I am new here... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

sweetcandy0919 · 02-04-2006, 10:17 PM

Hello everyone!

I am new here, and I am so glad that I've found this amazing community. I do not really know where to start, but I guess this is the right place for me to poste any sort of comments and issues related to relationship/love addiction. Well, I must admit that I have been having love issues since I turned 19 years old and started to date a man. I have gone through a siries of relationships with emotionally unavailable men, and I was obsessed with them and tried to change them and hoped that they will love me one day.

I've read a book,Women who love too much. It is an excellent book to understand the core symptoms and issues of women, who love too much. While reading through the book, I have reflected my own pattern of behaviors in every relationship that I have had. First, I have this intense attraction to someone, who is physically appealing to me..and it is the case especially when he gives me the slightest positive attention. Then even if I am dating someone (usually it is not working out), I cannot stop thinking about him and constantly fantasizing about stuffs, which do not belong at the first place. LOL I used to act out on my impulse, but I have been seeing this therapist for about 5 months, and I am learning how to control my act.

I got back with my ex boyfriend in July 2005, and I am living with him and his mother. There are whole lots of issues between us and so I am still with him and I cannot break up with him. Yet I met this man at where I work in October 2005,,He came up and introduced himself,,looking very attractive,,and instantly I fell in love with him. I just could not stop thinking about him and I still think about him everyday. I was a temp in this company, so he actually tried to ask me out. If this happens 3 years ago, I would have acted out on my urge..but I came to realize my need to please others and feeling insecure about myself..I managed to tell him my situation and I just left it behind. Friday was my last day at work, and I was really sad when I saw him last time at work. We exchanged the numbers, but I will not contact him and I know that I will have to stick to this.

The problem is that this man also has some serious issues..He appears to be a shy nice man, but according to him, he has never had a serious relationship for the past 10 years..(he is in his early 30s right now),,,and does not even seem to have any friends. Although he is attractive physically, I do not know why I still like him so much after hearing all these. It causes chest pain,,and this is just painful. My new job is starting soon, and things are moving forward,,but I miss him terribly, and I will have to continue to fight against this impulse to call him.

Even if I am single right now, dating this man will be a invitation to my old patterns of painful relationships..

Anyways, I am getting confused about what I am writing here, but I am just trying to forget about him.

If you have any comment, it is greatly appreciated.

Love,
sweetcandy

princess9282001 · 02-05-2006, 10:12 PM

Welcome Candy!

I read your post and its like oh my god you sound alot like me. Obsessed with being in love. I guess my comes from being an ACOA and not being shown much love as a child. I dont know but I do know that since the age of 15 I havent been without a guy in my life. Mostly bad relationships because I didnt think I deserved any better,but now I realize I do. I'm like you I dont know what to do about it and scared to death. Everyday is a challenge. My boyfriend now isnt abusive mentally or physically. He just never there for me. He too busy with his friends and his life to have time for me and our 2 girls.The only time he is there when the girls have a play or a dance recital or something and he feels like its an obligation. We dont plan family trips to the zoo or even go to the playground or park with the kids. I know he would treat it as a chore and Id rather just go by myself. I know I should leave, but something keeps holding me there in a relationship that I'm not really happy in. Okay enough of my rambling. Just wanted to let ya know that youre not alone.

sweetcandy0919 · 02-05-2006, 10:27 PM

Hello Princess,

Thank you so much for your reply! It is always good to know that I am not alone, and I appreciate you sharing your experience with me. Yeah,,I know how difficult it is to leave a relationship, especially when things are not working out. Something holds me back so hard that I had struggled to get away from all of my ex boyfriends. It is just embrassing, and I just couldn't share this with my friends..but the only way for me to distract myself from the emptiness and the pain stemming from the ongoing relationship was to finding a new man, which is most likely a bad news. I have learned all these through the therapy, and finally I am learning not to act out on my emotion, but still it is a constant struggle..In the past, I had jumped onto a relationship with men without knowing them well,,and I have never had the time that I was single. It sounds too crazy, but that's why I am here..

Anyways, thank you for being understanding and letting me know that I am not alone. What makes the situation worse is that I do not have any support other than my therapist at this moment. At least I am seeing a cunselor, where we have a set of healthy boundary, so which is a huge step for me..and I am really glad that I have found this site!

I am sorry to hear that you are unhappy with ongoing relationship. I was once with this professional man, who was workholic,,and completely emotionally unavailable. How long have you been with your boyfriend? It must be really difficult especially when you have two kids with him. But it is great that you have been posting here, and pls keep us updated! Recovery takes time, and I am still fighting against my urge to contact this man that I met at work..But I know that I do have to settle current relationship first, and be single until I feel good about myself. I am scared,,as you are,,and probably it will take a while to be in a healthy situation..I guess we have to take one thing at a time.

Anyways, thank you for sharing with me! and please treat yourself kindly!

Love,
Candy

princess9282001 · 02-07-2006, 04:23 PM

Hey Candy!

Sorry it took me so long to reply.The more I hear about your life the more simliarities I see. Both of us wanting to be in relationships that are somehow unhealthy for us. Its not crazy to think that single is the way to be. I think about it alot. I think it would be alot easier to be single and just focus on work and my kids all the time. How do we end this cycle? It hard as hell. Well maybe one day we will both work it out,but until then keep fighting those urges. You realized that this guy in your life its not what you need and thats the first step. Just work on you and doing what makes you happy. Boy I wish I could follow my own advice. Well stay strong and keep me posted on what is going on in your life and I'll keep ya posted as much as I can.

sweetcandy0919 · 02-07-2006, 09:37 PM

Hi Princess!

Yes, it is really hard not to act out on my urge, and I have been doing ok so far..but anytime, I can slip back into the old pattern of chaotic relationship. I talked to a counselor about my current relationship and about the guy from my old work, whom I still like. Well, at this point, she told me not to focus too much on relationship part and suggested me to just take one thing at a time. But probably she knows that I will somehow jump right onto another abusive relationship if this current relationship ends..so she keeps telling me to hang in there until I move out.

I am still living with this guy, and he has got his share of problems,,but we have not been arguing too much lately..so it is alright. But I know that I will have to break up with him completely once I move out. I've just started to work at this new place, and things have been a bit hectic right now,,so as my counselor said, I am just trying to take it easy and trying hard enough not to give into the urge to contact this guy that I've been talking at work.

Yeah..we have a lot in common when it comes to relationship. Even though we know what we need to do, it is not easy to make the right choice sometimes. That's all we know..growing up in certain environment. In your case, it must be much hard for you..as you have his children. Don't be too hard on yourself, and I hope you will find some peace soon. Keep me posted and I hope all is well with you!!!

Love,
candy

princess9282001 · 02-08-2006, 02:18 PM

New job, yeah something for you to focus all your energy on. Something to keep you mind of you know who. Well anyways thought Id stop in an say everythings okay. I gotta go back to work tomorrow listen to my boss b!tch at me for missing the last 2 days because my car broke down on monday. Had to borrow money to get a rental today. I had a ride this morning but guess what his car broke down go figures. If it was for bad luck I dont think Id have any luck at all. I guess its not the end of the world and life does go on. Well at least im gettin a new car outta the deal. My old one is on its last legs and it isnt worth fixing.

sweetcandy0919 · 02-08-2006, 03:21 PM

Princess,

sorry to hear that you were having some trouble...My car is falling apart, but I can't afford to fix it right now. I hope your new car won't give you any problem! As for your boss, just don't take whatever he says personally. I used to have a supervisor constantly nagging me, and it can be annoying.

Yeah, fortunately new job has been keeping me busy somehow. I am still looking for a place so that I can move out.

Anyways, keep me posted!

Love,
Candy

princess9282001 · 02-08-2006, 03:36 PM

Hey Candy!

Got the rental today! Brand new Ford Colbalt. Ive never drove anything newer than a 1992. lol I wish I could afford to buy a new one, but back to reality. Well havent even found a new car yet. Any suggestions. My old car is a buick century and the longest car Ive owned. It lasted me almost 3 yrs. It was also my least expensive. Imagine that paid $500 dollars for it and it lasted me 3 years. Im gonna miss that old car it was ugly but it got me where I was going until monday that is.lol Well anyways glad to see that your job is keeping you busy and that you are looking for a place to live. Trust me its a lot easier lookin for a place when its just you. Alot cheaper too. Good luck in your search. Talk to ya soon ttfn.

VioletAntigone · 02-08-2006, 09:37 PM

Hi, there, I just wanted to say to both of you that I also really identify with what you are going through....I have been in a really dysfunctional relationship for a number of years--and although my "boyfriend" does things that really tear me up and "push my buttons" of trust and abandonment, I just can't seem to pull away from the relationship. He always comes back with "promises of changing" that range from therapy to working a stronger program (we're both in recovery), asking me not to leave, etc., blah blah....

Bleggch! I feel like I'm singing the lyrics to a Patsy Cline song! Nice to listen to sometimes, but not something I want to live out on a daily basis!

Anyway, I'm really happy that you guys are posting here, good luck to both of you with your relationships, and your cars, too!

princess9282001 · 02-10-2006, 03:31 AM

Welcome violet!

Youre welcome to join in on our little group. I think well probably have better luck with our cars. Lol.

Just wanted to stop in and say hi. Didnt have a chance to get on yesterday. Worked all day and took the girls to dance afterwards. I didnt get home til almost 10. Tired and ready to pass out by then lol. Well gotta get the girls up for daycare. It time for work. Its payday woo hoo. Later Candy.

princess9282001 · 02-10-2006, 04:16 PM

Isnt it strange when youre ready to leave they do something sweet to make you not want to leave? That always happens to me. He pisses me offf where I say enough is enough. Then bam he does something really nice for me and things are back to normal. All is forgiven til the next time. Why cant I seem to realize that he is just doing it becuz he knows that I am pissed off or becuz he feels like he has to not becuz he wants to do?????

sweetcandy0919 · 02-10-2006, 05:15 PM

Welcome Violet! This is a good forum for anyone going through relationship issues..we all need some kind of support! Anyways, keep us posted, violet!

Princess, Yeah..I know what you mean. I used to date this Narcissist 2 years ago, and It was a complete roller coster ride. He does all these crazy things to hurt me,,all the lies,,and never kept promises, and when I tried to leave, he comes after me and apologize,,and everything was back to normal. Yeah..it was really hard to break off of that pattern. I got massive help from online forum, therapist and friends..but the most important thing is to really believe that we deserve something better. But you are doing a great job for posting this site and taking care of your children! Keep me posted!

Love,
Candy

princess9282001 · 02-11-2006, 06:47 PM

Hey Candy! Just checking in! Just getting in some relax time. He gone AGAIN with friends. At least someone has a life. lol The girls are playing and will probably be ready to watch Bambi 2 again til they pass out. Well talk to ya later.

sammiejam · 02-12-2006, 12:37 AM

hi girls,

i too can identify totally. I finally managed to break from my 6 months ago after discovering a ONS but even though i KNOW that he is a truely emotionally deformed person, an alcoholic etc, i miss him at times. I cant wait for this feeling to go. I have managed to stay out of a relationship since we broke-up, he has been in 6 relationships, this is what hurts me the most i think (even though i am fully aware that he is WORSE to them than what he was to me)

I have promised myself a year with no boyfriend. So far so good!

hugs to you all

Sammie

sweetcandy0919 · 02-12-2006, 03:05 AM

Sammie

Hello! It is great that you have managed to get out of a relationship with your ex, and now joining this forum. It is a huge step, and it is always not easy to take the first step. But you managed it! You are a very strong person. Yes, it is difficult to completely forget about your ex even though you understand how crazy he is. And feeling is temporary, so it will go away eventually.　When I was dating this crazy guy for ５ months, I just clinged to him no matter how much pain he was causing me. When I finally let him go, I went through the pain, which I had never thought that it would eventually go away. But now I know that it does.

You are a strong person! Treat yourself Kindly

Candy,

sweetcandy0919 · 02-12-2006, 03:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princess9282001

Hey Candy! Just checking in! Just getting in some relax time. He gone AGAIN with friends. At least someone has a life. lol The girls are playing and will probably be ready to watch Bambi 2 again til they pass out. Well talk to ya later.

Hello Princess,

How is everything going? I hope you are having some relaxing weekend at least. I am sorry to hear that your boyfriend is out with his friends again. It is stressful to be in a situation, where we feel that we are not getting enough support. But you are such a strong person for dealing with this effectively and taking care of your childen. Keep me posted!

Love,
Candy

princess9282001 · 02-12-2006, 03:57 PM

Hey Candy!

Havent done to much of anything today. Ive been having weekends where I dont wanna do anything, but sleep and not deal with anyone or anything. I know thats not good. I gotta get up and face my problems head on, but its just so hard. Well talk to ya again soon just wanted to vent a little.

sweetcandy0919 · 02-13-2006, 03:51 AM

Hi Princess,

Yeah I am in the same situation actually right now. I used to entertain my boyfriend's idiotic friends, but now I just don't want to deal with them, nor do I have interest in meeting new people yet. Well, it might not be such a bad thing right now. I have enough stress everyday, and I just want to lay around and do nothing over the weekend. Sleeping is good, especially since you must be really busy with kids and job. You are facing a problem though. You are on this site, and talk about how you feel, and it is really good. Most people just can't even accept that they have issues. Just do whatever you like on the weekend, ,,if you don't want to deal with anyone and just sleep, then you can just relax and sleep. When we are going through some adversity, noone wants to deal with additional stress. I am sure you will feel like making friends and going to places once you get out of where you are right now, and I am sure you will!

Take care,
Candy

princess9282001 · 02-15-2006, 08:18 AM

Hi Candy,

Just checking in. I'm in better spirits today. A little tired though. the youngest kept me up almost all night complaining that her ear hurt. I think shes got an ear infection. On a brighter note though shes finally potty trained lol. Shes had 2 days without an accident. Yes finally!!!!!!!!!!

Well anyways, on my drive home last night I was thinking about being in bad realtionships, but also what we learn from them. In my life Ive had 2 serious long term relationships. I think even though bad we do get some good out of them. Like for instance, out of my first realtionship I learned to be hard working because I had to be. Someone had to pay the bills and sure wasnt him. lol Outta my current relationship, I think I got independence. I learned that basically because hes never around and Ive learned to take care of myself and my kids by myself. **** I might as well be by myself. I basically do what I want when I want. Well gotta go for now. Talk to ya soon. Take care yourself.

sweetcandy0919 · 02-16-2006, 11:53 AM

Princess,

It's good for you that you have learned something really important through both past and present relationships. Yeah..we have a lot to learn regardless of the type of relationships we are in at the moment. You are so independent, and it is great! Raising kids is a hard work, and you are doing it all by yourself! Things can get rough at times, but we are all here for you,,so keep us updated!

I've found a new place to move in, so I am planning to move in the middle of March. Then I am thinking about gradually distancing myself from my boyfriend. He is a good guy, but he has got his own share of issues, which are completely out of my control. Beside if he knows that I have cheated on him in the past (well, I had valid excuse, as he was abusive to me back then..) he would never want to be with me again. If he was abusive, I could have left him rather than having something to do with another jerk. I am just exhausted, and I don't even know if anyone accepts me for who I really am. Again, right before determining to leave my bf, now my mind keeps being distracted by this new man that I had met at previous work. It has been a pattern of mine. Most likely, whoever that I am attracted to right now won't be a good news. I ended up calling him yesterday, but he never returned my call and I have a chest pain right now. It is silly, and everytime I do this, I am just remebering what I have gone through for the past years. It was just chaotic.

Anyways, I hope things are going well today, and talk to u later

love,
candy

princess9282001 · 02-19-2006, 08:15 PM

Hey Candy!

Just checkin in again! I've been busy this week. Our landlord wants to sell the house that we are living in and wants us to move. We signed a lease to our new house yesterday. So this week will be busy with packing and things. I hate moving, but it was move or buy a house that I know needs alot of work. I wish that it was just me and the kids moving, but you know how that goes. I really cant afford to do it on my own right now, especially since I have to buy a new car. I guess I'll just have to hang in there for a little while longer. Well I guess life goes on! Just wanted to let ya know that if you dont hear from me for a week or so I'm fine. I dont know how long it takes to get our DSL transferred and things. I think last time it was a week or so, but I'm not for sure. Maybe I remind him to call this week and we wont have to wait. Well gotta get off here and get the kids in bed. Gotta be up early for work in the morning.

02-04-2006, 10:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
sweetcandy0919 Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Poway,CA Posts: 11	I am new here... Hello everyone! I am new here, and I am so glad that I've found this amazing community. I do not really know where to start, but I guess this is the right place for me to poste any sort of comments and issues related to relationship/love addiction. Well, I must admit that I have been having love issues since I turned 19 years old and started to date a man. I have gone through a siries of relationships with emotionally unavailable men, and I was obsessed with them and tried to change them and hoped that they will love me one day. I've read a book,Women who love too much. It is an excellent book to understand the core symptoms and issues of women, who love too much. While reading through the book, I have reflected my own pattern of behaviors in every relationship that I have had. First, I have this intense attraction to someone, who is physically appealing to me..and it is the case especially when he gives me the slightest positive attention. Then even if I am dating someone (usually it is not working out), I cannot stop thinking about him and constantly fantasizing about stuffs, which do not belong at the first place. LOL I used to act out on my impulse, but I have been seeing this therapist for about 5 months, and I am learning how to control my act. I got back with my ex boyfriend in July 2005, and I am living with him and his mother. There are whole lots of issues between us and so I am still with him and I cannot break up with him. Yet I met this man at where I work in October 2005,,He came up and introduced himself,,looking very attractive,,and instantly I fell in love with him. I just could not stop thinking about him and I still think about him everyday. I was a temp in this company, so he actually tried to ask me out. If this happens 3 years ago, I would have acted out on my urge..but I came to realize my need to please others and feeling insecure about myself..I managed to tell him my situation and I just left it behind. Friday was my last day at work, and I was really sad when I saw him last time at work. We exchanged the numbers, but I will not contact him and I know that I will have to stick to this. The problem is that this man also has some serious issues..He appears to be a shy nice man, but according to him, he has never had a serious relationship for the past 10 years..(he is in his early 30s right now),,,and does not even seem to have any friends. Although he is attractive physically, I do not know why I still like him so much after hearing all these. It causes chest pain,,and this is just painful. My new job is starting soon, and things are moving forward,,but I miss him terribly, and I will have to continue to fight against this impulse to call him. Even if I am single right now, dating this man will be a invitation to my old patterns of painful relationships.. Anyways, I am getting confused about what I am writing here, but I am just trying to forget about him. If you have any comment, it is greatly appreciated. Love, sweetcandy

02-08-2006, 09:37 PM	#9 (permalink)
VioletAntigone lead keeper of the bees Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: West Coast Posts: 22	Hi, there, I just wanted to say to both of you that I also really identify with what you are going through....I have been in a really dysfunctional relationship for a number of years--and although my "boyfriend" does things that really tear me up and "push my buttons" of trust and abandonment, I just can't seem to pull away from the relationship. He always comes back with "promises of changing" that range from therapy to working a stronger program (we're both in recovery), asking me not to leave, etc., blah blah.... Bleggch! I feel like I'm singing the lyrics to a Patsy Cline song! Nice to listen to sometimes, but not something I want to live out on a daily basis! Anyway, I'm really happy that you guys are posting here, good luck to both of you with your relationships, and your cars, too! __________________ “....We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another....we are relative...the past, present and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." ~Anais Nin

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02-05-2006, 10:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
princess9282001 Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: washington pa Posts: 107	Welcome Candy! I read your post and its like oh my god you sound alot like me. Obsessed with being in love. I guess my comes from being an ACOA and not being shown much love as a child. I dont know but I do know that since the age of 15 I havent been without a guy in my life. Mostly bad relationships because I didnt think I deserved any better,but now I realize I do. I'm like you I dont know what to do about it and scared to death. Everyday is a challenge. My boyfriend now isnt abusive mentally or physically. He just never there for me. He too busy with his friends and his life to have time for me and our 2 girls.The only time he is there when the girls have a play or a dance recital or something and he feels like its an obligation. We dont plan family trips to the zoo or even go to the playground or park with the kids. I know he would treat it as a chore and Id rather just go by myself. I know I should leave, but something keeps holding me there in a relationship that I'm not really happy in. Okay enough of my rambling. Just wanted to let ya know that youre not alone.

02-05-2006, 10:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
sweetcandy0919 Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Poway,CA Posts: 11	Hello Princess, Thank you so much for your reply! It is always good to know that I am not alone, and I appreciate you sharing your experience with me. Yeah,,I know how difficult it is to leave a relationship, especially when things are not working out. Something holds me back so hard that I had struggled to get away from all of my ex boyfriends. It is just embrassing, and I just couldn't share this with my friends..but the only way for me to distract myself from the emptiness and the pain stemming from the ongoing relationship was to finding a new man, which is most likely a bad news. I have learned all these through the therapy, and finally I am learning not to act out on my emotion, but still it is a constant struggle..In the past, I had jumped onto a relationship with men without knowing them well,,and I have never had the time that I was single. It sounds too crazy, but that's why I am here.. Anyways, thank you for being understanding and letting me know that I am not alone. What makes the situation worse is that I do not have any support other than my therapist at this moment. At least I am seeing a cunselor, where we have a set of healthy boundary, so which is a huge step for me..and I am really glad that I have found this site! I am sorry to hear that you are unhappy with ongoing relationship. I was once with this professional man, who was workholic,,and completely emotionally unavailable. How long have you been with your boyfriend? It must be really difficult especially when you have two kids with him. But it is great that you have been posting here, and pls keep us updated! Recovery takes time, and I am still fighting against my urge to contact this man that I met at work..But I know that I do have to settle current relationship first, and be single until I feel good about myself. I am scared,,as you are,,and probably it will take a while to be in a healthy situation..I guess we have to take one thing at a time. Anyways, thank you for sharing with me! and please treat yourself kindly! Love, Candy

02-07-2006, 04:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
princess9282001 Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: washington pa Posts: 107	Hey Candy! Sorry it took me so long to reply.The more I hear about your life the more simliarities I see. Both of us wanting to be in relationships that are somehow unhealthy for us. Its not crazy to think that single is the way to be. I think about it alot. I think it would be alot easier to be single and just focus on work and my kids all the time. How do we end this cycle? It hard as hell. Well maybe one day we will both work it out,but until then keep fighting those urges. You realized that this guy in your life its not what you need and thats the first step. Just work on you and doing what makes you happy. Boy I wish I could follow my own advice. Well stay strong and keep me posted on what is going on in your life and I'll keep ya posted as much as I can.

02-07-2006, 09:37 PM	#5 (permalink)
sweetcandy0919 Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Poway,CA Posts: 11	Hi Princess! Yes, it is really hard not to act out on my urge, and I have been doing ok so far..but anytime, I can slip back into the old pattern of chaotic relationship. I talked to a counselor about my current relationship and about the guy from my old work, whom I still like. Well, at this point, she told me not to focus too much on relationship part and suggested me to just take one thing at a time. But probably she knows that I will somehow jump right onto another abusive relationship if this current relationship ends..so she keeps telling me to hang in there until I move out. I am still living with this guy, and he has got his share of problems,,but we have not been arguing too much lately..so it is alright. But I know that I will have to break up with him completely once I move out. I've just started to work at this new place, and things have been a bit hectic right now,,so as my counselor said, I am just trying to take it easy and trying hard enough not to give into the urge to contact this guy that I've been talking at work. Yeah..we have a lot in common when it comes to relationship. Even though we know what we need to do, it is not easy to make the right choice sometimes. That's all we know..growing up in certain environment. In your case, it must be much hard for you..as you have his children. Don't be too hard on yourself, and I hope you will find some peace soon. Keep me posted and I hope all is well with you!!! Love, candy

02-08-2006, 02:18 PM	#6 (permalink)
princess9282001 Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: washington pa Posts: 107	New job, yeah something for you to focus all your energy on. Something to keep you mind of you know who. Well anyways thought Id stop in an say everythings okay. I gotta go back to work tomorrow listen to my boss b!tch at me for missing the last 2 days because my car broke down on monday. Had to borrow money to get a rental today. I had a ride this morning but guess what his car broke down go figures. If it was for bad luck I dont think Id have any luck at all. I guess its not the end of the world and life does go on. Well at least im gettin a new car outta the deal. My old one is on its last legs and it isnt worth fixing.

02-08-2006, 03:21 PM	#7 (permalink)
sweetcandy0919 Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Poway,CA Posts: 11	Princess, sorry to hear that you were having some trouble...My car is falling apart, but I can't afford to fix it right now. I hope your new car won't give you any problem! As for your boss, just don't take whatever he says personally. I used to have a supervisor constantly nagging me, and it can be annoying. Yeah, fortunately new job has been keeping me busy somehow. I am still looking for a place so that I can move out. Anyways, keep me posted! Love, Candy

02-08-2006, 03:36 PM	#8 (permalink)
princess9282001 Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: washington pa Posts: 107	Hey Candy! Got the rental today! Brand new Ford Colbalt. Ive never drove anything newer than a 1992. lol I wish I could afford to buy a new one, but back to reality. Well havent even found a new car yet. Any suggestions. My old car is a buick century and the longest car Ive owned. It lasted me almost 3 yrs. It was also my least expensive. Imagine that paid $500 dollars for it and it lasted me 3 years. Im gonna miss that old car it was ugly but it got me where I was going until monday that is.lol Well anyways glad to see that your job is keeping you busy and that you are looking for a place to live. Trust me its a lot easier lookin for a place when its just you. Alot cheaper too. Good luck in your search. Talk to ya soon ttfn.

02-10-2006, 03:31 AM	#10 (permalink)
princess9282001 Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: washington pa Posts: 107	Welcome violet! Youre welcome to join in on our little group. I think well probably have better luck with our cars. Lol. Just wanted to stop in and say hi. Didnt have a chance to get on yesterday. Worked all day and took the girls to dance afterwards. I didnt get home til almost 10. Tired and ready to pass out by then lol. Well gotta get the girls up for daycare. It time for work. Its payday woo hoo. Later Candy.

02-10-2006, 04:16 PM	#11 (permalink)
princess9282001 Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: washington pa Posts: 107	Isnt it strange when youre ready to leave they do something sweet to make you not want to leave? That always happens to me. He pisses me offf where I say enough is enough. Then bam he does something really nice for me and things are back to normal. All is forgiven til the next time. Why cant I seem to realize that he is just doing it becuz he knows that I am pissed off or becuz he feels like he has to not becuz he wants to do?????

02-10-2006, 05:15 PM	#12 (permalink)
sweetcandy0919 Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Poway,CA Posts: 11	Welcome Violet! This is a good forum for anyone going through relationship issues..we all need some kind of support! Anyways, keep us posted, violet! Princess, Yeah..I know what you mean. I used to date this Narcissist 2 years ago, and It was a complete roller coster ride. He does all these crazy things to hurt me,,all the lies,,and never kept promises, and when I tried to leave, he comes after me and apologize,,and everything was back to normal. Yeah..it was really hard to break off of that pattern. I got massive help from online forum, therapist and friends..but the most important thing is to really believe that we deserve something better. But you are doing a great job for posting this site and taking care of your children! Keep me posted! Love, Candy

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02-11-2006, 06:47 PM	#13 (permalink)
princess9282001 Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: washington pa Posts: 107	Hey Candy! Just checking in! Just getting in some relax time. He gone AGAIN with friends. At least someone has a life. lol The girls are playing and will probably be ready to watch Bambi 2 again til they pass out. Well talk to ya later.

02-12-2006, 12:37 AM	#14 (permalink)
sammiejam Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Sydney NSW Posts: 14	hi girls, i too can identify totally. I finally managed to break from my 6 months ago after discovering a ONS but even though i KNOW that he is a truely emotionally deformed person, an alcoholic etc, i miss him at times. I cant wait for this feeling to go. I have managed to stay out of a relationship since we broke-up, he has been in 6 relationships, this is what hurts me the most i think (even though i am fully aware that he is WORSE to them than what he was to me) I have promised myself a year with no boyfriend. So far so good! hugs to you all Sammie

02-12-2006, 03:05 AM	#15 (permalink)
sweetcandy0919 Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Poway,CA Posts: 11	Sammie Hello! It is great that you have managed to get out of a relationship with your ex, and now joining this forum. It is a huge step, and it is always not easy to take the first step. But you managed it! You are a very strong person. Yes, it is difficult to completely forget about your ex even though you understand how crazy he is. And feeling is temporary, so it will go away eventually.　When I was dating this crazy guy for ５ months, I just clinged to him no matter how much pain he was causing me. When I finally let him go, I went through the pain, which I had never thought that it would eventually go away. But now I know that it does. You are a strong person! Treat yourself Kindly Candy,

02-12-2006, 03:57 PM	#17 (permalink)
princess9282001 Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: washington pa Posts: 107	Hey Candy! Havent done to much of anything today. Ive been having weekends where I dont wanna do anything, but sleep and not deal with anyone or anything. I know thats not good. I gotta get up and face my problems head on, but its just so hard. Well talk to ya again soon just wanted to vent a little.

02-13-2006, 03:51 AM	#18 (permalink)
sweetcandy0919 Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Poway,CA Posts: 11	Hi Princess, Yeah I am in the same situation actually right now. I used to entertain my boyfriend's idiotic friends, but now I just don't want to deal with them, nor do I have interest in meeting new people yet. Well, it might not be such a bad thing right now. I have enough stress everyday, and I just want to lay around and do nothing over the weekend. Sleeping is good, especially since you must be really busy with kids and job. You are facing a problem though. You are on this site, and talk about how you feel, and it is really good. Most people just can't even accept that they have issues. Just do whatever you like on the weekend, ,,if you don't want to deal with anyone and just sleep, then you can just relax and sleep. When we are going through some adversity, noone wants to deal with additional stress. I am sure you will feel like making friends and going to places once you get out of where you are right now, and I am sure you will! Take care, Candy

02-15-2006, 08:18 AM	#19 (permalink)
princess9282001 Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: washington pa Posts: 107	Hi Candy, Just checking in. I'm in better spirits today. A little tired though. the youngest kept me up almost all night complaining that her ear hurt. I think shes got an ear infection. On a brighter note though shes finally potty trained lol. Shes had 2 days without an accident. Yes finally!!!!!!!!!! Well anyways, on my drive home last night I was thinking about being in bad realtionships, but also what we learn from them. In my life Ive had 2 serious long term relationships. I think even though bad we do get some good out of them. Like for instance, out of my first realtionship I learned to be hard working because I had to be. Someone had to pay the bills and sure wasnt him. lol Outta my current relationship, I think I got independence. I learned that basically because hes never around and Ive learned to take care of myself and my kids by myself. **** I might as well be by myself. I basically do what I want when I want. Well gotta go for now. Talk to ya soon. Take care yourself.

02-16-2006, 11:53 AM	#20 (permalink)
sweetcandy0919 Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Poway,CA Posts: 11	Princess, It's good for you that you have learned something really important through both past and present relationships. Yeah..we have a lot to learn regardless of the type of relationships we are in at the moment. You are so independent, and it is great! Raising kids is a hard work, and you are doing it all by yourself! Things can get rough at times, but we are all here for you,,so keep us updated! I've found a new place to move in, so I am planning to move in the middle of March. Then I am thinking about gradually distancing myself from my boyfriend. He is a good guy, but he has got his own share of issues, which are completely out of my control. Beside if he knows that I have cheated on him in the past (well, I had valid excuse, as he was abusive to me back then..) he would never want to be with me again. If he was abusive, I could have left him rather than having something to do with another jerk. I am just exhausted, and I don't even know if anyone accepts me for who I really am. Again, right before determining to leave my bf, now my mind keeps being distracted by this new man that I had met at previous work. It has been a pattern of mine. Most likely, whoever that I am attracted to right now won't be a good news. I ended up calling him yesterday, but he never returned my call and I have a chest pain right now. It is silly, and everytime I do this, I am just remebering what I have gone through for the past years. It was just chaotic. Anyways, I hope things are going well today, and talk to u later love, candy

02-19-2006, 08:15 PM	#21 (permalink)
princess9282001 Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: washington pa Posts: 107	Hey Candy! Just checkin in again! I've been busy this week. Our landlord wants to sell the house that we are living in and wants us to move. We signed a lease to our new house yesterday. So this week will be busy with packing and things. I hate moving, but it was move or buy a house that I know needs alot of work. I wish that it was just me and the kids moving, but you know how that goes. I really cant afford to do it on my own right now, especially since I have to buy a new car. I guess I'll just have to hang in there for a little while longer. Well I guess life goes on! Just wanted to let ya know that if you dont hear from me for a week or so I'm fine. I dont know how long it takes to get our DSL transferred and things. I think last time it was a week or so, but I'm not for sure. Maybe I remind him to call this week and we wont have to wait. Well gotta get off here and get the kids in bed. Gotta be up early for work in the morning.