are relationships addictions?

[utopia]

I'm feeling lately that I've become either one of two things. Either I've accepted that love relationships are just another from of addiction that fuels my unmet needs from childhood and that I now am abstaining subconsciously OR that Ive resigned myself to what is and that I don't have the energy to pursue possible relationships.

I feel sometimes that theres noone interesting enough or attractive enough or spiritually and emotionally mature and aware enough to warrant my interest and energy. I dont feel that excitement with anyone anymore that I meet in reality, only people I see on tv or movies, knowing that isnt reality. I don't feel that overwhelming starvation anymore for a relationship but sometimes when I see a couple on the street I get a pang of sadness in my heart and some self-pity, like its raining and grey inside and some part of me has died.

Have I lost faith in love? Am i just depressed? Why do I feel that relationships are just a sham? Now that I don't see my obsessive, romantic and idealistic fantasies as healthy or realisitc I feel heavily discouraged in the game of love and see it as rather dull and pointless.

Could it be that in healthy-land, people don't actively seek relationships? could it be that people don't desire them until they meet interesting people? DO people not heavily fantasise about picnics, dinners and trips, about passionate sex, deep conversations and a riveting union of love and unique understanding between two people that can even create life of its own? Sometimes I feel like a collection of broken records.

[best]

A season for everything under the sun.

Relationships ebb and flow.
Without the valleys in life, we wouldn't enjoy the mountain tops so much.

When the right spark jumps out from the camp fire, it will catch where it lands.

[Beautiful]

2 healthy people put energy "into" the pot where it can be drawn from and also added to. It is a constant source of nourishment.

Relationship with an addict: One puts in, the Addict sucks out. Eventually, they both die because the One starves, therefore the Addict starves (as there's no one putting food in the pot).

I would think that fact alone would be depressing.

[splendra]

Originally Posted by utopia

DO people not heavily fantasise about picnics, dinners and trips, about passionate sex, deep conversations and a riveting union of love and unique understanding between two people that can even create life of its own?

I guess it depends on if these fanacies ever come to fruition. Or maybe it depends on how tainted a person has become or, if they are living like this they don't need fantacy.

We who have the delima of dealing with addiction have been known to obsess about things like this and we want to make them our escape instead of our reality. If we can find away to put our passion into ourselves and give it to others in the form of our work and paly I think it puts us in more of a position to be loved. The more we allow ourseves to give and recieve love(not just sex)to and from people we maybe would not want to be sexual with I think it could help us to actract a relationship that contains the elements we are looking for because we are expressing our passion and by expressing we are creating a flow...you are worthy of giving and recieving love((((Utopia)))))

[bluegrassbrown]

Having just had a year long relatioship with fornication end. It's been two months and I still like I've come out of an addiction. I cringe with pains of lonelyness and regrets. God I feel ended it. Why? because it was a relationship that was practicing fornication and still going to Church.
'HELP'

James

[dsk]

Member


Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: houston texas
Posts: 4 Alls not the same

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If I had an afair with my secretery and my wife found out about it she would naturaly be devistated. If I told her it was over but I have decided to keep my secretary, work with her every day and have learned to be just freiends with her my wife would still never feel comfortable and would probubly question my motives.

With that said, my wife who is an alcoholic and is haveing an ongoing affair with a man at her AA meetings, jurnals constantly about him in every detail and also jurnals about how much she dislicks me. I have even caught her lying about not being at the same meeting with him and what she writes in her jurnals. SHe is told by her sponcer and other new found friends in her group that this is very natural and she sould just try to work on it but I will have to fend for myself on how I feel about it. She is also told that she sould not go to other meetings but should work on the problem and become freinds in a healthy way with this fellow. She has told me if she goes to another meeting she will simply find another man but nothing she does has anything to do with me, it is part of the sickness.

Am I missing something here? It is important to know I have 18 years of subriety over my drug addition thry AA and at no time was I ever unfaithful to my wife in thought word or dead to include the entire 25 years we have been warried.

It is also important to understand she has had mutiple affairs with other men over the last 6 months. Remenber she has only been sober for 45 days but tells me what she is doing now is different and just something that is going to happen.

She has told this fellow that in 6 months she would concider being with him as opposed to me and writes it in her journal frequently (yes I have read it).

Again she quite coldly says her sponcer and freinds tell her she has to work on but not to get into with me or make any decitions for her first year. So I am to just simply wait, get help and understand?

Whats wrong with this picture!?

Sorry for the spelling......have been suffering over this for 6 months now...

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Today, 11:00 AM

[Sheryl85]

I was talking with some friends the other day and one guy that is a recovering alcoholic with 33 years made the statement that he was an adrenaline junkie. It use to be that he just had to have the excitement whether it was a new relationship, a fast car, a fast motorcycle, whatever; he always wanted that rush of being pumped up. (He’s much better now days… married to the same lady for nearly 30 years, but still likes the fast toys like his Harley and his Crossfire.) During our discussion we hit on the fact that there are many different things that give us that feeling of being pumped up and relationships are among the lot. I for one loved the early days of relationships because it gave me a rush of endorphins and would curb my appetite (weight was a control issue with me as well). I have a feeling that anything that you have to have that supplements or enhances a natural emotion can be abusedand therefore can become addictive. I use to be that I had to have a man in my life to make me feel complete. Today I’m okay with who I am and the relationship is just and extension of my life… it’s not my whole life.

Personally, I ascribe to a 12-Step Program that is spiritually based. I also have my religious devotions that I am comfortable with. Between the two, or because of these beliefs that focus on God, I have become comfortable in my own skin. I don’t have to have that jolt of adrenaline to make me feel alive anymore. (And personally an extra-marital affair would seem to be way too time and energy consuming. I have difficulty keeping up with one man in my life without adding to the situation. Not only that, but guilt would tend to burn up any of the adrenaline it might create. I could be wrong…)

When I’m in good spiritual condition, I find it is okay just to go through each day as it is and that seems to be as much of an adventure as I need now days.