making it back

[whatdoiwin?]

hi all. i haven't been on SR for about a year. i wasn't aware of the "relationships and parenting in sobriety" board until today. up to a year ago my AH was actively using and now is 11 months sober. i'm so glad and glad to have this board to discover.

i started alanon 2 years ago. my AH had a lifetime of using various substances that landed him addicted to meth and literally insane and suicidal a year ago. i stayed until he made it into a 3 month rehab program and then left with my kids out of state. we had been together 10 years at that point with 4 children, and i was very traumatized by the sickness of the addiction. after 8 months of no contact and him getting sober on his own, we began talking and on this last christmas he moved up here where we are.

during that 8 months i went to meetings, worked very hard and took care of my kids and all the bills on my own. i gained my sense of self back and found my footing in the world again. when he first moved here it was very emotional for all of us to see him again. my kids love him very much and they are all young still, but i had alot of emotional reactions from the trauma i had been through.

i set boundaries immediately and told him my needs for distance and emotional safety. he was very understanding and obliging. i have come to know someone in him that i have not known before because he was never sober. he is now, and i don't have any doubt. he works alot and gives me money. he spends time with the kids and is concerned with being a role model to them. he talks to me about everything real. the hardest thing for me to deal with has been the emotional traumas i suffered when he was insane from the drugs. i clearly see him now, but sometimes it just comes up in me...that fear of what happened. fear that it could happen again. i suppose this is normal, and i know it is still a process of recovery for both of us. but overall i am grateful that we all made it out alive, and on the road to health and happiness. there is still aftermath...debts, wounds... but i have faith that it is workable with time, intent, and action.

thanks for reading, and i welcome any hellos. i haven't had a chance to read the stickies here yet but i'm looking forward to it and to sharing with you all.
-jen

[princess9282001]

Hi and welcome back! I'm fairly new to this, but I know you will be welcomed back with opened arms. Glad to hear that your husband is in recovery and doing quite well from what I can tell. It's great that the kids have there father in there life. Its great that he is there for them physically and emotionally now. Financially probably doesnt matter, but it sure doesnt hurt either. lol Glad your doin great!!!!!!!Woo hoo a happy time!!!!!!!

[LaTeeDa]

Glad you found the forum, and I'm glad to have found your thread. I am separated from my alcoholic husband 6 months now. He did not find recovery right away, but recently has. He's been seeing a counselor and I truly believe that he is serious about recovery. He is also concerned about being a role model to his children (2, ages 9 and 13), which is something that never even occurred to him before. This is one of the things that leads me to believe he is serious this time. We have been married 17 years. I have not filed for divorce yet (although I have been very close several times) for many reasons, financial and otherwise. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I have many of the same feelings that you have. The fear of things going back to the way they were, etc. My motto has been "time will tell," but I know there are no guarantees, no matter how long it has been.

It's nice to know there is someone else out there struggling with the same thoughts.

Take care,
L

[HockeyMom]

Jen,

Hi & welcome back! I totally understand what you mean, the fears & insecurities will probably take a long time to go away.

My husband is 4mths into a 6th residential rehab program. He's doing so well. It's so exciting, but scary too. I left him in August, a week after my 30th bday. He had lost his job, his car, 40pds and was probably insane too. I took the kids and went to stay at his parents. Then I packed up almost everything in the house and put it all in storage. I wish I could've seen his face.......

anyway, I guess it was the shoke he needed, cause he got himself into rehab, signed the house over to me and signed seperation papers.

Rehab has been great for him, this is an amazing program. He's been home every 2nd weekend and he's back to being the amazing person he was. I feel so much hope. He's a binger, but he was an amazing husband and father between binges. Just slowly over the years the binges became more frequent and longer. At least he kept it out of the house and away from the kids, so hopefully the damage has been minimal to them.
But, like you, I'm so nervous and afraid. Trusting is hard.

[kmagk]

wow, I think I wish I gave it that much, but I quit. Mostly b/c someone else gave me all the attention I so desperately wanted during his drunken insanity. During our insanity. NOw my AH has been out of rehab for 2 weeks, is working and has remained sober and wants us back and Im wondering if I owe it to my marriage and our 3 children to find our if he is sincere or do I continue with the divorce and therefore guarantee my childrens & my sanity. I have a headace from wondering, truly. MOst people think I would have to be; deaf, dumb & stupid to take him back, but I wonder if I gave up too quick. However my husband was sober fro 2 years and relapced, so I feel I will always wonder when he will relapse again, maybe not always, but at least for the next two years

[BigSis]

Whatdoiwin? ... Hi! I just found your story in the Recovery Stories forum... egad, girl, you have been to Hell and back and back and BACK.

I am glad you come here to post... Your ESH will go far around here.

Welcome (belated)!!!