are feeling??
I don't want this anymore if this is all it is. I feel like throwing up. I'm the only one working on things here. I'm afraid to say it,but if this continues, i want out.
Counselling is going to be great fun tomorrow. H said all they talked about at his appointment today is how antagonistic, sarcastic, and b!tchy I am, which I know isn't true, there is no way the counsellor would say that. Do i dare bring it up?
I don't want this anymore if this is all it is. I feel like throwing up. I'm the only one working on things here. I'm afraid to say it,but if this continues, i want out.
Counselling is going to be great fun tomorrow. H said all they talked about at his appointment today is how antagonistic, sarcastic, and b!tchy I am, which I know isn't true, there is no way the counsellor would say that. Do i dare bring it up?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Yes and after too.
I know hes stressed. But seriously? Can he not just tell me? Can he not respect me enough?
This is getting old. For a whole half hour, he just kept getting more and more angry before he even told me what the problem was. And it was stupid, because it was something that I had forgotten and once he said I i remembered and agreed. So then I ask, why didn't you just say it earlier? Holy hell you'd think i asked for the world! I don't respect him, i don't listen to him, i don't support him...and after I spent a half hour asking him why he was frustrated and upset,and then agreeing with what he said (that i had forgotten about)!
Yes he's been acting like this a lot lately. The counsellor calls it dry drunk,and H needs to step up and do some work on himself. Like Blue said, now the inner work on why the addiction started needs to take place, and it's not. And that's why his old patterns keep coming up and will keep coming up.
So now I'm in Ds's room, Ds is sleeping and I'm debating. Do i want to even sleep in our room tonight? I have problems sleeping beside someone who acts like they hate me
I know hes stressed. But seriously? Can he not just tell me? Can he not respect me enough?
This is getting old. For a whole half hour, he just kept getting more and more angry before he even told me what the problem was. And it was stupid, because it was something that I had forgotten and once he said I i remembered and agreed. So then I ask, why didn't you just say it earlier? Holy hell you'd think i asked for the world! I don't respect him, i don't listen to him, i don't support him...and after I spent a half hour asking him why he was frustrated and upset,and then agreeing with what he said (that i had forgotten about)!
Yes he's been acting like this a lot lately. The counsellor calls it dry drunk,and H needs to step up and do some work on himself. Like Blue said, now the inner work on why the addiction started needs to take place, and it's not. And that's why his old patterns keep coming up and will keep coming up.
So now I'm in Ds's room, Ds is sleeping and I'm debating. Do i want to even sleep in our room tonight? I have problems sleeping beside someone who acts like they hate me
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
I would ask him once or twice and then stop if hes not responding to you. Sometimes you have to step back if its not going anywhere. It might be a good idea to go over the argument step by step tomorrow and maybe he can add some insight. I dont think the doctor said you were those things, but your H may have said in the heat of the moment he feels like this is whats coming at him ? You could ask H to explain how he views your comments (so you can learn what irritates him, 
cant find eye roll guy). Was it something big or little that set him off tonight?
Its ok if your at a breaking point with him, its good your being honest about your feelings and not minimizing because your happiness is important too.
You posted while I was writing. Looks like it was something small.
I probably wouldnt want to sleep with him if I felt that way.
cant find eye roll guy). Was it something big or little that set him off tonight? Its ok if your at a breaking point with him, its good your being honest about your feelings and not minimizing because your happiness is important too.
You posted while I was writing. Looks like it was something small.
I probably wouldnt want to sleep with him if I felt that way.
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