Need advice

[sadface]

After looking into this forum, I realized my question should be addressed here. I will go over a little about my situation. Two years ago, I found out my husband was having an affair. After separating, getting back together and separating for what has been 13 months now. During the past year, I found out he was on meth, gambling, and alcohol was out of control again. He quit meth a year now, stop gambling, and has been off and on again regarding alcohol. Well I thought things were getting better, but I found out he still seeing this other woman. How I found out was I called him and the little girl he had during the affair (now 4) answered the phone. He was so drunk she said he was sleeping on the floor. The next day he called as if nothing. My son told him I know the truth. He wanted to talk to me to explain what is going on. But I told our 14 year old son to tell him there is nothing more to say. I don't ever want to talk to him again. He stopped calling me and when he picks our son up, he parks a block away. I know in my heart and head that I am doing the right thing. But....why do i miss him, why do i feel so empty. This woman is his ex-wife. They separated after 4 years, I met him and we have been married 17 years. She was from the east and after 12 years, she lived with other men and has a child by another man. She came here and they started an affair. They didn't live together until possible this past year. I know we are told to leave it in God's hands and everyting will work out. I understand it may not be what I want, but I was with him in the good and the bad. We were doing fine financially. After she came, he lost his business, can't hold a job, started drinking again. I feel not only did he lie to me but also to my son, who continues to believe everything he says. My son just started getting better again. I also, started going forward by getting my license to have a part-time job in addition to my full-time job. I am holding strong by not calling him, but every once in a while I do miss him. How do I get over this? I don't want to feel this way,and how do I prevent my son from getting hurt my husband's lies.

[Ann]

Sadface, I just saw this and I am sorry for your pain. If he is still drinking, the drugs probably won't be far behind, that's just how it is with addiction.

The best suggestion I have for you is to continue looking after yourself, and try to do things that make you feel better and help you stop thinking of him.

Go to a meeting, call a friend and go for lunch, take walks, read a good "escape" book and some recovery books, anything that is about being good to yourself and taking your mind someplace more peaceful.

My addict is my son, so there will probably be others who have been in your shoes that will come along with better suggestions.

My prayers go out for you.

Hugs
Ann

[sadface]

Ann, thanks for your reponse. Yes, I worry about my husband, but I can not help him. My oldest son asked my youngest son to call his dad to help him with the car. My oldest said when H showed up he told my son what was wrong with the car and walked away. MY son was disappointed because H usually helps him. I don't know if H is angry or because he has the OW he feels he no longer has anything to do with us. I am disappointed too, but it only enforces my decision to go forward without him. I am sorry to hear your son is the one with the addiction. My boys mean everything to me and I can only imagine how hard it is to not want to reach out and help him. They say leave it in God's hands. I do, but sometimes I don't see justice. Take care.

[susie24]

I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. It's unfortunate that it's just not possible to stop loving someone even after they do horrible things to you. It sounds like your really doing a lot with your life, which is the best thing that you could do, congratulations! I'm not sure what you can do for your boys besides be there for them, and it sounds like you are. You are a very strong woman for keeping him out of your life, and getting focusing more on yourself. You have your boys and work, that'll get you through this. And you'll get your sons through it too. Keep up the good work, even though it's hard. I am concerned about his 4 yr old being w/ him while he's drunk. Is there anything that can be done about this, like calling social services? I'd just hate to see that little girl get hurt b/c daddy was passed out on the floor. Good luck!