My daughter and her cell phone and ...

[Jackson]

Simply put I have a problem I would like to throw out to the board.

I have been paying for my daughters cell phone. She is 15 and using it with an addictive nature. It has become her means of manipulating her plans to fit into her quest for freedom. I have never seen anything like it. Because we do not live together I feel like it is my connection to her. I pay the bill.

She can communicate with whoever she like. She is now using pot to what degree I do not know but her mom found a couple of pipes in her purse the other day. She has distanced herself from me by refusing to come on her weekends using my wife as her excuse, saying that the she (my wife) does not except her as she is. What ever. She is 15 and I can except that. When I was 15 I was in tune to the same way of thinking.. What is killing me is her using weed, hanging with kids that are sons and daughters of drinkers and druggers and having a clean uniterrupted means of communication with the outside world without any supervision.

It hurts me that she does not want to come and stay with me. We have been very close and my love for her is for real. She knows I do not use pot anymore and I voice my objections to it. I am sad that I am in a situation of losing my "little girl".

Her mother and i cannot communicate and I feel I am losing her (daughter) to the world. The drug usage scares the hell out of me.

Would I be doing the right thing by forcing her to take a monthly drug test? If she does not pass the test I will quit paying for the cell phone. This is a risk cause it is my only means of communication with her. She is obvioussly addicted to the phone.

I know there are parents out there who have had this problem and am hoping for some input. Thanks!

[Chy]

Though my daughter wasn't using she had a problem with her cell phone to to the tune of several thousands dollars! Teens and cell phones don't mix unless it's a prepaid phone that way they know how much time they have and can learn how to handle their own "money/minutes" so to speak. Forcing her to take a drug test will only lead to resentment and you may want to see about getting a good adolescent drug counselor instead. Though she's just not going to quit until she has her own lightbulb moment and a good counselor could help. The money you save on not having a cell phone can be spent on a counselor. Now she'll be pretty angry if you turn off her cell phone, so be it, we're parents not friends. Before cell phones we found ways to communicate with our children living with us or not. I do empathize with you, 15 year old teen girls, phew, glad I don't have to do that all over again. My son 14 is much easier to deal with!

There's a new commercial on tv out about the dad, former pot user not wanting to be a hypocrite about talking to his son on pot. Something to the effect, "Be a hypocrite, it's your child's life"

[splendra]

I think you ought to quit paying for that cell-phone and put her little butt in rehab and tell her mom that if she does not put down whatever it is she is holding against you and stand with you on getting her clean that you will.....take her to court

Man this is your daughters life and she is making very bad choices and she needs one of her parents to stand up for her!!! Being a person who started using dope when I was around 11 years old and continued using untli I was in my early 30's and who's parents just accepted it I think I know what I am talking about.

I am now in my 50's most of my family of origin is still strung out. I know my may words sound harsh to you but, I wonder what my life could've been sometimes...

mom

[splendra]

...and I'll tell you another thing I would scare that young ones butt straight. My son started studying up on his options about using and I think he did smoke and drink some. His dad and I are divorced but, when he is in trouble we coral him and give him some training and help him change directions. As long as I am responsible for him I will continue to keep a close eye on his where abouts and doings....

We discuss the 12 steps, Christianity, the Tao, what courses he is taking in school, his job, we go to meetings sometimes...we go to different churches we allow him to choose his church... we study the bible together...

Parents need to start taking a real stand against all the violence and substance abuse going on in schools where our kids have to fit in and learn about social behavior. Something is seriosly wrong with us if we do not bringing this up at PTA meetings and also school board meetings...

mom

[Gabe]

Originally Posted by Chy

Teens and cell phones don't mix unless it's a prepaid phone that way they know how much time they have and can learn how to handle their own "money/minutes" so to speak.

I couldn't agree more.
I think Chy's suggestion is a way of giving a teenager a cell phone and teaching them to use it responsibly.

[Jackson]

It is wonderful to hear from the experience and wisdom shared by you all. I value your input! I am contemplating what is best to do. I will not give up.

[Wolf_22]

You know Jackson, they have phones (cell phones that is) that are code-controlled and that require authorization from you (the guardian) to allow incomming calls and stuff of that nature. Granted, I would feel a bit over-powered by doing something like that to my son/daughter because I would feel more or less like a tyrant than a loving parent, but we live in drastic times, and drastic times call for drastic measures. Maybe I'm wrong or completely out of my place for saying that, but it just seems like that sometimes with things like this going on (drugs, terrorism, etc).