What then about Step 3?

[MycoolFitz]

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

I recently read the following and it resonated with me, thought I'd share it.

Often we imagine that there’s some particular thing or entity—God, say—that made the world and now runs it. With such a notion in place, we soon start talking about this entity as if it had attributes like us—as if it had wants and desires. We talk of the “will of God.” Soon we’re developing ideas of how people should comply with God’s will.

But if we look carefully at this, we’ll discover that this is just our putting our ideas of God—that is, our will—onto unwilled nature, onto Reality. If we think of God—or whatever overarching principle we might have in mind—as being “out there.” We should realize that all we are doing is projecting our own attitude, our own view, our own small mind, on the world and on others.—Steve Hagen, Buddhism is Not What You Think.

While I'm in the sharing mode/mood, there's this:

BODHI'S BUDDHIST NON-THEISTIC 12 STEPS:

1. We admitted our addictive craving over alcohol, and recognized its consequences in our lives.
2. Came to believe that a power other than self could restore us to wholeness.
3. Made a decision to go for refuge to this other power as we understood it.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to ourselves and another human being the exact moral nature of our past.
6. Became entirely ready to work at transforming ourselves.
7. With the assistance of others and our own firm resolve, we transformed unskillful aspects of ourselves and cultivated positive ones.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed.
9. Made direct amends to such people where possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. In addition, made a conscientious effort to forgive all those who harmed us.
10. Continue to maintain awareness of our actions and motives, and when we acted unskillfully promptly admitted it.
11. Engaged through the practice of meditation to improve our conscious contact with our true selves, and seeking that beyond self. Also used prayer as a means to cultivate positive attitudes and states of mind.
12. Having gained spiritual insight as a result of these steps, we practice these principles in all areas of our lives, and make this message available to others in need of recovery.

Namaste

[paulmh]

First of all with the disclaimer that this is all hindsight, and what actually happened to me was that I entered into the process of AA wholeheartedly and without the reservations that some residual hope that I might "fix" things myself would've brought....

I like the word "wholeness". In describing my own experience with this step I would be more likely to use the words "frequency" and "harmony" though. Having first been convinced of my individual hopelessness, and then almost immediately having grasped that there was hope if I was only willing to not carry on trying to impose my will on the world, what began to happen for me in step 3 was that I started the practices which could bring my frequency into harmony with the Higher Power. I'm glad that no-one in AA told me it had to be a Christian G*d or whatever that I had to believe in - but they made it quite plain that I had to have a Higher Power. It seems to me that this step is also about beginning to get things back in proportion - that overinflated ego is reduced, one act of humility or selflessness or consideration, at a time, starting with recognising that I am in fact wholly dependent upon the universe for my existence anyway.

Certainly the word I used at the start was "universe". I handed myself back into the care of the "universe", tried to stop being in control, worrying about control, projecting outcomes and expectations. Now I use the word "G*d" like my fellows. Even though I know we all have a different conception of it, it's the fact that we share the experience, that we have that in common and it bonds us - that's what's important. Not "who to". Just "that we do".

[keithj]

Again, Paul's description mirrors my own experience. Kind of makes me think we have the same problem and same solution.

I, too, see it (in hindsight of course) as frequency or resonance. For the first time in my life, it seemed like I was floating with the current instead of swimming upstream. That step three started a process of recognizing my right place in the world. I didn't have to futilely try and impose my will, because it just isn't my place to be anything other than what I'm supposed to be.

I remember being very clueless, having no answers, and actuallly being comfortable instead of afraid of that condition.

[paulmh]

Thanks Keith, and thank you too Fitz for joining us. I'm really glad.

I was thinking this morning about steps two and three. Probably because of the heat here in the UK I was thinking about swimming. Step two is like the standing on the edge step and making the decision to dive, no matter what. Step three is the actually dive.

Off for a swim...

[stone]

Paul kinda nailed it again for me, lol.

"Made a decision".....I make decisions all the time and don't follow through with them so step 3 for me is about commitment and although we only make the decision once (hopefully) I need to remind myself of that decision each day. After all this is a decision about life and death and if I am not committed to it then I will let the things I am supposed to be doing slide.

It is funny people said "frequency" and "harmony" because I use the phrase "tuned into", I don't know what I am tuned into but I can feel it when I do it and I have a feeling I am a more pleasant person to be around. It is a reduction of my ego and my wilfulness. It could be described as God-conscious.
That is the more ephemeral, spiritual way of looking at it but there is also the more practical aspect which is just as important (especially as I am not "tuned in" 100% of the time, some days it is 0%), the practical aspect is the commitment to the Program of Recovery, the commitment to practice the steps to the best of my ability, on a daily basis.

When I am tuned in I have turned my will and my life over to "something" (life, the universe) and it feels freeing, to be released from the bondage of self for any length of time brings a feeling of huge relief. Like being free of a petty, wilful, ego driven, selfish, scared little child that lives in my head.

[paulmh]

I like that Stone.

I also like the idea I've heard around the rooms that as soon as I hand my will and my life over, G*d hands it right back. It's too much of a danger for me that acceptance of life on life's terms can too easily become apathy. Handing it over is as much (for me) to do with ridding myself of these petty neuroses which can just plague me as an alcoholic - the "what do they think / don't challenge my beliefs / why is this happpening to me / what if's" etc etc etc etc. When I hand over I'm basically saying "I won't worry unnecessarily".

[stone]

Originally Posted by paulmh

I also like the idea I've heard around the rooms that as soon as I hand my will and my life over, G*d hands it right back. It's too much of a danger for me that acceptance of life on life's terms can too easily become apathy.

Yea, I heard one guy sharing about people he has heard who have the attitude of "well I have handed my life over, now it has eff all to with me!", like it removes them of responsibility or something.

Going with the flow is great but we still have the responsibility to do what we can, what needs doing. We can do what needs doing without all the petty neuroses, ego etc.

What I am handing over is my wilfulness as much as my will.

I am still basically agnostic but the following quote is good.....

"When you ask God to move your mountain, God hands you a shovel and tells you to start digging. When you lift your first shovel of dirt, you instantly become a mover of mountains."

[keithj]

Originally Posted by paulmh

Step three is the actually dive.

I might argue that step 4 is actually the dive, but I get you. A decision for the action is not the action itself. The only place where my will is safely used is where it's aligned with a higher will. The only expression of that will is through action.

"The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it."

[paulmh]

Step 4 is where we start to turn over rocks with a snorkel on.

[paulmh]

Joking aside, I know what you're saying I think.

I'm just not sure I agree!

Although step 3 calls for a "decision", it's also pretty explicit about the action that follows that - the actual handing over. I use the step three prayer as its written in the book, but I can fully understand people having their own version. The BB one -

"God, I offer myself to you - to build me and do with me as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do your will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of your power, your love, and Thy Way of life. May I do your will always!"

is pretty religious.

I'm of the opinion that step three is about opening and clearing channels in the alcoholic, and that requires practice, repetition and effort. It's not something that we do once, but something we try and get better at. The better our step three, the better our step four - that said, I would've liked to have had a sponsor who took me thorugh it as per the book - on your knees, get humble, straight on to step four! It's too easy to backslide in the step 3 part.

[stone]

I think step 3 is not only the dive, it is the heart of, or the aim of the Program, steps 4-9 are the clearing of the blockages and then steps 10 and 11 are daily versions of steps 3-9.

We obviously cannot be perfect at step 3 so we need inventory, self monitoring and meditation (and prayer for some! lol) to try to keep ourselves in check and deepen our understanding and closeness to our HP.

Do I sound like a Big Book thumper?

[stone]

I think I know what you mean about step 4 though, Keith. It is teh first real action step and I think it is only due to hindsight that I now see step 3 as a decision AND action step rather than just a decision step.

When I first did the steps it was just a decision step and I didn't even know what I had just decided.

[keithj]

Funny. Yeah, it's probably both. Making a decision is the easy part. That subtle part of step 3, actually putting your life over to the care of something unknown, is a little trickier. Abandoning yourself to what is instead of what I think it should be.

I said 3rd step prayer hundreds of times in early sobriety, and it's still i real goto prayer for me. I need to "constantly remind myself, many times each day" that I'm not in charge here.

So many people get hung up on the 4th step, myself included on my first half-hearted go around, that I do believe some kind of power has to be flowing by the time it's attempted. Step 3 has to be wholly swallowed. That surrender seems required in order to see the truth about ourselves.

My delusions run deep. I know today that I can not work myself into sobriety. I have to surrender into it. And keep surrendering to keep it.

[NoelleR]

"... I now see step 3 as a decision AND action step rather than just a decision step..."

As written, step 3 is NOT a decisioon and action step. Although many folks work this step in this way; even the founders, as noted above, not only made their decision, they then took some action (said their little 'religious' prayer). When the step itself was written, however, it was only written to 'make a decision.' Although they could have written it to include an action part, the step, itself, does NOT say to actually 'turn your life over,' and this is all I did, and then went directly on to step 4.

I'm a firm believer is keeping things, not only simple, but easy..... (o:


NoelleR

[stone]

I know what you are saying Noelle, it is just that there is no point making a decision and then not doing it. I like simple and easy but I also need things to make sense to me...just me that is. I need things to have a sort of logic and making a decision and then not doing it is not logical to me.

[ananda]

ok..so...it seems to me that the two are intertwined only because IF I make a decision and don't do it....i haven't really made the decsion....If I really make the decision then i automatically must do it?????


Just thinking out loud.

[stone]

Originally Posted by ananda

.If I really make the decision then i automatically must do it?????

If I don't do it then what was the point of making the decision? None.

[stone]

So I am not arguing with you Noelle, I can READ the step as well as anyone, lol and I know it just says "decision".

The action I have followed my decision with is to try to do this...

The Big Book just stated that we need to let God become our Director, so we need to be doing what we think our Higher Power would have us do. In other words, we need to be staying in the moment, being directed by unselfishness and love, and doing the next right thing.

A.A. Way of Life - Working Step 3"

This is action I can be doing day by day before and during the other steps and to me it is consistent with the spirit of the program as I interpret it.

It makes sense to me whereas making a decision as some kind of intellectual exercise with no follow through...does not.

This is all just my OPINION.

[NoelleR]

"...making a decision as some kind of intellectual exercise with no follow through...does not..." make sense.....

I'm sorry, did I say anything about no follow thru.....? I just reread my post and neither see that statement nor that inference. In fact, what I wrote is exactly what most of the atheists, agnostics, wiccans, pagans, etc., all those who do not have/use an external power, have done for many years.....

[stone]

So, what was the "follow through"? Going on to step 4?

[FightingIrish]

For me the follow-through is what happens after I've run out of answers.

[ananda]

mmm for some reason this is reminding me of my namesake....


decisions are made in my head...but the results are manifest in life...

sorry I think i need more coffee

[stone]

I didn't mean to come across as antagonistic in my posts, I was trying to explain what made sense to ME, I didn't intend to imply that what makes sense to other people is wrong. Sorry Noelle.

And really, we make the decision in step 3 and then the rest of the steps are the follow through....and I do think of it in that way, partly anyway. I also try to do it in the ways I mentioned (the Barefoot Bob thing).

[Zencat]

"3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

"God, I offer myself to you - to build me and do with me as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do your will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of your power, your love, and Thy Way of life. May I do your will always!"

Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book.

The prayer is the course of action that follows the decision. Seems clear to me.

[stone]

Originally Posted by Zencat

The prayer is the course of action that follows the decision. Seems clear to me.

Yes, but what if you are secular, like we are in this forum?