I keep scaring'em... little confused.

[codectified]

I would consider myself a fairly picky guy. I am fairly young (20), and I don't too often meet women that I would consider for a relationship. Most of the time.. even if i notice a women's interest in me, I ususally find that a serious 'real' conversation is almost impossible. But every once in a while.. when I least expect it, I meet someone that I will instantly click with. Through out my life whenever I have found a woman that I do 'click' with, it has almost always ended up the same way. I find that I tend to scare women away. I feel as though maybe I am tryign to rush or push the relationship in a direction, without letting the relationship take it's natural course. Recently with a particular person I found myself to click with.. I made the same mistakes that I had in the past with other women. This time, I stopped myself, at least before it got too complicated. I did want a relationship with this woman, but I made things a lot more complicated than they really were. I am having trouble completely understanding what it is that I am doing to scare women that actually do like me away. I have almost always found myself in this position where I'd end up being a 'great friend'. It always ends with these lines like "i've never met anyone like you before.. but". With my recent situation, I was told "im so in love with you as a friend". Clearly the way the person feels about me has changed, and I think it is my fault, but I am not sure why or how.

It is very strange for me to resort to something like this to ask for help. But another perspective on all of this may help me understand what it is I am doing, and why. Even there the problem I am having is that maybe I am just not seeing things the way they really are, I feel as though some part of me may be distorting reality or something I really just don't know how to go about finding the root cause of all this.

When I try to be logical about my feelings and what I am doing, I come to the conclusion that I am just so sure of my feelings for this person perhaps before she is. In retrospect I also feel at times that it is as if I am ready for something that she isn't ready for, but at the time I can't see that.

I am sure there are a lot of specific and important details that I have not mentioned that would help someone help me, but maybe someone can help me do that too.

I don't really feel I have a problem getting girls, or rather getting them to like me, my real problem is I can't seem to keep them.

When a romantic relationship with someone seems to reach this point where we don't seem to agree as to where we want the relationship to go (basically her not wanting it go go anywhere besides friendship) I tend to go along with this. I can be friends with her and repress any feelings of anger or hurt, and seriously treat her as a friend, regardless of my real feeligns for her. And the part of me that wants to remain at the very least a friend with her, is the part of me that can't bear the idea that my actions and feelings towards her will keep me away from her.

I hope some of this made sense to at least someone, and that someone could help me understand myself a little better.

[Whadahay]

What scares me the most is when the "control" factor starts into play. What really gets me to look back at that person is when they "back off."

[codectified]

hm? control? What do you mean exactly? Who is that person?

[Whadahay]

In my case, when I get into a relationship and he says the "L" word too soon - I get scared of that. And then the controlling sets in - telling me where I can go, who I can or cannot see. Wants me with him all of the time. I'm not saying that that's what you are doing. I just stated one of the things that scares me off in new relationships.

[codectified]

Well I don't think I was like that in every way. I am not someone who would quickly tell someone that I am in love with them. But I do tend to be quick with saying my feelings.

For me it seems as though because i scared her, she's able to just turn off whatever sort of feeling she had for me before I scared her.... does this make any sense to you?

[Whadahay]

Have you read "Men are from Mars / Women are from Venus?" It's very enlightening! It sure helps put perspective on how we communicate so differently!

[unsure of]

co

well the only advice i can offer is this. women like to think and wonder about a man and how he feels about her. Often we will start leaving suddle hints about our feeling to get you to open up to us. perhaps you are jumping the guns. may you should just wait until the chick you are with, starts talking about the future that is usaully a good sign that she is interested in something more.

And if you are trying to move from a friendship to an intimate relationship this could be very tricky. you see may women tend to guard their male friendship against an intimate relationship because most of the time we have to figure out every guys intention. and if we know you are a friend we don't have to do that.

For instance i have a male friend who i have never allow to cross that intimate line for over 10 yrs. i felt safe with him, however recently he express he wanted more and to be honest with you. i am pissed at him because now i have to figure out what all his intention are now and it sucks it has tarish our friendship.

i guess in the short of it don't start off as close friends, if you are interested in a intimate realtionship.

good luck i hope this was helpful

Polly Anna