How to get out of this mess

[chess]

I'm a recovering acoa myself and after leaving my alcoholic boyfriend I've ended up getting involved with a doormat that seems to be sucking out all my energy and I'm back into crazy world again.

I keep questioning the point to everything again. I can't stand this guy yet when I find myself feeling lonely I seem to end up in his company which is making me hate myself. I know I'm only using him and have even told him this but still can't seem to break the connection. Why do I still do this? Put up with behaviour and people I do not like? I noticed I still keep hoping like with my ex-a that this would get better yet everytime I see him I'm only reminded how many things about him I cannot stand. What the heck am I doing? I don't get me myself. Any advice?

This is really puzzling me. Is this addiction only with a relationship? I have never behaved like this before. What's going on with me?

[journeygal]

Hi Chess,

I'm an ACOA and I grew up thinking I wasn't worthy of being in a good relationship or that no one would ever really love me. Because of this, I would settle for a lot less and put up with a lot more in relationships than I should have. I didn't love myself enough to seek and attract the best. I think you may be suffering with some of the same issues. You may also be trying to find someone completely opposite of your alcoholic and you enjoy the lack of drama, even though you don't really like the person. Orrrr, you may be trying to create some drama or a difficult situation where none exists. ACOAs tend to thrive on drama, as much as we hate it.

You deserve to be happy, at peace, and with someone who makes you smile. Don't settle for less than what you want. Ending things with this person will allow you both to go out and find people better suited for each of you.

Take care,
JG