Help with Problem with Calling or Trusting Sponsor

[gcman01]

Hello,

Not sure if this is the correct place to post for help with calling my sponsor when I feel I am starting to slip.

Any suggestions on ideas as to when to call my sponsor and any ideas on overcoming reluctance to call? Anybody else have this issue?

I just completed step 3, I am working on Step 4 and I know I will be needing more support as I do Step 4.

I have been going to a 12 step support group for over over years and I have known my sponsor this entire time. I feel much more trusting of him now, but I would like some ideas on how be able to ask for outside support better.

Thanks for your suggestions.

[SelfSeeking]

My advice, given to me by my sponsor, is to call an alcoholic, at least 1, every day. Do it until that horrible queasy feeling in your gut no longer happens when you think about picking up the phone. Get used to doing it when you're not in crisis and it will be much easier to do when you're having a hard time.
Reaching out is hard but done enough, it can become a habit. A GOOD one!

[LifeLover]

gcman01,

For what it's worth, I've had sponsor issues and I sympathize with you.

Regarding overcoming a reluctance to call a sponsor, I really liked SelfSeeking's advice to build a habit out of calling alcoholics. What might also help is to focus on trusting the process instead of trusting a person. Let me explain.

I first got a sponsor when I was checking myself out early from a treatment center. My counselor had asked me, on the condition that I was to be leaving early, that I at least have a temporary sponsor before I leave. I agreed.

I wasn't "into" AA at the time, so my getting a sponsor (even a temporary one) was a big deal for me. I gathered the resolve to do what he told me to do "... come hell or high water." I knew others who had succeeded in AA, and I felt the support of my counselors.

I trusted in the idea of "sponsorship."

With my financial situation at the time, it was easier if I lived in another state for a while, so I actually had an "out of state" sponsor with whom I only spoke to over the phone. He was like a drill sargeant. I followed his (strong) suggestions and got into a better place in my life.

I was getting help from a man I never met, which shows that there is a wealth of outreach out there which folks like you and me and others can tap into. I eventually got to know my temporary sponsor (when I was able to move back to my home state).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you don't fully trust the sponsor you currently have, then keep the option in your mind to go through your step 4 with a complete stranger. When I say that, I mean a stranger to you, personally -- but not a stranger to the process of recovery.

It worked for me.

Ed

[gcman01]

Ok, thanks for the advice. I called my sponsor today and I am going to another meeting with other folks in my Tuesday night group tonight.

[mistycshore]

Risk appearing needy and call your sponsor. Tell your sponsor that you are worried about appearing needy, being an imposition, etc. If you do that, you give your sponsor the opportunity to set boundaries - out in the open. Then you won't have to guess.

Leveling with a person - it's such a powerful thing to do - and it empowers both people involved.

Good luck.

[hendershot]

it is good to get in the habit of calling your sponsor regularly. I used to hate to do it, especially since I call him everyday and most days it is just like banal everyday nothing going on. But if you call everyday, then you are also calling on the days when you really need to talk. It's good practice for when it matters to call when in doesn't.

[Sober25]

I've sponsored a lot of people over the years, but I never was very good at helping them unless they talked to me.

[Boleo]

It is sometimes necessary to have what I would call Ancillary Sponsors:

A list of mentors and friends in recovery who can act as sounding boards or 10th step confidants so as not to put all the load on your sponsor.