Some insight from recovering folk please!

[paulmh]

Can you share a little for me on the progression of your recovery? has it been, for some of you, a matter getting sober and into recovery and then a steady improvement? Or has it been forward some days (or months), backwards next? Have you found at some points (this is kinda how I'm feeling) that you thought you were making good progress and you felt well and connected, but then you discover that some things just haven't changed, simply because you hadn't picked up on them?

lol, sounds like I'm looking to compare! But I'm interested in how steady other people's journeys have been.

[ananda]

Paul..i rather think it woud depend on what period of time I am looking at, and from what distance...

I mean i do not expereince my recovery as being a steady forward movement...seems to me i have periods where i seem to be slipping back. Part of this is probably because when i become aware of an area in which i really haven't progressed at all...i am far more likely to loose some of my progress in other areas...i fall back to old behaviors and thoughts when i become frightend or frustrated in any area. Or i may just "feel" like i'm sliding back cause my perception of myself becomes more negative...

If i look at where i was in 85 to now i see huge progress despite the fact that some drinking occured between then and now. If i look at my progress over the last 22 months sober...right now it looks like i took a huge dip in progress at about 15 months thtat hasn't really righted itself...but i think that may be an ilusion. I expect when i look back from 5 years from now it may seem like a very almost invisable squigle in the line of progression.

Wow...i overthought this one

[digderidoo]

Personally i have had to sometimes take a step back in order to move forward. But when those moments occur i realise that i am taking a step backwards and now know what i have to do to move forwards.

For instance i have had some problems occur 3 or 4 weeks ago which really knocked my sobriety and my immediate thought was to have a drink. I have felt for a couple of weeks i have gone backwards but by working hard i now have the finances to deal with my troubles, by facing them head on instead of putting my head in the sand i know they will go away and by upping my AA meetings i have been speaking to other recovering alcoholics about it. I can now see i am moving forward again.

Hope i am making sense.

Paul

[Zencat]

I think for me being on a spiritual journey has been a continuing through hills and valleys of progress. I'm in a gradual state of gaining more awareness as a I move along. Yet there are high and low days in my path. As long as I maintain an awareness I can learn form my peaks and valleys. The highs and lows give me contrast and the continuance along the path gives me the insight I need to view the variations of contrast.

[Dee74]

I think in many ways the last two years have some of the roughest for me, event wise, but my default plateau, my emotional water table, if I can call it that, is so much higher now than it was when I was drinking - who knew problem solving was a life skill? LOL

Am I still unmotivated, tetchy, immature, selfish, intolerant, judgemental, arrogant, not talking good enough care of myself.....etc etc?

Sometimes I'm constantly finding little DIY Dee projects.

But I figure once I stop growing it's time to die...and I don't want to go there yet LOL

Basically life is good, if sometimes challenging - sure I sometimes think about a drink too - but it's an ephemeral thought not a compulsion and I'm eternally grateful for that.

D

[findingout]

I think my recovery has been like I was told the stock market was *supposed* to be. Ups and downs but a wise investment for those who are in it for the long term?

If I look at where I was emotionally, physically and spiritually back in 2002 when I had my last drink, the big picture says "Damn, my decision to give up drinking really was the most important decision I ever made." But day to day, week to week, I do go through periods of groundlessness. Sometimes I catch myself thinking "Am I really happy, joyous and free in recovery or am I just pretending to be happy, joyous and free because I can't drink?" When these thoughts occur, I remind myself that I wasn't just pretending to drink three or four glasses of wine so I could get out the door in morning and go to work. I really did do that for most of that last year.

[FightingIrish]

22 months here. The first six months were a bit of a roller coaster ride. I had gone through all the the steps and was well into my amends at around six months. Things started to fall into place, but "falling into place" wasn't what I thought it would be. It is ups and downs. It is two steps forward, one step back, etc. The biggest thing I have received in sobriety is the capacity for not freaking out whenever I am not making as much progress as I want or experiencing a setback. Life just is, and whether it's "good" or "bad" is really just a subjective label I put onto it. I never know what is going to make me happy anymore. Today the high point of my day was setting up the chairs for my meeting and shooting the **** with someone who came early and needed to get some stuff off his chest. If you had asked me two years ago if that was something that would give me such a good feeling, I'd have suggested a trip to the nut ward for you!

Originally Posted by paulmh

Can you share a little for me on the progression of your recovery? has it been, for some of you, a matter getting sober and into recovery and then a steady improvement? Or has it been forward some days (or months), backwards next? Have you found at some points (this is kinda how I'm feeling) that you thought you were making good progress and you felt well and connected, but then you discover that some things just haven't changed, simply because you hadn't picked up on them?

lol, sounds like I'm looking to compare! But I'm interested in how steady other people's journeys have been.

[Gypsy Feet]

Only 5+ months here, I am taking baby steps towards trusting the Universe/Life/God, whatever. My spiritual awakened happened to be found over with the codie thread people. Booze/drugs aren't even really a factor, except that since I quit some really close people to me have had horrendous consequences attached to their addictions which has provided me with more food for thought.

I am learning that there is a better way of life to be had.
I am learning to accept the things I can not control (so hard).
I am learning to believe that there are things at work in the Universe that I can't see and don't understand, and I am trying to have faith that the world will keep spinning even if I am not trying to spin it all on my own 24/7 (or trying to stop it from spinning for that matter) .

And when I doubt all of this, when I think I am just blowing smoke up my own arse, it doesn't make things feel any better, so I just discard that thought asap and move on.

[paulmh]

I am learning that there is a better way of life to be had.
I am learning to accept the things I can not control (so hard).
I am learning to believe that there are things at work in the Universe that I can't see and don't understand, and I am trying to have faith that the world will keep spinning even if I am not trying to spin it all on my own 24/7 (or trying to stop it from spinning for that matter) .

Thanks it was good to read that today!

[kelsh]

Hi paulmh,

I had a two step recovery period...two steps or four steps forward & two steps backwards. I was getting treatment for Depression/Anxiety and my Alcoholism at the same time. I had a different counselor for each one.

I dedicated my life to one solid year of AA Meetings everyday. I had two to go to at noon and five at night. I also had group therapy & face to face counseling for my Depression plus worked.

I had never become involved with drugs or abused my prescription drugs but my brother did. I saw the results of drugs & alcohol through him. I hadn't seen him for three years...he was living in our family home 8 hours drive from where I live.

He hadn't followed through with the small contract we had the Probate Lawyer draw up so my Brother could live there rent free for as long as he wanted to...but he rented bedrooms to drug people & completely trashed the inside of the home. He did not keep up the Home Owner's Insurance or utilities so I had to evict him & the renters.

When I finally heard from him & saw him he was trying to withdraw from Methametaphine with alcohol. He had a front tooth missing...had lost his glasses so was wearing $$Store Glasses, & had lost weight but was bloated from the alcohol.

A friend of his came from out of town to get him & took him out of town to where he lived and tried to help him detox. Of course it didn't work...He would wake early in the morning & drink & then go back to sleep & sleep until late afternoon.

He did have a heart attack so did come clean with the doc & he helped him with the medical detox but he still ended up going to the hospital by ambulance being dehydrated and so ill with vomitting & running to the bathroom.

An interesting fact to note is that he quit once for 14 years and then started in again with the drinking + adding the drugs. He is 67 & I will be 69 this year.
I have 20 years of Sobriety & he began Sobriety in October 2008.

I hired a contractor to clean out the 50 years of living in that home & we had a yard sale & right after I left to go back home a lady came by that was interested in buying the house...it is a five bedroom with a dinning room & big backyard. I sold it holding the contract myself for $76,000 as is....a mess from all the trashing from the drug users.

She makes $800.00 a month payments & will refinance in 2011 & pay it off. I am paying myself off first & then will divide equally with my Brother. He is on Social Security & a pension. I paid off all of the back property taxes & paid some utilities, Home Owners Insurance & all the expenses for the lawyer & contractor...Which is a goodly amount.

So that is my story of getting sober + my second year of Sobriety I went back to college to get my BA Degree in Psychology & had a good job waiting for me at Mental Health where I worked as a Geriatric Mental Health Counselor for going on ten years. So it can be done...am an educated Mom, Wife, & Grandmother in Alcohol Recovery.

kelsh