did i mention i hate holidays and special days? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

happyagain · 06-17-2006, 07:08 PM

well i don't know if this is the right forum for this post or not but here goes.......
i think that i told everyone before that i have come to hate "holidays/special days" and right this very minute i wish there was a way to skip tomorrow entirely. i hate these days because a)the whole time we have been married my husband has never remembered mothers day and frequently forgets both my birthday and anniversary, on our 3rd anniversary we came into the room and told me that he was inlove with a very close friend of mine that lived 2 dooes down from us....my mother died christmas eve 2003, my foster father was killed on his motorcycle 3 days after my anniversay in 2001, and 5 days before mothers day this year my husband told me that he has been having an affair and that he thought he might be in love with the woman. well he moved out on may 29 and he is living with her now, and over the course of the last week he has been packing and moving all his crap out of the house. now that brings us to tomorrow, fathers day, the kids want to spend the day with him because they miss him, him being gone is tearing them up, but part of me just wants to tell him that because he decided to move in with his who** i don't ever want him to show his face around here ever again. don't visit, don't call, just forget that the kids and i exsist, because every time i see him it hurts like hell, i feel like my heart is being ripped out and trampled on.....all that intense anger that i felt last week is gone and that anger is what enabled me to really get through lastweek and i realize that now. everytime i hear his voice i just want to sit and cry....i am back to feeling like i am going to loose it at any second and feeling like if i start crying if i give into those feelings i won't be able to stop,i won't be able to regain control. never in a millon years did i think that i would end up at this place......my husband leaving our family to live with another woman, my children and i emotionally devastated, so hurt and angry that everyday presents a whole new set of chanllenges that we really don't want to deal with and my husband and i fighting over terms and conditions of visitation and child support and alimony. worse still us fighting about where i can live with the kids. i told him that i was thinking about possibly moving to colubus ohio so i could live with my sister and he had a caniption, he got so pi$$ed off and yelled for like 10 minutes and gave me like 50 reasons why i can't move that far away from him with his kids. now the real kick in the ass part that--he isn't the biological father of either of my children. we didn't even meet until my son was 2 1/2 years old and my daughter was 3 months old. but he has been their father since my daughter was 11 months old and my son was 3 years and 5 months old. now my daughter is 11 years old and will turn 12 in sept. and my son is 14 years old. i don't know......just when i think this whole situation might be becoming less confuing i discover that it isn't.

Live · 06-17-2006, 07:42 PM

big hugs! I tend to ignore several holidays myself as the associations I have with them are not good, no, not good at all. So I tell myself they are commercial hoopla.
Well, Halloween is still fun.
Could you give yourself a day or two break from even talking to HIM?
If you could give yourself some rest and step out of the daily chaos just a bit, it helps so much.
more hugs,
live

nevergivingup · 06-18-2006, 09:00 PM

That's rough....it really is. I don't have any great words of wisdom, but I do want to send some hugs!!!! Relax and stay strong!! And, remember to keep your head up!!!!

PillPopper · 06-18-2006, 09:07 PM

I am sorry to hear of your situation. I wish I had the magic words or great words of wisdom and I don't. I just wanted to say that I hope you keep posting at SR and things get better for you. Time has a way of healing - wish I could speed it up for you! But, we are all here to listen - hope that gives you some comfort. Best wishes to you.

happyagain · 06-19-2006, 07:12 PM

well i managed to make it thru the day yesterday but by the time lastnight rolled around my "strength" was gone and i broke down completely. i layed in my bed and cryed for what seemed like hours--i ended up crying myself to sleep. yesterday while i was cleaning i found the booklet that my husband and i recieved on the day that we were married, in it our wedding vows are written out, it is so beautiful, it hurt so much to look just to look at the booklet. so many memories that i don't want to remember don't want to feel flooded thru me....i still love him and i just don't want to. i am so sick and tired of hurting. when he called earlier today and i snapped at him, granted it was for no reason but still, he asked me why i am so angry at him, does it take a rocket scientist to figure out that i am angry and hurt about the fact that he decided to have an affair, walk out on the me and the kids and cause so much hurt in our lives. the kids and i didn't have any say in any of this i never wanted to loose my husband but i have. i don't know.....maybe tomorrow will be better, i just know that today sucks!!!!!

MMK · 06-20-2006, 07:49 PM

I too am sorry to hear of your situation. I also can understand what seems like that endless love. My ex was much like that and we had been together for thirteen years and it get extremely hard when you have children. Mainly because you want to put them out of your mind. Eventually, I realized that it was a vicious cycle and got away from him. Only to enter into a more emotionally intense relationship and this one has more mental issues then the last. He never hits but he does alot of things that hurt emotionally. I too dislike the holidays but it will eventually get better.

Tommyh · 07-20-2006, 08:42 AM

well,lets see here...
Christmas eve`s-and other assorted dates you remember and associate with painfull memories of past heartaches.You continue to remember those dates and it brings more heartaches.One on top of the other.It gets worst.Time for a new plan..try this,I do it and it works fine.

Get a good picture of your Mother and put it beside your bed or on the dinning room table,somewhere you can see it daily..When you see it,think of all the good times you two had together,all those hugs and kisses,all those good dinners, and all the fun together you had.
Be gratefull for all those good times.Remember the good,not the bad.It takes effort.
Honor Her on that Christmas Eve day with gratitude as you go about your business,by thinking of all those good times..don`t let all your dec 24`s be sad..because of one.
Don`t let self destroy all those good memories you two had together.

Do the same with all those other dates and people if you wish,it`s your call.

I no longer have a tough time with those previous hurtfull dates in my life..

It will work for anyone who really wants it,because you and I are equals and it worked for me and others.

best wishes,Tommy

06-17-2006, 07:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
happyagain Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: a happier place than before!!!! Posts: 944	did i mention i hate holidays and special days? well i don't know if this is the right forum for this post or not but here goes....... i think that i told everyone before that i have come to hate "holidays/special days" and right this very minute i wish there was a way to skip tomorrow entirely. i hate these days because a)the whole time we have been married my husband has never remembered mothers day and frequently forgets both my birthday and anniversary, on our 3rd anniversary we came into the room and told me that he was inlove with a very close friend of mine that lived 2 dooes down from us....my mother died christmas eve 2003, my foster father was killed on his motorcycle 3 days after my anniversay in 2001, and 5 days before mothers day this year my husband told me that he has been having an affair and that he thought he might be in love with the woman. well he moved out on may 29 and he is living with her now, and over the course of the last week he has been packing and moving all his crap out of the house. now that brings us to tomorrow, fathers day, the kids want to spend the day with him because they miss him, him being gone is tearing them up, but part of me just wants to tell him that because he decided to move in with his who i don't ever want him to show his face around here ever again. don't visit, don't call, just forget that the kids and i exsist, because every time i see him it hurts like hell, i feel like my heart is being ripped out and trampled on.....all that intense anger that i felt last week is gone and that anger is what enabled me to really get through lastweek and i realize that now. everytime i hear his voice i just want to sit and cry....i am back to feeling like i am going to loose it at any second and feeling like if i start crying if i give into those feelings i won't be able to stop,i won't be able to regain control. never in a millon years did i think that i would end up at this place......my husband leaving our family to live with another woman, my children and i emotionally devastated, so hurt and angry that everyday presents a whole new set of chanllenges that we really don't want to deal with and my husband and i fighting over terms and conditions of visitation and child support and alimony. worse still us fighting about where i can live with the kids. i told him that i was thinking about possibly moving to colubus ohio so i could live with my sister and he had a caniption, he got so pi$$ed off and yelled for like 10 minutes and gave me like 50 reasons why i can't move that far away from him with his kids. now the real kick in the ass part that--he isn't the biological father of either of my children. we didn't even meet until my son was 2 1/2 years old and my daughter was 3 months old. but he has been their father since my daughter was 11 months old and my son was 3 years and 5 months old. now my daughter is 11 years old and will turn 12 in sept. and my son is 14 years old. i don't know......just when i think this whole situation might be becoming less confuing i discover that it isn't. __________________ Some days all you can do is smile and wait for some kind soul to come and pull your a$$ out of the bind you've gotten yourself into!**

06-17-2006, 07:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
Live Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Bristol TN/VA Posts: 11,588 Blog Entries: 5	big hugs! I tend to ignore several holidays myself as the associations I have with them are not good, no, not good at all. So I tell myself they are commercial hoopla. Well, Halloween is still fun. Could you give yourself a day or two break from even talking to HIM? If you could give yourself some rest and step out of the daily chaos just a bit, it helps so much. more hugs, live __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

06-18-2006, 09:00 PM	#3 (permalink)
nevergivingup President Join Date: May 2006 Location: on our next big adventure! Posts: 1,253	That's rough....it really is. I don't have any great words of wisdom, but I do want to send some hugs!!!! Relax and stay strong!! And, remember to keep your head up!!!! __________________

06-18-2006, 09:07 PM	#4 (permalink)
PillPopper Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: No Need 2 Know Posts: 66	I am sorry to hear of your situation. I wish I had the magic words or great words of wisdom and I don't. I just wanted to say that I hope you keep posting at SR and things get better for you. Time has a way of healing - wish I could speed it up for you! But, we are all here to listen - hope that gives you some comfort. Best wishes to you. __________________ Don't let the name "pillpopper" fool you. I have been clean of pills since 4/4/06 and proud of it!

06-19-2006, 07:12 PM	#5 (permalink)
happyagain Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: a happier place than before!!!! Posts: 944	well i managed to make it thru the day yesterday but by the time lastnight rolled around my "strength" was gone and i broke down completely. i layed in my bed and cryed for what seemed like hours--i ended up crying myself to sleep. yesterday while i was cleaning i found the booklet that my husband and i recieved on the day that we were married, in it our wedding vows are written out, it is so beautiful, it hurt so much to look just to look at the booklet. so many memories that i don't want to remember don't want to feel flooded thru me....i still love him and i just don't want to. i am so sick and tired of hurting. when he called earlier today and i snapped at him, granted it was for no reason but still, he asked me why i am so angry at him, does it take a rocket scientist to figure out that i am angry and hurt about the fact that he decided to have an affair, walk out on the me and the kids and cause so much hurt in our lives. the kids and i didn't have any say in any of this i never wanted to loose my husband but i have. i don't know.....maybe tomorrow will be better, i just know that today sucks!!!!! __________________ Some days all you can do is smile and wait for some kind soul to come and pull your a$$ out of the bind you've gotten yourself into!

06-20-2006, 07:49 PM	#6 (permalink)
MMK Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Washington, DC Posts: 4	I too am sorry to hear of your situation. I also can understand what seems like that endless love. My ex was much like that and we had been together for thirteen years and it get extremely hard when you have children. Mainly because you want to put them out of your mind. Eventually, I realized that it was a vicious cycle and got away from him. Only to enter into a more emotionally intense relationship and this one has more mental issues then the last. He never hits but he does alot of things that hurt emotionally. I too dislike the holidays but it will eventually get better.

07-20-2006, 08:42 AM	#7 (permalink)
Tommyh Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 18,950	well,lets see here... Christmas eve`s-and other assorted dates you remember and associate with painfull memories of past heartaches.You continue to remember those dates and it brings more heartaches.One on top of the other.It gets worst.Time for a new plan..try this,I do it and it works fine. Get a good picture of your Mother and put it beside your bed or on the dinning room table,somewhere you can see it daily..When you see it,think of all the good times you two had together,all those hugs and kisses,all those good dinners, and all the fun together you had. Be gratefull for all those good times.Remember the good,not the bad.It takes effort. Honor Her on that Christmas Eve day with gratitude as you go about your business,by thinking of all those good times..don`t let all your dec 24`s be sad..because of one. Don`t let self destroy all those good memories you two had together. Do the same with all those other dates and people if you wish,it`s your call. I no longer have a tough time with those previous hurtfull dates in my life.. It will work for anyone who really wants it,because you and I are equals and it worked for me and others. best wishes,Tommy

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